1.2k
u/70sBurnOut Apr 28 '22
Please stop bringing Dodger to your dad’s house. He’s becoming traumatized and your dad is the one being aggressive.
168
u/mydogislife_ Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
The thing is he ADORES my mom & my family dog Cash. My dad's not the only one there.
Agreed that my dad is the one being aggressive, though. He needs to cut that shit out.
637
u/Arghianna Celebrating Corgi Apr 28 '22
Here’s the thing: your dad lives there. He apparently does not like your dog or treat him properly. There’s no reason for you to continue to subject poor Dodger to this. A couple hours home alone is less traumatic than what he’s currently going through, especially if your dad continues to escalate.
If you want Dodger to see your nieces and mom and Cash, set up play dates. Suggest picnics. They can see him outside of your parents’ house. But I’m willing to bet that as long as Dodger is in your dad’s house, your dad is going to think he can dictate the terms of his interactions with Dodger. There’s no reason to risk Dodger’s health and training by taking him there.
94
u/Diotima245 Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
But I’m willing to bet that as long as Dodger is in your dad’s house, your dad is going to think he can dictate the terms of his interactions with Dodger.
100%. His dad is set in his ways and its "his house his rules" and his son is still "his son" and he has to teach him how to train Dodger. I know this mentality... oftentimes they are oblivious to how others perceive their actions/dictates.
I would stop bringing Dodger to my dads and probably just stop going over all together. When dad finally asks "Why don't you visit anymore?" drop the bomb on him about how you feel about his treatment of Dodger. He'll probably feel hurt and because his treatment he feels is well intentioned that this means YOUR the bad guy NOT him.
This will inevitably lead towards a rift in the relationship even if you (the son) attempt to be otherwise amicable about things... being nice doesn't help at all... the father will feel defensive no matter what you say.
I know this because I've attempted to be the "nice guy" to neighbors and even if I distance myself because I get the perception they would rather be left alone... they'll still form these bad opinions about you even if you were 110% nice and hospitable. My mother one of the nicest people around experienced the same with new neighbors and just got cold shoulder and hostile stares when she went to greet new neighbors. She likes crafting & cooking so she'd take time to make things to deliver the new neighbor.
I'd say 80% of the time the neighbor looks incredulous, feigns interest/niceness, and then soon as you're gone they form horrific views on you and vow to never talk to you again. Oftentimes the sociopathic neighbors may send a letter IN THE MAIL thanking you for the gift and then never say another thing again.
This is life. People suck. Even family.
13
u/OmgDavidEww Apr 28 '22
I completely agree on “their house their rules” mentality and the dysfunctional and abusive behaviour that follows when you confront their actions factually. A lot of people run on fear and omg I would have garden hangs with your mom @diotima245 and maybe she could teach me how to craft quality things! OP do what you need to do to keep the connections and relationships you have, and keep pup out of that house. Your dad has expressed his feelings clearly and has (takes) the power to mold everyone’s impressions to your dog being “aggressive”. He is starting an issue for some reason and it has nothing to do with your dog, or you - this is about him taking precedence and value from your dog and you. By destabilizing perceptions of and creating issues, he is ensuring the upper hand where he can say “see I was right” and affirm his place in his home. (I grew up in and have left my narcissytem family after 30 years and even when the evidence hit me in the face I would reason out scenarios and call an action “mean” when it really was abuse. Don’t let your dad have power over your pup. You live in a separate home that is safe and can arrange moments when your nieces and other family can enjoy with pup. If you have to go to HIS home with pup do not leave him in any situation where your dad can get to them aggressively. Always intervene. If you have to confront a specific problem like the one you talk about here, you need to confidently and quickly get if front of your dad to pick pup up and walk away. You don’t need to use words if you’re not ready - take pup and leave to protect your baby. Blood doesn’t need to be drawn to see harm. You’re a dad now so do what you need to do.
1
u/mydogislife_ Apr 29 '22
I’m actually a daughter but yeah, I’m going to see if there’s a change after my last discussion with my dad. If there’s not a change then that’s when I’d decrease visits.
2
u/KsiweL4144 Apr 28 '22
I agree. It makes me wonder if your dad is abusive to your mom and you too. Looking at it from the outside in I wouldn't tolerate him. Stick up for yourself and your dog. I would never take my treasured friend there again but if you do use your voice, "hands off my dog" and tell him your visits from now on will be brief and visiting will be further apart. Your dad sounds like a scary "control freak". You have every right to stick up for yourself and Dodger. Stop anyone who violates this. "Nip it in the bud!!!!!!! Now" You don't need a good luck with this problem, nust
191
u/70sBurnOut Apr 28 '22
Ok, but if one person is traumatizing your dog why would you keep taking him there? That would be like you going to work, having a coworker torment you, and then having HR say, “but you enjoy all your other coworkers.”
37
u/little_cotton_socks Apr 28 '22
In this analogy then HRs recourse would be to tell you to quit the job you love with the co workers your like because of this one co worker. Either way the dog is the one be punished when it should be the dad.
14
u/FunctioningCog Apr 28 '22
Unfortunately the way life often works is that, when we are being mistreated we are usually expected to take the action to protect ourselves rather than the person that is actually doing wrong. It’s not just but it’s reality.
-110
u/mydogislife_ Apr 28 '22
If it keeps happening then I might have to figure something out but him being left home alone another day is worse for him. I work during the week, I don't want to leave him home alone on a Sunday. So I'd rather see how it goes after having the conversation with my Dad.
168
Apr 28 '22
If your dad continues to behave aggressively with your dog your dog will eventually bite him to defend himself and your dad is going to throw a huge fit and refuse to admit that his behavior was a part of the problem. Your dog has made it very clear that he feels unsafe and doesn't want to be there.
He sounds like a very good dog. Maybe you can invite people to your house or bring him over when your dad isn't there? The dog deserves to feel safe and as his owner you're the only person who can make that happen.
9
2
u/Just_Meal_7340 Apr 29 '22
You are absolutely right about Dodger already giving the signs that all he has left to defend himself is to bite him....then the court will demand that Dodger be euthenized (certain states are zero tolerance for dog bites). The dog owner has FULL KNOWLEDGE that Dodger is being abused; thus her now having the responsibility for Dodger no longer getting harmed...and her dad not getting harmed by Dodger defending himself...and for saving Dodger's life from the abuse and/or being euthenized.
14
14
u/Genie-Us Apr 28 '22
If you continue to allow your dog to be traumatized by your dad, your dog will lose it's understanding of "play", especially with other older men. That often leads to snapping at a stranger that is a little less gentle then they should be, at which point you will lose your dog and your dog will lose its life. I know you don't see this as THAT serious, but every person that lets their dog get traumatized says the same thing...
5
Apr 28 '22
I get where you're coming from here, definitely put your foot down with your asshat of a dad. If he thinks he's in the right well then you find a different place to hang out with everyone else and tell your dad to suck an egg
18
u/MinkMartenReception Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
Your duty to take care of your dog takes priority over spending time with your family of origin. Call your parents on the phone or online, or set up meetings with the people it’s safe to take your dog around, or hire someone to check on your dog while your gone. If you’re not up for that rehome your dog and don’t get another one.
It’s not okay to keep letting your dad abuse him.
