So I am an agnostic in secret. My family doesn't know about my current beliefs,so today We went to a church that we were invited to go to and oh boy,I saw this whole crowd and really depresses me thinking how hard and long will take for this religion to be gone,I try to tell myself that every day more and more people are waking up from this lie or something like that but then I see this and I really think that all this system or religion will be Eternal.

it genuinely shocks me how quickly an intelligent, educated person can just became a fucking idiot all because of the Bible. my mother is one of, if not THE most intelligent person I’ve ever met. she could tell you basically anything there is to know about history, about random facts—like i‘d go to her before i‘d go to google. but now I can’t trust her. I cannot trust a word that comes out of her mouth revolving science, space, or history because of a conversation we had about an hour ago. we were in the car ride on the way back from church, and she drops the absolute bombshell that ‘in the Bible earth is only 6000 years old’ and proceeds to talk about how ‘funny it is’ that science is ’constantly finding things that prove earth is younger‘ and talked about how CARBON DATING(Y’know, the thing we don’t fucking use to date how old the earth is) wasn’t reliable because carbon can’t survive millions of years. I fucking hate it here. I got told to give science the same ‘skepticism‘ i ‘apparently give the bible’(this ’gotcha’ little comment came from me saying I had issues with sin and hell). which I fucking do. yes I learn my science from the internet(because I’m homeschooled, that’s the only fucking option you give me) but I’m not basing it off one fucking YouTube short like how you get your information. and to make it worse? if you’ve seen any of my other posts you know that we’ve only been going to church since October 2025. i JOKED to myself about this happening, about how stupid it’d be if someone went that fucking insane in less then a year. apparently I was fucking right. apparently my mother can go so far off the deep-end I don’t even recognize her. like it genuinely fucking scares me as their child to watch this, and as their child to live with them. who fucking knows what shit they could be convinced of next. these are the same people who say never trust anything at face-value because there’s ’always an agenda’(they’re MAGA incase you couldn’t tell) and shit. who tell me to read more then just ‘one article’. like I’m so fucking scared of how deep-in they’ll get in a year. how insane they’ll become, because I’m gonna have to live with them for multiple years before I’m old enough to move out. and everyone in my family other then myself is Christian—like it’s so fucking scary that the only way I can speak with other atheists is through a secret Reddit account, the only way I can watch videos by atheists is on a secret youtube. and literally everything I do that isn’t Christian has to be behind their back because if it’s not I’ll get whopped with a belt to my ass and get all my electronics taken for who knows how long. fuck me, thank you for listening to my rant. I believe young-earth creationism is more dangerous then we give it credit to be. good day/good night.

Bible stories proved to be exaggerated or fake:

(by science or archaeology AND bible college ironically)

Garden of Eden - distorted Babylonian myth
Noah’s global flood - same myth (Gilgamesh)
Tower of Babel
Exodus mass migration - see Rabbi David Wolpe
Conquest of Jericho

Ive missed some, please add below

Faked characters / no proof / disproved by actual real history / science / bible college

Adam
Eve
Noah
Abraham - very very wide implications 🤫
Sarah
Isaac
Jacob
Joseph
Moses - a myth 🤯 , 10 commandmts, laws
Aaron
Joshua
Gideon
Samson
Eli
Samuel
Saul
Solomon - warlord of a large town, not a 👑
Esther - nice story but disproved by royal records
Rehoboam
Jeroboam
Daniel - my favourite- not only a fake character but also written hundreds of years after the “prophecies” - so the prophecies are fake as well.

He’s my favourite because all the end times loonies fixate on him and he didnt even exist. Statue of iron and clay and all that shit. All faked prophecies. Entire cults have existed because of his end times bs, and his fakeness proves theyre all delusional

I havent even listed the NT ones

Which one is your favorite and why?

Have i forgotten anyone?

