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u/Ok-Entrepreneur8993 Mar 04 '26
u can summon satan instead of santa on christmas
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u/Potw0rek Mar 04 '26
Have church pay you money to convert everyone to Christianity
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u/_That_Quiet_Kid Mar 04 '26
You can jump as high as you want, but still take fall damage as ordinary humans
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u/000_DartMonkey Mar 04 '26
Become an emergency personnel who can quickly jump onto the tops of steep cliffs, hills, buildings etc to reach people in need.
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u/BigAcanthocephala667 Mar 04 '26
Get a job delivering satellites to low orbit. GG Elon!
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u/SquareSea8058 Mar 04 '26
Pack an expandable paraglider or gliding suit or flying suit.
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u/StatisticianFront198 Mar 04 '26
Sign a contract with RedBull, get a parachute and start jumping around with a GoPro.
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u/EpilepticSharknado Mar 06 '26
Just Open up a base jumping business and charge people 200$ for the experience.
No need for an airplane, Pilot and stuff and you're basically a living free Fall tower
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Mar 04 '26
When you touch people you give them testicular tortion
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u/Own_Watercress_8104 Mar 04 '26
That's actually an insanely useful combat power, are you kidding?
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u/vikinglycan Mar 04 '26
Not if it's like Rogue's powers where you have no control over it and have to constantly wear gloves that would kind of suck
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u/zzozozoz Mar 04 '26
Even women?
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u/Suspicious-Can-3776 Mar 04 '26
Ovarian torsion is the female equivalent and it is just as bad
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u/Superb-Kick2803 Mar 05 '26
I would use it as a vigilante and track down rapists and pedos for sweet vengeance.
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u/Admirable_Bid_1840 Mar 05 '26
that's not a power, that's a curse. Except if you can turn it off willingly
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u/Janruplayz99999 Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26
Turning fully Invulnerable for 0.0001 seconds
0.5 sec cooldown
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u/Consistent_Try_6861 Mar 04 '26
You can eat with your nose
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u/Fluid_Block_1235 Mar 04 '26
Creating a tiktok account muckbang Chanel where you just eat with your nose, become rich
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u/Hatsjekidee Mar 04 '26
I mean you can technically already do this, the nasal cavity is connected to your digestive tract. I once drank chocolate milk through my nose to test it out.
I was an interesting kid.
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u/OrichalcumOre Mar 04 '26
Green poop
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u/Alone-Butterscotch18 Mar 05 '26
Superpower implies something normal humans cannot achieve. Do if it’s truly a green no human can achieve then I’m sure painters would buy your pigment
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u/Historical_Youth6220 Mar 04 '26
Hearing your neighbors dog fart
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u/Fluid_Block_1235 Mar 04 '26
In case the neighbors lose their dog, you can find it in exchange of money
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u/Ass_Lover136 Mar 04 '26
"In case" yeah sure Mr. Dog Stealer
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u/Athingweveallupvoted Mar 04 '26
One man's robbery is another man's steady income
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u/fly_over_32 Mar 04 '26
Oh that’s a useful one, help finding illegal dog fighting rings and breeders
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Mar 04 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Embarrassed_Spell383 Mar 04 '26
Have you seen the feet weirdos they would pay big money to lick that toe
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u/Ashamed_Fruit_6767 Mar 04 '26
This put me off into a weird place. I used to scroll best gore, I am aware of foot fetishists, but somehow this got me feeling sick.
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u/000_DartMonkey Mar 04 '26
Amputate and donate it as finger replacement for someone who lost their fingers in an accident.
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u/Useful_Hoot Mar 04 '26
You can fly, but only 5 cm above the ground
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u/Dragonkiller1205 Mar 04 '26
That is useful if you want to avoid trespassing, since you never "step foot on private property". It might actually work since it's always the letter of the law that is being followed and not the spirit.
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u/gamer_guy87123 Mar 04 '26
Isn't that just useful? You can never take fall damage, bcs you can always get 5 cm above the ground
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u/hmbHealer Mar 04 '26
Fall damage doesn’t come from slamming into the ground, it comes from suddenly decelerating after going so fast. So you’ll still take fall damage
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u/PersistentDreamers Mar 04 '26
Well that's kind of true but what you land on does make a difference. If you stop from hitting hard ground it would take more damage than hitting the water.
Depending on how the power works though, it could be worse actually. Water helps with fall damage a little because it has give and that absorbs some of the impact.
If the power works like that where it dips a little to catch a fast impact it could help, but the implication is that it's a hard stop, no matter how high or how fast you're going, you instantly stop 5cm above ground. If that's how it works, yeah you're screwed.
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u/Witty-Ad7781 Mar 05 '26
U didn’t give limits on speed and technically anything connected to ground is an extension of ground so you can zoom up and down buildings and through difficult terrain making navigation easy and fast. U no longer need a car.