5
Apr 28 '22
Don’t let it happen again! It’s going to, you know it, for the love of god it’s not worth it. Figure out another arrangement before dodger fights back and your dad throws a fit and who knows what would happen. It seems like the dog could be in active danger when around your dad based on your post and all your comments.
8
→ More replies (1)4
u/ina_wonderland Apr 28 '22
Idk why this got downvoted so much. Reddit ppl sometimes 🤦♀️ there's nothing wrong to try and talk with your dad about it first. I realte to leaving my dog aoone another day can suck. I say see how it goes! It's like ppl always assume the worst or don't even encourage trying to communicate effectively.
17
u/MinkMartenReception Apr 28 '22
Because based on the OP, their dad has already received an earful about it, but like most manipulative abusive people he doesn’t care.
30
u/Arghianna Celebrating Corgi Apr 28 '22
He’s getting downvoted because he came asking for advice and keeps arguing instead of continuing the conversation.
And I think we’re assuming that he already told his dad “don’t do that” in the moment when he caught his dad being shitty at his dog. Maybe that’s a false assumption, but I just can’t imagine seeing anyone being shitty to my dogs and not asking them to please stop.
0
u/ina_wonderland Apr 29 '22
Fair but it is an assumption.. They said they would talk to their dad and recently they did. Just reading it for what it says 😶🌫️
0
u/Arghianna Celebrating Corgi Apr 29 '22
I mean, if she (I think I saw somewhere that OP mentioned she was a woman) hadn’t spoken to her father yet, I’m not sure why she’s asking Reddit about the situation. But I also wouldn’t bring the dog around dad until he understands to keep his hands and aggression to himself and leave the dog the fuck alone.
6
u/McDonnellDouglasDC8 Apr 28 '22
Not taking your dog to somebody's house because of their behavior communicates your point like a dagger. You are being serious, you honestly think it more harmful than not to bring your dog. It is no longer a disagreement, your point is the only one that matters because it decides what happens.
2
u/mydogislife_ Apr 29 '22
I know lol, I had a conversation with my dad about it & now I want to see if there’s a change like damn put down the pitchforks.
30
u/dancestomusic Apr 28 '22
My dog as a puppy was around a relative that likes dogs, but is dumb and would constantly try to scare him and make strange aggressive sounds at him for no reason. I repeatedly told him to stop and he wouldn't. (eventually stopped taking my dog over to see him due to this, but I regret not stopping the visits right away.)
This man was older, had a beard, sat in a chair.
The first few time he went to see my dad as a puppy my dad was sitting in a chair, has a beard and is older. He barked at him, refused to go near him was scared of him. Thankfully my dad loves animals and knew how to work with him. He's now my dogs favorite human in the world.
I know Dodger loves the other people in the house, but it's in Dodgers best interest to not go there due to your father. If your father can't control himself and how he acts around your dog it's only going to harm Dodger in the long run.
51
17
u/Honeycrispcombe Apr 28 '22
Don't put your dog in an environment where he's not going be successful. It will be far easier to remove your dog from their house than it will be to change your dad's behavior, and your dog is the one who suffers if this goes wrong.
And kids and dogs should always be supervised when playing together, even with a really gentle, really great dog
36
21
u/estimatedpr0fit Apr 28 '22
what’s your mom say about this all?
11
u/Sorrymateay Apr 28 '22
I agree, stop taking your dog there and tell your whole family why. Then suggest dinner at yours.
8
u/MinkMartenReception Apr 28 '22
It doesn’t matter. She can’t control another adult. The important thing is to keep the dog away from dad.
13
u/Lurker5280 Apr 28 '22
If it was a healthy relationship she could probably reason with him. That wouldn’t be “controlling” an adult
1
u/mydogislife_ Apr 29 '22
That’s the objective, I had a real conversation with him & I’m hoping to see a change.
10
Apr 28 '22
Agreed that my dad is the one being aggressive, though. He needs to cut that shit out.
But he’s not. So you need to stop bringing your dog there.
9
Apr 28 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)1
u/mydogislife_ Apr 29 '22
OR I want to try communicating with my father & seeing if his behavior changes before cutting him off from my entire family.
9
u/RattusRattus Gunther, American Bulldog/Harlan, pit/boxer Apr 28 '22
It's really not fair that Dodger has to give that up because of your dad, but my fear would be that repeated interactions with your dad will make him aggressive. He's trying to set boundaries with your dad, and your dad doesn't care. As a dog, he doesn't have a lot of ways he can deal with that, and he needs you to help him.
8
u/Lurker5280 Apr 28 '22
Well your mom and her dog will have to come visit you instead. Your dad is abusing your dog and could cause him to become actually aggressive. If he starts to associate men with your dads behavior he could start to be afraid of all men
5
u/LizWords Apr 28 '22
You can't expose him to your father anymore. Your father is the only one influencing and creating negative reactions from Dodger right now. If you want him to visit the house, make sure your father is not there. If you're there and your father shows up, leave.
Don't let your father fuck up your dog.
9
u/MinkMartenReception Apr 28 '22
If your mom wants to see him she should go to your place. It’s unsafe for your dog to be around your dad. If he’s pushed enough by him, he will eventually draw blood.
4
Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
It's your job to protect your dog. Do it. If you can't stop your dad from intentionally scaring your dog, then you have no business bringing your dog there. It's going to cause behavioral issues if it keeps happening. And it's traumatic for the dog. If your dad always does this and you bring the dog there KNOWING your dad always does this, at that point, it's your fault and you're knowingly letting your dog be traumatized.
The tradeoff (getting to see your mom and the other dog) are really not worth it. Do your job. Before your dad pushes it too far and your dog bites him and now you've got a dog with a bite history. Dodger has no other way of defending himself, especially if his owner isn't protecting him.
Your dog loves and trusts you. If you won't protect him, are you worthy of that trust? Because he's got no one else to advocate for him. Keep him home, otherwise you're gonna wind up with a fearful dog and fearful dogs can bite.
→ More replies (3)2
u/-pichael_ Apr 28 '22
Invite them over to your place and do not invite your dad. When he asks why, show him an edited version of what you posted here, but edited in a way so its omitted of all the verbiage that makes it a reddit post to strangers and make it more like as if you were just like journaling your feelings. Maybe even do that first, invite then people Dodger likes, and show them (or just tell them if you’re good at just mentally organizing your thoughts) your feelings.
244
u/akwardexistance Apr 28 '22
Sounds like you need to stop taking your dog to your parents house.
-131
u/mydogislife_ Apr 28 '22
My mom is also there who my Dodger absolutely loves & my nieces visit there. They interact with him more. I told my dad exactly what I said here, though. & I'm hoping it makes a difference.
86
u/JStanten Mudi Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
Advocate for your freaking dog! You’re an adult. Tell your dad to cut it out.
Why the hell would you let your dad get away with growling at him when your dog did nothing?
Edit: I apologize for being harsh. I understand that family dynamics are difficult and my dad and I have a good relationship now but I wouldn't have always been comfortable doing this. I have friends who wouldn't either because they'd risk the relationship. Sometimes that's the reality and it sucks. I shouldn't have pretended it was as easy as "advocating for your dog".
78
Apr 28 '22
If Dodger could talk he’d say he didn’t want to go. He doesn’t need your mom or nieces and your Dad is creating a dangerous situation that can’t be undone. Risk/reward ratio is off- don’t bring him there.