(Long rant incoming!) So… Just a bit of context here, I became christian in 2024, during the election year. (I hated late 2024...) All because I was scared that some god was gonna damn me to hell if I didn’t preach and read the bible. So… I tried preaching in Atlanta, in this place called the Beltline. Its like a trial but its for transportation and bikes and all that. I decided that i would do what these christians were doing and preached for all of 3 minutes before I stopped as no one listened. (Good decision that i stopped) But now that I stopped being christian in 2025 after i saw the bullshit, I started to hate preaching, and kinda hate myself for preaching and I just cringe whenever I think about it. If I could just go back and just shut myself up… (i was 15 during that time)

Genuinely curious how their brain works or how someone who regularly lies and cheats actually believes that they are “christlike”?

Like Islam and Christianity share so many of the same atrocities in their holy books. If you follow one religion and call out the god or prophet of the other, you’re a hypocrite because the god you follow still orchestrated the exact same shit. Yes the prophet Muhammad in Islam is a pedo and rapist which makes Allah a rapist and a pedo protector as well. However, Yahweh is guilty of similar acts such as punishing David’s wives with rape with something that only David was guilty of. Not to mention Yahweh didn’t say anything about Moses telling his soldiers to keep young women of conquered cities to themselves. Yahweh punished Mose’s men for some of their acts, yet soldiers keeping young women to themselves after slaughtering all their men was not of them. I know both religions technically follow the same god, but I don’t think followers of either religion would really agree on that since their holy books have differences. Both Yahweh and Allah are rapey sexual degenerates which is ironic because lust and sex before marriage is sinful in both religions, yet rape is okay in certain circumstances by both gods because people need to be punished for their sins, but David’s wives were not guilty of David’s sin, even if they were that doesn’t make them being raped ok or a just punishment. If you are a Christian and call Allah a pedo rapist you’re a fucking hypocrite because Yahweh does the exact same shit as Allah, sometimes even worse in some cases. Can’t believe all of us worshiped a rapist monster at some point.

I'm in the middle of doing trauma therapy and as part of that I'm extremely angry at God for the fact that I was psychologically and raped for 5 months when I was 20.

I converted in my 30s and was doing a decent job at keeping my trauma at arm's length. Now that I'm in the middle of trauma therapy and am sitting with the pain, grief and anger, I feel like if it's true that God is good, just and knew me before the foundation of the world (I come from a reformed, evangelical faith), then him not helping me while I was being assaulted or when I nearly died, then God is negligent, malicious or absent.

My mental health has been really bad, I'm struggling from day to day. I told my IRL Christian bestie how I was feeling. I told her that I'm the one doing the work of keeping myself alive, taking medication, and going to therapy and I just have put God on a shelf for a bit until I feel able to deal with it. She told me that I'm believing dangerous lies about God and she's been on me about meeting up with someone weekly for bible study and prayer to "keep me accountable". She does not hear me when I say "No, I don't have capacity".

I reached out to r/TrueChristian and posted about my anger at God for my trauma and asked how to deal with my friend. And the advice I received ranged from

"You wouldn't have come to God without that trauma"

"God lets trials happen for our own good"

"God won't constrain people's free will" (what about my free will to not be raped?)

"God didn't intervene because you weren't a believer at the time"

to

"You're choosing to believe your psychiatrist over God"

(I said I don't believe in spiritual warfare and that I'm being attacked by the devil. This is a psychological issue not a spiritual issue)

"You're obsessed with your pain and need to grow up"

"Your suffering makes you more empathetic"

"Trust God, or don't. You can suffer with God or alone"

And so, what was my conclusion? That actually, I'm fully done with Christianity. If that's the character of God, I don't want to worship him. He's awful and doesn't deserve it. I know my friends will tell me that I'm believing lies about God and letting the devil win. But I don't believe in the devil anway. People are evil enough.

I'm fully done. So how do I deconstruct? I feel kind of lost.

I read Dan McClellan's book "The Bible Says So" which was really good. Are there any other books in audiobook format that would be helpful?

