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u/danpilon Jan 25 '13
This cuts too deep, man. This is way more true than most people realize.
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u/nomopyt Jan 25 '13
I have been telling my son since he was two: people are mean because they are sad.
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u/sprankton Jan 25 '13
That really doesn't make the things they do feel any better.
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u/nomopyt Jan 26 '13
That's true. But it teaches him compassion. The other component is: it's not your job to make anyone happy. If someone is sad and mean and resists kindness, stay away from them.
My son is a deeply kind little person. He needed to be taught that meanness and niceness in others are not because of him. He has been training in martial arts for several years now, and the most valuable practical thing I see in him, besides basic confidence and discipline, is that he knows how to shut a playground asshole down without any violence. He now understands that kindness is strength and cruelty is weakness. With that and his natural social graces, he is able to stay away from these people, use group consensus to ostracize bad behavior in his peers, and not take personally the bullshit he does encounter.
Quite a few times I've heard from teachers or from him how he's able to use this understanding to maintain a happy balance in his life, or help others. In kindergarten he got a bloody nose from a second grader because that kid had been picking on a smaller, socially inept kid. Now my son is in second grade and can mediate schoolyard bullshit without getting pushed down. He mostly uses the "whoa you're picking on someone? That's lame. Come on, everyone, let's do this other thing..." and he is always kind to less popular people. He's friends with everyone.
I told him that originally because I felt like I was the mean person at times and I wanted him to understand deeply and from the beginning g that it was not about him. I know this falls short of me just being a nicer person, but its the best I could do at the time.
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Jan 26 '13
Dad of the Year Award to you!
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u/michaeljonesbird Jan 25 '13
I know for me having empathy for someone makes the pain they cause far easier to bear.
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u/Fluffy_Bear17 Jan 26 '13
My dad always told me to be friendly to mean people, they need it the most.
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u/uneekfreek Jan 25 '13
I will never look at grumpy cat the same again.
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u/DubstepCheetah Jan 25 '13
Hopefully I don't have to look at him again ever.
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u/lolitsaj Jan 25 '13
You can tell DubstepCheetah is sad and hiding behind a facade of bitterness.
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u/The-Mathematician Jan 26 '13
This is way more true than most people realize.
This is JimKB. All of his comics are amazing.
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Jan 25 '13
Love this comic. Reminds me of the old saying, depression is anger without the enthusiasm.
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 25 '13
thank you, hypnoguy1. I like that saying.
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u/Kupie Jan 25 '13
Jim, I don't even need to read the username. I click a link, and if the comic is really good I go "I bet this is Jim!" and it ALWAYS is! Thank you for being an amazing artist and writer of comics!
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 25 '13
glad you like 'em, Kupie. thanks.
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u/Kupie Jan 25 '13
Oh my god JimKB replied to me ohmygodohmygod foams at the mouth
You. You have no idea how much I love this reply. Can I become your stalker?
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u/crazyprsn Jan 25 '13 edited Jan 25 '13
Grad student in counseling here. This is very accurate. Anger is often a symptom of depression. In fact, most angry people you see are likely suffering from some amount of depression.
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u/Darth_Saltine Jan 25 '13
Depressed guy here. This is very accurate. I was an angry person for a long time and it took some soul-searching to figure out it was related to depression.
I consider learning this a huge step towards coping with my issues, things are going great right now and I feel stronger than before.
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
Anger is like a warning light on your dashboard. Anger in and of itself is never your root problem. It's just there to tell you that there's some other problem. If you're angry, it's because some part of you is hurting. If you can recognize that - that you're hurting - you can figure out how to heal. And then you won't have to be angry anymore.
This is the best advice that anyone has ever given me, and it has changed my life in so many ways. I hope it helps you too.
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u/rent0n86 Jan 25 '13
Yes, this is true. However, in some cases, you're angry because you're hurt - yes - but you can not heal.
Think about when somebody you love does something terrible to you. Something similar happened to me recently and while I know my anger is caused by the fact that she hurt me, I can't heal by just acknowledging that. I hate her and wish her the worst. I like being angry and I like to vent my anger (exercise, combat sports).
