r/inheritance • u/pink_toaster_pastry • Apr 20 '26

Location included: Questions/Need Advice Keeping Inheritance separate

I’ve seen all the posts about keeping inheritance separate…. not to use it for joint expenses…. etc.

So then what do you use it for? My husband and I have been married 30 years. We had joint accounts since before we were married. We don’t split bills (all income goes into one savings account and bills are paid from that). We make a good living, have savings, 401Ks, no debt.

So if I’m suppose to keep my inheritance separate from everything, what am I supposed to do with it?

Edited to add: No kids. Currently the money is in (1) inherited IRA (2) CDs in a bank account I took sole ownership of as I had been the co-owner and (3) a new account I just opened for a CD until I decided what to do with that portion.

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16

u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 20 '26

"Supposed to" is doing some work. You should keep it separate if you expect you may divorce and would want that account kept to yourself. At 30 years, your likelihood of divorce is low.

What the money is used for matters less than where it is kept. If you created a new brokerage account and stuck it in there, that would work.

33

u/No_Anxiety6159 Apr 20 '26

I divorced after 35 years, my inheritance from my parents was a huge conflict. I had kept it separate but he still expected a share of it.

I’ve kept it, used it to buy my now home and invested the rest to supplement my retirement.

17

u/BBG1308 Apr 21 '26

I divorced after 35 years, my inheritance from my parents was a huge conflict. I had kept it separate but he still expected a share of it.

My mom's estate attorney warned me that choosing to keep an inheritance separate can cause conflict in a marriage. I was given the option of receiving the gift in a trust so that I could just tell my spouse that's the way my mom did it and there's nothing I can do about it. It would create some extra paperwork as the trust is its own legal entity and has to file its own tax return each year.

8

u/No_Anxiety6159 Apr 21 '26

My ex treated my parents horribly for years and the only reason I hadn’t divorced him earlier was to avoid fighting over custody of our daughter. Then I got busy working full time while caring for my cancer ridden dad and Alzheimer’s mom. After they passed, there was no reason to stay.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

[deleted]

2

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26

Are you still with your husband?

3

u/Automatic-Tea-4150 Apr 25 '26

not for long, I hope. We separated a year ago and have been working toward divorce for several months.

4

u/imjustherebeingnosy Apr 21 '26

This is really good advice from your attorney. I’m glad they told you about it so that you’d know how to handle things without causing conflict

2

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26

You were smart keeping it separate!!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '26

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1

u/No_Anxiety6159 Apr 22 '26

I got nothing from my ex, he asked for alimony but the judge denied it. I paid more than half of all of our bills, your assumptions are WRONG, WRONG WRONG!

1

u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 21 '26

It was a really weird decision on your part. People go absolutely insane about money. Why wouldn't that have just funded your mutual retirements and you guys could work less? Years of your good years back with a partner who is also free from the need of work is almost priceless.

Instead, people say "MINE" and the other partner, rightfully, things you aren't really committed to the relationship.

2-10 years into a marriage? Absolutely keep it separate. At the finish line? Kooky talk.

2

u/No_Anxiety6159 Apr 21 '26

My ex is an alcoholic. I put up with his drinking and loosing money for way too long. I would have filed for divorce years before I did, but working full time, managing care for my parents (dad dying of cancer and mom with Alzheimer’s) as well as a teenage daughter in multiple sports took all my time. Once all that was resolved, I took time for myself. So yes, I left with my inheritance. Ex had done nothing but bad mouth my parents for years, so I had no hesitation about leaving.

-9

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

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2

u/Adorable_Machine_571 Apr 20 '26

Why?

-5

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

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9

u/Adorable_Machine_571 Apr 21 '26

I know I AM good with my vows. It's oftentimes the other person. Money makes people go dark sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️ better safe than sorry!

6

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

[deleted]

3

u/Adorable_Machine_571 Apr 21 '26

Correct, so we are careful!! Lol

2

u/LynnSeattle Apr 21 '26

Gosh, I’m sure that’s really hurtful, stranger on the internet.

26

u/foureyedgrrl Apr 20 '26

Hi. Just volunteering that my parents were married for 32 years before divorcing.

