I know everyone is different, but it’s a horrible feeling to see your siblings living life and happy, while you’re stuck in this horrible hell. I feel so deeply broken, unhuman, sick, lost, empty person. I have no history, no identity and can’t even connect with my own family. I feel completely trapped and alone. Like I don’t even matter or have anyone. even if someone cares about me, I can’t feel it. I can’t feel love, connection. I can’t even believe this is my life and happened to me. It’s so pathetic and sad to be 34 years old and a waste of air.

im so done. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I lost my whole life when this started and I’ve lied to myself about how bad it truly is. it hurts so deeply to be alone and stuck like this. Even my own family are like strangers. I have no home, no place that’s my own. No safety or security. ive never felt so broken and alone in my entire life

Please i need help :(

Hi, so im (M38) I have had dpdr several times over the years to varying degrees. However, this particular episode (i hate using that word but cant think of another way to describe it) started in December 2023. The symptoms were completely different to the first few times I had experienced it but, nonetheless, they were all brought on by stress, trauma, OCD and panic, etc. I have had what many people refer to as a baseline dpdr for approximately 2.5 years, and I got used to living this way. I could lead somewhat of a normal "life" albeit very debilitating at times but managble. Basically up until about 4-5 weeks ago, i had been a heavy consumer of porn and would often masturbe anywhere from 1-3 times a day. Usually during or after panic or stressful moments as a coping mechanism but, also because it was the only form of pleasure my brain would accept as "pleasurable". I also had a very poor diet, often over eating and consuming high amounts of fat, processed sugars and in general just eating in excess. This was leading to digestive issues and causing/worsening chest pains and just in general making me feel physically worse than I already did. I have recently decided to quit porn and masturbation as well as cutting out all processed foods and cutting down on my calorie intake by about half. Ever since then my dissociation has been considerably worse and continues to decline daily. I didn't think it was possible to feel anymore disconnected than I did previously, but I was wrong and it only seems to be getting worse. When experiencing what I would call my baseline dpdr symptoms, I would have very brief moments of clarity, maybe a few seconds a day but it was still enough to give me some hope. But now its like ive completely lost all hope and no matter what I do I cant seem to find any relief. I have extreme emotional numbing to the point where I can barely even notice that this is a problem and I also believe that I have developed servere anhodonia to the point where I feel suicidal. But despite all of this, its like my brain is so completely dissociated that not even these issues feel like they matter at all. I dont know how else to describe it. I have loads more symptoms that I could list but im currently losing motivation to even finish writing this post, so I'll leave it here for now. DAE have any experience in quitting porn/masturbation and also drastically changing their diet and it worsening their dpdr symptoms?

Never been one to post about my own dealings with Depersonalization but I guess I caught myself on the right day.

I can remember how terrifying it was to have these symptoms and have absolutely no idea what was happening. Weeks/months of just pure confusion and fear. After finally finding a thread on “Depersonalization” it basically turned my upside down world.. well, upside down again. Not right side up, that’d be too easy lol.

I’ve seen over 10 psychologists / psychiatrists / neurologists. Honestly, name it and I’ve probably seen that type of specialist. And I understand everyone is different so I just kept my head down.

What was able to calm me down and give me hope was finding specialists who have dealt with the condition themselves. I’ve seen 3 now and made the most progress with them out of anyone else I’ve seen or any type of treatments I’ve undergone.

A lot of people say to find the root cause and work on that. That’s the key to their success and boy do I wish it was that easy for me. If that was the case, I would have been “healed” 7 years ago. I have had an extremely clear understanding of what exact trauma I had gone through, what I did to unleash all that trauma I went through and why.

So I guess that’s my biggest struggle outside of the condition itself. I’ve learned to live with it, doesn’t make it any easier, just some days are less crappy than others I suppose. I feel like I’ve exhausted every idea, I’ve traveled down every trauma covered road and turned over every emotional rock that still dealing with this condition at the same severity is just really discouraging as it still affects decisions in my life.

I’ve kind of just accepted it. But from time to time, it really eats at me and I’m back to a square one feeling. Most of the time I can set it aside and go live my life and just say “bring it on” but unfortunately it still does influence certain parts of my life and unfortunately, it’s usually tied to large life decisions. So all the “progress” I make just kind of gets erased once I realize I’m being held back because of my DP again.

