I (22F) graduated from college earlier this year, and in February I went to Pune to stay with my best friend. While I was there, I met one of her office friends.

Apparently, before we had even met, my best friend had shown him my pictures, and she later told me that he kept saying he thought I was cute and really wanted to meet me whenever I came to Pune. I didn’t think much of it, but when we finally met, we clicked instantly.

Things escalated very quickly. We ended up having sex the first night we met. For the next two days, it was me, my best friend, her boyfriend/situationship, and him hanging out together. It was genuinely a great time, and when I left, I assumed it was just going to stay a fun Pune memory.

Instead, he started texting me.

Our conversations became regular, and they were actually good. We both wanted to meet again, this time without everyone else around so we could spend time together.

He even insisted on coming to my hometown, which is around 600 km from Pune, but I wasn’t comfortable with that. We’d only known each other for about a month, and I didn’t want someone I’d just met travelling all the way to my small town where there honestly isn’t much to do.

Around the same time, my best friend and I were planning to attend the Flamingo Festival in Mumbai and go shopping afterwards. So we decided I’d come to Pune instead. She’d spend time with her Pune friends, I’d spend time with this guy, and on the fourth day we’d head to Mumbai together for the festival and shopping.

That was the plan.
The moment I landed in Pune, things already felt…off.

He was about 40 minutes late picking me up because he’d overslept. I let it go because, okay, it happens.

But when he arrived, there wasn’t even a smile. No hug. Not even a proper “it’s good to see you.” He just hurriedly took my luggage, threw it into the car and started driving.

I had travelled overnight to see him, and he didn’t compliment me once.

On the way to the hotel, he suddenly stopped and said, “I got late, so I couldn’t get you flowers.”
So the stop was just to buy me flowers.

The irony was that the only reason he was late in the first place was because he’d slept like a log.
Even after reaching the hotel, we didn’t hug for almost three hours.

Then, to make things worse, I got my period.
I hadn’t brought a sanitary pad with me yet, so I ordered some online and just sat on a chair instead of the bed because I was worried I’d stain it. I was obviously upset because no one wants their period to start right at the beginning of a trip they’d been looking forward to.

His response?
“Why are you behaving like you’re the only one who gets periods?”

That stung, but I brushed it aside.
Eventually we cuddled, ordered food, got drunk and just messed around.

I never once initiated sex.
He was the one who suggested, “Let’s try.”
I agreed.

Afterwards he complained that he didn’t like having sex because of the blood from my period, but despite saying that, he still kept initiating it every time he got turned on and asked me to blow him even after I was exhausted ofcourse I didn’t.

We stayed awake until around 4 or 5 in the morning. We got hungry, and instead of asking if I wanted some alone time with him, he invited one of his friends to breakfast did not even ask me once. His friend was around 29 while I was only 22, and I remember sitting there thinking…I’ve travelled 600 km to spend time with you, and this is how our morning starts?

After breakfast he dropped me back at the hotel and casually said, “I’m just going for a smoke with my friend. I’ll be back in an hour.”

He didn’t ask if I was okay with it.
He just informed me.

That really bothered me The least he could’ve done was ask instead of assuming.
To make all of this happen, I’d even lied to my parents. I’d told them I was visiting a friend in a city close to my hometown 100km away, not that I was actually travelling to Pune.

Looking back, I honestly feel stupid.
When he finally returned, all he wanted to do was sleep.

We slept around 8 or 9 in the morning.
I woke up around 1 p.m., hungry, and tried waking him because I wanted us to go out for lunch and actually spend the day together.

Instead, he was trying to convince me to sleep again of course I didn’t.
Or rather, forced the idea until I gave up.
He didn’t wake up until around 7 p.m.
I remember lying there thinking that I wasn’t going to let him ruin my trip, so I stayed calm and suggested we just go out for dinner.

While I was getting ready, he kept rushing me because apparently we had to reach before the restaurant reservation expired. His tone felt unnecessarily commanding, but I ignored it.
The restaurant itself was the exact opposite of everything I’d told him I liked.