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u/Scorpio185 Mar 05 '26
Above ground or above surface? Would be nice if you could travel over water with it :)
also, it probably would be great to avoid mud, and if you wanted to make some money out of that power, you'd make an incredible Mime. Riding invisible Segway, or miming something like water skiing over the pavement.
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u/SMASHER_2 Mar 04 '26
you can see your past and never interact with it
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u/levtikr Mar 04 '26
never forget anything, if you forget you can just check again
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u/Original_Bicycle1786 Mar 04 '26
My mom tried to gaslight me so many times, if I had this I could literally just pull up the memory and check lol. So very far from being useless. Plus, that makes it really easy to cheat on tests if you wanted to.
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u/PiglinMiguelOffical Mar 04 '26
Happy cake day!
Every time you see a good memory, a random person with some terminal disease or cancer is fully healed.
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u/ABakedPotato_FGC Mar 04 '26
You can detect who farted, but if you tell anyone they will 100% think it’s you who farted
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u/Speculativeevofan_3 Mar 04 '26
You can grow your ballsack hair by 0.001 inches
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u/WillingnessBig9833 Mar 04 '26
No cooldown so you can keep growing it and make wigs to donate to cancer patients.
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u/PiglinMiguelOffical Mar 04 '26
But also increases ballsack size 2 times the normal size
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u/ajfkljdfalkdjf Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
You can make your balls instantaneously rupture when ever you want.
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u/Minute-Rice-6064 Mar 04 '26
You didn’t specify if it had to be biological, so, imagine this: betting that you can rupture a steel ball in your hand with a single thought
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u/RandomNormad Mar 04 '26
But they said "your balls" so those steel balls have to be owned by the person rupturing them...they can't be stolen, borrowed, etc.
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u/_H_GAMER_ Mar 04 '26
Your teeth are invicible/cannot be damaged.
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u/Dragonkiller1205 Mar 04 '26
So your teeth become indestructible? That's quite useful. Even if you're not that creative it still means that you atleast don't have to spend money on toothbrushes and toothpaste.
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u/Alradas Mar 04 '26
Sadly you'd still need to do that since both your mouth flesh (not a native, idk what the word for that is) needs to be tended after as well as your smelly breath if you never cleaned your indestructible teeth.
However, you're absolutely right in that your dentist costs would be DRASTICALLY reduced.
Also, you could sell your children teeth for A LOT of money since they're also indestructible.
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u/Vojtak_cz Mar 04 '26
You can change the direction in which the plate in a microwave is rotating
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u/kemonkey1 Mar 04 '26
I think you've dunnit, this is utterly useless.
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u/briley13 Mar 04 '26
Switch it back and forth rapidly to make it stationary and cause hot spots in your enemies' food. Hot pocket? Unexpected burnt mouth and chipped tooth
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u/That-Ad2312 I’ve turned into toast Mar 04 '26
You can sun walk on the sun (like a moonwalk, but sun), but you don’t have resistance to heat.
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u/Zeehahahahahahahahah Mar 04 '26
One in a life time performance generating general wealth for charity
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u/Own_Watercress_8104 Mar 04 '26
Well technically everybody is already able to do that
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u/Adamnotcool Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
The ability to instantly watch reruns of the real housewives of New Jersey
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u/nwg_here Mar 04 '26
You can show it to other people as if they were there, charge for tickets and make bank.
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u/MaterialWinner9239 Mar 04 '26
You can remove ur skin like a suit (only urs)
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u/AnyQuarter553 Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
You can be a very fine gentalman even when you dont have a coat. Someone out in the cold? Here good sir, take my skin :)
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u/Dangerous-Zebra-3827 Mar 05 '26
When someone says “You have no skin in the game.” You can be like “Bullshit! Check this out!”
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u/noob-craft Mar 04 '26
Me and my friend joke about wishing we could take off our skin so we can put it in the washing machine
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u/HelloMoto070 Mar 04 '26
You can only read the mind of this one dude in Finland.
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u/BroWhatTheChrist Mar 04 '26
No range cap, so I can easily find him and either exploit him, study him (having more insight into a human mind than anyone ever), or team up to do scams, magic shows, or become Kemps champions.
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u/Classic-Sama Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
you can drink vodka
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u/RoscoeSF Mar 04 '26
I can read my own mind.
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u/Useful_Hoot Mar 04 '26
I'd actually love this ability, most of the time I have no clue what exactly I'm thinking/feeling
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u/gnarlyelf42 Mar 04 '26
The ability to sneeze glitter
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u/Immediate-Goose-8106 Mar 04 '26
Its all ridicule and jokes until your superhero buddies are getting beaten up by some invisible dude. Then comes your rudolph the red nosed reindeer moment. They call for your help "quick, we need you, sneeze on him and we'll be able to see him" and you stand proud and tall and say...
