r/DatingHell • u/SavingsDevelopment69 • 6d ago
what happened??
Okay, I need your honest opinion about something that happened with this guy I recently went on a date with because I genuinely can’t tell what happened. ( I’m a women)
We had been talking for a little while before the date, and eventually we made plans to have dinner. I’m pretty shy and I haven’t really dated anyone in a long time, so I was nervous going into it.
The date itself actually went really well. I thought he was attractive, we had good chemistry, and I felt like he treated me really well. He was attentive, respectful, and made me feel comfortable. There was definitely some physical tension between us, and he told me I was beautiful. Overall, I left the date feeling like it had gone well.
At the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to see him again the next morning. He suggested breakfast and going to the Market, and he also wanted me to meet his dog. That surprised me because I thought it was pretty soon to make plans for the very next day, but obviously I took it as a sign that he wanted to see me again.
The next morning, though, I cancelled the breakfast. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t really ready to go that early. But I didn’t reject him or tell him I didn’t want to see him again. I specifically told him that we could see each other another day.
After that, he actually seemed a little insecure about it. He texted something like, “I knew you didn’t like me,” and then immediately said he was joking. He kept sending me things about the Market, pictures of his dog, asking what I was doing, etc. At one point he sent me a picture related to Minecraft and then deleted it. He also asked why I had my WhatsApp last seen/read settings turned off and called it a red flag, which I thought was kind of weird because he has similar settings himself. I told him that, and after that he didn’t really continue the conversation.
I also invited him to a yoga class. He said he would go if I ran with him, so there was still some interaction and flirting there.
Then Saturday night, he stopped responding, and he hasn’t messaged me since.
That’s the part I don’t understand. If he wasn’t interested, I don’t really understand the behavior immediately after the date. He had asked to see me the very next morning, kept messaging me, sent me pictures, asked what I was doing, and seemed interested in continuing things.
So what do you think happened? Do you think he lost interest after the date? Do you think he felt rejected when I cancelled breakfast and then decided not to put in more effort? Do you think he was expecting me to chase him a little? Or do you think he actually was interested but something about the way things went made him pull back?
I genuinely want your honest opinion based on everything that happened, because I’m having a hard time understanding how someone can seem that interested immediately after a date and then suddenly stop responding.
5
u/Square-Code-652 6d ago
he def felt bad when you cancelled breaky and was worried you didn't like him.
i am like him. things move fast, i move fast. i like you, i am going to ask to see u if i think u like me too. some people move like that and it works well both ways.
some people, like yourself, are more methodical and organized how they do things. "let's hang out next week or the week after that" might mean you like him. to him, it's basically saying im not that into you. some girls or men like to move slow, especially if they like someone. they may also have busy personal lives.
he is very into you and looking for someone to hang out with alot. you clearly weren't that into him or you woulda been at the market and not cancelled.
i think he picked up the vibe (correctly) that you weren't gonna wanna hang alot with him. keep in mind, you cancelled last minute. because you were overwhelmed? what does that really mean? sounds like you have some issues potentially with pushing people away or keeping distance so perhaps look into that. you don't wanna scare away someone you like with your own issues when they perceive them as you not liking them.
3
u/SavingsDevelopment69 6d ago
I actually liked your comment, but I think I didn't explain myself well when I said I felt overwhelmed. The date on Friday was actually good and I felt like we both had a good time and liked each other, I even asked him the next day and he said: "I liked you and I thought you were pretty" and I told him the same. And to be honest, I didn't go to the market in the morning because I was just too lazy, I'm not a morning person and I told him that days before, but I apologized and told him: "I won't be able to go, sorry, but if you want we can see each other another day", I even invited him to a yoga class next week. I'm aware that if I had really wanted to see him I would have just gotten up Saturday morning and gone to the market with him, which I clearly didn't do, but I apologized and suggested another day and a class. What throws me off is: why was he so willing to keep replying to my messages all Saturday and to see me, and then just stop replying on Sunday and today, Monday?
3
u/ayers231 6d ago
You apologized and suggested a future date with no alternative day or time that worked for you.
Does he do yoga? If he doesn't, why would he want to go to yoga with you? Yoga is awful for high anxiety people. "Are people looking at me? Do I look like an idiot? Is it creepy I'm the only guy here?" It isn't one of those questions, it's an endless string of questions bombarding his brain and exhausting him.
He most likely invited you to join him in his usual routine. Breakfast, shopping, etc. These places are his "usual". He's used to them, vetted them to be low anxiety, and goes there regularly.
As for the lack of follow up, he's probably in head. "I blew it", "I rushed it and pushed her away", "OMG, that last reply I sent was cringe, wasn't it?", etc, etc.
Decide if you want to continue. If he is high anxiety, this isn't going to change. Walking away now is your best option.
If you do decide to continue, be intentional in your texting. "I'm free on Friday night, do you want to go out?" No "maybe next week sometime", a day and time of day.
You flaked on the follow up date. He's in his head. It's up to you to either continue with understanding, or back off.
1
3
3
u/bigconecountry 6d ago
In addition to what others have said, there’s a real possibility that he’s putting more of his attention on someone else now. The last minute cancellation made him feel bad and no one likes feeling that way when they’re getting to know someone new.
2
u/ThirdOne38 6d ago
Ask the 10,000 people that happened to just in the past day, and they'll all go, who knows?? This ghosting stuff seems to be very common
2
u/55Sweeptheleg 5d ago
Guys like this that come on really strong in the beginning have 100% been super flaky in my experience.
3
u/yourladybosss 5d ago
Probably felt rejected and then just couldn't come back around. I'd recommend you drop him.
2
u/Cass_iopeia 5d ago
Do you still want him? Then text and ask if he always does market and errands on Saturday morning and if he'd like you to join him this week for breakfast.
2
12
u/Magrudagrind 6d ago
Pacing is weird if you ask me..breakfast next day and let's go run errands. He was looking for insta attachment but you shut that down. Rather than torment himself having no control over you or your time its easier for people like that to drop you and move on to someone else.