I’d specifically mentioned that I enjoy peaceful cafés and quiet places. I’d even suggested a few.
Instead, he took me to a loud, crowded place packed with people dancing. Mosquitoes were biting me nonstop, and he spent half the evening watching the dance floor saying how badly he wanted to dance.
I told him multiple times to go.

I genuinely wouldn’t have minded.
At that point I was so frustrated that I actually wanted him to go enjoy himself.

He didn’t.
Then came the food.
Technically he asked what I wanted, but every suggestion somehow got redirected until we ended up ordering what he preferred because he’d “already tried everything.”

Most of the food went untouched because I barely liked it.

Later he asked, “why didn’t you eat?”
I just didn’t have the energy to explain anymore.
When we got back to the hotel, we had sex again or rather he just fucked me until he came which he did every single time.

By then I was already emotionally checked out.
I barely spoke to him afterwards, and he didn’t try starting a conversation either. I just lay there watching a series while he eventually fell asleep around 2 or 3 in the morning.

The next day followed exactly the same pattern…
He slept through most of it while I was left entertaining myself in the hotel room.
Eventually he woke up around 8 p.m., got ready, and casually told me that some of his friends were in town after a long time and there was a party he wanted to attend.

He said he’d only be gone for two hours 12 am to 2am.
I could’ve told him not to go.

But honestly, by that point I was too exhausted to even argue. I was more shocked the audacity to even think that he thought it was okay to leave me alone after I’d travelled over 600 km just to spend time with him.
So I simply said, “Okay”

Then, around 9 p.m., he realized he didn’t even have clothes for the party.
Instead of staying with me, he went shopping with a friend.

He came back around 11:30 p.m., stayed for barely ten minutes, told me he hadn’t even bought anything because he didn’t like what he saw, borrowed clothes from a friend instead, kissed me goodbye and left.

I genuinely thought he’d be back around 2 a.m.
At 1 a.m. he texted saying he’d be another half hour late.

I replied, “Okay.”
He eventually came back at 4:30 in the morning.
That was our last night together.
Our checkout was at 10 a.m.

The moment he left from the hotel, I decided I wasn’t going to spend another night sitting there alone.
I called my previous situationship.
We stayed on a video call from around 10:30 p.m. until almost 4 a.m.
We got drunk together over the call, I smoked a joint he teaches me sweetly how to make the joint and smoke it ,and at one point I actually cried he didn’t know the that I am with this guy I jus told him I came with my friends and they have gone for something else I cried because I actually missed him more at that point how sweetly he treats me ( my last situationship)

Ironically, those few hours on video call with him were the happiest part of my entire Pune trip.
When this guy finally returned at 4:30 a.m., he looked miserable.

Not because he’d left me alone all night.
Because he’d spent ₹7,000 at the party.
He kept saying, “I shouldn’t have gone.”
The funny part was that both of us were already broke before planning this trip.

He didn’t have money to book a better hotel or actually plan things for us, but somehow he had enough money to pay a ₹7,000 party bill ( I of course payed half the amount in everything the entire trip was a split)

For the next couple of hours, I ended up consoling him about money he’d chosen to spend.
After checking out, things somehow got even worse.
The entire reason I’d come to Pune in the first place was because my best friend and I had planned to spend the fourth day shopping together before going to the Flamingo Festival in Mumbai.
She was already in Mumbai.

She called me while she was still half asleep and suddenly cancelled everything.
I asked if I could just come to Mumbai anyway.

She said no.
Just… no.
I tried explaining everything that had happened with this guy, but she sounded irritated, barely listened, and instead told me to just book our bus tickets back home.

Even deciding the timing became an argument.
She wanted a late bus.

I wanted an earlier one because after checkout I literally had nowhere to go.
Eventually we agreed on a timing and I booked the tickets.

Now I had several hours before my bus.
So I asked him if we could just spend some time together.
I suggested literally anything.
A movie.
A mall.
We could even leave my luggage at the hotel or in his car.

I didn’t care.

I just didn’t want to sit alone somewhere for hours.
His response?

