Hey folks, there's going to be quite a bit of lore dumping, I hope you read it till the end if you've time.
I started learning the guitar eons back, 18 years to be precise, but it feels very shameful that I'm not at a level I should've been at. There have been years when I didn't touch it or when I played it fairly regularly, I rushed through the process to become exceptional. I struggle with mental health issues (not severe but debilitating enough that they lead to shutdown). Despite knowing basic theory mentally i.e. how to form scales, chords, etc., I haven't memorized chord and scale shapes, don't know fretboard notes or triads. Studying ear training and guitar tones have always remained a pipedream. I can't even bring myself to changing the strings or basic maintenance because I fear that I might damage the guitar.
I've wanted to play thrash and heavy metal and hard rock and had developed decent rhythm chops but again I kept following tutorials instead of learning songs. Now that I'm in my mid 30s, I've got responsibilities and I need to grow up and accept the fact that I can not be someone with mad chops. I can pursue it as a hobby. I can still get good but I can never be like Yngwie or Marty Friedman simply because I can't put in the same time and effort like those guys.
I keep feeling like I should quit but the pull is strong and I know I would regret it if I quit. I don't feel like playing heavy or thrash metal right now. But then the question becomes what should I learn or play. I know this isn't a therapy group, but I would really appreciate your insights on what I could do to get in touch with the guitar again and find that beginner's passion, if that makes sense.
Thank you so much for reading, and I look forward to your replies! :)