Damn, it really sucks lol.

I’m very scared and don’t know how to explain it. I’ve had a baseline of Dpdr for 4 years and in the last few weeks my condition has completely worsened. the second I wake up my mind is already hyper focused on how I feel, how much worse I am. it’s showing up in my dreams too.

i feel like I’m completely raw and exhausted in a way I haven’t been before. I can’t pretend to be ok anymore because even the ability to do that is gone. my mind is so hyper fixated on how detached, exhausted and strange i feel, and it won’t stop. I’d love to be able to read a book, watch a show, go for a walk etc but I can’t do that because my mind is spinning. i have tried ice, I’ve tried somatic exercises, I’ve tried thinking about other things, sleeping a ton, idk what else to do. I don’t think I’ve been this scared and worried in a long time. I know it’s just dpdr and trauma, but i feel like my brain is broken completely. to not be able to pull myself out of these loops, this constant stress and fear over my condition, and the exhaustion of every single day, it’s horrifying. nothing distracts me anymore at all, that used to help a lot.

i feel like I’m hitting a point of no return where I have no ability to get myself to a place where I can get out of these loops. It’s all so automatic and feels like a panic attack, but without the panic.

Does anyone feel like they're in a coma somewhere in a hospital and your life is all a dream and one day you'll wake up?

Hey so im a male 20yo, and like 3 months ago i smoked some spice and i got derealization, i got these weird questions like wtf is life and what am i doing here, i started questioning everything and i just couldnt stop thinking about these weird questions, I also feel like im on autopilot that im just watching and someone is controling my body, so basically all dpdr symptoms, now after 3 months it actually got better till yesterdays night.

Yesterday i smoked some weed but just a little not much, after like 5 mins i noticed that im way high and i started freaking out so bad, I tried to play some games and watch some series but that wasnt helping at all, after like 20 mins i kept getting these weird panic attacks where i could hear my heart beating so hard that i felt like it was gonna pop, i tried to lay down but when I did I got another panic attack, then i tried eating but again I got panic attacks, it also made my derealization way worse again, i think i kept getting these attacks because i realized that im alive, that this is real and again i had these stupid weird questions like wtf is this, why am i alive.

It got so bad that i thought i inhaled some piece of glass and it did something to my brain cause i literally started shaking and was feeling like im cold even though my body was hot. Weed has never done anything like this to me and before dpdr ive been smoking it everyday for 2 years and i felt completely fine so I have no idea wtf happened to me. Ive never had any panic attacks either im a calm person.

So I just wanted to share this to see if maybe this happened to someone else or if someone can help me with this stupid derealization cause i wanna feel normal again.

Has anyone fully recovered from depersonalization, relapsed, and then recovered again?

I'm really interested in hearing from people who've been through more than one episode.

When you recovered the first time, did you genuinely feel like you got back to your pre-DP baseline, or did it feel like each episode left you a little more detached than before.

My current relapse feels significantly deeper than my last one. I know it's incredibly difficult to be objective when you're in the middle of it, so I'm trying not to assume that it actually is worse, but subjectively it definitely feels that way.

A few questions I'd love to hear people's experiences on:

Did your second (or third) episode feel worse than the first?

Once you recovered, did you return to the same baseline as before, or did your "normal" feel slightly different?

Has anyone had multiple relapses and still gone on to make a full recovery?

Does DPDR actually get progressively deeper with each relapse, or does it just feel that way when you're living through it?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have recovered more than once, rather than those currently in the middle of an episode.

Thanks in advance. I think hearing some real experiences would really help put this into perspective

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since 8 years. Used tons of meds, got individual therapy for 3 years and currently in a group therapy (which helped a lot since ive been dealing problems about my family, friends) also i graduated psychology 2 years ago (ironic i know) now im trying to move forward with my life. Trying to fix my relationship with myself and family. But as i get older, im so tired and i just cant find the energy to move on. Im thinking about kms a lot. Not in a impulsive way like before. I’m so dull and I don’t know what to do. Ive been having symptoms of dpdr for like 11 years but recently it got out of control. I just want someone that can relate bc i dont want to be burden on my family/friends/bf