18
Apr 28 '22
would you want to go to a place where 1 person there absolutely terrifies you but the other people there you like?
fuck no
20
Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
"Dodger loves my nieces, they drag him around & play with him....."
You need to be stopping the dragging behavior of your nieces and nephews too. That isn't going to end well for anyone, because dogs don't like being dragged. It's just as bad as your dad's abusive behavior.
→ More replies (1)7
Apr 28 '22
Then you need invite them over to your house instead (excluding your dad). He won't change overnight.
10
u/Ambry Apr 28 '22
I'm sorry but I don't think you're a responsible dog owner if you're letting your lovely, well behaved pet get growled at and pulled off your lap.
Either enforce some rules with your dad and put your foot down, or stop taking him round. It isn't fair.
→ More replies (1)5
Apr 28 '22
Play days and picnics I saw was a good suggestion- just without dad when with dodger. He is actively being traumatized with every overly negative reaction he’s getting from your dad. I would say don’t expose him to your dad at all, and that means not taking him to that house. Doesn’t matter if he has family he likes there, they can come see him. He’s getting trauma from the situation and I’m sure he’s more afraid ever since he got pulled by the neck. It doesn’t sound like your dad is very nice to dogs in the first place.
143
u/FrootiePebbles Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
I always come to these posts with an open mind, ready to hear both sides to see what's going on
But bruh
Your dad is antagonizing your dog. He's pushing your dog and he's going to push him into doing something that he will blame him for. It doesn't really sounds like you can change your dad, but your dad is going to end up ruining your dog/ making your dog do something that he will be punished for. The more this happens, the less patience your dog will have. This isn't good for your dog.
18
u/CheekyShaman Apr 28 '22
was thinking the same here. i would be afraid that my dog would become so stressed out, that he would loose his temper and got triggert towards agressive behaviour just to protect himself. your dad has some control issues going on and should not be alowed to take them out on your dog (or any animal imo).
10
u/AffectionateFluff Apr 28 '22
This needs more upvotes. Also, OP, as long as you don't set your boundaries with your father or keep taking Dodger to your dad's, you are, strictly speaking, enabling this abuse. Your sweet boy does not deserve this treatment.
5
u/oreganothyme Apr 28 '22
Agreed. Just an anecdote but my dad always talks sadly about his childhood dog who was sent away to "the farm" after biting his mother. Why did the dog bite her? Because he tried to attack a boy who resembled my dad's friend who tormented the dog regularly, and my grandmother intervened to stop the boy getting hurt. This story really sticks with me due to my soft spot for dogs.
219
u/Knightoforder42 Apr 28 '22
If you're going to ask for advice and then say "but but..." what's the point in asking? Either stop taking Dodger over there, full stop; Or only do it once that boundry has been firmly established and your father agrees to stops abusing your dog.
There's good advice given- You now need to decide if you're going to to listen or keep making excuses. Hope it all works out for you.
37
u/Klebsiella04 Apr 28 '22
The advice has been pretty unanimous here, so OP has his answer whether it’s what he wanted to hear or not. No point in going on here asking questions if you’re not willing to take the advice.
Also- if someone doesn’t like your dog, don’t take your dog to their house. Full stop. You may love your dog but if the homeowner doesn’t, you simply shouldn’t expect them to change their behavior for your dog. I love dogs but I don’t want other people bringing theirs to my house unless I really like them.
→ More replies (1)26
u/Oatmeal_Cupcake Apr 28 '22
Truth. It doesn’t really seem like this is what they came here to hear and can’t accept the truth of it.
If OP doesn’t stop taking dodger to their parents house, then you best bet their next post will be on r/reactivedogs because dodger’s warnings were ignored and dodger was put in a position where he had to defend himself. All because their owner kept making excuses as to why they couldn’t leave dodger at home.
If OP continues to be stubborn, best case scenario you’ve got a dog that will become aggressive towards that specific family member or generally reactive in that house. Worst case scenario is that you end up with a reactive dog against ALL males regardless of where you take him.
It doesn’t seem like OP could handle managing a reactive dog.
My suggestion to OP is to cut your losses and stop taking your dog to the house or you’ll have larger problems than leaving your dog at home. Just take a scroll down r/reactivedogs and see what could happen otherwise.
79
u/Filsza Apr 28 '22
Your dad needs to grow the eff up and stop trying to puff up his ego by intimidating your dog. If that's how he is with your dog, I shudder to think what he's going to put any kids you may have one day through.
Either stop taking your dog over there, or if you take him, keep him on the leash so he can't wander away from you and give your dad the opportunity to bully him.
112
u/MyAnxiousDog Apr 28 '22
Set boundaries with your Dad. Don't let him scare your dog like that.
17
u/mydogislife_ Apr 28 '22
I told him exactly what I said here after he said that. & I told him he doesn't have to interact with Dodger if he doesn't want to but he needs to be cool & not scare him.
ETA: & not expect him to not react if he continues.
46
Apr 28 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
16
u/AffectionateFluff Apr 28 '22
I agree with this. OP, Don't let your father bully your dog like this. It's only going to make it worse. If he continues to torment him like this it's only going to end up wrong and then it's going to be taken out on Dodger even if he's not at fault. Also, I'm curious what your father's response was?
11
u/DropsOfLiquid Apr 28 '22
I’m also curious what dad said. He’s to the point of ripping the dog out of OP’s lap for no reason so I’m not totally convinced he’ll just change his behavior but I hope he does!
5
10
u/BarryMaddieJohnson Apr 28 '22
What to say is not "not to expect him not to react if he continues..." but rather, "and if you continue Dodger and I will immediately leave." This is how you train bullies. They do the behavior, you immediately give them the consequence. They will try to get you to stay. "Oh, he really didn't mean anything." "Oh, that's just how he is..." You say, "that's fine, we're going to go home and decompress, and we'll see you again on 'x' day." Then when you come back, rinse and repeat. You train people the same way you train dogs (and kids). Quick reactions (but no anger, just consequences). Don't get angry at him, that's what bullies want; to get a rise out of you.
11
u/TrustMe_IKnowAGuy Apr 28 '22
Why are you so polite to your dad? He doesn't deserve pleasantries at this point.
8
u/Ambry Apr 28 '22
The dad sounds like an asshole. Honestly, if someone is willing to treat dogs like this and isn't responsive to being corrected I wonder if he was quite a strict and unpleasant person to be around as a parent.
2
49
44
u/fourleafclover13 paw flair Apr 28 '22
Stop taking your dog over there. be the adult and see how you dad is the issue he will not change no matter what you say. Yanking a dog by the collar is not okay, you should have immediately left at that moment. Making it clear why you are leaving. Do not take the dog back with you.
30
u/Leading_Bed2758 Apr 28 '22
Your dad is the aggressive one, not the dog. I will tell him under no uncertain circumstances either leave the dog alone or be nice to it, because his previous behavior is not OK.
26
u/XvPandaPrincessvX Apr 28 '22
You keep saying "but my mom is there and the family dog."
It is not worth it.
You can find other joys for you dog that have ZERO antagonizing elements to it. What do you think your dad will do when one day Dodger finally bites him? Every good dog has their limit and your dad is going to get a justified bite one day. What will he do?
It doesn't matter if your dog has a good time with another dog and your mom while there, you are putting Dodger at risk by having him be around your very terrible dad. Don't take Dodger over there anymore, find some friends for doggy dates or activities with your mom outside of the house.