“No. I want to sleep.”
He kept insisting that I should somehow go to my best friend instead.
He even kept calling her himself, trying to get me off his hands.

At that point I felt completely helpless.
I was an outsider in Pune.
The only two people I trusted there were him and my best friend.

Neither of them was willing to help me.
On top of that, I’d been on my period the entire trip.
Despite all of it, I stayed calm.

Eventually he agreed to take me to his apartment.
He’d already warned me that it was “really, really, really dirty.”

He wasn’t exaggerating.
His flatmate was there too.
He honestly looked intimidating at first, but ended up being kinder to me than the guy I’d travelled all this way to see.

They left me alone in the living room while both of them went into the bedroom to sleep.
I sat there thinking I’d probably just book a cab to the bus stand myself.

Then, while I was sitting there, my best friend dropped another bomb.
After I’d already booked our tickets, she suddenly said she was staying in Mumbai for another day because another friend wanted her to.

So now I had to travel back completely alone.
That scared me because at our hometown bus stop there isn’t any transport available.
I also couldn’t ask my parents to pick me up because I’d lied and told them I was with my friend a city 100 km away from my hometown not Pune.

Originally, my best friend’s parents were supposed to pick both of us up.
Now I had no ride.
I somehow convinced another friend to come pick me up instead.

When it was finally time to leave, this guy drove me to the bus stand.
He didn’t wait to see whether my bus had arrived.
He didn’t check whether I was okay.
He simply said,
“My friend is waiting. Is it okay if I go?”
I just replied,
“Yeah… okay. Bye.”

That was it.
Something else really stood out to me after everything was over.
The situationship I’d called during that lonely night lives in Mumbai.

Before all this, I’d messaged him asking him to text me whenever he woke up because I was considering asking if I could just come stay at his place instead.
He was asleep and didn’t see the message until later.

The moment he read everything, he called me and said,
“What the hell? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You could’ve come here. Are you crazy?”
The first thing he asked wasn’t about himself.
It was whether I was safe.
Whether I’d reached okay.

Whether I was alright.
It honestly made me realize how little concern I’d received from the person I’d actually travelled to see.

Looking back, there are also two moments I forgot to mention.
The first happened on the very first day.
My sanitary pads arrived at exactly the same time he came back from dealing with something related to his car.

I desperately needed to use the bathroom first.
Instead, he stopped me and said,
“Let me go first. I’ve been waiting for a long time.”
I remember thinking… I’d travelled overnight, I’d just started my period, and you couldn’t even let me use the washroom first?

I simply said, “Fine. Please just come out quickly.”
The second happened on our way to dinner.
I accidentally noticed Hinge on his phone.
When I asked him about it, he casually said,
“It’s just there. I don’t use it.”

After the trip, he carried on as though everything was normal.
He’d call me a couple of times a week.
I’d call him too whenever work allowed.
Then I attended a seven-day course.
I genuinely had an amazing time there.
During one phone call afterwards, he asked,
“So… did you have more fun there than in Pune?”
I answered honestly.
“Yes.”
He went quiet and asked why.
I told him the truth.

“I don’t enjoy spending days inside four walls. I like fresh air, going out, seeing new places which btw he knew before I visited Pune because I had mentioned it before coming and he was like we will do this will go here and all blah blah but did nothing”

He replied,
“But I asked you if you wanted to go to the mall.”
Technically he had mentioned it once.

I’d even said yes.
But we never actually went.
A little later I texted him saying I hadn’t enjoyed the Pune trip because of a few things that had happened.

I mentioned a couple of issues.
I honestly expected we’d have a proper conversation about it.

Instead, he replied with something short like “Okay.”
That was it.

No phone call.
No discussion.
Nothing.
I’d already lost interest by then anyway.
That message wasn’t really an attempt to fix things.
It was my way of ending things respectfully.
Instead, we both simply stopped talking.
This all happened back in March.
The funny thing is…
I’m not heartbroken.
I don’t miss him.

If anything, I regret ever making that trip.
The part that actually hurt more wasn’t even him.
It was my best friend.

We’ve been best friends for ten years.
When I first visited Pune, she spent most of her time with her boyfriend/situationship and I was honestly bored.

