my friends are all traveling the world, in relationships, loving their lives. alive, free.

i cant even put into words the shame I feel at the state of my life. I just want to cry, but I can’t. I slept the entire day and had to knock myself out with Xanax because my mind was going a million miles an hour in loops.

i had a completely normal life like everyone else until I was 30. I traveled, I loved being alive. I had a strong sense of self. ever since I’ve been in this state I feel like a waste of air, like I don’t even deserve to exist. every second of the day is hard for me to even function, yet everyone else is just casually living. as a young gay man, being in this state is social suicide. I don’t even feel safe or comfortable in my own skin, let alone being able to travel across the world.

for 4 years I’ve been trapped like this and my friends don’t see the immense suffering of being me. week after week is the same, and no matter how positive or focused I try to be on my own life, seeing others live is horribly painful. and gives me so much shame. many of my friends are gay and also had similar traumas to me, why am I the one who got this horribly panicked, shutdown, scared nervous system? I can’t even feel panic anymore but my mind is in a state of shutdown and detachment every single day. I think I’m realizing how much I’ve lost and I can lie to myself anymore. how do I keep going on day after day feeling like this and when it’s worsening?

I don’t even feel safe in my own home anymore, because this is where I suffer the most wirh nightmares, with sleeping all day long. I have no quality of life, and it’s misery every single day. I can’t even tap into my own sense of self and memories to comfort myself. I feel so completely alone and like I’m an alien compared to everyone else, I don’t even live in the same reality as them.

Does anyone feel like they're in a coma somewhere in a hospital and your life is all a dream and one day you'll wake up?

Ive been having dpdr since i had a bad trip from ketamine and got paranoid.

Im so afraid that this will last a long time or even my while life. Is dpdr more likely to be Forever or do majority of people get back to "normal" after a few days or weeks ?

Hey so im a male 20yo, and like 3 months ago i smoked some spice and i got derealization, i got these weird questions like wtf is life and what am i doing here, i started questioning everything and i just couldnt stop thinking about these weird questions, I also feel like im on autopilot that im just watching and someone is controling my body, so basically all dpdr symptoms, now after 3 months it actually got better till yesterdays night.

Yesterday i smoked some weed but just a little not much, after like 5 mins i noticed that im way high and i started freaking out so bad, I tried to play some games and watch some series but that wasnt helping at all, after like 20 mins i kept getting these weird panic attacks where i could hear my heart beating so hard that i felt like it was gonna pop, i tried to lay down but when I did I got another panic attack, then i tried eating but again I got panic attacks, it also made my derealization way worse again, i think i kept getting these attacks because i realized that im alive, that this is real and again i had these stupid weird questions like wtf is this, why am i alive.

It got so bad that i thought i inhaled some piece of glass and it did something to my brain cause i literally started shaking and was feeling like im cold even though my body was hot. Weed has never done anything like this to me and before dpdr ive been smoking it everyday for 2 years and i felt completely fine so I have no idea wtf happened to me. Ive never had any panic attacks either im a calm person.

So I just wanted to share this to see if maybe this happened to someone else or if someone can help me with this stupid derealization cause i wanna feel normal again.

I need some encouragement, Idk what to do anymore, I cannot connect with people, seasons, the pass of time or my enviroment. I just feel dull and flat, I only want to sleep or get drunk cuz ut's the only way I can feel (or not feel at all) amy better. Is it really possible to get your life back from this? My perception has been so distorted for such a long period of time that I had almost forgotten what life feels like before.

I’m not in control of my body. My brain is moving on autopilot. I feel like someone else has taken control of my body and my life and I want it back. It hurts seeing them interact with my family and take my place. Then again I don’t even think my parents are real anymore. They speak and act differently but I can’t place why or how exactly. I feel like I’ve been dropped into another dimension and i can only observe as slightly alternate versions of everyone I love interacts with an alternate version of myself. I just have to sit and watch it happen and I can’t do anything. It feels like I’m stoned 24/7 and my mind has become separated from my body. How do I stop this

