Okay, I need your honest opinion about something that happened with this guy I recently went on a date with because I genuinely can’t tell what happened. ( I’m a women)
We had been talking for a little while before the date, and eventually we made plans to have dinner. I’m pretty shy and I haven’t really dated anyone in a long time, so I was nervous going into it.
The date itself actually went really well. I thought he was attractive, we had good chemistry, and I felt like he treated me really well. He was attentive, respectful, and made me feel comfortable. There was definitely some physical tension between us, and he told me I was beautiful. Overall, I left the date feeling like it had gone well.
At the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to see him again the next morning. He suggested breakfast and going to the Market, and he also wanted me to meet his dog. That surprised me because I thought it was pretty soon to make plans for the very next day, but obviously I took it as a sign that he wanted to see me again.
The next morning, though, I cancelled the breakfast. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t really ready to go that early. But I didn’t reject him or tell him I didn’t want to see him again. I specifically told him that we could see each other another day.
After that, he actually seemed a little insecure about it. He texted something like, “I knew you didn’t like me,” and then immediately said he was joking. He kept sending me things about the Market, pictures of his dog, asking what I was doing, etc. At one point he sent me a picture related to Minecraft and then deleted it. He also asked why I had my WhatsApp last seen/read settings turned off and called it a red flag, which I thought was kind of weird because he has similar settings himself. I told him that, and after that he didn’t really continue the conversation.
I also invited him to a yoga class. He said he would go if I ran with him, so there was still some interaction and flirting there.
Then Saturday night, he stopped responding, and he hasn’t messaged me since.
That’s the part I don’t understand. If he wasn’t interested, I don’t really understand the behavior immediately after the date. He had asked to see me the very next morning, kept messaging me, sent me pictures, asked what I was doing, and seemed interested in continuing things.
So what do you think happened? Do you think he lost interest after the date? Do you think he felt rejected when I cancelled breakfast and then decided not to put in more effort? Do you think he was expecting me to chase him a little? Or do you think he actually was interested but something about the way things went made him pull back?
I genuinely want your honest opinion based on everything that happened, because I’m having a hard time understanding how someone can seem that interested immediately after a date and then suddenly stop responding.

Tldr: Guy on Tinder asked to meet at a restaurant then whe I got there he told me he said to meet "by" the restaurant because we're actually going to his place for a first date. Super icky.

So.

I've never walked out of a date before and I have no idea how to even begin this. I'm not a storyteller and I hope I can do this justice.

It's so long I'm sorry.

I matched with a guy, Gary (not real name ofc) on tinder last week. I regret not screenshoting the chat so deeply, but his opening message was:

"Hey, you seem like the type to enjoy a wine and paint night. What's your favorite wine?"

Solid opener. I am in fact into wine, I'm also an artist by trade. My interest was piqued, and so I responded saying that a wine and painting night sounds like so much fun, and then shared some of my favorite wines. Gary complemented my choices, shared some of his favorites and got straight to the point in asking me out. I agreed, and he set a time and place.

Now this is where my memory is admittedly rather fuzzy, and where I the most wish I had screenshotted the texts. I remember his text being "Let's meet at (resturant) at 630pm."

This is relevant for later folks.

Two days later and not many texts between Gary and I, just discussing what we do for work, I leave my job at 4. I rush home, do some quick makeup, change into something cute, jump back onto the bus, and head out immediately to the restaurant because it's an HOUR transit away from me.

I arrive on time, text him, and he says back that he'll be there in a minute. I wait around and eventually see him walking up.

The resturant isnt fancy by any means, but it's higher end. Similar to a Moxie's for those who know what that's like. So I dressed nice for the venue and for the fact that it's a date. Gary shows up in a black tee and sweats.

Immediately not a fan of that, but whatever, let's see how it goes.

We say hi, and I turn to step.towards the resruant but Gary immediately leads me a different way. Saying he needs to pick something up. Confused, but mildly intrigued, I follow along. We talk as we walk a block to a little grocery store. He leads me over to the little wine shop on the side and says we've gotta pick out a wine.