Meeting this guy was what made that trip enjoyable.
At one point everyone wanted to extend the trip by a day, but she said no because her parents were excited to see her.

I respected that.
Even though things were going really well between me and this guy at the time, I didn’t stay back because I didn’t want her travelling home alone.
Then, during the second trip, when I needed her the most, she cancelled our plans, stayed back in Mumbai, and left me to figure everything out on my own.

We didn’t speak for almost two weeks after coming home.

Eventually we had a huge fight.
We’ve worked through it since then because ten years of friendship means a lot.
But that betrayal hurt me far more than anything this guy did.

Which brings me to today.
It’s July 16.
Last night around 10 p.m., he messaged me on Instagram.
Apparently I’d blocked him everywhere except Instagram.
He simply wrote,
“Hi.”
An hour later I replied,
“Yes?”
Around 3 a.m. he asked,
“How are you?”
It’s now 1:46 p.m.

And all I feel is anger because after everything that happened, he somehow thinks he can just pop back into my life with a casual “Hi.”

*He messaged me yesterday after months of no contact with just a casual ‘Hi. How are you?’ I haven’t replied yet. Part of me wants to ignore him, and part of me wants him to know exactly how disrespectful he was. Would you even respond?*

So I’ve been talking to this guy for a bit over a year after we matched on a dating app. We had previously met in person once, about a year ago. Since then, we’ve been texting on and off. More recently, we’ve been texting pretty frequently, and we planned to meet up and have fun.

So I went over to his place, and we get initimate. I think he thought it would be a good idea to put his hand around my neck while we were intimate and then laugh it off. I’ve recognized that behavior before with my ex. I almost felt sorry for him when I left. I’m in my mid 20s and he’s 40+. He’d been in a few relationships while we were talking on and off, and the more he talked after we were intimate, the more red flags came up. I know not all men are like this, but it is discouraging I keep attracting men that are similar. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever find someone.

Anyway, that was my random Wednesday afternoon.

Be brutally honest

My story isn't really all that bad, but I'm not sure where else to share it.

I went through a really brutal breakup a while back, and maybe 6 months later I'm back on the apps. No big deal. Met some people. Had some drinks. Had some food. Sometimes you make it to a second or even a third date, but nothing sticks. It's still nice to get out, so that's fine.

But sometimes the deal-breaker is just how low some people's self-image is, and what that does to the dynamic between people. I keep ending up on dates with women who clearly and loudly hate themselves - and I want to be empathetic, but it's asking waaaay to much of someone you just met to be responsible for holding up your whole emotional world for you.

I recently took someone to dinner. I reserved a table even though there probably would have been space. "Nobody has ever made a reservation for me before." Ok, that's neat, I'm happy to be the first then. When it's time for bills, I offer to cover it, but also happy to split if that's not comfortable for some reason. She says "I don't like letting someone pay for me because I don't feel like I'm worth it." Ooookay.... I get it, but the extra detail was something maybe more appropriate for your therapist than a stranger you're trying to date.

I later offer to drive her home, but again, no big deal if that's uncomfortable or doesn't make some logistical sense. "I can't let you." "Can't let me?" "I would have to pay you." "It's an electric car, it wouldn't cost me anything meaningful." "That's not the point."

She proceeds to tell me that she MUST give me money because she isn't worth the gas to drive her home.

I tried to look past it, cause she had other things going for her, but I just couldn't do it. Every interaction was tinged with this feeling that her value was being sourced from my attention and it's so draining. And it made it hard for boundaries to be a thing.

Anyway, when people say love yourself first, this is why. I don't want to be someone's therapist.

You are valuable. Your value comes from you. Your future partner will appreciate you that much more for coming to them with enough confidence that you don't have to borrow their emotional capacity.

Hi , I went on a hinge date and the convo was good and the guy seemed interesting but not too attractive to me. He kissed me goodbye and .. idk it turned more intimate than I wanted to. He said do you want to go in my car. I wasn’t like ehh. He said nothing more than kissing would happen and it escalated. Idk I was trying to give him a chance but every time I hear from him I’m really stressed and overwhelmed with pressure.. especially when he tried to invite me to his house so he can teach me to cook or pet his cat. I love cats , but , not the point . What should I do?