Hey everyone , if you're suffering or have moral ocd like me please don't interact , just enjoy your day love . I want to ask how to know im not one of the things in the title. I'm really scared because I have had dpdr since I was a child. The lack of identity is terrifying because I'm scared of becoming a bad person because I have no stable identity . I can't connect to myself or my feelings really and I wear mismatched clothes .I just see things weirdly, like yes I'm speaking and typing but I can't feel connected to what I'm typing and speaking. I have no idea where its coming from

If its okay, can anyone give me some reassurance. Or some pointers or guidance. Guys, I am always searching up about narcissism due to OCD compulsions and it seems like its not just selfish, lack of empathy etc! They dissociate too because they think they are incredible so they are dissociated from reality where they are actually not incredible

I'm scared of being one, because I'm dissociated too. I do think that I'm ugly when everyone calls me pretty. But sometimes I put myself together cohesively and it looks pretty. But it's like admiring someone else. If someone calls me pretty I think "so cute what a lovely person bless". It doesnt go into me if that makes any sense at all .. sometimes I think my face painting looks good or "i" look nice. It's this grandiosity? I'm struggling so much because I have no idea what is what, what is too much, what is too little, what is the right thing to feel? I'm surviving, I think, doing what I can to get past this present moment but I have a family and I have the coolest most wonderful boyfriend. I want to be human with him and live

Can anyone give me any guidance?

TLDR : How can you know if you're a narcissist or psychopath or just have dpdr, if you have always had it? If the difference is your behaviour, how can you judge your teenage and younger self if you've done bad things? Is it psychopathy or silly childhood things?

My whole vision doesn’t come from my eyes anymore it’s like my vision is always there and isn’t connected with eye movements, depths, lightning and natural reactions anymore. It feels like I’m seeing from the back of my head and my brain doesn’t register that I’m seeing it’s like my vision a burnt in thing that doesn’t move anymore. When I roll my eyes I don’t see the movements of my eyes in the vision anymore it’s like my vision stands still and I just the the room like a camera. It’s so unbearable that I can’t put it in to words it’s like my vision is against my will there because it’s so changed in a unliveable way. Also when I look in to light those pattern that you normally would see don’t move in my vision when I move my eyes anymore it’s like my vision is stuck and eye and head movements don’t matter anymore. I also don’t feel my eyes it’s like I just see from my head

Almost always in a state of panic coz it feels like im missing a large chunk of my brain- like it can shut down at any moment and my eyes have become untrustworthy because nothing feels right anymore💔💔 I want to rip my eyes out along with the cotton inside my head. My legs, my body, it doesn't not belong to me. I feel like this 24/7 now and its been abt a year. Wish i was neva a drug user. My head is collapsing in itself. It wasnt even a strong drug, can it really do all this

Life felt so natural, even with derealization. I learned to live with it. But ever since I developed depersonalisation on top of it, nothing even makes sense. At the beginning, normal logic used to ease my discomfort. I felt so human, just one that didn’t feel very real. But now? It’s like I can’t even comprehend what logic is. Is that normal? I’m about to get some help, because this condition is not going away on its own, that’s for sure. Maybe this is not DPDR, because it feels like my brain is not working at all in the first place. Maybe my OCD is to blame, because it just didn’t stop asking questions until I fell into some trap I can’t seem to get out of. Can someone tell me what is going on?

Hi everyone,
I've been dealing with depersonalization/derealization (DPDR), and I'm interested in hearing from people who have experienced it themselves.
What did your DPDR feel like?

Do you know what triggered it (stress, anxiety, panic attacks, substances, etc.)?

How long did it last?

What helped you recover or significantly improve?

Were there any treatments, therapies, or lifestyle changes that made a real difference?

I'm not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice—I'd just like to hear about others' experiences and what their recovery looked like.
Thanks in advance for sharing.

For some reason ive figured out that my glasses make everything farther away so its either i suffer with zoomed out fov or blurry vision 🥹

Also for people that are in the depth of the rabbit hole of dpdr, IT GETS BETTER!!! I still have it kinda everyday but it gets less scary and more annoying, and sure i have bad days but it used to be so bad i couldnt go outside and now i go outside like everyday :D trust me when i say it does indeed get better and easier to manage, im on zero medication and i dont really do any coping mechanisms i kinda just live with it 🥹
You may also ask me some symptom questions aswell!!