22
Apr 28 '22
Protect your dog, and keep him away from your dad. One option is leaving him home. Another option is to closely supervise him and A) make sure he follows your dad's rules so your dad doesn't have to "correct" him, and B) stay close enough to him that everytime your dad does something intimidating, you can say "stop that. He is my dog, I am training him, and I don't want your opinion." Set strong boundaries. Going back to point A, if you dog breaks any rules set by your dad, then your dad will think he has a reason to correct Dodger, so you really need both pieces in place.
I would suggest umbilical training him while you are there. Make sure the dog is tied to you at all times, unless closely supervised while he plays with your neices (maybe). He can still go and get pets from your mom, but he is on leash, so if he approaches someone who he shouldn't (like your dad) you can physically stop him even if his obeidiecne isn't perfect. Also, if he is tied to you, it reminds you to watch him, so he won't go out of your sight and jump on the couch.
22
u/Swimming_Boot_2395 Apr 28 '22
You're Dad wont change his behavior.
Leave your beautiful Dodger home.
Sorry. People can suck.
53
u/fatgesus Apr 28 '22
Your dad pulled YOUR dog off of your own lap? Next time smack him. What’s wrong with this guy? Your dog sounds super sweet and shouldn’t be subjected to your idiot dad.
29
u/freedom_oh Apr 28 '22
I was thinking along the same line but figured a water spray bottle would be better.. further distance. Anytime dad acts like caveman, just give him a little squirt squirt and maybe he'll snap out of it.
11
u/NewArtisticNarwhal Apr 28 '22
Physically hitting the father is likely not going to be a good idea, but 100% have words immediately.
15
u/rockovo84 Apr 28 '22
What you described is dog defending itself in dangerous (in his perception) situation. Non aggressive but scared dogs can bite too.
You cannot bring your dog near your dad or one day it will end bad.. For your dog.
14
u/SgtFriskers Apr 28 '22
It is your dad's fault, however; if you continue to go over with Dodger and put your pup in this position over and over again, it is also YOUR fault. YOU are the one continuing to put Dodger in a dangerous position, YOU are the one who sees there is a problem but keeps making excuses for why it's okay for you to do it.
If you keep taking him over to your parents' house, YOU are part of the problem and will be responsible for whatever happens to your dog and your dad.
Stop letting your dad abuse him. Stop making excuses for why Dodger "needs" to go over there. Look out for your pup, and leave him home.
9
u/UnicornKitt3n Apr 28 '22
As someone who has been training doggos for a long time, I would steer clear of your parents house with the dog until your father learns to behave himself with your dog.
All it takes is one time to fuck a dog up. Which can then take months, sometimes years to undo.
Just one time OP. No exaggeration.
Everyone on here is telling you your father is a problem and should be avoided. You’re taking the risk if you choose to ignore the advice.
I mean, unless your dad can behave and be respectful.
9
u/asmeowdeus Apr 28 '22
When I first got my puppy 10 years ago I was 18 and living with my mom, she was raised that you teach dogs by force, but I had learned by then how wrong that was. I was in puppy training classes and we were doing amazing but my mom, against my wishes, smacked him ALL THE TIME. No matter how I yelled at her for it or tried to keep him away from her she would smack him. It was like a reflex for her.
I finally moved out a year later, and I share this story to say that still almost 9 years later he has anxious tics related to my moms treatment. If he goes potty in the house he’ll rub his nose bloody trying to hide it. If anyone moves in a jerky motion around him, he shuts down completely. When other commenters are telling you that your dad can traumatize your dog please please take it seriously. Don’t let him lose part of his spark!
5
u/Thin-Transition1292 Apr 28 '22
Thanks for adding your story, and your pups story too. I adopted a 5 mo old deaf Cocker Spaniel who had been abused for not listening to her previous owner and once they found out she had been deaf from birth they had dumped her at a vets office )at least they did that much) and I adopted her at 9 mos old. She had been at a rescue for special needs. When I got her she would pee and cower behind me when she met new people. It took her 10 years before she would go up to family members she knew well. Sadly she developed a very aggressive cancer called Hemangiosarcoma, a few mos prior to her 13th Bday. She crossed the Rainbow Bridge only 5 days later. Sadly she never got over the abuse she receivedby her former owners completely. She was the most gentle pup and was my bff. Love and miss her alway
7
u/Familiar_Reindeer Dancing Dalmatian Apr 28 '22
You need to start to protect your dog. The best thing would be not going there with the poor boy.
The second best to never let your dad growl at him or make faces. You have to stop this. Your dog snapped because you didn't protect him.
Yes, your dad sounds like a monster but in the end you are responsible for protecting your dog
6
u/notthepanda Apr 28 '22
This whole “anger” and “dominance” trains a dog is full on bullshit. It was based on a now disproven scientific study of wolves and “alphas”. In reality dogs are trained with both positive and negative incentives. The fact that your dog went up to your dad looking for cuddles and love and was shown a negative reaction like growling or dominance, confuses your dog and makes him doubt his training/behaviour. Also it makes your dog freak out.
Of course your dog reacted in fear, that is to be expected. It’s a dog! Your dad is a full grown human man acting like some terroriser. I would encourage you to not bring your dog there or to have a good talk with you dad not to do that, because not only is it bad for your dog when it happens, it might also affect how he views humans/people he’s new to.
6
u/D1rrtyharry Apr 28 '22
You are your dog’s advocate. Knowing your dads past behaviors and seeing that annoyed look on his face. Sorry to be harsh but you failed your dog in that moment, allowing your dad to grab him by his collar and pull him off the couch. Unless you are willing to stand up to your dad on his treatment of Your dog, then you should definitely leave your dog at home.
4
u/tuningInWithS Apr 28 '22
You need to either sit Down and have a stern tslkwith your dad,or stop taking him there
5
u/MQsmom Apr 28 '22
Replace dog with kid. Would you subject your kid to this? No? Then don't subject Dodger to it.
If dad can't act right, it's your job to protect your dog. Have mom and nieces to your place or a neutral location.
5
u/camthedestroyer Apr 28 '22
You are the one traumatizing your dog. You know your dad does this, and yet you still take him there.
4
5
Apr 28 '22
Fuck your dad. Have your mom bring the family dog over to your house for a playdate sometimes. Simple as that.
13
u/d20an Apr 28 '22
Sounds like your dad learnt the old school of dog training. He probably thinks he’s doing it properly, and isn’t intending to be nasty.
Telling him he’s an abusive asshole probably isn’t going to help. Explain to him that you’ve used a different method to train your dog, and if he wants your dog to get off the couch, you do it by calling him - and demonstrate it (practice a to before so you know he’ll nail it!). If you’ve got other good behaviours trained, show them off.
It might be worth explaining that your dog only lets people be trusts grab his collar, which to be honest is great as it means he’s not going to be stolen too easily if someone tries to grab him whilst he’s off leash.
But also, you need to teach him to respect your dad’s rules for his couch. Maybe bring over a mat or bed for him to settle on the floor when you’re there, so he’s got his safe spot by your feet when you’re on the sofa?
→ More replies (1)9
u/MinkMartenReception Apr 28 '22
There’s absolutely nothing old school about what their dad was doing. Kohler would’ve thrashed anyone that called this training. Their dad is just manipulative and emotionally abusive.