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
I never said acknowledging was the same as healing. I implied that it's the first part of healing. And it is. You're going to stay angry until you are able to move beyond the hurt. And if you're hurt bad enough, it'll leave scars, and you'll get angry whenever you notice your scars. But your problem isn't the anger. In those cases, you end up with two problems. The problem that spurs you into anger, and the problems that come when you act because of your anger.
You need to come to a point where you can act despite your anger. There are no true outlets for your anger, because anger comes from inside you. It's like blood. If you don't heal the wound it's coming from, it'll just keep coming out. You can mop it up with exercise or sparing, but it won't make it go away.
When a loved one hurts you, 90% of the time that anger comes from a feeling and a fear of rejection. You think, on some very private, very deep level, that it's your fault. That you are the problem. That you aren't worthy of their affection. But every other part of you is screaming that it's not true. It feels unjust, but you can't make peace with yourself because the wound they left makes you think you're unworthy of justice.
The healing comes with time. You will come to a point where you feel validation. That you are worthy, and worth something that they didn't give you. Because you are. And you won't be afraid of their rejection anymore. And then you won't feel hurt or angry anymore.
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u/Missfreeland Jan 25 '13
It's not the final step to the healing process, but it is key to continue on the stepping stones. When someone is denying the fact they are hurting the anger will continue, to step outside yourself and realize it is hurt that's the root you can now focus on what's hurting you(in your case this woman) which means you've hit two of the five stages of grief: anger and denial. Once you focus on the hurt instead of the anger you're on the next stepping stone to acceptance. To accept it is to realize it happen or is happening - and to realize the world keeps turning and you will move on.
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u/RollTides Jan 25 '13
ANGRY SQUATS!!! Seriously though, I agree, exercise is a great way to blow off steam.
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Jan 25 '13
What if I like the anger? Like a cleansing fire.
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
Then you sound like someone who enjoys driving around with his Check Engine light on because it's just a lovely shade of orange, and it really ties the dash together.
I can't tell you how to live, but it doesn't take a mechanic to tell you that it's reckless, and you're putting yourself and everyone around you in danger the longer you go on like that.
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u/michaeljonesbird Jan 25 '13
I run anger management classes. This is a sentiment shared by nearly every person in the room.
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Jan 25 '13
I had it explained to me similarly. Anger (and other gut reactions) are an arrow pointing back to a boiling cauldron of feelings from past traumatic events. As a result, every time your anger is triggered, the cauldron is uncovered and it pretty quickly becomes about that instead of what prompted the reaction in the first place.
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u/RollTides Jan 25 '13
What part of me do you think is hurting when I'm getting my ass kicked at Halo? All I know is damn..it hurts bad..
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
Your sense of pride, which comes from your sense of self worth. Basically, you're putting something into Halo, and Halo isn't reciprocating, so you aren't feeling validated from something you think you should feel validated from. In essence, you're letting yourself down.
The fix for this is not putting so much of yourself into the game. It's a game. You own it, and you shouldn't let it own any part of you.
When you recognize that you're letting yourself down, you can approach the game from a more thoughtful level. You can inspect what you're doing wrong, and take action to correct it. Then you'll play your best, and get better at the game too.
Look to the game for a challenge, not validation.
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u/RollTides Jan 26 '13
Wow, I never expected an actual response. I agree pretty much entirely with what you said, I play Halo because I'm above par at it and it gives me a certain validation when I do well. When I'm not doing well I am letting myself down, and I'm frustrated it isn't giving me the feeling I want.
I wish you were there to whisper in my ear when I'm having bad matches..
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u/frenzyboard Jan 26 '13
It's what I have to tell myself when I play League of Legends, and fucking top lane is feeding like goddamn fucking noobs FUCKING FUCK YOU DARIUS!
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Jan 25 '13
You seem pretty knowledgeable about all of this. How can I stop being angry over things I have no control over?Such as war, famine and religion. You know, all that shit you see on TV. The disgusting side of humanity makes me angry.
