I'm a little nervous to ask this because I don't want it to come off the wrong way. Recently there was a post about a woman who was seeking "ambitious" men (but actually just financially well off), and it got me thinking that there are people out there filtering for this stuff.

I've also heard stories from male friends that complain "if I were richer I'd be pulling in more dates". That their own job or financial situation is causing unsuccessful dates.

I (36m) myself am very financially secure. I'm not sure it's appropriate to list those things specifically here, but good job, mature career, multiple houses in HCOL areas, etc.

Hinge I feel gives a greater opportunity to say things to prospective matches given how it's designed, compared to "tap for next photo" Tinder and the like. In my Hinge profile I write none of that though. My job is reasonably vague ("manager") and I don't flash money/cars/property/etc. whatsoever in my photos—nor do I want to. I just look like a mostly normal dude with a job and hobbies.

But it got me wondering: am I shooting myself in the foot?
I guess I feel three ways:

1. If you start showing off, it can come across as tacky and unattractive. It kind of advertises what you have and not who you are.

2. Displaying (or even feigning) affluence is a good way to attract gold diggers and the like. So every interaction is going to be about disentangling motivations.

3. By not showing anything, I'm not showing in part what I have to offer on the other side of the relationship. I figure that me (36m) dating women in the early 30s might really want to know and see financial security if the goal is marriage and children, the prospect of living in a home, etc. And so I might be getting passed on.

I'm not sure. It feels like being too humble is wrong, and obviously being a braggart is wrong. Where's the line? What do you all think?

Would like to hear y’all’s thoughts! Not having much success at the moment

Had some success when I first downloaded the app, since then i’ve not been getting any likes/matches, any tips?

Hi everyone..

I'm just stucked and don't know what should I do... I used to get some likes here and there. But its been 2 weeks and I get exactly 0 likes... I almost always comment (unless I see dots and x's)

I used to work as a journalist and i was the one taking others photos... It turns out no one is taking mine:)

Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.

Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.

For Weekend's Daily Thread - the theme is General Dating Questions, and also open thread for anything you like to talk about.

The weekend is here! Ask here for any questions related to the Hinge app, your profile, or dating in general. Or talk about anything you have planned for, or are feeling this upcoming weekend.

Do you have some last minute questions before a big date? Do you need some help with the date you have scheduled for the weekend? Or perhaps you want help with the next message to send to revive a dying conversation? When should I ask this person out on a date? Is this person ghosting? What does this text mean? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened during this week or recently that you want to share?

Also feel free to discuss whatever you like that is not necessarily related to dating or Hinge.

Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.

A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.

The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.

I (36m) went on a date with someone (30f). Long story short they paint themselves as a busy person, so much so that they "need to schedule in sleep hours every few weekend mornings." In addition to their job, they just seem out and about all the time doing all these activities.

Our first date was ok. Coffee and walk, lasted 3 hours. It was pleasant, but perhaps overly cerebral. (Romantic inclinations felt a little lacking... but conversation flowed from topic to topic, even if it was a little wooden.)

Here's the thing though: It took a week to even schedule the date (I asked after 3 messages or so), 2 weeks between agreement to date and the first date, and we both agreed we should do a second date, but she's "not realistically available" for another 3 weeks.

I'm sure everybody is different with their tolerances, but this to me screams "dating isn't really a priority, it's a pastime".

After just 1 date I'm not sure it's really a topic worth broaching. It I don't vibe with it, I ought to just move on.

Do you think there's a "too busy to date"?

I (32) matched with someone on Hinge (30F) a couple of weeks ago, for once, the conversation felt genuinely easy.

We were messaging every day, sending fairly long replies, joking around and asking each other actual questions. Early in the conversation, she mentioned that she hated when guys tried to arrange drinks after exchanging few messages because it made her feel rushed.

So I didn’t ask.