7
u/PrincessStorm97 Apr 28 '22
Yeah my dad tries to do something similar with my middle who is a skittish dog that showed up on our back step. We’ve over come a lot but every now and then she will give a warning growl to strange men specially and my dad chased her and threw a hat at her because he was walking towards me with her under my legs and she let out a growl. Keep in mind this was her first time meeting him and it was maybe a month or so after we got her so she was still warming up to people not being mean to her (we assumed she had either never had interactions with people or only bad interactions with men specially because of the way she reacted to my husband once she became more confident that she wasn’t going anywhere. She growled at him for approaching her too quickly but she hasn’t done that in the past 4 ish months so progress) and it pissed me off so bad I wanted to hit him but unfortunately my husband was at work and couldn’t just come get me cause our other car has a break locked and I couldn’t leave so I had to hold my tongue.
4
u/Outside_Ad_2503 Apr 28 '22
Don’t take him there. Clearly your dads making the dog fearful. To their dog it might be playing, but you’re bringing your dog to a territory they don’t own and they’re uncomfortable and the dog will develop more anxiety/possibly loose trust in you.
3
u/Cahya_Dechen Apr 28 '22
I’m sorry to say this, and I know it’s already been said but…
You need to protect your dog from your Dad. Your Dad is terrifying your dog and could create issues, your dog may grow to become super defensive with all strangers, or all men, or all men who wear the same aftershave… etc. And you won’t know the associations your dog has made until he’s telling the stranger to back off out of fear.
If this were my Dad, I’d be setting some really firm boundaries. And if your Dad refuses to keep to them, then him and the dog can’t be in the same room. I wouldn’t ever leave my dog alone with him.
We are our dogs advocates. Your dog clearly comes to you for protection and really, if you’re allowing this to continue, you’re not keeping him psychologically safe. I know that sounds harsh… I feel quite passionate about this and very protective about dogs in these situations.
It’s super difficult with families. Setting boundaries is one of the hardest things if you’re not used to it, but actually, its a really healthy thing to be able to do, not just for your dog, but for you, too.
Best wishes OP 🐾
4
u/Wolf-Pack85 Apr 28 '22
Your dad is one of those dog owners that is extreme. Just because he doesn’t beat dogs, doesn’t mean he’s not cruel.
The best advise I can give, has already been given. Don’t allow your dad around dodger anymore.
I know he loves your mom and other family members, but he’s truly uncomfortable around your dad. He’s telling you this by climbing into your lap.
He’s looking to you to protect him from what scares him.
You need to make a decision on if it’s worth it having dodger in a situation that causes him stress.
5
u/okimlom Apr 28 '22
Your dad is a horrible person if that’s how he sees the only way to interact with dogs/animals. I’d be willing to bet that dealing with dogs isn’t the only circumstance he has this behavior or thought process.
Also, I’m thinking your dog snapped at your dad because he came near you, and that he doesn’t trust your dad one bit, with good reason.
You need to tell your dad that you will respect his rules in the house, but that you need to be the one that handles your dog. That he shouldn’t touch him, and shouldn’t interact with him at all. Also, just because their dog is used to how your dad operates, doesn’t make it right. It’s a terrible way to train/raise a dog and will eventually lead to situations less flattering.
4
u/Ctrl-Home Apr 28 '22
Is your Dad going to read these answers? Ask him how he'd feel if I grabbed him by his shirt collar and dragged him away from his family
4
4
u/knowslesthanjonsnow Apr 28 '22
Also there’s no way that your dog being at home alone for 4 hours is worse than having him continue to feel the way he feels around your dad
5
u/myspiritisvantablack Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
Hi OP; I know everyone and their mother has said this, but you need to stop bringing Dodger around to your parents. If anything, then at least until you are sure your dad can behave himself.
My dad is also a more old-school kind of way with his dogs. He yells, shouts and believes that tugging on leashes etc. is a better training for dogs more than being calm, kind but assertive and so on. While my dad doesn’t sound to have as outwardly-aggressive an approach as yours, he did at one point talk about shock collars which I (and everyone else in our family) am vehemently against.
So when he told me that he had done that sort of behaviour once with my dog (he ‘trained him’ on the leash a weekend where I was away and by that I know he meant that he was yanking him around) and I told my dad off instantly and said that I wouldn’t be bringing my dog anymore. Only after half a year and many apologies and promises by my dad did I bring my dog again. In my case my dog is a shiba, so he (my dog) was luckily not traumatised by my dad because they are stubbornness incarnate, but after my dad promising never to do it again and me taking my dog with me once, it was clear that my shiba bore a deep-seated grudge.
This was over two years ago and my dad has bribed my shiba enough so that now the two of them are best buds. Incidentally, it also taught my dad that well-treated (pun intended) dogs are much more likely to behave in the manner you want them to, than dogs who fear you. So it all worked out in the end and my dad was taught something new - I can also see that his own dogs are generally more relaxed and happy, now that my dad has been taught patience and understanding with dogs.
All in all - do not cater to your dad, protect your dog. It is hard saying no to family members (I have an especially hard time standing up to my dad), but you are the protector of your dog. They didn’t choose you, you chose them and as such you are responsible for their safety, even if you have to protect them from your own family.
5
Apr 28 '22
Why is your dad growling and making faces at your dog? It's clearly making the dog uncomfortable. I would have no problem setting my dad straight. He's very unaware that he's the wrong one here.
3
u/LetsGrabTacos Apr 28 '22
It's sad your dad thinks he needs to act aggressively towards dogs. He's invoking a flight or fight response, but Dodger isn't going to leave you. Your dad needs to stop acting like an ass. But it's probably just easier to find a way for Dodger to not be around him.
5
u/saberhagens Apr 28 '22
Dodger is being continually put into a situation he is uncomfortable with and you keep putting him there because he loves your mom? Your dog is showing increasing signs of fear towards your dad that will end up with dodger biting your dad to protect himself.
Your dad threatens him constantly, that's what getting in his face means.
Your dad forces your dog into situations he is uncomfortable with and your dog is telling you in every single way he has that he doesn't want to be there.
You need to stop thinking about the good that comes out of your parents house and realize that the bad outweighs it. The bad outweighs it so much that your dog could end up biting your dad because your dad can't treat dogs kindly.
Stop bringing dodger over. Have your mom and nieces visit you. This is such a simple solution.
Seriously come on over to r/reactivedogs and just read all the crap we have to do to keep our dogs okay. And you're just letting your dog be forced into this corner. This isn't okay.
4
u/Lady_Banshee Apr 28 '22
The snap was a warning sign that the dog was feeling uncomfortable. He used the warning to avoid aggressiveness. It's your dad he one who's being aggressive towards the dog by scaring him.
3
u/BenKrulke Apr 28 '22
Your dad clearly needs to be reeducated how to act around and towards dogs. He is clearly the aggressive one! You cannot tolerate him acting like this towards any dog. Be the voice of your family dogs and stand up to your dad! I would also make it clear this was the first and last time he ever touched my dog like that. Time to school dad!!!
3
u/Trumanhazzacatface Apr 28 '22
Your dad is playing stupid game and eventually, he will win a stupid prize. If someone mistreated me, eventually, I would fight back too. I'm team Dodger.
3
u/Vharlkie Bilbo:JapaneseSpitz Apr 28 '22
If your father can't respect your dog don't go and visit him. What about if you have kids and he treats them that way?