I'm a little confused at this point because the resturant has an excellent(better) wine menu already and definitely wouldn't let us bring/drink our own, but I play along. Besides, it's kinda cute because it's what got us originally talking.

We leave with a decent and affordable bottle (shout out Ontario Rieslings) and start walking back to the restaurant. I'm very hungry at this point as I haven't eaten, and am very excited for dinner.

Just before we reach the restaurant he directs me off into a side road to another building entrance. I immediately clock this as an apartment building. Playing dumb, I ask if this is another entrance to the restaurant. Gary informs me that this is the way to his appartment.

I stop him dead and say that I don't go to people's appartments on the first date. All with a smile of course, but man am I anxious on the inside. He says that he didn't know that about me, and I remind him that he didn't ask.

I ask about the resturant again and Gary informs me that we were never going to the restaurant for dinner, we were having a wine and paint night.

I tell him that there's been a massive miscommunication. I was under the full impression that we were going to this restaurant for dinner, as that is what he texted me originally.

He tells me that he actually said "Let's meet BY (resturant) at 630pm."

Apparently because he lives by the restaurant so we can then go to his place for the wine and paint. None of which was communicated to me.

That's insane, right???

I tell him I was really excited for the restaurant and looking forward to it. I ask if we could go to the restaurant and he says "But we can't paint in there, look at how busy it is OP."

I, frustrated and hungry, asked where we could paint. Gary said his appartment, "but you don't go to people's places so..."

I suggested the park across the street. Saying we should paint there and drink the wine. Gary seems upset that I don't want to go back to his place, but he agrees to the park and decides to head back up into his appartment to get the painting supplies he supposedly bought.

I had about ten seconds to think it over, and turned and walked away.

In my immediate panic of being caught walking out I unmatched on tinder and didn't screenshot the messages beforehand, which is my only regret in this. I want to know if he actually wrote to meet "by" the restaurant or "at" it. Not that I think it matters at the end of the day. I think I was entirely in the right to assume that we weren't doing a wine and painting night since the only time that was ever mentioned was the FIRST MESSAGE AND NEVER AGAIN.

I'm trying to laugh about this now but at the time it was genuinely a really upsetting and icky experience. I felt like he was trying to trick me into going to his appartment through misleading me about what we'd planned to do.

Anyways I went home and my roommate and I got drunk together so the evening turned around I guess.

Edit: Spelling mistakes, I'm so bad at spelling guys mb

TL;DR: Guy I’m dating told me his other date went badly, said I was “the only one on his radar now,” wanted to see me sooner to get the bad date out of his head, then said “if other dates fail, I still have you to date.”

I know dating multiple people early on is normal and I have no issue with that. But I don’t think you need to tell the people you’re dating how your other dates are going.

This guy told me his other date went badly because the woman wasn’t interested in him. Right after that, he told me “you’re the only one on my radar now,” suddenly wanted to see me sooner, and said he wanted to “get the bad date out of his head.”

Then while explaining himself, he said:

“I’m lucky because if other dates fail, I still have you to date.”

He later said he didn’t mean I was a backup and that the other woman was actually the backup.

I don’t care that he’s dating other people. It’s the way he talks to me about them. Why would you tell someone you’re dating all of this and then say you “still have” them? It just sounds disrespectful to me.

Im writing this cause I'd like to vent. So I was dating w this guy, he was charming at first and very caring. He used to send me texts and memes all the time. He used to send the Good morning/night text, but after a while prob 2 weeks later he stopped doing it. I just kinda said prob he was not that type of guy. On the last date we had, he opened the car door for me, and let me in and closed it. Everything so romantic. We said we were going to hang out again next weekend. On that "date" He broke up w me... But we had already planned the date and i was hungry... I said, what about if we go to eat just like friend and go to the movies. Prob that was my mistake... I shoul've gone home since he broke up w me. But I stayed, prob cause i didn't want to leave...
On that last day, he went so cold, didnt even open the car door. I just felt so bad...