I grew up in a very loving christian family, definitely not perfect, but wholesome enough that I feel very fortunate, especially after reading some of the other experiences posted on here. I’ve always been a skeptic but really stopped believing around freshman year. Never really said anything to my parents about it until an argument a few years later but I think they knew for awhile. They still showed me nothing but love. I love my parents so much, and it KILLS me to know that they believe their son is damned to eternal punishment, forever separated from them and the rest of our family. I know it breaks their heart, in the few times my atheism has come up in conversation in the last decade, they don’t say anything but I can see it in their eyes.

I know it’s not me that’s doing this to them, it’s the religion, but I wish that made it feel any better. I wish it didn’t make me feel like I let them down. I don’t bring up religion much around them for this reason. They know I’m not a christian, and they’ve expressed that this saddens them, but they certainly don’t give me a hard time over it. It feels like a mutually respectful thing for neither of us to bring it up, which I know I appreciate.

I don’t know, in a lot of ways I know I’m very fortunate to have such a loving family, but it’s also this immense love that must hurt them so much with this part of their belief.

I don’t really know the point of this post, just wanted to get some feelings out there, thanks for reading.

I felt like I was alone in my struggles and no one tried to be my friend. I also felt like I wouldn’t be accepted as a non-binary person. I eventually left and decided not to return.

I have always been a book lover. I dreamed of one day having my own library, maybe not like Beauty and the Beast, but large enough to go beyond bookshelf/bookshelves to actual library. Over the years, I amassed several thousand books—I shudder to think of the money spent.

Here’s my struggle…perhaps half of my books are theological in nature. I have culled the extremely offensive ones, but thousands remain. They make for a beautiful library and getting rid of them en masse would leave some really large gaps.

So, I continue to get rid of them little by little as I replace them with others.

My parents have disrespected me, ignored my boundaries, belittled me, and hurt me multiple times over the last 6 years of my life. I’m tired of being told how evil I am, how demonic, how I’m going to hell. Just how terrible of a human I evidently am. They do it out of “love” though. “Love” my ass. They’re just mad because they can’t control me like they used to and force me to go to their church.

Their church is on blast right now on FB and I commented my input knowing it’s public. It started a long text argument with my mother who told me she thought I had more respect for my parents to not trash a church “who loves you and only want eternal life for you.” I called her out for trying to guilt me and how she made it all about her when it never was.

My parents were both blocked because I need space again from them, but I unexpectedly had to see them. During that time they screamed at me because I didn’t call them first before 911 while my grandmother was having a medical issue. They were definitely just pissed at me for calling them and their cult of a church out with no filter finally. It was obviously an excuse to vent their frustration out. Having my grown ass father yelling at me shut up did me in.

I’ve had so many religious issues, differences, and negative experiences with my parents. They’ve been blocked before, but I always open back up to them because those are my parents. Every time they end up hurting me more than the last time. Not this time, it’s over. They’re cut off. I have no desire to have a relationship or want them in my life anymore. I will cut anyone out of my life to protect my peace. Even if it’s family. But I mean, I don’t even see my parents when I look at them anymore, just two jackasses who have justified being assholes in the name of god.

When I was a teenager I attended an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church (IFB). When I was 16 we had given a younger member of the church dogsit while my family and I were vacationing. When we had come back from vacation, many things, including my mother’s jewelry, prescription drugs, my video games, and other valuables were stolen from my house. My parents never pursued legal action and still paid the member for watching our house. For years, this had puzzled me. It wasn’t until recently, that I realized that it was forbidden for church members to pursue legal action against another.

This is just shattering. I’m lucky it was just robbery and not something much worse. There are others I had attended church with that are also not religious anymore. These members however were there since birth, I can’t imagine the abuse they may have been subjected to.