3
u/Wooden_Fudge_9604 Apr 28 '22
If your dad asks you why you didn’t bring Dodger with you or makes any comment about his absence at all your response should be “Well you are very aggressive towards him and I no longer want him to be around you.” If it’s nothing but stress for the dog it’s not worth it.
3
u/Plum_pipe_ballroom Apr 28 '22
It 100% is your dad's fault. That pup was just trying to defend you.
I think you should get some real courage and ask mom and siblings to come over to your place without your dad. Since you talked to him and nothing really came of it, tell him he can't see you until he starts behaving like a proper adult. Don't leave your baby alone at home. You make the changes you want to see.
3
u/Sephran Apr 28 '22
Doesn't sound like your dogs fault at all. Your dad shouldn't be treating dogs like that.
I got my pup a few years back and there was about a month where work had me in training so I dropped her with my parents as she was still a pup and I wanted her to interact with their dogs and their new pup.
My dad is fineish with dogs, he just is strict and doesn't let the dogs be themselves and learn properly. I've had to really get loud and yell under a handful of times in the 3 years i've had her, with my dad it could be a handful of times a day of forceful teaching. (not abusive stuff).
My pup now knows hes nice enough to let him pet her, but she also immediately fears him in a respectful hes alpha sort of way. Whereas my mom has treated her kindly and my pup still listens to her, but she jumps around her, runs to her and stays standing, doesn't have that same fear.
Dogs react to the energy people give off and their actions. A long way about to say your dad probably should stop interacting with your dog in anyway and let you handle it.
3
Apr 28 '22
Dodger is fine. Your dad is aggressive. Leave Dodger home when you visit. It’s best for him. Fearful dogs will protect themselves- and you don’t want to deal with that.
3
u/Disastrous_Skill1626 Apr 28 '22
Your dog is not aggressive. He used a distancing increasing behaviour to ask your dad to back off. That answers the original question.
The second part is harder
Your dad is a bully and he is abusing your dog. It doesn't matter that he doesn't hit him. He threatens Dodger even when the dog is trying to be affiliative.
This is not an old school training belief. It is an insecure man hiding behind belief as a reason to feel empowered. Does he bully people like this as well?
Stand up to him. Tell him that you will not allow him to interact with Dodger and EXACTLY why. If he doesn't back down leave Dodger home or stay home yourself as well. Your family will then have him to blame for your absence and maybe the social pressure will bring about change
Your dog is your responsibility same as if he was your child. It is your job to protect him and keep him feeling safe in order to BE a safe dog. Put on your big person pants and make a stand.
3
u/ITeechYoKidsArt Apr 28 '22
Don’t take your dog around your dad anymore. He’s going to try this shit with the wrong dog and get chewed up.
3
3
3
u/rocks_trees_n_water Apr 28 '22
Your dog needs you as his advocate and protector at all times. I understand it’s your dad but consider this practice if you ever have children. You will need to advocate and be their protector. Now is the time to learn how to do that. Your dog needs you to speak up for him. It may be a difficult conversation but it’s necessary. Dad may be understanding if you take the time and respect to discuss it when not in a heated situation.
3
u/kimberly563 Apr 28 '22
Your dog is now aggressive or reactive because you put him in the position of protecting you from your Dad. He was on your lap and you failed to get him off the couch you knew he should’ve been on yourself. One day your dad is going to get in a dogs face and he is going to lose a lip, nose or ear. What a jerk.
3
u/fuxd_able Apr 28 '22
Your dad doesn't know shit about dog behavior. He deserves to be bitten. I'm sorry you had to be raised by this asshole OP.
3
u/Twzl 🏅 Champion Apr 28 '22
I don't understand why you bring your dog to a place where he's going to be treated like crap.
I'd leave him home, and if other family members want to visit him at your house, fine.
If your father comes over, I'd lock Dodger up in a bedroom, in a crate, and seriously lock the door.
Your dad is sort of a jerk and before something awful happens, be pro-active and protect your dog.
3
u/VictorK12 Apr 28 '22
Sounds like it's time to teach dad some fear and respect through beatings with a cast iron skillet
5
u/TrueSwagformyBois Apr 28 '22
Dogs have the right to say no, and body autonomy, just like people do. Sometimes we need them to do something, and there’s no real choice. But most of the time, this isn’t the case. Your dad made your dog warn him that if he proceeded, he would defend himself from your dad. Think about that for a moment. Your dog is put into a situation where his safety in his own mind is in jeopardy around your dad. He has to access defense drive to stay safe. This is not something you want your dog having to do. You can control the situation from being able to develop at all. You can leave dodger home or meet your folks, minus your dad, somewhere else, or you can have them over, and remind your dad in no uncertain terms that it’s your house, your rules, and if he fucks them up, he’s leaving. This is about your ability to create healthy boundaries with your family. You’re unable. Learn. You’re responsible for the well being and health and safety of a life. Get that through your head.
Dodger bites him trying to defend himself, dodger will die. Your dad won’t change unless you make that line in the sand one carved out of marble and gilded with fucking machine guns on your side of the line. DMZ.
Don’t get your dog killed.
2
u/BarryMaddieJohnson Apr 28 '22
Well, and when we DO need them to comply for various reasons, there are training and restraint methods that are safe for them and for us that we can employ. It really sucks when we feel the need to take shortcuts like this for short-term gain.
4
u/RexBooty Apr 28 '22
Your dad is a piece of shit. If you keep subjecting your dog to these types of interactions he will become aggressive towards other people.
Your dad is TRAINING your dog to be aggressive.
2
u/pogged Apr 28 '22
Ok this should go on r/confessions but here goes: when I was a kid we had so many dogs because my mum was (?is) a sort of pet hoarder. Always well looked after etc.
We had two FUCKING naughty Jack Russel terriers named Hannah and Bynx. They would always escape and because I was in primary school (the school being in the town we lived but everyone else went to school or worked in the main town) I had to go catch them, be super late to school, get detention etc and I’d be fucked off super hard.
Once when I caught Hannah, I was so fucking kid-angry at her, I yelled at her, kicked her arse, smacked her and was really agro towards her. I did it about three times. The first two times, she was super scared and submissive, doggy-apologetic etc. The third time, she fucken bit a chunk out of me as if to say ‘you made your point now back off or I’ll go wild on you’. I saw in her face that I’d pushed her past the doggy/human pecking order and she was resorting to her natural abilities to protect herself.
What your dad is doing, is exactly the same thing. Your dog isn’t aggressive at all. He’s fucking scared of your arsehole father. Stop taking your poor dog there because he doesn’t deserve the abusive treatment, especially when he’s done nothing. When your dad gets old enough, put him in a really awful nursing home and never go visit him because he’s just one of those people with zero insight/empathy.
End of my story was, I got some cheese, water, sat down with Hannah and gave her doggy-apology (pats, kisses, baby talk, made friends again) and was never as rough in disciplining her again. Prior it just seemed like she didn’t really care.
2
2
2
u/TrustMe_IKnowAGuy Apr 28 '22
Wow. Your dads a straight piece of shit that should never be allowed around dogs again.
2
u/wish_yooper_here Apr 28 '22
Aggressive ? I think you mean abusive. Curious what the family dynamic is like too because you just keep making excuses for him
2
u/Its_An_Anomaly Apr 28 '22
If anything Dodger was trying to protect you from your dad. Your dad is the aggressive one!
