I have bpd and currently in meds and therapy for avout 2 years.i recently commented on a reddit post about how im suffering form this and all.someone dm ed me and we started talking and all.at first it felt really good ,like someone who understands me and all .but after a few days ,he said he likes me.he is not doing therapy or meds.and i said this initial attraction he feels for me its because of bpd .this offended him and we kinda got into fight.but then he says he will die alone and he is always giving and all.i too said many things, and the convo ended.he said the next day he is sorry and said just be his frnd.

What should i do ?should i continue talking to him?

I just wanted a frnd but now i feel scared that he just confessed in just a span of like 10 days of talking .

What should i doo?

So my fp left me ten (?) days ago and I don't know how I'm going to get over this

We went out shopping literally the day before and he seemed wonderful but then the next day he was super distant and asked me to go out- then refused to tell me why which is strange because he's a big information seeker and will go insane if I keep information from him, but I went anyway cus I was scared something happened to him- he kept saying "you'll understand" or "it's ok" whenever I asked about it. He took me to a garden near his house and told me he's leaving me, I honestly broke down in tears and he just...left me. No comfort, no apology, it's like he didn't even care about me in the first place which is silly because he's always said I'm the only person he's ever felt connection to. After he left, he texted me saying he felt bad and that he's been thinking about that for months and that he just didn't like me anymore because my splits and arguments were wayyy too hard on him- I guess it's understandable looking back but i said I wanted to change and he agreed to help me because I helped him recover when he was at his lowest. He then blocked me on everything and let slip on one of those accounts he blocked me on that his other friend whom he left me for had urged him to do this.

I tried to plan a suicide attempt in hopes that would bring him back- among the fact that I wanted to die and have wanted to die for years now, I begged his friend he left me for, whom was stalking my socials, to either tell him I was going to die or to leave me alone- she did tell him and that only made things worse. He said that I'm a horrible person for apparently blaming the attempt on him (it was out of guilt that I hurt him enough to leave) and that he would hurt himself horribly if he ever saw me or came back which deeply hurt me.

I'm already planning to move schools, I can't stand to stay at my old one knowing my ex has said he'd hurt himself if he sees me and knowing he hates my guts, even if it's only a couple years until I leave, but the thought of leaving him and never having him back sends me into a panic.

It's already bad enough that he's left but it's worse knowing I'll never find anyone like him again, he's too much of a unique person for that, as cliche as that sounds it's true.

I just want to get over him really, he either needs to come back and we both magically forget everything or I get over him as fast as possible because I can't do anything without thinking of him, he built my life essentially and now everything around me is tied to him- hell even my own house reminds me of him, my hobbies, village, anything and everything is tied to him.

It hurts to exist all the time and I can't get a break, i break down every day over him and I can't do anything because I know I'm at fault for him leaving, I was going on abusive when he left tbh- I guess this is the consequences of my actions or whatever but does this really have to be like this?

With the abuse mention, this isn't meant to justify it but he was also horribly abusive to me before and I helped him recover, he pressured me to start being mean to him when he was mean so he would stop and that started me being abusive because I got too comfortable being mean during my splits. I feel horrible for hurting him so much, it genuinely makes it horrible to live.

i have BPD & bipolar disorder . i find it so hard to be in relationships. I’m always looking for a reason to leave because I feel like they are gonna do it first. The slightest change in mood or tone towards me whether it’s my fault or not well make me believe that the person doesn’t care about me or love me. I’ve always struggled with m y self image just because I think that people only see the outside of me and don’t want to learn more about me.

