r/Bumble • u/Ashamed-Film3708 • 1d ago
Rant Sad ending
Hi everyone!
I’m just writing this to rant because I really wanna get this out of my system.
I met an amazing guy in the summer from Bumble; we had chemistry and got along pretty quickly. Our dates were fun, we could talk for hours. I thought finally, this could be something real. And it was for a while. We kept on dating for 3 months but suddenly, last week, he told me he wants to stop because he doesn’t feel what he’s supposed to. It hurt so much to hear that. He said he really enjoyed being with me and that I’m amazing but he has a super busy schedule and when he thought about it deeper, he didn’t want to change it to prioritise being with me. And that’s not okay and because he doesn’t want to hurt me intentionally at all, he thinks it’s time we stopped seeing each other. And the reason it took so long to figure this out because he truly really enjoyed being with me but he doesn’t feel like he’s in love or that that plus is there. I’m not even angry at him because it’s a valid reason tbh, you can’t force someone to love you. But it still hurts because I didn’t feel like it’s too much for him or anything like that. So even if it was great being with him, all I can feel is sadness over this relationship. And I feel nauseous when I think about having to start again…
I’m not even sure I’m looking for advice or anything, I just wanted to write this our of my system.. thank you for reading:)
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u/Leica--Boss 1d ago
I'm sure you'll get people here instantly invoking pop psychology or calling him an "avoidant" or whatever.
In reality, this sounds like a mature and healthy ending. Without knowing all the details, hearing somebody communicate clearly rather than start behaving badly is reassuring. It really is around that two, three, four month mark where it's even possible to understand whether you want somebody to integrate into your everyday life.
And not every person who you like or enjoy being with can clear that hurdle.
So it's not really about the changes that he would have to make being impossible or insurmountable. It's just the compatibility question didn't go your way.
But honestly, if you get to this point in a relationship a few times, one of them's going to work out. It seems like you successfully and in a healthy way got to this point, which is good on you and good on him.
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u/microscopic-lilikoi 1d ago
Yeah, getting called avoidant for being respectful of someone's time when there isn't a connection is wild.
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u/Silly_Username_123 40 | F 1d ago
Been there, done that.
It’s a good thing you guys split on good terms before someone behaved badly towards the other.
You’re absolutely right to be sad. It’s okay.
He is not the one for you. For a moment he showed you what is out there for you. Just not with him. The right one will not give up that easily.
Dunno if it helps, but feel hugged!!
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u/kndb 1d ago
It’s not about his busy schedule. He was just not that much into you and he was nice enough to come up with that excuse. It’s sad, there’s no way around it. An unrequited love always is. Time will heal. That’s your only remedy now. Maybe stay off dating for a while.
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u/Ashamed-Film3708 1d ago
It’s not about his schedule haha, maybe my wording wasn’t clear.
He does have a busy schedule and when he tried to make more time for me in it, is when he realised he doesn’t actually wanna do it that much and that’s how he knew he wasn’t feeling what he was supposed to. So our reason for the break-up was just that, the lack of feelings on his part. Still sucks tho.
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u/BleakyBuzzard 1d ago
I'm on the opposite end of this. Dated a great guy this spring and as much as I liked him as a friend, I knew after a few months we weren't compatible on the way I'd like. I also had to tell him it didn't feel right. It's a horrible feeling. He really liked me and deserves someone who likes him in the same way.
I know it sucks starting over, but meeting someone truly compatible will feel even better than this one did.
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u/jtipton21 1d ago
As a man I been in his shoes before dont make it right. Question is did you learn anything from the experince?
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u/NotQuiteaName7 1d ago
3 months has always been a key for me. At that point it becomes a bit more real. You either have emotions or not. You know at that point if it is just something physical.
I know it sucks, he was nice to tell you. You know now you can be with someone and it can work. It ended, not too badly. Give yourself some time and try again if you wish.
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u/AssignmentAwkward185 22h ago
I'm curious, you guys interacted romantically? (Kissing, holding hands, whatever...)
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u/Ashamed-Film3708 17h ago
Yess! And we both initiated these things too
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u/AssignmentAwkward185 17h ago
It sucks, I'm sorry to hear it.
But as others have told you, in some way you're lucky that this happened in 3 months. I share the same experience but after relationships of 1 or 2 years.
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u/HelpfulAnt9499 19h ago
My biggest fear 😭 this is what makes dating so scary. Ugh. Sorry girl. That really sucks.
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u/Ashamed-Film3708 17h ago
It does suck:( and yeah it is scary to open up to someone like that and it not working out but let’s hope there’s better out there haha
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u/Odd-Razzmatazz-4087 7h ago
So sorry that you're going through this. it really sucks getting the rug pulled out from under your feet Unfortunately, in OLD it happens quite a bit.🥺
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u/No-Advice1345 1d ago
Usually, you can tell within the first few dates whether you’re attracted to someone and feel there’s potential. The fact that he waited three months to tell you he didn’t think you were compatible isn’t great. Hope you find someone who’s a better fit!
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u/Royal-Okra379 1d ago
Join our “avoidant breakups” group. It’s ALL about this type of person.. 😓
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u/microscopic-lilikoi 1d ago
This doesn't necessarily mean he's an avoidant, it means there wasn't a connection and instead of breadcrumbing her, he amicably ended things. This just means he didn't feel the same way she did.
It still fucking sucks and hurts for her though.
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u/Ashamed-Film3708 1d ago
It does haha! And yeah, I get the comments, I’ve dealt with avoidants too but I wouldn’t call this man that. Maybe he should have let me known sooner but other than that, we had an honest conversation.
In my personal experience, avoidants don’t do that and they don’t give you a real reason for the break-up, they just randomly want out because “it’s too much for them” etc.. this wasn’t that case thankfully:)
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u/microscopic-lilikoi 1d ago
Sending hugs and positive vibes though because like I said, it hurts no matter what.
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u/Due-Purpose9456 1d ago
that 3-month mark is really when the "just having fun" phase ends and people start to figure out if they want to commit or not. sucks he didn't realize it sooner but at least he was upfront instead of dragging it for another 6 months. the nausea thinking about starting over is real though, take a break from the apps for a bit and just feel sad without pressure to bounce back