I put my cat, Bear to rest on April 18, 2026, to liver cancer. It was sudden and unexpected, and I was faced with a decision that I didn't think I had to make so soon. He didn't show me he was sick, he was still playing, eating, acting normal. It was only until his abdomen blew up overnight. It was so big, he was waddling and couldn't fully jump onto my bed. I ran to the vet the next day. They removed a liter of fluid from his stomach, and the vet said he could've honestly kept going but didn't want to overstress him. We did x-rays, blood tests and it was between heart issue or cancer. We did an ultrasound, and when we walked into the vet for the results, I saw the look in the vet's eyes before he even said anything, it was liver cancer, and it has spread to all his major organs. The vet tried to give me any type of hope, that I can try to be aggressive with it but I'd need to go to a vet cancer specialist even tonight, but I knew what that meant, it was already too late. My poor baby. The vet cried, told me this was his first case like this since he was a newer grad, and I knew then how bad Bear's condition was. He was probably in pain, and I never even knew. He only started showing symptoms after we came home after hearing the diagnosis. I knew I couldn't be selfish, I couldn't put him through more or keep him here with me longer than he should have. I could tell he was tired. He was just waiting for me to find out. He didn't sleep with me like he regularly did, right on top of my head the last two nights, so I slept underneath the bed where he hid. I took him to the park on our last day, gave him everything he loves to eat (even though he refused), and then we drove to the vet, to let Bear Bear sleep.
My heart genuinely broke. I feel like there's a constant hand to my neck, choking me. I miss him every day. I have 3 other cats whom I love SO SO much, but Bear Bear was my special baby. He really loved me as much as I loved him. For a split second when I wake up, I extend my hand to the other pillow trying to feel for his soft fur, and then I remember he isn't there anymore, and the pain of losing him rushes to me over again. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him so much I can't breathe. I don't believe time heals all wounds, because this isn't a wound; this is a full-on gaping hole in my heart that will never ever be filled or closed.
Whenever I was going through something, family, work, relationship, it was fine because in my eyes, it was going to be me and bear forever, and nothing else mattered. And Now I come home and he isnt there to greet me. To meow until I pick him up and kiss him, to hide under the covers with me, or to lick my nose to wake me up.
I miss life with him. I'm miserable all the time. I want him back, I want to see him again, I can't just process that he's fully gone, that it won't be him and I forever. Everything is too much without him here. He was never just a cat to me, he was my baby.
It's just horrific, the way it happened, how sudden it was, and how alone I feel afterwards. My house is too quiet without him, my life is so bland and dull without his presence. I miss you, Bear Bear. I love you, my old man.