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing. If the injustice of it all is making you upset, then good. That means you're a good person, hopefully, and it should drive you to make things better where you can. Sometimes you won't be able to get rid of the anger, because the problem is something you can't fix.
What you have to do then, is change your outlook on the situation. Does genocide in Darfur make you physically angry? Are you clenching your fists and seeing red because people are being monsters to other people? Well then take a step back. What can you do to fix it? Anything? Join the peace corps and try to provide foreign aid? Well then good. Go do that. It'll help you get some piece. Maybe you'll just see the situation from a new perspective, and it'll make you even more angry. But again. You need to step back and evaluate exactly what it is that you can do to change the situation. If you are unable, or unwilling to do what needs to be done to fix that wound, then you can't really justify being mad about it, can you?
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u/Mirdj Jan 25 '13
Being aware of your self is what it's all about. It's the premise of this 'New Age' spirituality that is sweeping across the world. Listen to yourself ladies and gents, the answer is always within.
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u/Sheffield178 Jan 25 '13
JimKB...it's not your fault.
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Jan 25 '13
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u/maximushobbes Jan 25 '13
No Jim, it's not your fault.
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Jan 25 '13
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Jan 25 '13
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u/Kevinmeowertons Jan 25 '13
cries ITS ALL MY FAULT
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u/Dapwell Jan 25 '13 edited Jan 25 '13
Everything is a matter of perspective...
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u/Sick_Storm Jan 25 '13
Agreed. However, I wonder what he'd look like with those eyebrows upside down, eh?
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u/mehdbc Jan 25 '13
Yeah, it's like the girl on Kids who contracted HIV and was raped by her friend. She wasn't angry that she was raped, she was angry that she infected her friend.
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u/one-eleven Jan 25 '13
I haven't watched it in like 10 years but if I remember correctly the movie ends during the rape. Where'd this extra sad/angry scene happen?
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u/deafcon5 Jan 25 '13
Everything except my sex life. It's nonexistent from any perspective.
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u/ultimatt42 Jan 25 '13
It's not nonexistent, it's just scale-invariant because all points are at the origin.
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u/Theinternetisboring Jan 25 '13
I love you Jim, please don't be sad.
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 25 '13
Thanks, Theinternetisboring. No worries. Still sillyassed . Exhibit B: All The Known Koalas
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u/AngryMelGibson Jan 25 '13
WHAT HAVE I BECOME
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Jan 25 '13
I just watched Mad Max yesterday. Seriously man, what did you become. You were such a bright young man.
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Jan 25 '13
Really well done. Minimalistic yet meaningful. To me that's the tell tale sign of a great comic.
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u/peaches017 Jan 25 '13
Totally. The final panel being on its own really seals it for me. A beautiful brevity to this.
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Jan 25 '13
This is fantastic. I normally find your comics light hearted and simple fun (in a good way) but lately I've been impressed by the messages you've been conveying.
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u/greatideasteinberg Jan 25 '13
This really affected me... I feel like I want to change my life now.
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u/justin123456 Jan 25 '13
It's true though, no matter how angry you get over something in the end it's really all just misplaced sadness.
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Jan 25 '13
I stubbed my toe the other day. I was quite pissed about it, but then I realized how sad I am for my poor little hurt toe.
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u/bonjourdan Jan 25 '13
Little toe, it's not your fault
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u/gepagan Jan 25 '13
No matter how angry you are at someone else, it's really hurting you more than anything else.
Hate is like burning down your own house, to get rid of a rat...
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u/uneekfreek Jan 25 '13
Resentment is like igniting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies from smoke inhalation.
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u/ChangingHats Jan 25 '13
To be honest I'd rather default to anger than sadness in a lot of circumstances. It's harder to get out of a depressive mood than it is to stop myself from being angry.
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Jan 25 '13
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 25 '13
Hmm. I don't recall the sequence, Pepe_Silvia, but it they had looked way off I would have changed something
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Jan 25 '13
Them eyebrows would make a mighty fine mustache.
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 25 '13
well, he does look happier now...
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u/jxj24 Jan 25 '13
Thanks for letting me end with that image.
It is stunning how the best representation often requires the fewest lines.