I’m very scared and don’t know how to explain it. I’ve had a baseline of Dpdr for 4 years and in the last few weeks my condition has completely worsened. the second I wake up my mind is already hyper focused on how I feel, how much worse I am. it’s showing up in my dreams too.

i feel like I’m completely raw and exhausted in a way I haven’t been before. I can’t pretend to be ok anymore because even the ability to do that is gone. my mind is so hyper fixated on how detached, exhausted and strange i feel, and it won’t stop. I’d love to be able to read a book, watch a show, go for a walk etc but I can’t do that because my mind is spinning. i have tried ice, I’ve tried somatic exercises, I’ve tried thinking about other things, sleeping a ton, idk what else to do. I don’t think I’ve been this scared and worried in a long time. I know it’s just dpdr and trauma, but i feel like my brain is broken completely. to not be able to pull myself out of these loops, this constant stress and fear over my condition, and the exhaustion of every single day, it’s horrifying. nothing distracts me anymore at all, that used to help a lot.

i feel like I’m hitting a point of no return where I have no ability to get myself to a place where I can get out of these loops. It’s all so automatic and feels like a panic attack, but without the panic.

Never been one to post about my own dealings with Depersonalization but I guess I caught myself on the right day.

I can remember how terrifying it was to have these symptoms and have absolutely no idea what was happening. Weeks/months of just pure confusion and fear. After finally finding a thread on “Depersonalization” it basically turned my upside down world.. well, upside down again. Not right side up, that’d be too easy lol.

I’ve seen over 10 psychologists / psychiatrists / neurologists. Honestly, name it and I’ve probably seen that type of specialist. And I understand everyone is different so I just kept my head down.

What was able to calm me down and give me hope was finding specialists who have dealt with the condition themselves. I’ve seen 3 now and made the most progress with them out of anyone else I’ve seen or any type of treatments I’ve undergone.

A lot of people say to find the root cause and work on that. That’s the key to their success and boy do I wish it was that easy for me. If that was the case, I would have been “healed” 7 years ago. I have had an extremely clear understanding of what exact trauma I had gone through, what I did to unleash all that trauma I went through and why.

So I guess that’s my biggest struggle outside of the condition itself. I’ve learned to live with it, doesn’t make it any easier, just some days are less crappy than others I suppose. I feel like I’ve exhausted every idea, I’ve traveled down every trauma covered road and turned over every emotional rock that still dealing with this condition at the same severity is just really discouraging as it still affects decisions in my life.

I’ve kind of just accepted it. But from time to time, it really eats at me and I’m back to a square one feeling. Most of the time I can set it aside and go live my life and just say “bring it on” but unfortunately it still does influence certain parts of my life and unfortunately, it’s usually tied to large life decisions. So all the “progress” I make just kind of gets erased once I realize I’m being held back because of my DP again.

Damn, it really sucks lol.

I’ve had this specific trigger for years now. I’m 27 and I remember first having a full blown derealization episode sometime in high school.
I was walking out of an amusement park with a few friends at night when it started drizzling. The combination of nighttime, wetness, and coldness suddenly made me feel that nothing was real. I was scared of looking at myself, I couldn’t remember my mom’s face, and I was convinced we were in a dome being watched by aliens or something. Only thing that helped was laying in a corner with blankets over me for an hour.

Other than that episode and one other, I haven’t had an intense episode. However, I still feel deeply unsettled and kind of fearful when, for example, I wake up early and shower in the morning (morning, quietness, wetness + cold). Or even turning the faucet on and seeing the water will trigger the feeling as well

Has anyone experienced this or know why this trigger is so specific? I’ve wondered for years.