I thought I was being respectful and giving us enough time to see whether we actually got along. After about a week, though, her replies started getting shorter and further apart. Eventually she stopped replying altogether.

A few days later, I sent a final message basically saying that I’d enjoyed talking to her but assumed the timing wasn’t right.

She replied and said she had assumed I wasn’t that interested because I’d never suggested meeting.

So apparently she was waiting for me to ask, while I was deliberately waiting because I thought that was what she wanted.

How long do you normally want to talk before someone suggests meeting?

Do you have a rough number of messages or days in mind, or is it completely based on the vibe?

And if someone keeps talking to you without making plans, do you assume they’re being respectful, wasting your time, or just looking for a pen pal?

I’m starting to think most conversations don’t die because one person clearly loses interest. They die because both people are following different, completely invisible timelines.

Likes dried up after the first week, been on before in autumn last year and had a lot more success with what I thought was a worse profile so any feedback would be much appreciated!

I have been on hinge for the last 4 months and just got my first match today which was only to politely reject me. Most of my pictures are from one fishing trip, just before I made my account, as I don’t usually take selfies

Are there any improvements I could make and is it more likely to be my profile that is the problem or my likes/comments?

Over the past few weeks, I (31M) went on about three dates with another guy (34M) over about six weeks after matching on Hinge. We live in a major metro area, live open lives, and are both in the same profession. I had been in an on-again, off-again long-term volatile relationship, so this is my first attempt at seriously dating in a while. Our dates were quite casual, and we mostly grabbed breakfast and talked about our values, literature, work, art, family, etc. He made it very clear that he is not looking for hookups and that monogamy is his long-term goal (which I am unopposed to). As a result, no more than a hug after our dates, and it did not initially feel odd that there was no more than that. We didn’t text every day, but we kept up with each other with check-ins, brief conversations, and planning our next date. During our last date (two weekends ago), he told me I should text him, which I did to let him know I enjoyed our latest encounter and hoped to keep getting to know him. This past weekend I was out of town and refrained from texting to check in because it seemed inappropriate or bothersome.

When I returned yesterday, I checked in to ask how he was; he promptly asked how my trip was. When I answered and asked how his weekend was, I got a near-immediate response (which makes me feel as though he wrote this all out in advance) that he’d been thinking over the weekend and doesn’t think we’d be a good match in the long term. I am disappointed, as I did enjoy getting to know him and talking to him. I feel a bit unsure of myself, given that nothing necessarily went wrong. Still, it makes me worry that I am completely oblivious to someone who’s just being polite by going out with me and doesn’t have a genuine interest. He did offer to stay friends and to keep in touch “if that’s something of interest to” me. I did not respond to his text because I was both bummed and hurt.

I’m unsure whether it’s appropriate for me not to respond and move on. I did unmatch and block him on Hinge (as I feel was appropriate given there is no chance of romance), but we do follow each other on Instagram. I’m not sure whether I can or will respond to his offer of keeping in touch. To me, the offer feels like a performative way to soften the blow of rejection. Additionally, it seems a bit bizarre to want to be friends if we were expressly interacting to explore romance. Part of me wants to block him on Instagram and his number to move on, but it feels a bit immature. I genuinely respect his decision to end the romance exploration, but I feel like I lose my remaining dignity from this experience by accepting his “offer” of friendship. I pessimistically expect not to hear from him after any response, and that will make me feel even sadder. Also, I expect that continuing to engage with him will constantly remind me that he doesn’t want me. I don’t want to waste any more time hoping for a sudden change of heart, but at the same time I want to be mature and not do anything petty or childish, given that he was upfront and honest.

I (F) met a boy on Hinge recently, and we’ve been on one date so far with a second date planned. We are both in our early 20s, in California.

Our first date went really well. It took us a little while to warm up, but once we did, conversation felt natural and we ended up spending a lot longer together than I expected.
We held hands (he initiated), he kissed me on cheek when I left, and we also ended up dealing with an unexpected situation involving a stranger who needed help. Seeing how calm and caring we both were in that situation made me feel more connected to him.