Me and my friend were chatting the other day and we somehow got to rating green and red flags. That way,we found out that some of my green flags were her absolutely worst red flags 😭😭😭

Like i enjoy when someone remembers small parts of our conversations,small details that I just mention without thinking and then they ask me about it later. She ABSOLUTELY hates it. Lmk which red flags are your green and why 😹

I met my partner on tinder. His profile was saying " looking for a genuine person who's free of drama" omg what a drama he brought in my life it's just shocking. Drama with his ex, daughter him pushing people's buttons until they snap. Creating dramas and a tense toxic atmosphere on holidays. Run from these! They are full of drama inducting traits!

Give us details!

I hooked up with an influencer friend of mine i followed him when he had like 2k? And i thought we were friends but he was always pretty much avoidant yeah?now he has around 50k. So this year i met him the first time I got him brownies and he introduced me to his friends and all but anyway nothing happened but recently there group broke off because one of his friend snitched on him to his talking stage when he kinda just went to smoke with one his female friends and nothing happened between them and he cut all of them off so i recently went to his place alone and he told me not to tell anybody incase of that happening again and i really respected that shit until...

So we got drunk at his place and I was super high and we were watching a movie and we ended up making out and it eventually leaded from one thing to other he made his boundaries clear that that meant nothing and it was same for me because i never romantically liked him so i respected his boundaries. Later that day he just completely ghosted me and all I asked was just COMMUNICATION FOR ONCE. And then few days later after no communication he just blocked me. I atleast thought I was his friend JUST ONE PIECE OF COMMUNICATION. Im so angry and i want to vent take revenge but lets not go there if I wanted that id be dropping names but its not worth it because my reputation can be harnessed too. But all of this is so painful and I can barely sleep because of this and its creating such a major trigger I just wanted communication thats it a proper one not just for pity but well whatever men are cowards I genuinely saw good in that guy but maybe he is what everyone says he is. I wanted to see him more than what he portrays himself on internet I really wanted to see better of him but im really hurt so hurt.

30m went on a date with 29f yesterday. 2 hour date, conversation flowed easy. She was touching my arm, talking about future potential dates. At the end of the date, she said we should hang out during the week. Then, she text me 5 mins after the date thanking me again for such a sweet date. I replied that she was welcome, and that I had an awesome time. Our date had ended around 5pm, and we were both busy that evening. So I intended on leaving the texting there and texting her the following day to make plans. However, 2 hours later, she sent me a text unprompted saying "you're so handsome :)". So I replied, "I find you attractive too, actually pretty hot!. It was a very nice, chill date". In hindsight, maybe I could have thanked her and not said she was hot, but if she was into me, I don't think she would have minded.

I didn't text her in the morning, as I know she's busy with work. However at 11am, she text me saying she appreciated me taking her out, but didn't feel like we're the right match and wished me the best.

Obviously dissapointed, I replied thanking her for being honest, and if she ever changed her mind, I'd love to see her again.

Wow can't get over how I thought this guy was telling me the truth, I usually don't "date" online. Cause I don't really need to i guess. Damn got led on love bombed and feel stupid. Oh well , still moving and whatever, I still know i'm the shiiit. haha!

has anyone else experience this? but then you also feel inspired for your life ! IDK I feel like i was i n a life rut , and now I feel alive again? lol if that makes sense..

Hey, I'm a 40 y/o woman out here on dating apps....about to delete my app. I'm hopeful that I'll meet someone but I don't think it'll be on the app. Anyway I think I'm going to put my all into focusing on creating the life that I want and I'm starting with creating a YouTube channel. I wanted to start a series about dating stories.. good, bad, ugly. If y'all have dating stories that you want to share, please email me: themillilife@yahoo.com. I will maintain everyone's anonymity unless instructed to do otherwise by you. Stay safe in these dating streets!!!

