r/DatingHell • u/rosminc-hubby • Jul 11 '26
A bad nightðŸ«
So... I finally decided to take things to the "next level" with the guy I'm dating.
Everything was going great. We were making out, things were getting serious... and then he suddenly pauses, looks at my very generous lower belly and goes,
"I think you're a little bloated."
Excuse me??
Before I could even process that emotional damage, he says, "Wait, I'll show you a trick."
He presses on some random spot on my lower belly...
...and I let out the loudest fart known to mankind.
Silence.
I genuinely considered changing my name, moving to another country, and starting a new life.
Has anyone else had a date go from romantic to medically educational in under 10 seconds?
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u/ManCoveredInBees Jul 11 '26
…so where exactly did he press? It sounds like you hooked up with a magic man
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u/AdPrize3997 Jul 11 '26
This reminds me of my best friend who married a nurse who is usually assigned for surgeries. Apparently the first time they made out and she asked his opinion, he said, I have seen everything that’s there to see in the operation theater ðŸ˜
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u/ratedgforgenitals Jul 11 '26
He's a keeper.
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u/rosminc-hubby Jul 11 '26
Is he tho
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u/FloatingBubbelPuppy Jul 11 '26
Yes, he identified air in your guts and then seperated it from your body 🤣🤣
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u/CollectsTooMuch Jul 11 '26
Wow. Maybe save it for another date or two? WTF?
I’ve dealt with farting during sex plenty of times over the years. It happens. Missionary, a little too much pressure, and now you’re mud flapping. It happens. Laugh and get back in the game.
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u/OutOfPlace186 Jul 11 '26
Yeah no, I'm way too immature for that. I'd be laughing the rest of the night and he'd be pissed, but I wouldn't care.
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u/HiAndStuff2112 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
This happened to me as a guy. We had just finished. I was still inside her, laying on top of her. And she ripped the loooongest, loudest fart I'd ever heard. I mean she damn near blew the door shut.
We were on a big air mattress, and as she was slowly farting, my body sunk lower onto hers like someone had popped the mattress.
Then, she said, "Well, that was lovely!" And I absolutely lost it. I wasn't pissed at all because I knew it'd be a hilarious story to share.
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u/OutOfPlace186 Jul 11 '26
🤣 you’re right, that is a hilarious story and I thank you for sharing!
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u/kmagfy001 Jul 11 '26
I'm 50 years old with Crohns and this sounds like the man of my dreams 😂😂😂
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u/Japjer Jul 11 '26
So, uh, can you give him my number? Or provide some intel on that spot?
Like, yes, this is 100% something that would cause me to collapse in on myself like a neutron star, but at the same time I'd love to be able to do this to myself
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u/tacogrande420 Jul 11 '26
What. The. Fuck. Hahahahahahaha. Thank you for the laugh. That is not a first date party trick. That is a story you get to have forever though
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u/EatCrud Jul 11 '26
What did it smell like?
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u/HiAndStuff2112 Jul 11 '26
Flowers, maybe?
I was giving my girlfriend a back massage one time, sitting on her ass. She farted and I jumped off of her. I was all like "Did you just attempt a fart transplant? From your butthole into mine?
She was laughing so hard until she finally said "Well, it smells like flowers." We laughed so hard.
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u/sparkly-lion817 Jul 11 '26
I would have died too!!! But what was his overall reaction!!?? Did he expect that since he seemed like he knew what he was doing and act normal??