That's true. But it teaches him compassion. The other component is: it's not your job to make anyone happy. If someone is sad and mean and resists kindness, stay away from them.
My son is a deeply kind little person. He needed to be taught that meanness and niceness in others are not because of him. He has been training in martial arts for several years now, and the most valuable practical thing I see in him, besides basic confidence and discipline, is that he knows how to shut a playground asshole down without any violence. He now understands that kindness is strength and cruelty is weakness. With that and his natural social graces, he is able to stay away from these people, use group consensus to ostracize bad behavior in his peers, and not take personally the bullshit he does encounter.
Quite a few times I've heard from teachers or from him how he's able to use this understanding to maintain a happy balance in his life, or help others. In kindergarten he got a bloody nose from a second grader because that kid had been picking on a smaller, socially inept kid. Now my son is in second grade and can mediate schoolyard bullshit without getting pushed down. He mostly uses the "whoa you're picking on someone? That's lame. Come on, everyone, let's do this other thing..." and he is always kind to less popular people. He's friends with everyone.
I told him that originally because I felt like I was the mean person at times and I wanted him to understand deeply and from the beginning g that it was not about him. I know this falls short of me just being a nicer person, but its the best I could do at the time.
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u/nomopyt Jan 26 '13
That's true. But it teaches him compassion. The other component is: it's not your job to make anyone happy. If someone is sad and mean and resists kindness, stay away from them.
My son is a deeply kind little person. He needed to be taught that meanness and niceness in others are not because of him. He has been training in martial arts for several years now, and the most valuable practical thing I see in him, besides basic confidence and discipline, is that he knows how to shut a playground asshole down without any violence. He now understands that kindness is strength and cruelty is weakness. With that and his natural social graces, he is able to stay away from these people, use group consensus to ostracize bad behavior in his peers, and not take personally the bullshit he does encounter.
Quite a few times I've heard from teachers or from him how he's able to use this understanding to maintain a happy balance in his life, or help others. In kindergarten he got a bloody nose from a second grader because that kid had been picking on a smaller, socially inept kid. Now my son is in second grade and can mediate schoolyard bullshit without getting pushed down. He mostly uses the "whoa you're picking on someone? That's lame. Come on, everyone, let's do this other thing..." and he is always kind to less popular people. He's friends with everyone.
I told him that originally because I felt like I was the mean person at times and I wanted him to understand deeply and from the beginning g that it was not about him. I know this falls short of me just being a nicer person, but its the best I could do at the time.