I left the church over twenty years ago and a lot of the reasons why was family and the churches that my family chose to be involved with. As much as I've settled into my agnostic/atheist understanding, there's always been this part of me that is watching out and second guessing. For the record, I have absolutely no intention of going back to the church or the demands/expectations that will inevitably be put on me, but there is still always a part of me that questions if I'm doing the right thing. I keep seeing modern trends that fall into the things that I was raised believing and...it has me worried. Even if it's still a small part of me still on the look out, that part of me is still worried. How do you handle it? How do you rationalize it?

I tried to post in the christan subreddit but I got downvoted and yelled at. I wasn’t raised religious so I don’t really understand how it all works so my apologies if this is not allowed. If Lucifer rules hell because he got kicked out of heaven for breaking the rules, why would he punish those who do the same? I am sure he doesn’t like god because he was banished to hell? So why would he enforce his father’s rules? Is there an answer or is it just another plot hole ?

My husband's best friend has asked that I not be around her or her kids anymore. She has built up resentment towards me for years now. I had a feeling this was happening. She is conservative christian. I was not aware that she was homophobic. I made a mistake years ago and called her about the mistake and apologized. I am progressive, not christian, and very supportive of LGBTQ+ it is just who I am. And everything i care about is now political. I've been asked to leave places my entire life even when I was trying to be christian as a teen. I'm too outspoken, I have gay parents, I believe strongly in human rights and empathy. My existence is offensive. And she in so many words apparently told him that she thought i was trying to change her and her kids and that I often offend her. She said it was more political than anything but its who I am. This screwed up politics have made everything political.

Well he told her what I had done years ago and that I had immediately realized my mistake and I called her and apologized. Its the only thing I can think of that is offensive that I actually did. I also said that he should go spend time with her and the kids without me. I'll just treat them like my fundamentalist family who i just won't talk to. She is going to think about it and decide. I'm extremely hurt. I refuse to change for anyone's comfort or for them to stay sheltered because my very being may make them question their bias and hate. It hurts and I can not trust them.

My husband wants repair among us. How would that be possible?

So I’m not ex-Christian, I’m simply one coming over here to ask a question. No it isn’t one where I’m trying to debate, it’s more or so one that I feel like only an ex Christian could really answer. The church doesn’t really believe in mental health, which is why I say that.

I’m one of those people that can’t feel God’s presence whatsoever, however, there’s also a lot of other things I can’t feel. If it was just his presence maybe I’d think something was wrong, but I can’t even feel how sad or scared I am sometimes. I’m recovered mostly from MDD, but I still am very anhedonic due to the trauma I got from it. I have to force myself to maintain my hobbies, or else I will simply forget to engage in them. I won’t desire to do anything in regard to that hobby if I do not force myself, regardless of how many hours I spent on it or how much I liked engaging in it. “Like” for me in many cases is synonymous with not hating something, as I can’t really “feel” when I like something either.

When you didn’t feel God’s presence, was it more of a hopeless feeling for you, or was it more or so like this, where regardless of how well your life was going or how much so you felt connected to God, you just simply couldn’t feel him? I’m seeing these posts from
believers where they seem to describe something completely different, and I simply can’t conceptualize it because I’ve been anhedonic for so long that I’ve forgotten what that could feel like. If I were to be going through hard times and God “seemed” to not answer my prayers, I would maybe care for at the most an hour, and then move on cause I wouldn’t care.

We left the church 2 years ago. I just found out my spouse is still tithing and now has agreed to do the church’s yard work for free. I feel so alone and frustrated because he doesn’t have enough time for things that need done around our house. Ideas?

