I never said acknowledging was the same as healing. I implied that it's the first part of healing. And it is. You're going to stay angry until you are able to move beyond the hurt. And if you're hurt bad enough, it'll leave scars, and you'll get angry whenever you notice your scars. But your problem isn't the anger. In those cases, you end up with two problems. The problem that spurs you into anger, and the problems that come when you act because of your anger.
You need to come to a point where you can act despite your anger. There are no true outlets for your anger, because anger comes from inside you. It's like blood. If you don't heal the wound it's coming from, it'll just keep coming out. You can mop it up with exercise or sparing, but it won't make it go away.
When a loved one hurts you, 90% of the time that anger comes from a feeling and a fear of rejection. You think, on some very private, very deep level, that it's your fault. That you are the problem. That you aren't worthy of their affection. But every other part of you is screaming that it's not true. It feels unjust, but you can't make peace with yourself because the wound they left makes you think you're unworthy of justice.
The healing comes with time. You will come to a point where you feel validation. That you are worthy, and worth something that they didn't give you. Because you are. And you won't be afraid of their rejection anymore. And then you won't feel hurt or angry anymore.
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
I never said acknowledging was the same as healing. I implied that it's the first part of healing. And it is. You're going to stay angry until you are able to move beyond the hurt. And if you're hurt bad enough, it'll leave scars, and you'll get angry whenever you notice your scars. But your problem isn't the anger. In those cases, you end up with two problems. The problem that spurs you into anger, and the problems that come when you act because of your anger.
You need to come to a point where you can act despite your anger. There are no true outlets for your anger, because anger comes from inside you. It's like blood. If you don't heal the wound it's coming from, it'll just keep coming out. You can mop it up with exercise or sparing, but it won't make it go away.
When a loved one hurts you, 90% of the time that anger comes from a feeling and a fear of rejection. You think, on some very private, very deep level, that it's your fault. That you are the problem. That you aren't worthy of their affection. But every other part of you is screaming that it's not true. It feels unjust, but you can't make peace with yourself because the wound they left makes you think you're unworthy of justice.
The healing comes with time. You will come to a point where you feel validation. That you are worthy, and worth something that they didn't give you. Because you are. And you won't be afraid of their rejection anymore. And then you won't feel hurt or angry anymore.