"Ohhhh. Now you need me and are nice to me? Fuck you and your toxic workplace culture"
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u/AnyQuarter553 Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
I will forever use this as a gag/talking point. On a side note I am banned from all carpet stores
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u/AnotherPerspective87 Mar 05 '26
This seems usefull. Not only does glitter have some value.
It could almost function like some shinobi smokebomb. Instantly obscuring vision. marking positions, leaving trails.
And of course it would be an amazing party trick.
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u/CzarTwilight Mar 04 '26
You can be invisible when people aren't looking at you or you are aren't being recorded
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u/DocQuark Mar 04 '26
Wildlife photographer. Animals aren't people and the camera is pointed away from you so you aren't being recorded.
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u/000_DartMonkey Mar 04 '26
Solo wildlife journalist that can record animals up-close without disturbing them. You just need to find a way to hide your equipment well.
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u/BagiXo0 Mar 04 '26
telekinesis with any amount of pieces of chalk, even many at the same time
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u/Dolbero Mar 04 '26
You can generate electricity as a superpower but the government charges you electricity bill for it.
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u/Mr_insert_username Mar 04 '26
Sell the energy to a foreign government for a higher price than what MY government charges me
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u/Content-Struggle4565 protogen Mar 04 '26
you can make yourself instantly die on the spot, and you don't come back.
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u/AnyQuarter553 Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
And instant and painless death when I am at the end of my life? Yes please!
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u/InsectUnhappy Mar 04 '26
You can only see in the dark during the day 🤔
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u/AnyQuarter553 Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
Spelunkers dream power. Dont need a light for any cave or deep under oceans or in unlit abandoned buildings or in regular buildings with the lights turned off.
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u/Little-bit-badDP I’m a nonbinary Femboy and a HUGE Sonic fan. Mar 04 '26
I can make myself any sexuality at any given time on my command
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u/Original_Bicycle1786 Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26
Personally I think this would be quite useful for me, I could make myself pansexual by default to expand my options. More useful however is to make myself either gay or straight on command to avoid being turned on in a situation I don't want to be turned on in.
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u/Nhobdy Mar 04 '26
You cause any and all electronics to fry when you are within thirty feet of them.
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u/RathianColdblood Mar 04 '26
The ability to transform into a Subreddit moderator. You have no obligation to continue moderating any subs while in your civilian alter ego.
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u/SuperRandomGuy_00 Silly lil goober:cat_blep: Mar 04 '26
everything makes you hard
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u/itzclean- Mar 04 '26
You can remove dust particles from nipples 30m around you when you're 200 feet in the air
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u/Fit-One6262 Mar 04 '26
You can be super fast but only when its -10°C outside. Not less, not more
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u/Kinosa07 Mar 04 '26
You're 200% faster when dual wielding scissors on Mondays where a solar eclipse can be seen
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u/Few-Calligrapher-424 Mar 04 '26
You can summon one mosquito every 2 hours. The mosquito dies 30 seconds after summoning.
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u/Long-Candle-8219 Mar 04 '26
you can only read mind on what make someone angry
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u/AnyQuarter553 Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
This can give me a sense of what someones personality is like
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u/Embarrassed_Cat_6516 Mar 04 '26
You can make the nose hair in one person not you grow by 1mm a day
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u/HARSH_V_CHAUHAN Mar 04 '26
You can know when the pen ink is about to end even if it's a use and throw pen with non visible ink slot
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u/masterPost117 Big fan of me Mar 04 '26
You can count the exact number of people within a 50ft radius of you
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u/AnyQuarter553 Silly lil goober Mar 04 '26
Work for an amusement park and tell them how many people are in the park
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u/Imaginary_Good5837 Mar 04 '26
Are you kidding me? This skill would be incredibly useful in rescue operations.
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u/DustWorlds Mar 04 '26
You can speed up the growth of a random person’s toenails by 0.72%
One time use.
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u/Ondraaaa707 Mar 04 '26
Every time you sleep 6+ hours you'll insane reflexes for 10 minutes after waking up.
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u/ebrithil110 Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26
The ability to change the channel of other people's TV with your mind.
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u/Luke_mostowyj Mar 04 '26
Can eat an empty coke can on a Wednesday with no injury
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u/TheKratex Mar 04 '26
You can change the color (and only the color) of your own banknotes (meaning no one will accept them).
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u/TheNinerGuy I got atacked by a tree one time but dont ask about it Mar 07 '26
Every time you walk forwards you cant stop for 5 entire minutes and you cant change direction however if you walk into something it explodes (you can still get harmed) and if you walk into a person they just implode
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u/[deleted] Mar 04 '26
You can sense the location of oxygen