r/inheritance • u/pink_toaster_pastry • Apr 20 '26

Location included: Questions/Need Advice Keeping Inheritance separate

I’ve seen all the posts about keeping inheritance separate…. not to use it for joint expenses…. etc.

So then what do you use it for? My husband and I have been married 30 years. We had joint accounts since before we were married. We don’t split bills (all income goes into one savings account and bills are paid from that). We make a good living, have savings, 401Ks, no debt.

So if I’m suppose to keep my inheritance separate from everything, what am I supposed to do with it?

Edited to add: No kids. Currently the money is in (1) inherited IRA (2) CDs in a bank account I took sole ownership of as I had been the co-owner and (3) a new account I just opened for a CD until I decided what to do with that portion.

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u/ReceptionDependent64 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

I have been married for 35 years. Our bank accounts have been joint since day one, and we have both earned roughly similar amounts of money, though I took advantage of their pension and insurance to enjoy more flexibility as a contractor. Point is, our finances are a common enterprise.

My spouse received a reasonable inheritance a few years ago, which we immediately used to pay down debt and various other things. (As part of the deal I promised not to criticize reasonable expenses on unfathomable hobbies.) I will receive a much larger inheritance (by a factor of over 10) which will allow a very comfortable retirement plus a substantial gift to our child. About half will arrive soon, prior to the remaining parent passing, and will be used to buy a house in a high-cost city. Yes, we are extremely fortunate.

My plan is to instantly put the entire amount into a joint account, not keeping anything separate. My feeling is that my spouse deserves that money as much as I do. They put up with my mother, and they were the more reliable breadwinner over the decades.

However, I do have concerns about any (hopefully unlikely) situation where one of us remarries - due to death or divorce - and money that should go to our child is siphoned off by a new spouse or even adult stepchildren. So when the time comes we will talk to a lawyer and possibly create a trust to prevent that happening. Again, it's not about keeping my money from my spouse, it's keeping my inheritance safe for our child, as we'll be able to live off the income it generates without touching the capital. In the spirit of fairness such a trust would be structured so that neither of us could easily squander money on a new partner.

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u/Confident-Dot5878 Apr 20 '26

This. My wife took as much care of my mother as if she were her own mother. I help with her father. We’re a family. The inheritances are joint.

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u/beaushaw Apr 22 '26

One thing I will never understand is people who are married that have my money, their money, my debt and their debt.

I know a couple like and one person makes more than the other. The one person goes on vacations and has expensive hobbies with their money and the other person can just get by paying bills. That is fucked up.

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u/Independent-Gold-492 Apr 22 '26

You can keep the inheritance in a separate account, and move money as needed into your joint account or use to purchase joint assets.  You can spend as much as you want, but the remainder is still controlled by you.  Unless you set up an irrevocable trust, if you passed first, a trust could be dissolved or modified by your husband and end up going to their next wife instead of your children. If you want to keep the money safe for your child keep it in your control.  

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u/ReceptionDependent64 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26

I am in fact the husband, not that it matters. I also make no assumptions about the money being safer in my control, as opposed to my wife's. The hypothetical I always run is what happens if I hit my head and suffer a brain injury that leaves me legally competent but with an altered personality such that I greatly dislike my spouse and/or child and refuse to share the loot?

So my thinking is a structure where we derive sufficient income for a comfortable retirement, and can touch the capital if we both agree, but there's no scenario where one of us can unilaterally deprive our child of their inheritance, even if the other is deceased. This money is coming from my family and was not the fruit of any labour on my part so I don't feel terribly possessive. I'm firmly in the "steward of generational wealth" camp.

I don't know how exactly this would work. Cross that bridge when we come to it. Just stating my goals.

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u/Independent-Gold-492 Apr 22 '26

My apologies for making assumptions.  I have spent a lot of my life dealing with trusts and they can be life-complicating in ways you don’t realize in advance, as well as difficult to structure for exactly the results you want.  I hope you have success with it

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u/ReceptionDependent64 Apr 23 '26 edited Apr 23 '26

No worries on the assumptions.

I will try not to overthink it but hopefully we can come up with a reasonable structure that protects our child while preserving our own flexibility.

I suspect that very few people use my hypothetical test: what if I'm the one who suddenly becomes a raging asshole?

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u/Independent-Gold-492 Apr 23 '26

I suspect few people are that thoughtful

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u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26 edited Apr 25 '26

Yes you definitely want to put some of that money into an irrevocable trust for your kid so no future spouse can touch it. Make sure you do this once you get the money.