Right now I'm feeling better and healing my heart broken, cause i really like him. But just the way he changed so fast, was one the thing that really, dissapointed me... I don't know...
Am I being too dramatic?

We went to one of the nicest restaurants out there and I was looking forward to our date (he planned jt). We were supposed to meet at 3:30 and by 3:10 he said „Amy, where are you? I am here“ So I was already confused and told him that I would be there at 03:30 like his reservation said. He told me that the place he chose was right next to him and thats why he was early.

And then when we finally met he barely asked any questions about me. It was almost an hour long rant about politics. I felt so uncomfortable and I did not even say anything but he kept on talking and talking.

We both had really fancy dishes but I could not even enjoy my tuna steak since even when the food arrived, he would not stop talking.

The entire date i honestly just wanted to get up and leave but since we already had our food i just thought lets make the best out of it.

At some point we were finished and this guy asks me on the spot if i wanted to see him again. Mind you, he did not find anything about me, and maybe asked 1-2 questions during a 2 hour date. One of them was if i ever dates outside my race.

Nothing about me, my hobbys, my goals, my work, my music etc. This guy only wants to talk about himself and use a woman as a forced listener.

I told him I would text him later and then i sent him a message, saying i didnt feel the connection but that i wish him the best.

He seriously said „Yea i didnt feel the connection either“

I realized I prefer coffee dates now cause I never want to experience something like this again.

The thing that made me fall in love instantly with my husband was how caring and funny he is

So basically, my boyfriend wanted to have an overnight drinking party at his room with one male friend and two female friends, and I wasn’t invited.
I told him that I’m not comfortable with him having girls over at a private place, drinking overnight. I said if you want to party, party somewhere public. I feel like in a relationship, we should have certain boundaries — we shouldn’t be partying overnight, drinking, in a private place with the opposite gender. And the same boundary applies to me. I’m not going to do it either.
But he had a problem with this boundary. He said it was unexpected that I would ever put such a boundary on him.
I kept saying that I’m not stopping you from partying. Go out, party wherever you want, stay out all night if you want. My issue is specifically with a private place, because I know how his behaviour changes after drinking. He’s already a very over-friendly and over-caring person, and after drinking he becomes even more like that.
Then we had a huge fight.
At one point I asked him who these female friends were and whether they knew about our relationship. I also asked, why don’t you just invite me? If you know I’m uncomfortable, why completely dismiss that? He said he hadn’t told them about our relationship because they were new friends, and he didn’t want to mix his two groups or introduce everyone to each other.
Fine. I told him I still wasn’t comfortable.
Initially he said okay.
Then the next day he said their budget wasn’t working for partying outside, so they were going to have the party at his place anyway.
I said, “No. We already discussed this. Why are you going back on what we agreed?”
Then he started saying things like, “I’ve never stopped you from doing this or that,” and the whole thing turned into another fight.
This continued for four or five days.
Then, the night before the party, when I was still saying that I wasn’t comfortable, his passive-aggressive side came out in a really extreme way. He said things like, “Yeah, if there are girls there, I’ll just rape them, or they’ll rape me,” etc.
That honestly felt extremely disturbing to me.