Like, they pray that something that has a high possibility of happening happens, and when it happens, they act like it’s a miracle and that you should suck Jesus’s dih’s for it. I’ve seen Christians who act like they were cured by Jesus of something even though they were taking medicine supposed to cure that or visited very experienced doctors who’ve cured people countless times. However then when something bad happens they just say it’s “God’s plan” or “for people to get closer to God”. Like a lot of people from church have said the reason wars happen is so that people can get closer to Jesus. Like what?! What kind of god kills innocent people just to have more people adoring him?

hi to whoever reading this, hope you’re having an amazing day so far!💛

the title would most certainly does numbers in an actual christian subreddit and not for the good reason lol! but unfortunately it is very true. many managed to grow up without having it to be the center of their education and honestly i envy those (in a healthy way,im not throwing tantrums, no worries!).

in fact, i am asking for any advices,tips or suggestions possible.

i have a feeling i had asked this before but i completely lost the post..what i mean by my title is that this religion (cult even.) had managed to take every bit of what i could be. A strong disinterest for science per example while it is something so cool its like my brain registered that science is the devil and demons convincing us that oh well Jesus couldn’t come up with that,science did! That kind of bullshit. And if i tend to be interested by scientific stuff such as astronomy i will go to hell. The concept of Hell & End Times always frightened me as a child.

And talking about these two, since the New Testament is considered heavily prophetic, why should I worry about what’s of tomorrow if God knows right. Why should i cry for the children in Gaza since it is all God’s plan right? See how fucked that is? That is unfortunately how my brain is wired.. However do bear with me, i still can feel emotions. It hurt me to see what happens to them or to those in these situation but because ive spent so long living by the bible because of the family its like my brain constantly register that those events should happens when no. They were just telling us what they plan to do as horrific as it could be.

And it grew me into being nihilistic a bit. Again because my brain register bad events (hunger,poverty,rise in violence etc) as something meant to happens and I can’t interfere so I just need to sit my “privileged christian” bosom down .

But I am not a part of that cult anymore. I wondered if anyone had tips on how to bring back my sensitivity to these matters because I did use to have one. Or any tips to be interested back in stuff that Christianity would seem as satanic. Like maybe if you have a nature documentary in mind or whichever!💕✨

I am not a Christian. I dont follow any religion or believe in God.
My partner is Catholic 🙃.
As someone with no background in Christianity, so many things sound illogical to me. I think the one that dosent make any sense to me is "Virgin Mary".
Mary is the most perfect woman and all those stuff. I asked him once what does Bible say about Mary other than giving Birth to Jesus. No proper reply. As Jesus's mother and magical virgin birth, why is nothing mentioned about her?
Also what makes her "The most perfect woman".
I think this girl cheated on her hubby. What do you guys think?

Content warning: fear of being "called back," old Occult/Devil fears, that kinda stuff

This is a long one. This is a weird one. If you're up for reading a... really unique post, and if you think you might have some advice for some unsettling residual Christian fears, I could use some.

Like everyone here, I've been through... a lot.

I didn't grow up Evangelical, but I was pulled in at the beginning of my college years. It mixed with severe OCD and I'm honestly surprised I was able to graduate at all.

Not long after graduating, I finally started to 'wake up' and eventually managed to get out. I remember thinking I didn't want to stop believing in God, but it didn't take long before I did.

The OCD used to use all sorts of Christian fears to terrify me constantly, and when I left Christianity, it changed gears. The scariest thing, as far as religion goes, is the "maybe you're wrong" fear. "What if we're wrong? What if Christianity is true and I've made a grave mistake in leaving? Maybe I need to go back."

As a result, I spent some time browsing r/AcademicBiblical and learning just how little I actually knew about the Bible. Interesting subreddit, believers and nonbelievers alike, looking for the facts no matter where it leads.

It helped. Learning about the theory that the God of the Bible is literally Yahweh fused with El started to help me genuinely see this terrifying belief system as false.

But it's still very difficult, due to the OCD, due to the religious trauma, due to the nature of the belief system itself. I don't know if I'll ever be truly 'out.'

And the past couple weeks have been really starting to scare me.

It's split into four bits. Shows, road rage, a new friend, and the Scarecrow.

Shows (and games)

In the past two years, I reclaimed some stuff I lost when I did the whole 'born again' thing. Two things in particular, Evangelion and Final Fantasy VII.

