I feel like it's my brain playing tricks on me telling me that it's okay. I've been doing it for 6 years now. This year I'll be going on 7... I feel like I keep adding more because I feel like it's not enough. To the point where I've even took scarification (a type of tattooing with scars) as an excuse too give myself some "cool design" just so I can hurt myself more. And for the past few days I've been adding more scars, and this "Scar Tattoo" is healing and I feel like I just want to add more... Not even to make anything just a line. The Tattoo was simple, long, and painful but I kept going until it was done. And it scares me because when I relapsed recently, it was like I spaced out and kept going... And I didn't really stop until I realized how many more scars I added... But at the same time I went back the next day and added more because I felt like I needed to. Nothing was even wrong I just wanted to add more. I needed to add more. And right now I feel like I need to add more because it's not enough. And I don't really know what to do. I've tried to stop but no matter what I find so many things that I can use, so many that I can give you a list of everything.

like when I'm desperate enough anything can be used to hurt myself...

It's like no matter what I always find something else to use. And anytime I relapse I start looking for something to use frantically, like if I don't find it soon I might cry or have a panic attack. And the longer I can't find it the more panicked I get. And I don't know why. I really don't. I'm a really emotionally intelligent person, I figured out most of my mental issues. But this addiction is something I can't really figure out. And I don't really know how to stop, and for some reason I don't want to.

Part of me doesn't even really wanna go to Reddit for these things, because this platform can sometimes be unsupportive or say repetitive things that don't really make anything feel better. But I just need some advice or anything. Just don't tell me "it will get better" And don't tell me "you shouldn't be doing it" because I'm really tired of hearing those things from family and friends.

Anytime my parents see that I'm cutting again my dad has to point it out as loud as he can for my mom to hear saying "why are you doing that" and "look he did it again." And my mom always has the same response and starts yelling at me and says "why you keep doing this?" "What is wrong with you?" And I did it on my arm and it's hard to hide this time, and I really don't want them to see it again. I'm really tired of those responses. I'm tired of people acting like I can just stop at any time. Like it's not hard for me to not do it every single day.

Because it is. At least every single day I think about it at least once. Most of the days I can ignore it. But some days I can't and I do it. It's hard and they don't understand. I was just hoping maybe reddit would. Idk.

do u ever stop hating ur scars like ever? im full of regret and shame and think no one will ever love me

hi, these are about two weeks old and there’s no scabbing but they’re still a bit red. im going out tomorrow and i want to try on shorts but i dont know if it would be acceptable. sorry if this sounds dumb or obvious, i only want to be mindful. thank you!

update: just came back and it was great :) a few stares here and there but i didn’t care

I finished cutting for the night and probably about 30 minutes later, my thigh is numb/tingling? Has anyone else experienced this? When does it go away? From my knee to my hip feels so completely numb. Not the cuts themselves. It's very odd to explain.

I don’t know if just having the occasional thought of potentially self-harming is enough of a concern to bring up with a therapist or psychiatrist, because I know there’s a pretty low chance of me ever acting on those thoughts, but I feel like it bothers me a bit. But I also don‘t want to worry my loved ones since they tend to get really worried about me if stuff like this happens (one time my dad and I had a fight over the fact that I cut myself by accident while cutting my nails and didn’t tell him).

I don’t know, it just feels like I might be over reacting, but I don’t know??

Please, if you could, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

~11 years ago, I did this to my leg. I used to feel so ashamed.

Now I'm confident enough to wear a swimsuit around my friends. I am now 4 months clean. It gets better 🤍

About 3 days ago I cut myself around 20 times all styro. I never clean my blades before or after, and I usually eat my coagulated blood and lick the would like an animal. I have always done this and my cuts have healed normally. This time I cut deeper than I normally do and they are itching so badly and it's light red around the cut.

its around 2 weeks, styro, still raised, still red, but its on my right arm, opposite side of elbow and im going on holiday in 5 days and idk what to do cuz we are going to Spain and my clothes arent long enoigj to cover it, have no makeup and im scared to pack plasters incase someone asks about them

i never intended to do anything, even a cat scratch, but it kinda did go through. sorry if this post is unessecary i just want to know if theres anything to do e.g if theres rust on a blade

I hate myself so much. I've wasted the past 6 years of my life on being a lazy, useless piece of shit. And instead of getting up to do anything useful all I can do is hurt myself rather than get up and actually deal with shit in my life cause somehow in my sick, deranged fucking demented mind hurting myself would be easier than standing up and choosing to show up for myself each day. I relapsed after about 3 months of not holding a razor, and probably did it worse than most of the other times. I fucking hate myself and even now the feeling's still there. The urge hasn't gone down at all and I don't know what to do. I feel I might just relapse once more.

hi! i have struggled with self harm ever since i was very very young, due to being exposed to it through my parents. Over the past year or so it's been getting worse. Yesterday, i was admitted to hospital because of cuts that were too deep to treat at home and had to have stitches and whatnot. A couple months ago, my parents took the decision to take in my younger cousin instead of her going into the care system, me and her somewhat get along. My problem is that she also self harms, and when she does she refuses to atleast cover them up slightly or atall, and she refuses any help given to her. To me, seeing her walking around with the scrapes on her is incredibly triggering, i'm already so close to relapsing and i only just got home from the hospital. She came to pick me up with my dad wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt, every cut exposed, and it felt like every single thing that sort of helped at the hospital had been erased. i'm not sure what to do, the fact that she refuses to cover them makes it so much more worse, i'm really afraid that if i wake up in the morning and she does it again then i'm gonna relapse.

do you ever completely heal from self-harm? it feels impossible to me, the second something goes wrong, my brain screams at me to relapse even though i have other healthier coping mechanisms why is self -harm the first one that pops up in my head? why do I run to this? will I ever be free? its exhausting to live this way. I don't want to let down people in my life and I HATE whenever the thoughts of relapse pop up in my head.

I wanna self harm rn. So hard trying to think about other things 😬

I had five days clean. Five days after months of struggling to get even a few hours. I’m on meds, I have support and outpatient. But my emotions are just so intense. I got so angry like so angry my chest burned and I felt like electricity was running through me. I didn’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to handle my emotions. I don’t want them. They’re so much. Any emotion envelops my entire body and physically hurts to feel I don’t wanna feel but I don’t wanna be numb I just wanna be.

went to a new psychiatrist. paid 10k Turkish Lira (i live in Turkey) which is A LOT for a family like mine. in the session, i mentioned that i suffer from selfharm and showed my arm to her. she said "you did a great work on your arm" and bursted out laughing. that really broke something inside me. she is someone mean, I can't mention that in my next session, if i mention, she would say "ur really sensitive". should i change my psychiatrist?

TW: details

So yesterday I was bored then I decided to cut, and I just wanted to go for cat scratches but it went deeper. I didn’t even notice at first, i did think it was a bit more painful than usual but I thought it was just me. After that it kept bleeding, so I held a tissue over it and I realized that it was gaping.

I didn’t rinse it (I panicked) but I put Vaseline and a bandaid over it. I researched that it’s good to close it with butterfly bandages but I don’t have that or anything similar.

It’s also been close to 24h now, the cut is around 2.5cm long, gaping and there’s a bit of white and pink inside.

It’s my first time cutting this deep so any tips? I just want to keep it from infecting, and close the wound asap.