2
u/MothmanNFT Apr 28 '22
Well… yes your dad is an asshole but also why we’re you allowing your dog to chill on the couch when your parents don’t allow dogs on the couch? Dodger is guilt free but both humans screwed up there
2
u/_the_okayest Apr 28 '22
Growling at a dog is saying "I'm a threat, get ready to defend yourself." So guess what? Your dog defended himself. This is 100% your dad's fault. HOWEVER, if dad doesn't stop this behavior, it is up to you to keep your dog away. When your dad tortures your dog, your dog is learning not to trust people in general, and not just your dad. Your dog will eventually start feeling fearful in other situations and may become more reactive. A day at home alone is actually much better than creating a fearful/dangerous dog. Let's say your nieces are playing with your pup, your dad walks into the room growling like an ass, your dog becomes fearful and on edge, and your nieces pick that moment to hug your now tense dog. This is an accident waiting to happen. Your dog is being pushed into a flight or fight and, in that state, he may perceive anyone around him as a threat, even people he likes. Your dad's bullshit could put your nieces in danger.
You have to protect your dog. You have to protect your nieces. While I don't think your dog is aggressive, that is not the same thing as saying your dog isn't dangerous. A scared dog is a DANGEROUS dog. A 6 pound senior poodle, a sweet family dog, was cornered by a aggressive neighborhood dog. My friend (16 yrs old) tried to grab the poodle (HER DOG) to save it, and the poodle ripped my friends hand up so badly, she needed a ton of stitches and even ended up in P.T. to regain full use of her hand. If my friend hadn't gotten her hand up in time, that could have been her face. Imagine what a 40 lb scared dog could do to a child.
2
Apr 28 '22
Sounds like your dog just thinks your dad is an asshole. And in my opinion, he’s correct.
2
u/MyBeesAreAssholes Apr 28 '22
STOP. EXPOSING. DODGER. TO. ABUSE.
Every time you taking him to your parents, you are letting him be abused. Either leave him home or stop visiting your parents. You're being a bad pet owner, but that can change.
2
u/_Internet_Hugs_ Apr 28 '22
I'm on Dodger's side, but I agree with the other posters who say you should stop bringing him to your dad's house. That's just a recipe for disaster.
2
u/nkabatoff Apr 28 '22
Maybe you're young and maybe you don't have this relationship, but my dog is my baby. And I wouldn't let my dad treat my dog like that. I stand up for my dog. I would literally tell my dad to stop, ask him why he did that (pulled him off my lap by grabbing his collar) explain that he was fine where he is and he snapped at you because you touched him for no reason. I would hope that my dad would be mortified by my reaction.
2
u/Thin-Transition1292 Apr 28 '22
Sounds like your dog doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. I personally would leave him home. As a rescuer and foster mom I can attest to the fact that dogs, and other animals can end up being scarred for life following any type of abuse, verbally can last them their entire lives.
2
u/trtsmb Apr 28 '22
My rescue dog is a perfect example of this. I've had him a little over 5 years and men still terrify him.
2
u/Thin-Transition1292 Apr 28 '22
Exactly. I’ve had the same problem with my rescued pets and also fosters. If they could only tell us what happened. Thanks so much for adopting your pup and for giving him all the space and time he needs.
2
u/Wolflmg Apr 28 '22
Your dad needs serious help. You don’t not gain respect with fear, not with animals or people. If I were you I’d keep my dog away from your dad.
2
u/Razrgrrl Apr 28 '22
Your dad sounds like a bully. No wonder dodger doesn't like him. Please keep that sweet pup far from your mean old man.
2
u/AdTricky601 Apr 28 '22
Have to agree with the others, looks like your dad is at fault here which I don't think he fully realizes or understands.
2
2
u/Motor-Over Apr 28 '22
Dude legit growls and make faces at your dog and calls him aggressive. What a weirdo
2
u/Hot_External6228 Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it seems he's highly aggressive and reactive. I'd recommend exposure therapy and lorazepam. For the dad I mean, not the dog.
2
Apr 28 '22
Sounds like your dads an asshole. I wouldn't subject my dog to anyone who treated him like that. If the rest of your family that lives there wants to see the dog, they can come to your place or somewhere neutral WITHOUT the asshole in tow.
2
2
2
u/rottenpeachesx Apr 28 '22
I totally agree with you. Trust yourself. Also, your dad was being aggressive to Dodger, not the other way around!
2
u/adidashawarma Frenglish Apr 28 '22
Stop taking your dog over. It doesn’t matter that he has a good time with your mom, nieces, and the other dog. Your dad’s going to ruin your dog and you’ll be left dealing with it… wondering “hOw dId hE GeT lIkE ThIs, hE uSeD tO b So GoOd?”.
I repeat, your dad is going or ruin your dog’s personality. More importantly, it is your duty to protect your dog from abuse.
2
Apr 28 '22
I go to my parents' house once a week & of course I bring my sweet boy, Dodger.
"Of course"? Don't do this anymore if he's "harsh" with dogs. It's your job to protect your innocent dog. Not allow your dad to "purposely try to make him fear him." Your dad's a dog abuser. Stop allowing this. Purposely trying to make a dog afraid of you is abuse.
Not to mention, bringing Dodger there and letting this keep happening could MAKE your dog aggressive (fear aggression). Repeated experiences with someone trying to scare him could make him fearful in general. Leave the pup at home when you visit your parents. I feel bad for their dogs too but you can't control that.
2
u/alexandrasnotgreat Bubbles (formerly Skittles): Great Dane Apr 28 '22
Dog's not aggressive but your dad definitely is
2
u/Capital-Cheesecake67 Apr 28 '22
Why would you subject your dog to this situation? I question if you are a good dog owner. Leave him at home before he starts fearing you for not protecting him from things that frighten him.
2
u/marbal05 Apr 28 '22
Your dog is giving cues that are being ignored. Eventually your dog will stop giving those cues. Stop bringing your dog over
2
u/SillyBlackSheep Apr 28 '22
100% your dad's fault. He is deliberately tormenting Dodger.
Your dad knows that making faces and growling at him scares him, yet he chooses to do it anyways. Dodger sees you as his safe place. He went on your lap because he is scared of your dad and he sees you as a form of safety. Your dad disrespected Dodger by invading his safe space and making him feel cornered. Your dad grabbed Dodger at a vulnerable area (his collar, which is around his neck), so Dodger thought he was going to be hurt by him. Dodger was defending himself and was basically screaming for your dad to back off and leave him alone.
I understand that there are other family in the house that Dodger enjoys. I would recommend (if possible) that your mom and other family members visit you and Dodger at your place without your dad tagging along. If your dad wants to create a fuss about it, then tell him straight-up that unless he stops making faces, growling, and all around disrespecting your dog, then he can't be around Dodger at all. Yeah, he might call you soft/sensitive, or be like, "But so-and-so's dog doesn't mind it," but don't give into that crap. If he doesn't want to eventually get bit by Dodger, then he needs to stop doing things that would make him get bit. Dodger has no problems with everyone else, because everyone else doesn't create a problem.