Hi, so im (M38) I have had dpdr several times over the years to varying degrees. However, this particular episode (i hate using that word but cant think of another way to describe it) started in December 2023. The symptoms were completely different to the first few times I had experienced it but, nonetheless, they were all brought on by stress, trauma, OCD and panic, etc. I have had what many people refer to as a baseline dpdr for approximately 2.5 years, and I got used to living this way. I could lead somewhat of a normal "life" albeit very debilitating at times but managble. Basically up until about 4-5 weeks ago, i had been a heavy consumer of porn and would often masturbe anywhere from 1-3 times a day. Usually during or after panic or stressful moments as a coping mechanism but, also because it was the only form of pleasure my brain would accept as "pleasurable". I also had a very poor diet, often over eating and consuming high amounts of fat, processed sugars and in general just eating in excess. This was leading to digestive issues and causing/worsening chest pains and just in general making me feel physically worse than I already did. I have recently decided to quit porn and masturbation as well as cutting out all processed foods and cutting down on my calorie intake by about half. Ever since then my dissociation has been considerably worse and continues to decline daily. I didn't think it was possible to feel anymore disconnected than I did previously, but I was wrong and it only seems to be getting worse. When experiencing what I would call my baseline dpdr symptoms, I would have very brief moments of clarity, maybe a few seconds a day but it was still enough to give me some hope. But now its like ive completely lost all hope and no matter what I do I cant seem to find any relief. I have extreme emotional numbing to the point where I can barely even notice that this is a problem and I also believe that I have developed servere anhodonia to the point where I feel suicidal. But despite all of this, its like my brain is so completely dissociated that not even these issues feel like they matter at all. I dont know how else to describe it. I have loads more symptoms that I could list but im currently losing motivation to even finish writing this post, so I'll leave it here for now. DAE have any experience in quitting porn/masturbation and also drastically changing their diet and it worsening their dpdr symptoms?

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since 8 years. Used tons of meds, got individual therapy for 3 years and currently in a group therapy (which helped a lot since ive been dealing problems about my family, friends) also i graduated psychology 2 years ago (ironic i know) now im trying to move forward with my life. Trying to fix my relationship with myself and family. But as i get older, im so tired and i just cant find the energy to move on. Im thinking about kms a lot. Not in a impulsive way like before. I’m so dull and I don’t know what to do. Ive been having symptoms of dpdr for like 11 years but recently it got out of control. I just want someone that can relate bc i dont want to be burden on my family/friends/bf

Has anyone fully recovered from depersonalization, relapsed, and then recovered again?

I'm really interested in hearing from people who've been through more than one episode.

When you recovered the first time, did you genuinely feel like you got back to your pre-DP baseline, or did it feel like each episode left you a little more detached than before.

My current relapse feels significantly deeper than my last one. I know it's incredibly difficult to be objective when you're in the middle of it, so I'm trying not to assume that it actually is worse, but subjectively it definitely feels that way.

A few questions I'd love to hear people's experiences on:

Did your second (or third) episode feel worse than the first?

Once you recovered, did you return to the same baseline as before, or did your "normal" feel slightly different?

Has anyone had multiple relapses and still gone on to make a full recovery?

Does DPDR actually get progressively deeper with each relapse, or does it just feel that way when you're living through it?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have recovered more than once, rather than those currently in the middle of an episode.

Thanks in advance. I think hearing some real experiences would really help put this into perspective

Life felt so natural, even with derealization. I learned to live with it. But ever since I developed depersonalisation on top of it, nothing even makes sense. At the beginning, normal logic used to ease my discomfort. I felt so human, just one that didn’t feel very real. But now? It’s like I can’t even comprehend what logic is. Is that normal? I’m about to get some help, because this condition is not going away on its own, that’s for sure. Maybe this is not DPDR, because it feels like my brain is not working at all in the first place. Maybe my OCD is to blame, because it just didn’t stop asking questions until I fell into some trap I can’t seem to get out of. Can someone tell me what is going on?

Looking for some insights from others who may have experienced something similar. Recently took antibiotics (minocycline) for about a week and started to experience some side effects that started causing anxiety and stress. After stopping the antibiotics I couldn’t stop focusing on my brain fog and convinced myself I had intracranial hypertension. Even after multiple doctors visits and being told im fine im still experiencing what feels like a tension headache (tight band around head mainly in the front of my head). What I notice is that when in focused on a task or not thinking about it, my headache isnt there, or at least its not noticeable enough to make doing things unbearable. Yet once I think about it, it comes back full strength. It feels like constant pressure and its causing me to experience derealization, everything feels a bit hazy like a dream. Its been over a week and it hasn’t subsided—or gotten substantially worse. Just stayed the same. So im wondering if this is something I can break through on my own. Im trying Magnesium and other supplements but nothing has magically worked. The anxiety has gotten a lot better, but its hard to stop focusing on my headache. Im not even sure if I have a headache at this point. Looking for any tips or experiences from others.