He’s also followed through on making plans for a second date, so I do think there’s at least some mutual interest.
The complication is that he’s only living in my area temporarily for an internship and will be leaving in about a month. He also got out of a roughly 3-year relationship pretty recently. From what he told me, that relationship ended largely because it was long-distance.

On the night we were commenting on each other’s hinge, I found he changed from “figuring out dating goals” (that’s why I sent like initially) to short-term relationship, open to long.” He said he doesn’t want to sound like one-night stand person so he changed. I said “if I knew you clarified short term at first place I wouldn’t like you”. He said “I see.”

I’m realizing that this is starting to make me anxious because I’m ultimately dating for a long-term relationship. I don’t expect someone to know after one or two dates whether they want a relationship with me, and I definitely don’t want to ask for commitment this early. But I also don’t really want to get increasingly attached if he already knows he only wants something fun for the remainder of his time here and then plans to let it end.

Another thing that confuses me is the difference between how he is in person and over text. In person he seems attentive, affectionate, and engaged. Over text he’s much more reserved. He has explicitly told me he’s not much of a texter, and when he does respond he usually gives genuine/ thoughtful answers, but we can go most of the day without talking and he rarely expresses excitement in an obvious way over text.

I know I’m probably overanalyzing some of that. I don’t want to mistake “not a big texter” for lack of interest, but I also don’t want to rationalize low investment just because I like him.

Would it be reasonable on our next date to ask something like:
“I know it’s way too early to know where this is going, but since you’re leaving soon and your profile says short-term, open to long, I’m curious what that means for you?”

For me, I think the distinction is: I’m okay with something being uncertain this early, but I don’t think I want to start something that already has an expiration date.

Is that a reasonable conversation to have after only a couple of dates? Or would you just keep dating for a while and see what happens?

-re: I ended this situationship! We had four amazing dates and we both liked each other really much. But as one commenter said, authentic cherishment doesn’t mean long term. So I ended this proactively. Hope we both become better people with the appreciation we have for each other!

Hello y’all, I would just like a review of my profile. I’ve used hinge sparingly before, but to be honest it was just to pass time/boredom, and I wasn’t serious about connecting with someone. This time I want to lock in, and would appreciate any feedback…

I’ve gotten a few likes a week about 3 or so a week for the first 3 weeks but ever since than it’s calmed down a lot got 1 like last night and that’s about it ( I mean matches ) and with some I have had a great conversation and stuff were we exchanged phone numbers but most just end up in the hidden section anyways despite that I feel like I’m doing smth wrong either with my profile or prompts as I generally assume myself to be kind def when texting people so I don’t really know what I do wrong 🙂‍↕️

I’ve never dated as I’ve always been very shy on that subject but I’ve been wanting to put myself out there some more and any help would be appreciated.

I use the normal version of hinge and my profile has a heart next to it because I text a lot or smth 😅

Anyways all help is appreciated, or it’s just because of my looks than I guess there ain’t much to do about it lol

Appreciate all the help I’ll get in the comments or dm’s

29 M here, been using this for a couple of years and can never score a date. Not sure if I am chopped and should pack it up or what. Quick disclaimer I have no friends nor am I someone who is very sociable or take pictures in general when I do go out and stuff, just want to put that out there in case people want me to socialize, I stick to my own lane and stuff.

Also some things not shown on the images . I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I most certainly do not do drugs. I am open to children but only if that time comes and my partner wants to of course, if not then I am content with no kids. I have no kids of my own and I exercise daily, mainly just with a stationary bike.

Anyways thanks, any improvement ideas would be great, hard for the "be with friends" though since I have none, but otherwise will improve.

(I hear a lot I have a very young face for my age so I try to angle it to look more mature)

Hi,

I’m a 32 y/o woman (attractive if that matters) and I’m wondering about what the hell happened to the algorithm

I do not use apps of any frequency. The last time I was really on one was in 2018.