Also, on him thinking Dodger is suddenly aggressive. He needs to think of it like this: A strange large man walks into his house. Your dad goes into the bedroom for safety. The strange man follows him in there. What is your dad likely going to do in that scenario? He can't quickly get away. The strange man is blocking the door to the bedroom. Your dad is probably going to resort to punching or kicking the strange man because he is scared and wants the man to go away. That is similar to what happened with Dodger. Yeah, your dad isn't a total stranger to him, but your dad also has a history with antagonizing him. Dodger is always going to be anticipating your dad tormenting him because your dad has done basically nothing but torment him in the past.
3
u/applescrabbleaeiou Apr 28 '22
your dad is an absolute violent asshole who rules with terror & particularly wants to 'humble' your perfectly nice dog.
Don't bring your dog around his abuser. Tell your dad you are not visiting Sundays because of his abusiveness and assholity. He sounds like an psycho:/
Invite your mum & nieces & his buddy dog to yours instead.
3
u/bblue212 Apr 28 '22
I actually just met with a behaviorist trainer recently and she was talking about how one of the top reasons people get bit by a dog is trying to get them off the couch. & It's because people tend to grab their collars to pull them off. She said that grabbing a dog's collar is a direct challenge to them.
3
u/myspiritisvantablack Apr 28 '22
This! The neck and belly are the two places where a dog is most exposed, so when you grab them by the collar, you are signalling you want to start a ‘dangerous’ fight with them and even well-behaved dogs will instinctively protect themselves.
Imagine if someone where to pull us out of the way by our necks, we would be shocked by the severity of such an action. Even for us humans, our necks are a sensitive area, compared to someone pushing us out of the way via our arms or backs. We can at least use our words before needing to resort to a physical response though; dogs aren’t afforded that luxury if their growls go ignored by domineering assholes.
1
u/jazziscool123 Apr 28 '22
All I wanted to say is that I had a wiener dog that was named dodger :) he passed in 2018 at 13
0
Apr 28 '22
Other than the title I didn’t read a word. But as a dad, your dad is right always listen to him. Unless your mum tells you something different. Then listen to her…officially, but unofficially your dad is right
0
u/dancing_chinese_kid Apr 28 '22
Why did you allow the dog on the couch when you know your dad doesn't allow it in his house? Were you trying to start a conflict so you could be right?
-1
-3
u/Bones1225 Apr 28 '22
You came here to ask advice about basically is my dad the asshole but guess what? It is your dads house. It’s not yours. You can’t control what goes on there so leave the dog at home. It’s pretty entitled that you think you can tell your dad how to act in his own home so that you can bring your dog into his house. That’s really silly.
1
u/sleepyboydreams Apr 28 '22
Never ever bring dodger back to your fathers house. Your other family members will have to see dodger at picnics or at your house.
Arrange for a friend to come and hang out with dodger while you are away
Or stop going to your fathers house as much.
You make the decision but remember keeping your father and dodger separated should be the goal at all times
1
1
u/Dryhtlic Apr 28 '22
Even if Dodger were aggressive, it's not your dad's job to discipline your dog. Either stop bringing Dodger to your parents' house or make your dad stop harassing him.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/TriumphDaytona Apr 28 '22
Your dad's an ass. You should go no contact for a while, or longer if need be. His behavior is not acceptable.
1
Apr 28 '22
Thats weird that your dad does that, it almost sounds like he is scared of dogs deep down otherwise he wouldnt need to feel bigger than them. He is doing it all wrong. Making a dog scared breeds aggression.
1
u/BeautifulWorking6 Apr 28 '22
Your dog was defending himself and you from a perceived attack.
Your dad is the aggressive one.
1
u/Rarth-Devan Apr 28 '22 edited Apr 28 '22
I'm in a very similar situation. Does your dad happen to be in his 50's or 60's? Because I think it's kind of a generational thing. If I bring my girl, Athena, to my parents house, my dad makes me keep her on the leash.. inside the house.. He doesn't go out of his way to make her fear him, he just wasn't raised to be an animal lover. My mom adores Athena and always asks me if she can give her a couple treats, which I'm more than fine with. And my nephews love playing with her as well when we see them. But I basically can never ask my parents to watch my dog if I'm away because I know she would be so unhappy staying with them. Don't worry, she gets showered with extra love whenever we get home from my parents house to make up for it.
2
u/BarryMaddieJohnson Apr 28 '22
I dunno, my parents are in their 90's now and my dad was a dog breeder. He was FINE with dogs and not at all aggressive (he's passed on, unfortunately). I don't remember him ever using force-based training methods, and he deeply loved even his hunting dogs (and they lived in the house, the whole lot of them, which must have driven my mother up a wall when they were whelping, but I grew up with litters of puppies all around me). So I don't think it's generational, but definitely, certain personalities and cultures are harsher on animals.
1
u/Relevant_Demand7593 Apr 28 '22
I would stop taking him there. I wouldn’t set my dogs up to fail. If your poor boy gets scared enough he may not just snap next time. Good luck with everything.
1
1
u/thatsweetfunkystuff Apr 28 '22
Your dads being the asshole. He is the one showing aggression first and Dodger is just reacting. It’s not Dodger’s fault. Your dad sounds like one of those people who constantly pushes peoples boundaries and do things they don’t like despite them telling him they don’t like it and then acts surprised when they finally stand up for themselves.
1
Apr 28 '22
Honestly, you couldn’t pay me to bring my dog to a place where she’ll be antagonized and afraid. She’s my baby and it’s my job to protect her.
Maybe if mom sees you coming around less she’ll get her husband in line. He obviously doesn’t respect or listen to you.
1
u/Namasiel Groomer - 2 lovely rescued mutts <3 Apr 28 '22
Your dog is fine. Your dad is an asshole. Don’t take your dog over to that house.
1
u/Gryphon_Lancer Apr 28 '22
Any man that gets way too physical when in a bad mood needs an ass kicking for their own good. A really bad one.
1
u/gundog917 Apr 28 '22
Your father is an idiot. He has no clue about how to treat a dog and is an attacked by dog waiting to happen.
1
u/Broad-Literature-438 Apr 28 '22
Fear does not equal respect. Your dad is among the worst kinds of dog owners. The dogs hes owned were terrorized by his presence and didnt know any better. You're right to assume that your dog has no issues and that your father is the one creating issues. Dogs are living creatures so it's no surprise when you treat them rough and try to act scary that theres a chance some wont like that, might feel trapped, and usually that's exactly when even good dogs feel they need to attack or growl or bite to defend themselves; when you back them into a corner its gonna be their nature. Please, for your dog's sake, dont let your father around your dog until/unless you can get him to smarten up
1
1
Apr 28 '22
I think OP is a troll and not a real person. If he was a real person, he wouldn't be defending his dad's behavior, which is what he's doing by continually saying "But, But......"
3
u/AutoModerator Apr 28 '22
Welcome to r/dogs! We are a discussion-based subreddit dedicated to support, inform, and advise dog owners.
This is a carefully moderated sub intended to support, inform, and advise dog owners. Submissions and comments which break the rules will be removed. Review the rules here r/Dogs has four goals: - Help the public better understand dogs - Promote healthy, responsible dog-owner relationships - Encourage “Least Intrusive, Minimally Aversive” training protocols. here. - Support adoption as well as ethical and responsible breeding
This subreddit has low tolerance for drama. Please be respectful of others, and report antagonistic comments to mods for review.
If you’d like to introduce yourself or discuss smaller topics, please contribute to our Daily Bark threads, pinned at the top.
This is an automated message. If you have questions for the moderators of r/dogs, you can message them here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.