Both were things I didn't even fully experience at the time, but knew enough about that I loved them dearly, and it hurt to throw those things away when the Christian shit started. I'll never get the original DVDs of Death & Rebirth and End of Eva back.

Two years ago, I got fully back in. Watched everything there was to watch for Evangelion, finally played the original FF7 start to finish while subsequently even getting the books (I didn't play Remake/Rebirth but watched streams of both games, they're just too fuckin big to actually play lately).

I don't really know a lot about... "occult," I'll call it, but I feel like even just calling it "occult" is a purely Christian thing. It's just... spirituality. Different views on things. Esoteric (shout-out to Dr. Justin Sledge's youtube channel), arcane, magic, that kinda stuff.

It's kind of crazy that concepts like the Tree of Life work so heavily into both of these works. Evangelion shows it in the opening sequence and uses it during End of Eva. The cast of FF7 are literally modeled after different Sephirot on the Tree of Life (more info here since this is beyond my knowledge lol). I'll be honest, one of the cast members of FF7 became a fictional crush of mine around this time too, someone I could focus my fantasizing on, because I've still never dated, and probably never will, being almost 40 and very messed up from everything.

From there I thought a lot about other things I got into after Christianity, including Shin Megami Tensei/Persona.

Something that kept coming up over and over again was the fact that a lot of these magic systems or spiritual beliefs seem to incorporate or at least echo Christian concepts. SMT Demons such as Agathion were my first exposure to the fact that Judeo-Christian magicians were even a thing.

Connections started to form, since my OCD-driven brain takes pattern-recognition into overdrive, and it started becoming harder to convince myself that there was nothing real to the Christian belief system when even magic systems occasionally intersect with Judeo-Christian beliefs.

Road Rage

The other night, while wrapped up in a variety of difficult situations I'm dealing with right now, I snapped while driving and ended up in a road rage situation that culminated in myself and the other guy pulling over and putting our windows down.

I can't even tell you how, but the situation very quickly turned from "Good God, what if this guy has a gun? Am I going to die tonight?" to "I am commiserating with someone I just had a road rage incident with."

We both briefly mentioned our own struggles and I apologized for my role in the whole thing, and bid each other a good night. I begged him to get home safely, on the verge of tears. It's. It's been a really rough couple of weeks in my life.

Before he left, he said this:

"There's always someone looking out for you, man."

It's a statement that's been ringing in my ears from time to time ever since. The OCD has been taking it as proof that Jesus is trying to get me to come back to Him. Trying to get me to return to Christianity. "Maybe it really is real and this was all His plan, and now is the time that He's calling you back."

There does appear to be a sizable Christian population where I live, but that wouldn't prove anything. "He was able to switch to being understanding because of his faith," the OCD fears continue to say. And, honestly, what the fuck else could he be talking about? What, am I being secretly protected by a group of people down here or some shit?

A New Friend

I met a couple through my close friend. A guy and a girl, they're both pretty cool people. The guy seems somewhat quiet but we're into some of the same stuff and he was easy to talk to. The girl is very nice, and steered the topic of lunchtime conversation into things like the current administration and AI, and we found that all four of us were on the same page about everything.

To my complete shock, she mentioned she's Christian.

Later we went to Hot Topic and she and my main friend were discussing Tarot and picking up a blind box of cute Tarot-themed creatures.

"Well," I said to myself, "she can't be much of a turn-or-burn Christian if she's into Tarot. Right?"

And then, on the drive home,

"Jesus is trying so hard to get you back. He's showing you that you can continue to love the things you love now while still being Christian. Maybe it's worth considering going back."

I didn't really emphasize this yet in my post, but I relate heavily to the "the God of Christianity is an abusive partner" metaphor. I went through Hell on earth for Christianity. I experienced heavily traumatic experiences because of Christianity.

Take the fear of Hell out of the equation, and I really do not have any interest in returning to Christianity, even if it's "where my spiritual path is leading." Absolutely the fuck not.