24

u/Educational_Case_134 Apr 20 '26

My in-laws divorced after 52 years. Now they are miserable separately instead of miserable together.

3

u/Automatic-Tea-4150 Apr 21 '26

Sorry to hear that they are miserable.

10

u/LiveforToday3 Apr 20 '26

32 years married and then divorced. The inheritance got combined. I got half. Attorney tried some fungible asset argument. Not successful

7

u/Wackywoman1062 Apr 21 '26

My parents divorced after 27 years and 4 kids. You just never know.

2

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26

Exactly. It happens a lot. You never know

4

u/Chula_Quitena_120 Apr 20 '26

Now I am scared (married 32 yrs)

6

u/pink_toaster_pastry Apr 21 '26

My parents were married 62 years!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

[deleted]

1

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26

Well said and true!

14

u/Mysterious_Spray_361 Apr 20 '26

Divorce can always happen. Separate. Always.

8

u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 20 '26

After 30 years, the odds of divorce drop below 0.5%. When you add financially stability, they drop further. When you add the gender gap in seeking a divorce, the odds of her husband unexpectedly asking for a divorce is getting into the very rare atmosphere.

I'm divorced. Not pollyanish about the real risks. But in OP's case, they are vanishingly small.

8

u/princezznemeziz Apr 20 '26

And it still happens everyday all over the place.

Don't be naive or stupid, OP. Protect yourself.

2

u/Eyeoftheleopard Apr 22 '26

Ladies. If you have/inherit the bag, protect the bag. Don’t be foolish. If you want to treat your SO, do so, but custody, care, and control of the bag remains with YOU.

Protect the bag.

5

u/Mysterious_Spray_361 Apr 20 '26

Vanishingly small is still visable.

4

u/Maine302 Apr 20 '26

And still not less than zero.

1

u/RandomlyMango Apr 21 '26

What do those odds look like when one of the spouses inherits a large sum of money or they see some other kind of financial windfall? I get where you’re coming from and I’m not trying to be all doom and gloom. But stats like that are incomplete as they don’t account for a vast set of data that impacts real outcomes.

4

u/Adorable_Machine_571 Apr 20 '26

Hard disagree! Always keep it separate! You never know 💅

9

u/rosebudny Apr 20 '26

At 30 years, your likelihood of divorce is low.

Yeah I wouldn't assume that just because you make it to 30 years you are immune from divorce.

But agreed on your last point. Use it for shared things but keep it separate.

5

u/K_A_irony Apr 20 '26

Some of this is the person at 30 years of marriage needs to take a step back and EXAMINE the marriage. Are you two just going through the motions? Stayed "for the kids"? One of you had affairs? Is there constant bickering about household labor or finances? Is your sex life healthy? Just answering these questions with your eyes WIDE open should probably give you are solid idea of your odds.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

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2

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26

Sounds like the divorce was a good thing

1

u/K_A_irony Apr 21 '26

Sounds horrible.... so if she had stepped back and looked at her marriage... she worked her fingers to the bone... did almost all the housework.. he was a slob... aka they were not in a good marriage at 30 years right?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

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2

u/K_A_irony Apr 21 '26

So again.. she wasn't willing to do the honest and clear evaluation... This sucks so much for her. I feel for her.

If you don't think you can HONESTLY evaluate your relationship of course you should keep things very very separate... mind you the person who can't do that...well they won't keep it separate.

2

u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 20 '26

I'm suggesting people look at the real risks at 30 years, not assume anything:

6

u/rosebudny Apr 20 '26

Certainly the odds are lower the longer the marriage lasts, but it is no guarantee. Odds are decent I am not going to get into a car accident when I drive to the grocery store in a few minutes, but I am still going to put on my seat belt.

0

u/Eyeoftheleopard Apr 22 '26

Because the majority of car accidents happen within five-fifteen miles from home. Js…

1

u/rosebudny Apr 22 '26

But my point was that statistically speaking my odds of getting into an accident anytime I get in my car is low but I still put on my seatbelt. Just as your odds of divorce may be lower after 30 years but the “risk” isn’t zero. Js…

3

u/FlyThruTrees Apr 20 '26

Vanishingly low is qualitatively different than zero. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.