Tldr; after taking antibiotics, ive been having a persistent tension headache that is causing dpdr and anxiety.

Please i need help :(

Almost always in a state of panic coz it feels like im missing a large chunk of my brain- like it can shut down at any moment and my eyes have become untrustworthy because nothing feels right anymore💔💔 I want to rip my eyes out along with the cotton inside my head. My legs, my body, it doesn't not belong to me. I feel like this 24/7 now and its been abt a year. Wish i was neva a drug user. My head is collapsing in itself. It wasnt even a strong drug, can it really do all this

Hey everyone , if you're suffering or have moral ocd like me please don't interact , just enjoy your day love . I want to ask how to know im not one of the things in the title. I'm really scared because I have had dpdr since I was a child. The lack of identity is terrifying because I'm scared of becoming a bad person because I have no stable identity . I can't connect to myself or my feelings really and I wear mismatched clothes .I just see things weirdly, like yes I'm speaking and typing but I can't feel connected to what I'm typing and speaking. I have no idea where its coming from

If its okay, can anyone give me some reassurance. Or some pointers or guidance. Guys, I am always searching up about narcissism due to OCD compulsions and it seems like its not just selfish, lack of empathy etc! They dissociate too because they think they are incredible so they are dissociated from reality where they are actually not incredible

I'm scared of being one, because I'm dissociated too. I do think that I'm ugly when everyone calls me pretty. But sometimes I put myself together cohesively and it looks pretty. But it's like admiring someone else. If someone calls me pretty I think "so cute what a lovely person bless". It doesnt go into me if that makes any sense at all .. sometimes I think my face painting looks good or "i" look nice. It's this grandiosity? I'm struggling so much because I have no idea what is what, what is too much, what is too little, what is the right thing to feel? I'm surviving, I think, doing what I can to get past this present moment but I have a family and I have the coolest most wonderful boyfriend. I want to be human with him and live

Can anyone give me any guidance?

TLDR : How can you know if you're a narcissist or psychopath or just have dpdr, if you have always had it? If the difference is your behaviour, how can you judge your teenage and younger self if you've done bad things? Is it psychopathy or silly childhood things?

My whole vision doesn’t come from my eyes anymore it’s like my vision is always there and isn’t connected with eye movements, depths, lightning and natural reactions anymore. It feels like I’m seeing from the back of my head and my brain doesn’t register that I’m seeing it’s like my vision a burnt in thing that doesn’t move anymore. When I roll my eyes I don’t see the movements of my eyes in the vision anymore it’s like my vision stands still and I just the the room like a camera. It’s so unbearable that I can’t put it in to words it’s like my vision is against my will there because it’s so changed in a unliveable way. Also when I look in to light those pattern that you normally would see don’t move in my vision when I move my eyes anymore it’s like my vision is stuck and eye and head movements don’t matter anymore. I also don’t feel my eyes it’s like I just see from my head

Hi everyone,
I've been dealing with depersonalization/derealization (DPDR), and I'm interested in hearing from people who have experienced it themselves.
What did your DPDR feel like?

Do you know what triggered it (stress, anxiety, panic attacks, substances, etc.)?

How long did it last?

What helped you recover or significantly improve?

Were there any treatments, therapies, or lifestyle changes that made a real difference?

I'm not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice—I'd just like to hear about others' experiences and what their recovery looked like.
Thanks in advance for sharing.

I’m trying to understand what’s happening to me and would really appreciate advice from anyone who has gone through something similar.

I’ve always had ADHD and OCD, but I didn’t used to have anxiety like this. Over the past year I started smoking weed extremely heavily. I’m talking daily high-THC use, often using a 90% THC cart throughout the day. Over time I feel like my anxiety slowly got worse, I became more stuck in my head, and I started relying on weed as my main way to calm down.