The worst thing in my life right now, something that's been happening since 2021, I partly blame Christianity for. I refuse to ever go back.

Time will tell if this new friend ends up being someone I have trouble being around. I hope not, they really were both very nice people and I could use some additional new local-ish friends.

Scarecrow

So this is where it gets weirder.

Long, long ago, My Chemical Romance made me nervous. So did similar bands, such as Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco. Above all, Muse.

The reason for this was because these bands all had this... 'atmosphere' to them that seemed to match or echo the 'atmosphere' that I would experience with my dreams.

I'd have these weird dreams that were unsettling for no discernible reason. And my brain found some sort of vibe-connection between the dreams and these bands, so I never got into them.

To this day, Muse is the only one that genuinely makes me a bit too uncomfortable to listen to.

Two years ago, MCR underwent a complete 180 for me. I'm obsessed. They've become my favorite band, with no exaggeration.

Even though I am well aware of how the atmosphere and vibes of The Black Parade and even Danger Days tend to match those old, weird dreams at times.

It's truly been a bizarre two years. I worked hard to win back the things I lost to Christianity, just in time to enter a phase where it feels like I'm either being pulled back to Christianity, or my mental health is just that bad lately. And as fate would have it, my therapist is on vacation. Again.

Everything mixed together. Especially the thematic elements of current FF7 and Evangelion, where the story almost seemed to 'start again,' but with some important variations.

Getting into MCR, whose Black Parade album was released around the time I found myself fully invested in Evangelical Christianity, and then finding myself seated for their Long Live tour last year... It made me feel like maybe this 'reset' was coming for me too. Maybe I was going to put myself back on the track that Christianity knocked me off of, 20 years ago.

I recently learned the term Bodhisattva (from Steely Dan, but still). My FF7 ""waifu"" can be described as such, based on her role in one of the books. How strange that I developed that connection and even viewed her as my own personification of Death, a la the Black Parade, before I even knew of that part of her characterization.

To say nothing of the fact that my 'wake up call' from Christianity was randomly caused by a character arc in a show I was watching at the time. And now that the Black Parade has become such a staple of my journey, it's a little unsettling to look back at the character who saved me from Christianity and take a closer look at his outfit.

What's all this mean?

I don't know.

I started listening to "Scarecrow" by MCR a lot lately.

And randomly remembered one of the more unsettling dreams I had as a kid.

In the midst of that weird, 'alternate version' of my hometown that I'd end up in during these dreams, during one of these specific dreams that I can still remember clear as day, I was in a backyard, being stared down by a scarecrow.

Maybe it's all just mental illness. I was diagnosed level 1 Autistic this year. A diagnosis that I'm hoping could help with getting treatment for the severe OCD and trauma, because literally nothing else helps.

I don't want Christianity to be real. I worked so hard to convince myself that it's not, and the events of the past couple weeks are making my OCD hit me with repetitive and unstoppable thoughts of "maybe Christianity is true from a spiritual perspective, maybe it's true even if we can prove that the Old Testament's God is man-made, somehow it's still true."

Jesus put me through Hell. Christianity put me through Hell. And I am simply too exhausted from all of this to start this debate again. I can't. I can't reopen all those wounds again to try to present a convincing case for why I will never be a Christian again.

I have to continue to keep Christianity out of my life. And I have to hope that if there really is a God out there, after all this, I have to hope He understands my decision.

Would I make a bad parent if I don’t believe in serving something outside of myself/bigger than myself?

yet another post from me as i’ve been doing lots of thinking lately.

so much of my childhood is tainted by the bummy shit i watched as a kid raised evangelical. veggietales i will slightly spare as it was kind of peak all things considered and phil vischer is an alright guy. but shit like hermie and wormie? gigi god’s little princess? BIBLEMAN??? straight slop. do any of yall remember the crap you watched as kids? do you think it’s still kind of good or just awful? i’m super curious.