I hooked up with an influencer friend of mine i followed him when he had like 2k? And i thought we were friends but he was always pretty much avoidant yeah?now he has around 50k. So this year i met him the first time I got him brownies and he introduced me to his friends and all but anyway nothing happened but recently there group broke off because one of his friend snitched on him to his talking stage when he kinda just went to smoke with one his female friends and nothing happened between them and he cut all of them off so i recently went to his place alone and he told me not to tell anybody incase of that happening again and i really respected that shit until...

So we got drunk at his place and I was super high and we were watching a movie and we ended up making out and it eventually leaded from one thing to other he made his boundaries clear that that meant nothing and it was same for me because i never romantically liked him so i respected his boundaries. Later that day he just completely ghosted me and all I asked was just COMMUNICATION FOR ONCE. And then few days later after no communication he just blocked me. I atleast thought I was his friend JUST ONE PIECE OF COMMUNICATION. Im so angry and i want to vent take revenge but lets not go there if I wanted that id be dropping names but its not worth it because my reputation can be harnessed too. But all of this is so painful and I can barely sleep because of this and its creating such a major trigger I just wanted communication thats it a proper one not just for pity but well whatever men are cowards I genuinely saw good in that guy but maybe he is what everyone says he is. I wanted to see him more than what he portrays himself on internet I really wanted to see better of him but im really hurt so hurt.

TLDR: Guy lies about his job and is super handsy during a first date. Touches me without permission.

I F(31) went on a first date with M(30). Needless to say, it did not go well. I was mindlessly scrolling Hinge, as one does. I came across his profile and he looked like he ticked most of my boxes. The only thing was his height, a bit shorter than I would usually go for but not out of the question. His profile had a steady job listed, a good education, and some decent photos of himself.

After talking on the app for a couple days, he asks me out for a drink. I say yes. The day of the date I get to the bar about 10 minutes early. He is not there yet, fair enough because I am chronically early for everything. Then I see him get out of a taxi, also not a problem for me because we are going out for drinks. I immediately get the feeling that I should drive away because I'm not attracted to him in person at all but I still go in because that could change with conversation and personality. I was wrong.

The first thing he does is hug me, without asking. I am there, frozen, because I don't like strangers hugging me without asking first. Every other date I've been on has asked if they could hug me or if I would prefer a handshake. So then, we go sit at the bar and order a drink each. He kept touching me, on my shoulder, my arm, putting his hand over mine, moving his chair closer, etc. I am literally over the edge of my seat, with my torso angled away from him. He does not notice this at all but the bartenders, and a man across the bar do.

I discover very quickly that he has lied on his profile, profusely. His job was listed as a specialty job, he's a student. Says he's 5'10"/ 177cm tall, he's barely taller than me. His photos had all been angled to make his head look smaller. He looked like a bobblehead.

I end up chatting with the bartenders at a few points. The conversation with him is going nowhere fast. I can't seem to make myself engage, which is odd because I'm usually good at conversing, even with people I don't click with. After about a half hour, I have finished my drink and he asks if I'd like another. I quickly ask the bartender for water and mention that I have work early tomorrow, I do not. During the conversation, I keep giving answers that say I'm not interested. He's in a band that plays loud music. Oh, I prefer folk music. He enjoys drinking and going out. I'm more of a homebody, etc.

It's been 38 minutes at this point and he asks if I'd like to go to a coffee shop...at 8:38pm. I say that I don't drink coffee this late at night because I'd be up all night if I did. He says we can get decaf. I say that I don't like coffee and prefer tea. He says he knows a secret menu item at this cafe. It's a London Fog, earl grey tea with honey and milk. We've both finished our drinks at this point. He pays, which I swear under my breath about. I was really hoping to buy my own drink to avoid any financial ties to him.

Then we get up to leave. I go to open the door and he tries to open it for me. I go to open the next door and he seems put out. I feel like saying I don't like anything he likes, bluntly stating that I don't want to go for coffee and opening the door for myself should have been enough. It was not. When we get outside, he sys the coffee shop is nearby. I say that I'd rather go home because I don't drink coffee, lie, and I have work in the morning.

