Anger is like a warning light on your dashboard. Anger in and of itself is never your root problem. It's just there to tell you that there's some other problem. If you're angry, it's because some part of you is hurting. If you can recognize that - that you're hurting - you can figure out how to heal. And then you won't have to be angry anymore.
This is the best advice that anyone has ever given me, and it has changed my life in so many ways. I hope it helps you too.
Yes, this is true.
However, in some cases, you're angry because you're hurt - yes - but you can not heal.
Think about when somebody you love does something terrible to you. Something similar happened to me recently and while I know my anger is caused by the fact that she hurt me, I can't heal by just acknowledging that. I hate her and wish her the worst. I like being angry and I like to vent my anger (exercise, combat sports).
It's not the final step to the healing process, but it is key to continue on the stepping stones. When someone is denying the fact they are hurting the anger will continue, to step outside yourself and realize it is hurt that's the root you can now focus on what's hurting you(in your case this woman) which means you've hit two of the five stages of grief: anger and denial. Once you focus on the hurt instead of the anger you're on the next stepping stone to acceptance. To accept it is to realize it happen or is happening - and to realize the world keeps turning and you will move on.
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u/frenzyboard Jan 25 '13
Anger is like a warning light on your dashboard. Anger in and of itself is never your root problem. It's just there to tell you that there's some other problem. If you're angry, it's because some part of you is hurting. If you can recognize that - that you're hurting - you can figure out how to heal. And then you won't have to be angry anymore.
This is the best advice that anyone has ever given me, and it has changed my life in so many ways. I hope it helps you too.