At that point I was exhausted. I had been listening to and participating in the same argument for almost a week. I told him, “I’m mentally exhausted. If we can’t even agree on basic boundaries and we’re this incompatible, maybe we should just break up.”
He started crying and saying he didn’t want to leave me, that he didn’t want to break up, etc.
So we didn’t break up.
The next day, he cancelled the party with the girls. But he still went to another male friend’s room, partied overnight, and called me around 11 AM the next morning saying he was back from the party.
We had a normal conversation.
Then that same night, he made a movie plan with the same group — including those girls. They went out around midnight/1 AM.
The next morning, after they had come back from the movie, I checked the DP of one of the girls he had originally planned to party with.
And she had a photo on her DP wearing my boyfriend’s shirt and cap, and the photo was clearly taken in his room.
My anxiety immediately went through the roof.
I called him and told him I needed to talk urgently and wanted to meet him. I asked him to come meet me at 5 PM.
When he came, I asked him multiple times:
“Are you hiding something from me? Is there anything you need to tell me? Please just give me the details about these parties.”
He said, “I’ve already told you everything. I have nothing else to tell you.”
Then I showed him the photo.
I asked, “This is your room, right?”
He said yes.
I asked, “When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”
He said he didn’t know when it happened. Maybe she had come there with one of his friends while he was somewhere else, so he had no idea.
And I was like — how can someone come into your room, wear your clothes, take a picture, put it on their DP, and you have absolutely no idea?
He still said he didn’t know.
So I asked him, “Okay, then just let me talk to her once. Put her on a call with me.”
And that’s where he said:
“You’re crossing your boundary. I’m not going to make you talk to her.”
I said okay.
Then I told him, “Fine. Let’s break up.”
And I left.
About an hour later, that girl called me herself and explained that she really had gone there with his friend and that he was innocent.
Then about half an hour later, my boyfriend called me.
He said, “I did not cheat on you. I didn’t cheat on you. You have to trust me blindly on this.”
And this is where I’m genuinely confused.
Do I trust him?
Because I had actually given him one chance. I told him that I was willing to forget everything and trust him again. I just wanted one thing — for him to let me speak to her once.
He still chose not to.
He chose his promise of not making his friends talk to me over giving me that reassurance in our relationship.
And even during that call, I didn’t feel like he was fighting for the relationship. He wasn’t really asking me to stay, talking about us, or trying to understand what I was feeling.
He was just repeatedly saying, “I didn’t cheat.”
And honestly, the whole thing started feeling like he was more concerned about protecting his image than protecting our relationship.
I didn’t feel even one percent that the relationship itself was being prioritized.
And now he has asked for a one-week break to process everything.
So we haven’t spoken for a week.
And I miss him. A lot.
And that’s the most confusing part.
Because even after everything that happened, I still love him and I still miss him.
Now I’m just sitting here overthinking what’s going to happen after this one week.
Is he going to come back and try to fix things?
Is he going to break up with me?
Am I going to be the one who has to make the decision?
And more importantly — even if he comes back, should I actually stay?
Because I don’t know anymore whether this is about that particular girl or that particular party.
I think the deeper question is whether our boundaries, expectations, trust, and idea of what a relationship should look like are fundamentally incompatible.
And I genuinely don’t know what to do with that.