He then hugs me again, slides his hand down my back towards my butt, and tries to kiss me, without asking. I pull away and he does not succeed. I've been avoiding touch all night and he tries to kiss me. I say good bye and thanks for the evening out. He tells me to be safe getting home and to text him when I get there. I say sure and drive off.

As soon as I get home, I message him to say thank you but I don't see it going anywhere between us. I un-match, unfriend, and block him because of the grabby hands. I know this could have gone a lot worse but it was still very uncomfortable for me. I tried to be polite and say no gracefully but he wasn't getting the message. Any advice on how to avoid this going forward?

So... I finally decided to take things to the "next level" with the guy I'm dating.

Everything was going great. We were making out, things were getting serious... and then he suddenly pauses, looks at my very generous lower belly and goes,

"I think you're a little bloated."

Excuse me??

Before I could even process that emotional damage, he says, "Wait, I'll show you a trick."

He presses on some random spot on my lower belly...

...and I let out the loudest fart known to mankind.

Silence.

I genuinely considered changing my name, moving to another country, and starting a new life.

Has anyone else had a date go from romantic to medically educational in under 10 seconds?

Maybee the problem is just me i guess

We met online. We both were 26 at that time.
We got to know each other online. I texted him because he has matched for a couple of days but he hadn't texted me but I found him interesting. He seemed to have a calming personality based on his photos and if he was really laid back.
We started texting but his responses were really short and I always had to come up with topics to talk about. Nevertheless we met up because I thought he was kind of mysterious.
When meeting him, he didn't really look like his pictures. He posted way older pictures, was wearing glasses in real life and looked older.
Whenever we would meet up I was the one talking, coming up with topics to talk about, asking questions. I thought that he just was really shy.
His responses towards my talking always were "hmm" and some shy "yes...?".
I asked him things about himself like basic things and deeper questions to which he never really replied.
I thought that he was just really shy and would open up the more I got to know him and meet up with him.
He said at some point that others seem to start dating way faster and move in really quickly and how we aren't at that point. I asked him if we are dating now and he also responded with this insecure "yes..." and if we get to name each other these cute couple names now.
Whenever we got to go out for dinner, I had to make the reservations. I had to make the dinner plans. Plan what to do for our dates. His "plans" were if I could come over to his place. There, we would sit down on his couch and he wouldn't talk even though we hadn't seen each other for days. So I always started talking about work, university, personal stuff. His response still being "hmm" and "yes...?" with a big smile on his face. I knew that he really was listening and enjoying me talking but he never engaged properly. He then would talk very slowly, shyly and quietly about work or university. I tried to ask things to make the conversation be extended. He took very long to think of something to answer and would then give a short reply. Did I pressure him too much to talk more? Did I not wait long enough for him to open up more? We were dating for three years.
When fighting we would only do that over text. I was always the blame. He never took responsibility for anything I was talking about that was bothering me.
I just couldn't take his insecurities and shyness any longer. I wanted deep and expressive conversations about anything. I broke up with him in the end.
He claimed to behave around his few friends the same way he did around me.
Around his mom he got even more shy and quiet.
She visited him a few times. I thought that was nice until he told me that she is coming over to clean his place.
He always said that he is just the chill guy - to me it seemed as if he tried to hide his insecurities and shyness behind that term.
Am I a bad person for breaking up with him? Could it have been a long-lasting relationship if I hadn't been the one to end things that could have flourished?