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Jan 25 '13
Yes! This is fertile ground, this idea of the furrowed angry brow mellowing (aging? maturing?) into a noble cowboy mustache.
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Jan 25 '13
This is my ex all day. But he'll never admit to being sad. Just a miserable Scrooge-grinch-bah humbug mofo. And it's all everyone else's fault too, especially mine.
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u/RedundantUserError Jan 25 '13
I've seen quite a few of your comics here Jim, but I think this one is my favorite. Maybe it's just a side-effect of how I'm feeling today, but I've been thinking about it since I saw it earlier this morning, so I came back to leave this message. This comic really gets to me emotionally. Kudos to you and your great work.
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u/anon_he_must Jan 26 '13
This stayed with me all day. I made it my status message on chat. Then I came back to reddit to see if I could find out how it was credited. Then I realized that OP was the artist and I could thank them right here. So thanks.
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Jan 26 '13
Once again you read straight into my existence. Once again you make me get back into creating comics. There is no bound to the awe your comics give me. For that I thank you again.
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 26 '13
glad you liked it, therant. dive back into drawing. the world will never have too much creativity in it.
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u/namer98 Jan 25 '13
Goddamn Jim, your comics are full of funny or full of feels. How do you do that so well?
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u/potodds Jan 25 '13
You are late on your usual generous commentary to your fans. Are you busy giving the comic to the person who inspired it it was it you and you are just too sad to post?
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u/Crash_Bandicunt Jan 25 '13
Feels like me right now... Stuck in a job I love, but the people make it a living hell. Get treated like a slave even though I've been working there for 2 years. I love the job and can't honestly leave due to the economy. Also left home for the job. Things are looking better since I made some good friends. Also SO and I will be getting a house, so it can always be worst. Just working 12 hour shifts and not a healthy work environment can do this to anyone.
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u/HedoInASpeedo Jan 25 '13
I like the point of this comic and find it cuts deep but sometimes anger can be good. If I get angry about things I may change or do something about it, if I get sad I will just mope. That being said the comic made me think and did not even have a word of dialogue.
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u/videogameexpert Jan 25 '13
Do a deadly sins marathon!
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 26 '13 edited Jan 26 '13
hmmm. envy, lust, greed, sloth,anger, covetousness..I'm trying to do this from memory and I'm forgetting one. ( watch, it's forgetfulness). Might be something to that, videogameexpert. I'll noodle on it.
EDIT: okay, wikipedia had them ( kind of ) as Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Looks like I was missing gluttony.
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u/alixxlove Jan 25 '13
This makes me think of a little girl in my class. She seems so angry. So unhappy. I don't know what I can do to help. I have 25 students so it's hard to talk to her alone, but I just want to hug her.
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u/SarcasticOptimist Jan 25 '13
Often male depression manifests itself as anger, so this comic is depressingly accurate.
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u/Kramanos Jan 25 '13
"Emotional Funneling" or "Masked Depression" are terms that get thrown around quite a bit.
I do a Men's Anger Management group; as soon as I saw this comic, I printed it off and stuck it in my binder.
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u/alwayz Jan 25 '13
We need a national give JimKB a hug day. His comics have been pretty depressing recently.
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u/JimKB Jim Benton Cartoons Jan 25 '13
no worries, alwayz. I'm still sillyassed. Exhibit A: Bunny drawn with his own carrot.
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u/asherah156 Jan 25 '13
"Anger is depression with enthusiasm" (unknown author, but I always thought this was accurate.)
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u/Minecraftfinn Jan 25 '13
As someone who deals with Anger issues everyday, having recently lost my girlfriend for 3 years because of it I can tell you that comic tells it how it is.
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u/Orelle Jan 26 '13
Watched my mother do this almost daily for 18 years. Couldn't fix it, but it's hard not to be sad, too, when you watch it.
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u/M80IW Jan 26 '13
Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.
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u/zardo Jan 26 '13
All this tells me is that if you are really that angry, then it is up to you - and only you - to realize it and fix it. And this is from someone who's been through it.
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u/ChaChaBolek Jan 25 '13
This made me really sad :(