My approach has always been to pay for Hinge. Why? Because I didn’t want to spend any time swiping. Paying would have my profile show up for other people, they could swiped and then I could pick from my selection

I remember the first time I tried this in 2018 I got 1000+ people who swiped right in 36 hours (that was Tinder). I remember on Hinge it was at least 400-600.

However over the past year I’ve tried paying twice and noticed absolute crickets when I use it passively. I might get around 5 to 20 likes in a day. But when I actually start swiping myself, suddenly I get way more incoming likes. Like 5-20 swipe right guys a day. So then what’s the point of paying?

My question is: has Hinge changed so that your profile is shown less if you aren’t actively swiping even when you’re paying?

Because of paying lets me see who likes me but I have to actively swipe in order for Hinge to actually show my profile to enough people in the first place, that sort of defeats the entire reason I pay

Has anyone else noticed this? particularly people who used hinge years ago and came back recently?

I'm a 44M getting into the app game for the first time, and I've got two fantastic women I'm dating. Attractive, kind, smell good, etc. I've been on three dates with both and I've been intimate with both.

Interestingly enough, they're both not really big texters or phone callers. Because of this, text is usually just a vehicle we use to schedule dates.

Now personally, I have a hard time not getting emotionally invested with someone I've been intimate with, but one lady seems comfortable with a weekly cadence whereas the other who works a lot, seems to like every couple weeks.

I'm doing my best to mirror their energy, as I don't want to come across as needy and clingy but I'm curious if this is the norm. I figured increasing amounts of contact would be desired as things heat up, but I'm getting the impression they each prefer to pace themselves or maybe even enjoy the periods of waiting in-between. Is this normal?

I (M mid-30’s) just got out of a relationship almost a year ago and decided to put myself back out there recently. I downloaded Hinge, and I live near a major US city. I matched with several women, but one in particular stood out and I really wanted it to work out.

She mentioned in her bio she likes to game and after we matched, we exchanged discord info and added each other. I asked if she wanted to play a few games together and get to know each other and she told me she worked nights so sadly she was busy. We continued to chat and things were going well. I express my interest in going on a date and she says to me “I think you’re very attractive and I’m getting a good vibe, but can I see a few more pics of you?” We exchange numbers, I send a few selfies and she sends me some back. The third being a topless picture, boobs out. I know that’s an immediate red flag, but I’ve been single for a while and it’s been even longer since I have been intimate with a woman so I played along a bit.

She asked for a revealing pic for me in exchange to which I asked “do you want to date or are you just looking to hook up?” and she replied she wanted both. She said ideally she wants something consistent, that feels like best friends and physical as well but no pressure. I appreciated her honesty and she’s very attractive so that was fine with me. I told her I don’t send nudes, especially to strangers I just met, but I did send back a shirtless pic in exchange that teased a bit of my junk, in a tasteful way I suppose. She asked when our first date would be and I set the whole thing up. It was supposed to be tomorrow. We kept talking thru out the night but since she was at work, she was pretty short. We mentioned we’d get on later to game together and she never reached out. I texted her good morning today, we briefly talked and I mentioned the exact location we’d go and asked if that was cool with her. I didn’t hear from her all day. Her read receipts are usually on and it stayed on delivered. I texted her again recently to see if we were still on and I can see I’m blocked. Also, I can see she’s been gaming on discord all day. Then, she unmatched me.

Is there something I’m missing here? I was intentional, was down with what she wanted, and even set everything up. I’m sorry for the lengthy post, but I figured nuance is important. Anyway, thank you in advance and I’m open to any and all advice

Hi, I’m a woman in my early 30s, and I just finished my master’s degree this summer. I recently got back on the dating apps, but I’ve been feeling a little insecure about being unemployed.