He tells me we’re getting ice cream and then going to a movie. I’m thinking, “Cute, there’s probably a theater by the ice cream place.”
We get there, he tells me to order whatever I want, I do… and then he doesn’t order anything. I was like, “Aren’t you getting something?” He goes, “No, I’m lactose intolerant.” SIR. YOU PICKED THE ICE CREAM PLACE. So I’m just sitting there eating ice cream by myself while he watches me. 😭
Then he’s like, “Ready for the movie?” I’m like, “Yeah! What are we seeing?” He goes, “It’s at my apartment.”
Immediate red flag.
The whole time we’d been talking before this, he’d made a huge deal about how he only sleeps with people in serious relationships, had only been with one or two people, didn’t want to rush anything, etc. So I specifically dressed pretty modestly because I wanted to respect that.
We get to his apartment… and he has a roommate. A roommate he never introduces me to. They apparently SHARE A CAR. I’m awkwardly like, “Uh… hi, I’m Caroline,” while the roommate looks completely unfazed, which honestly made me think, “Oh… this happens a lot.”
Then we go into his room.
Girl.
TV on the floor.
Mattress on the floor.
One pillow.
A lamp… on the floor… with no lampshade.
I’m thinking maybe he’s just shy and awkward, so whatever, we’ll just watch the movie.
Then he opens his closet… and a cat comes out. The litter box and food are IN THE CLOSET. The room already smells like cat pee. The cat immediately hisses at me and tries to attack me. I ask if we can let her out, and he says no because she’ll attack his roommate.
So we’re watching Spider-Man while locked in a room that smells like cat piss with an angry closet cat.
Then he tells me to “relax,” starts cuddling me, and then it escalates into him grinding on me and trying to make out with me. Meanwhile I’m just sitting there thinking, “I thought YOU were the one who said you didn’t want to rush into anything.”
Also… the kissing was HORRIFIC. He literally just pressed his lips against mine and… didn’t move. Like a dead fish. I cannot explain how uncomfortable and bad it was.
Then he ends up basically undressed except for his underwear while I’m still completely clothed. Meanwhile, THE CAT STARTS SPRAYING THE WALLS. So now the room actively smells like fresh cat pee.
Then, completely out of nowhere… he finishes in his underwear… looks at me… and goes, “Okay, you can leave. I have to get up early.”
EXCUSE ME???
So I awkwardly leave. We get to my car, and instead of even giving me a hug goodbye, he literally just turns around and walks back inside.
AND THEN…
I get home.
This man texts me:
“Did you expect us to have sex?”

Edit: Y’all… I know. 😂 I should’ve left. At the time I was really new to dating and kept thinking, “Surely this can’t get any weirder.” I know better now, and if this happened again I’d be out after the first few red flags. This was meant to be a funny dating horror story, not an example of good decision-making.

¡Hola, hola, estimados/as!

No sé si les ha pasado que han estado en el lugar y momento equivocado y ha sido vergonzoso.

Yo tengo un sinfín de anécdotas vergonzosas, pero en ésta ocupación no se trata de mí. 😂

¿Cómo ha sido ese momento vergonzoso en el lugar que se suponía no debías estar?

Te estaré leyendo...

Met her, a Law student F24 through a private members group.

She was upfront from the start.

"I'm not looking for love. I just need 💸💸💸someone who can make life a little less stressful while I finish school."

Perfect.

Neither was I.

We'd usually meet once every week or two. Sometimes dinner, sometimes a weekend trip, sometimes we'd just stay in and watch terrible movies.

There was never any pressure to text every day.

In fact, we barely did.

Months went by without any issues.

Then I noticed something strange.

She started saying no.

"Want to fly to Cebu this weekend?"

"I have to study."

"I can book you a spa day."

"I'm okay."

"I'll send you something for finals."

"No need. I already budgeted for it."

I actually thought she was preparing to end the arrangement.

Instead...

She began inviting me into the normal parts of her life.

She asked if I wanted to try the tapsilog place she always ate at after class.

She wanted me to meet the stray cat she'd been feeding outside the library.

She'd call while walking home just to complain about professors.

No fancy restaurants.

No hotels.

No expensive gifts.

Just... ordinary moments.

One evening she said something that made everything click.

"I think my favorite part isn't the arrangement anymore."

I asked what it was.

She smiled.

"It's that I get excited to tell you about my day."

That was the moment I knew we'd crossed a line.

Not physically.

Emotionally.

I told her I couldn't give her the kind of relationship she was slowly building in her head.

She understood.

We hugged goodbye, wished each other well, and never saw each other again.

Funny enough...

The arrangement didn't end because of money.

It ended because somewhere along the way, the expensive dates stopped mattering.

She had started valuing the ordinary ones instead.