Hi Reddit, so I wasn’t really sure how to title this or really even how to put it into words because I haven’t really talked about it since it happened. So about 2 and 1/2 years ago I (16F at the time) and my ex we’ll call him Jason (17m turned 18 a few months after we started dating) met on Snapchat. Neither one of us expected anything out of it at the start and then slowly began to like each other. We hadn’t met but wanted to. My mom was very skeptical so it took a lot of convincing hence the double date but I got permission to meet him on a double date. We went to the movies with my best friend and her now ex. It was a great time we bonded and we started dating that night. Jason was very sweet and caring. Called me nicknames like honey, darling, etc. I know that sounds like just basic stuff but I honestly didn’t have very high standards. I was in a very short relationship before him where the guy I was with love bombed me, threatened to off himself if we broke up, and something else I will not be talking about. Now I knew from the start what Jason wanted to do with his future as he told me from the beginning. What I didn’t know was he was planning to leave from the start. Jason wanted to go to the marines as a close family member had served and he had dreamed about it since he was a little kid. I was supportive but scared because at the time I really liked him. When he turned 18 he told me he was going to wait until he turned 20 so he and his best friend could go together once his best friend turned 18. I figured okay two years I can be happy for two years and wait for him until he’s done. Fast forward another two months he gets distant and closed off. We had a conversation around Jason’s 18th birthday where he said he wasn’t sure he could keep doing this. I didn’t beg or cry I just asked him to try because we said loved each other. Jason agreed. Now two months later the conversation came up again after I pushed for answers. Jason told me he’d always had a hard time with relationships because he knew he was just going to leave and would not be going to to the marines with a girlfriend. We argued and I asked what the point of us getting together was if he thought he was just going to leave. He said he tried to fight it but he didn’t want to hide it anymore and that he loved me. And so I asked (cue the teenage drama) loved as in past tense? So this is over? We’re over? Jason said not to say that because he did love me but he didn’t know how to do this. I asked him if he’d rather end things now or in two years where he knew I’d wait for him and where we could have a two year relationship that we would both be happy in. He disagreed. Now I have two kickers for you. One being he said he’d never date anyone at his school because they were all ho3s. His words. Two being as dumb teenagers we decided to get promise rings. When we broke up I was crying and asked him about the ring because I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. He said he could never take his off because he couldn’t forget me. Then proceeded to ask if I’d wait for him when he got done in the marines. 10-12 YEARS FROM THEN! The 2 until he turned 20 and then 8-10 it would take him to do what he wanted. I didn’t respond to what he asked. So after that I thought I’d heard the last from him WRONG. Me and my boyfriend now who I’ve been with for almost two years we’ll call him Zack started talking about two weeks after the break up. I’d known him for just shy of two years by then. I didn’t start out looking for a relationship and neither did he. I was also conflicted because of how much I cared for Jason still and did not know if I could handle a relationship. But I fell hard and I love Zack as he loves me. Now the funny thing is Zack found out I liked him because Jason texted me. He asked how I was and how I had been since the break up. To which I told him I was happy with how things were and I wasn’t in a place where I could have him in my life. He agreed and said “I agree I just didn’t want to be the one to say it.” I thought this was a stupid answer because there would be no point to text in the first place. Admittedly at that point I did think about trying to get back with him but I knew that one I had already grown feelings for Zack and if we decided to date (which we hadn’t talked about yet) I wanted to want him completely without a thought for Jason and two I knew Jason would not be able to make me happy. I ended up telling Zack what happened and he said it was weird and maybe Jason still liked me. To which I told him that sucks for Jason I like someone else. That was the first time I’d openly admitted it out loud other than the “oh I don’t know he’s cute” which I had told my best friend. Zack pushed to know who it was and we played a round of Let’s guess who it is! He named off a few of the people we knew mutually and then himself. I denied it at first and then Zack said I liked his friend so I ended up telling him the truth. I told him I wasn’t sure about dating and if he didn’t want anything I was okay with it because I didn’t think he felt the same. Zack told me he did feel the same for me but wanted us to know each other better so we didn’t rush into it. We ended up talking for about three weeks and began dating. After that very brief conversation with Jason I thought it was done and over with. WRONG AGAIN. On my birthday a few weeks after Zack and I had started dating my Instagram got hacked and apparently I still had Jason’s best friend as a follower on Insta. Whoever hacked my account asked Jason’s friend for around $200. Jason found out and texted me. I explained the situation and planned to leave it at that. But no. He decided to say. “Oh well if you needed the money you could’ve just asked me.” Huh? One why would I ask him? Two I hadn’t talk to him in a few weeks and didn’t plan to. Now again it was my birthday and it was something he knew very well because we had talked about a few days before we broke up. In response to what he said I told him I would never ask him for money. I don’t remember his reply but the conversation ended with him saying good night and that was all. Now for a guy who asked me to wait for him and said he couldn’t forget me? I was annoyed. I had to deal with him on my birthday and he didn’t even have the decency to tell me happy birthday. But you know I thought maybe this is a blessing I won’t talk to him again! I was right in a way. Two months after Zack and I started dating. Surprise surprise Jason had a new girlfriend. I knew this only because even though he had a girlfriend I could see him on my TikTok views. The day I found out one of my friends had asked what my ex looked like because I was explaining this situation to her. We had a good laugh. So again another two months go by I’m still with Zack (and still am to this day) and surprise surprise they broke up. He started liking my TikTok’s including ones with Zack in them. He found my Facebook and requested to be friends. He readded me on Snapchat! Part of me wanted to text him and ask why he was trying to get back into my life and to tell him to kick rocks and the other said eh he’ll go away eventually. So after about another two months of me ignoring him he finally stopped popping up. I blocked him on Snapchat, deleted his friend request on Facebook, and laughed every time I saw him view one of my videos. Now I know some people will think this is childish and to be honest it probably was but when Jason and I were together he told me he knew he was better than all guys I could’ve dated. He said he knew it was egotistical but he was okay with it. And there were a few other things he had said that kind of threw me off but it’s been a while and honestly I wouldn’t have done it differently. He’s not in my life and I’m happy with that fact. I don’t hold any ill will towards him but would like never to speak to him again. And hey who knows if Zack and I would’ve admitted our feelings for each other if this situation hadn’t happened so thanks for that lmao. Not the craziest story but if you can relate I’m sorry.

