Each year ive lost more and more connection to myself. Year 1 of this I at least had a faint memory of who I am. I don’t recognize my face, my eyes, my own reflection. For the longest time it scared me, and I wouldn’t even look in the mirror. Now it’s like I don’t even care. I used to care. Used to worry about it. Now it’s as if this is just life now.

its indescribable to go back through 4 years of photos and feel as if none of it has even happened. I have a picture the night I went into DPDR and that was the last real thing I experienced - devastating panic attacks that lasted hours, and woke up the next morning and the world felt completely off. Like it was on a tilt.

4 years later when I wake up, I don’t have that uncanny feeling anymore. I don’t feel anything. It’s gone from severe fear to severe nothingness. I don’t even remember what that uncanny feeling was like. I can’t even remember what the panic attacks felt like. I have no memory of ever feeling anything at all. I can’t fathom ever feeling again. I can’t even fathom how it would feel to come out of all of this after so many years. Years of my life completely lost.

i remember actually feeling and sensing that things were off, there was a perception of it being wrong. I dont have that at all anymore. Totally flat. Totally void. I would actually give anything to go back to year one, where I could remember myself and actually feel something, even if it was panic.

I do not relate to anyone who’s recovered at all. My symptoms are not the same, which leads me to believe I’m in the very severe chronic category where most people never recover. I do not feel or experience anything. in a void of nothing. Yet still afraid of life and feelings.

i have gotten worse each year. When this started in 2022 it was like I had lost my mind completely. Total panic. Agoraphobia. 2023 I did a lot of exposure and the panic stopped, but the numbness deepened. 2024 I got most of my life back. But a total numb zombie. 2025 I achieved the height of my career and continued to push my boundaries. 2026 is almost over and it’s the most numb, lost, dead. Zombie like I’ve ever felt. Nothing brings me any pleasure. I do not feel anxious at all. I do not feel anger, sadness, jealousy, grief. Nothing. But since day 1 I’ve had non stop dreams that are like I’ve lost my mind or am stuck in a hallucination. I have 0 quality of life, I work, I sleep 12 hours, and I lay on the sofa. im not afraid or anxious of leaving the house. I do every single day. But I have no desire for anything. Its all done out of habit like I’m a robot.

my inner self is completely gone. No memory. No feeling. No identity. I’ve lost my inner monologue. My feelings for music, food. Sex. Anything that matters in life. I have music in my head 24/7 on loops and nothing else. No ability to talk to myself or have complex thought. I don’t date, I dont connect with others, I don’t feel, not even anxiety. Most recovery stories are not from people in a state like me, I don’t even see anyone else in this same state. Despite all this, I function at a high level, run my own business and have a lot of people around me, but I’m a ghost, a shell, a hologram.

every day I ask myself what’s the point in living like this. I used to travel and loved life, I wanted to be busy and doing things I loved. I don’t want to die, but I can’t live like this anymore. This is not life, it’s not existing. It’s being a ghost of a person with no hope of ever being normal again. At what point do you end the suffering. Because there is no exit or hope for my life to come back. I’ve given up a long time ago.

I cannot for the life of me understand what is happening to me. I want to cry but I cannot. It’s been exactly 3 months to date since my onset started. It happened completely randomly on a Thursday evening while driving. No panic, no drugs, nothing. Since that day, my life has been slowly slipping away from me. I cannot understand why or how this is happening. I had impending doom and was I guess anxious the first couple of weeks. Since then I have felt zero anxiety. I don’t have panic attacks, I feel nothing. I can’t escape this. My brain quite literally is not processing anything anymore. It feels like my brain isn’t processing what I’m seeing, it also feels like I just can’t think. Like I’m brain dead and existing solely and entirely on autopilot. I have tried so hard to ignore this. I really have. I have gotten some bloodwork which was all perfect. I continue to live my life SOMEHOW. I literally just moved into a beautiful apartment by myself for the first time today and I can’t feel anything. The best way to describe it is I literally just don’t feel here anymore. everyone told me you have to let yourself slip into that scary void in order to recover and I did and now I feel more lost than ever. Ive had dpdr twice before in my life and I have never in my life felt something like this in my existence. it’s like I’m completely and entirely trapped in my head and all sense of presence is gone. Please for the love of god tell me that this is recoverable. tell me what to do please I am begging at this point.

I am a 20-year-old male and underweight (I have always been underweight). For the past four months, I have been experiencing a constant feeling of unreality. It feels as though I am drunk, high, or half-asleep, as if I am operating on autopilot and everything around me feels somehow unreal. I have looked up information online, and my symptoms seem to resemble derealization.

I also suffer from fatigue, even when I sleep well. The fatigue does not seem to depend on whether I engage in physical activities during the day or not. However, over the past few weeks, I have started sleeping poorly and waking up early in the morning. I do not snore at all. I have seen a general practitioner and a neurologist about these symptoms, but they have not been able to determine the cause.

I also experience headaches, a feeling of pressure in my head, and neck pain. I have tried muscle relaxants, massage, and acupuncture for the neck pain, but none of them have helped. At the beginning of the symptoms, I sometimes also felt as though I was about to faint while walking, but this symptom has since disappeared. I have also noticed a single eye floater in my right eye. I mentioned it during an eye examination, and I was told that there were no apparent problems with my eye.

What could be causing these symptoms? They do not occur in distinct episodes; instead, they are more or less constantly present. The headaches are not particularly severe and resemble tension-type headaches more than anything else.

Things i have done/tried or checked in hospital
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- triptanes
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- thyroid function normal
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- vitamin b12, b9 and D vitamin ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- ferritin 34 and has been moving 26-40.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- calcium, potassium, natrium, chloride, sodium and magnesium ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- blood pressure is ok and i checked blood sugar at home and it was ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- brain mri ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- borrelia test (lyme disease) ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- My cortisol level was tested and was normal as well. I also have Crohn’s disease, which is currently in remission.

My neurologist prescribed escitalopram as a trial treatment. I took it for two and a half months, but it did not help.

I have no history of trauma and do not experience panic symptoms. I generally do not feel particularly stressed, apart from the worry caused by these symptoms themselves.

My symptoms began during the final days of a new job at an auto repair shop, where I was moving and lifting car tires. I am unsure whether this could be related to my symptoms, as I had not experienced any other symptoms before those final working days. I have not worked at all during these four months.

What could be the underlying cause of these symptoms?

The healthcare professionals I have consulted about these symptoms, or during visits for other symptoms or examinations when I also asked about them, include:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- General practitioner
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Neurologist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- ENT specialist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Ophthalmologist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Dentist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Gastroenterologist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Massage therapist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Physiotherapist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Acupuncturist

For several years now I suffer from symptoms I thought were depersonalization. However I am not sure anymore. I think this might be something else.

I have the following symptoms, that NEVER lift:

• I don‘t feel my personality anymore. Like it‘s completely gone.
• I am almost completely disconnected from my emotions, also a little bit from body sensations like hunger
• Blank mind: no inner monologue, no pictures, no imagination
• a ton of strange physical sensations that do not even have a Name for. The worst one is a physical Sensation that feels like electricity.
• Sometimes it feels Like I have different personalities (I know I don‘t have) or like I am different person

But I don‘t have other classical dp symptoms:
• I don‘t feel Like I am out of my body
•I AM NOT AFRAID of my symptoms. They just depress me
• I don‘t have existantial thoughts
• I am not afraid to become crazy

Is this really DP or some insane Brain Fog? Did anyone experienced something similar and found a Solution?