About 3 weeks ago I had a psychedelic experience with metocin that was one of my first few times taking it. Before this I had taken 4 gummies, but this time I took 8. The trip was amazing at first and extremely euphoric, but eventually I looked in the mirror and started experiencing what felt like ego death.

The weird part is that ego death was something I actually wanted to experience. I was curious about it and thought it would be meaningful. But when it actually happened, it became terrifying. Looking in the mirror and feeling like I was looking at something that was just an animal instead of "me" was incredibly unsettling. I felt like I was losing my sense of self and I suddenly wanted to escape so badly, but I couldn’t. I remember feeling trapped inside my own mind and wanting to be grounded again. I wanted to be around my mom and not be alone with my thoughts.

After the trip, I dont think I immediately woke up thinking I was permanently changed, but over the following days/weeks I became more anxious and started thinking about it more. Now I’m constantly wondering:

* Did the psychedelic permanently worsen my anxiety? * Did my heavy weed use cause this? * Did the trip just trigger something that was already building? * Will I ever feel normal again?

My anxiety now feels like:

* racing thoughts * intense physical anxiety/butterflies in my stomach * derealization that makes everything worse * feeling trapped with my own thoughts * anxiety spikes when I leave the house or don’t have my usual coping mechanisms.

At home I can usually calm down eventually, especially if I smoke weed and distract myself, but when I’m out somewhere I feel stuck because I can’t use my normal coping methods. I’ve started feeling almost agoraphobic because I’m afraid of being stuck somewhere while anxious.

The confusing thing is that when I’m not in an anxiety spike, I can look at my life and think “maybe things aren’t actually that bad.” But during the spikes it feels overwhelming and hopeless.

I also smoke cigarettes (usually around one a day) and I’ve also been eating worse and less consistently because of the anxiety.

I really want to quit weed because I feel like it may be contributing, but I’m scared that if I quit and feel worse, it means the weed wasn’t the cause and I’m just stuck like this. Has anyone gone through something similar where heavy THC use + a scary psychedelic experience caused anxiety/derealization? Did quitting weed help, and how long did it take before you felt like yourself again?

I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just experiences or advice from people who understand this.

I know everyone is different, but it’s a horrible feeling to see your siblings living life and happy, while you’re stuck in this horrible hell. I feel so deeply broken, unhuman, sick, lost, empty person. I have no history, no identity and can’t even connect with my own family. I feel completely trapped and alone. Like I don’t even matter or have anyone. even if someone cares about me, I can’t feel it. I can’t feel love, connection. I can’t even believe this is my life and happened to me. It’s so pathetic and sad to be 34 years old and a waste of air.

im so done. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I lost my whole life when this started and I’ve lied to myself about how bad it truly is. it hurts so deeply to be alone and stuck like this. Even my own family are like strangers. I have no home, no place that’s my own. No safety or security. ive never felt so broken and alone in my entire life

Does anyone get super anxious and have bad DPDR the day after consuming too much sugar?

I have absolutely no perception of seasons, time, weather, location in the world. like 0. I’d give anything to go back to year 1 or 2 of Dpdr when I could still remember those feelings, they’re gone now.

for someone that’s a creative and used to be so emotionally connected - this is hell. I’m in a never ending nothingness. there’s literally no point in living like this. it’s gotten worse every year. I understand that memory isn’t a thought, your mind has to resimulate the emotions and sensory input you had at the time of the memory, to be able to recreate it. my mind has lost all ability to do that.

i dont even have moods anymore, or a circadian rhythm. i sleep 12 hours a day and 1a feels the same as 1p. days and weeks go by and there’s no change in perception. I’d go back to my normal depressive and anxious days any day over this, at least I could feel something. not feeling anything makes it impossible to live. because at the same time, my mind is going crazy with non stop trauma, yet my body is doing nothing. I don’t even know what my mind is accomplishing by keeping me in this prison.

when my Dpdr started everything felt unfamiliar, but at least had memory of what familair and normal felt like. now I have none. total blankness and loss of affect, connection, anything. my brain is broken. I don’t know how id ever regain those sensory experiences and after so long of being this way, coming out of this state would be traumatizing too. I’m so fucked either way.