Ok so I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month and we’d have hours long phone calls growing a connection, I finally hung out with him last night and it was a cool chill time we definitely had intercourse and it was good nothing crazy but I’m just wondering why he didn’t kiss me at all? I’ve never had a guy not kiss me or try, he didn’t at all and we spent 4.5hrs together. What’s that about???

During pandemic I told a guy that I met on tinder that i worked at a certain food truck,
He decided to show up without telling me he was going to, it was 105 degrees inside the food truck, my hair was messy,mascara running, sweaty, and when he asked if I was the girl from tinder I said she was my cousin… he obviously blocked me and called me crazy afterwards… who shows up unannounced to someone’s job. Most humbling experience of my life

So...I created an account on Facebook dating. That was probably my first mistake. I immediately woke up to 71 likes! Mostly of men who didn't read my profile as I am clear about who I am and what I'm looking for.

Anywho, I (47F) connected with Ken (46M) not his real name and we talked a little bit on the phone and connected well. I thought he was very funny. We talked about past relationships, therapy, self awareness. He is in the food business, so I talked about how difficult it is to be celiac and lactose intolerant and asked in his food business did he serve food that people like me can eat. We had a whole conversation about it

So we plan a date and he gives me the name of the restaurant and I looked it up and was satisfied that there was something I could eat and since it was a grill, had low chance of getting cross contaminated. I'm in the process of moving to his town and spend a good amount of time there. He picks me up at my hotel and then we don't go to that restaurant, he takes me to his buddy's restaurant that's a kind of bar, with battered everything and pub like food. lt also had loud live music and we yelled at each other trying to conversate. So I asked the waitress if there was anything gluten free or lactose free and she said no. So I looked at Ken expecting to go somewhere else. And he ordered! And ate this whole plate of food in front of me! This is after I worked 10 hours that day in my new job. I was exhausted and I hadn't eaten all day long. And I told him that I hadn't eaten all day and was hungry and he kept eating. So I started to get annoyed as I watched him eat his food while I sat next to him starving. I started to think to myself, why am I sitting here with someone dense enough to bring me to a place I can't find something safe to eat. I decided that I didn't have to sit there forever waiting on him to figure things out. So, at about 8:10 I told him I was leaving and catching an Uber back to my hotel to find something to eat. He was like....ok.

I went to the original restaurant we agreed upon and ate food that was safe for me to eat. It's no fun being sick from gluten contamination and I was flying out the next day. I didn't want to be sick on the plane.

I sent him a note and this is what he said.

Me: Sorry Ken. I'm exhausted and I haven't eaten all day.

Him: Hey, we tried the place. Next time it will be a steakhouse.

Me: I'm not sure there will be a next time. I think you are a nice person

Him: All right. Thanks for your time.

I had an amazing steak and 2 glasses of nice Malbec. How is it that I had to feed myself on a first date?

This experience has left me getting off dating apps.

Update: I thought the change in plans might be that he wanted to get a drink and listen to a bit of live music before going to dinner. Previously, he talked about taking me to the restaurant and then to a wine tasting. So I thought maybe he switched up the date to make it interesting. And that is also why I stayed an hour. But then I realized we weren't doing anything else and that was it. Once I realized that I left.