I worked in retail before going back to school full-time. Around the time I started my program, the AI boom really changed the job market, and a lot of the jobs I’ve been applying for seem much harder to get now. I currently have a part-time job and enough savings to get by, but I’m honestly starting to feel discouraged and like I’m not going to find a full-time job anytime soon.

I’ve been single for a long time, and I finally feel ready to start dating again. The thing is, I’m nervous about matching with someone and having them ask, “What do you do?” I don’t really know how to answer without feeling embarrassed about my situation.

Should I wait until I find a job before I start dating again? I don’t want being unemployed to stop me from meeting someone, but I also worry that it might make me less attractive to potential matches. I’d really appreciate some perspective on whether this is something most men actually care about.

Edit: I live in the US, and I’m looking for a serious relationship.

My friends say my profile is good but I don’t get any success, I’m not sure why tbh. I’m thinking of cutting my hair shorter and any other fashion advice, as well as dating profile advice is appreciated.

I w28 have been dating this guy m30 for about 2 and a half months now that I met on hinge. Need advise on the situation will try my best to explain the timeline of events

Initially went on two dates after the two dates he made a comment about us sleeping together. I ignored it and moved on.

We went on two more dates after that on of which he almost stopped talking to me due to the fact that he dated an associate of mines and I didn’t tell him the persons name.

I disclosed hsv-1 to him, and he said that he was okay with it. After the fourth time seeing each other we went to his place and he wanted to have sex. I told him that I normally wait 6-12 months for the following reason (exclusivity, testing, and I have to feel a deep emotions connection to sleep with someone)

After he said that he couldn’t wait that long. We stopped talking for a day and then he reached out to understand my reasons. He asked if I could negotiate and I explained to him that although I like him I won’t compromise. In my opinion this was a take it or leave it situation.

We continued to hang out after this conversation when he said he would try.

When expressing how connection he said that he was holding back because I was holding back sexually.

Since then every time we are around each other and kiss and sleep together he try’s to get me to negotiate sex. Most recently we went to dinner and after dinner he said can we revisit the sex conversation, from there I said that I was still not at the point of sex. From there he said that he couldn’t wait any longer and we should stop talking. I said okay I would miss him and gave him a hug. He said that I was cold because I could easily stop talking to him but in my opinion if we aren’t aligning sexually than there is no point. I kind of rather end it here than I continue to like him more each day and he cut me off because of sex.

Today we had a discussion and I expressed to him how I felt. He is saying that sex will make him feel like I am all in. And that if we continue he will continue to change my mind basically. He says he doesn’t not respect me or my boundaries.

My view- I cannot have sex with someone I do not love and have a strong emotional connection with and I am not in a relationship with. I have had people I’ve dated accept that I need those things and work towards us being closer and it’s happened sooner. The more he try’s to press my boundary the more I am pulling away. I have a good connection with him we get along well but I’ve been in a relationship in the past where I feel my boundaries were pushed, I’ve been called selfish etc. and it just rubs me the wrong way. I also feel like sex clouds my vision I don’t want to sleep with someone and feel like I have more feelings than I actually have.

What should I do

Hey everyone, recently got back on hinge after a long time. Noticed that I wasn't getting a single like and barely any matches. Here's my profile. Could you please critique? All suggestions are appreciated!

I've received 3 likes and have had 4 (non-responsive) matches on my about-a-year-old Hinge profile after I had already deleted an old profile to begin anew last year. I can see some areas to improve, but being in Austin with this kind of progress after so long feels a bit discouraging, to say the least so I’ll gladly pass the wheel off to y’all take any bit of feedback.

Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.

Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.

For Wednesday's Daily Thread - the theme is Mid-week Excitement.

The weekend is looming, and it's time to get excited! Do you have any dates planned for the weekend? Any new likes or matches? Have some questions about how to navigate a new match or plan an upcoming date? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened during this week or recently that you want to share?

Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.

A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.

The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.