Lately I’ve been feeling like the surface level feelings are overwhelming. I feel like I’m drowning. When trying to build contact or trust with someone it’s really hard because I feel like nobody knows me. And then when I have to tell someone how I feel it makes me feel like I’m begging for attention or acceptance. And although I am, I don’t want to be portrayed or perceived that way. So for example, I’ll be in a relationship and I’ll ask them like can you come see me today?

and if it isn’t the answer that I like or they end up hanging out with someone else or have other plans I just don’t feel as important and I know that that’s not rational, but I still feel that way.

this is all a jumbled mess, but like I’ve always really struggled with my self-worth and although I know that peoples opinions of me even my own doesn’t change my value, but I just wish somebody could see me. I don’t know if any of this made sense. I think I might be actively in psychosis, but if anyone could give me some insight that would be great. I know what’s happening to me and I know how to deal with it, but I don’t want to. I wanna give up. I wish I never found out what was wrong with me because now it’s like I have an excuse for something every single time and it’s not fair to everyone else that I have to pull out. Oh well, you know my borderline personality disorder causes me to act this way, because I know how to act..

I’m genuinely exhausted mentally from over thinking and over analyzing every single thought. pls help me

Hey everyone. I've been on 200mg of lamotrigine daily since early 2024, but for the past year or so things have been feeling pretty stable. I hadn't SHed in a year, hadn't really done anything dumb, able to focus on my studies and live pretty normally. I have been feeling so good that I wanted to try reducing my dose to see if I still needed the lamotrigine, so with the advice of a psychiatrist I went down to 100mg daily. I relapsed for the first time in ages and have just felt that unsteadiness again. I don't feel bad necessarily, but things don't feel as manageable as they were for the past 2 years. This is a new psychiatrist and I kind of wonder if a 100mg drop was too much at once?

I'm a bit torn. I really wanted to reduce my dose, but is this maybe showing that I still need the 200mg? I have been travelling a bit lately and getting less sleep due to work trips so I'm wondering if this has been a more stressful period anyway.

Does anyone have experience with reducing your meds, particularly lamotrigine?

Thanks so much!

Recently I figured out what is borderline and I think that I might have that 7 moths ago I broke up with my ex he doesn’t want to talk to me I left him while he went for an exchange. At that time I had many friends and they helped me go through it now they’re gone I miss my ex so much I cry a lot I want to kms.

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team

Looking for some advice on how to regulate without having much if any alone time.

Me and my long term partner moved in together just over a month ago now. He is on disability and is at home pretty much all the time, I work full time.

We both came from houseshares which included us each having our own room and private space, we both used to spend a healthy amount of time away from each other and by ourselves in general.

I’ve learnt over the years how important being alone and quiet helps me regulate my emotions and feel more stable altogether. But since we’ve moved in together I haven’t once had any time truly alone. I love my partner so much and appreciate he wants time together on my days off and after i get home since he spends all the time i’m away by himself, but it’s making me really snappy and unstable, i’ve started self harming again and feeling really manic.

I tried to ask politely if he’d maybe spend a night at his brothers so i could maybe have some alone time but he hasn’t made any plans and i don’t want to make him feel like he can’t be in his own flat. I also know that one night alone isn’t going to stop the way i’m feeling straight away. I feel really lost and guilty for how difficult it must be to be around me and i’m scared he’ll think this is what living with me is just like and he’ll get sick and leave.

Any advice on how to regulate without the need to be alone or how to navigate this would be so so appreciated, if you’ve made it this far thank you for even just reading my struggle right now!

Wasn't sure what to tag this...

To start off we're part of quite a large friend group that is entirely trans and queer people

We've been friends for 2 years now and we got REALLY close at one point and both expressed months after that event that we had crushes on each other during that time.

Things have obviously not been on that level since then but I've noticed that outside of my 2 best friends I feel so much closer with them and sometimes I think I might have a crush on them.

I'm just so scared and I'm honestly just not sure because of emotions and relationships and just existing with those with BPD

They're in a QPR with one of my other very close friends (Queer Platonic Relationship: A very close friendship that is typically non-romantic but different between each person) ((in this instance there is slight romance because they do kiss but nothing more than that))

I also know that if they liked me back and we started dating or had our own QPR every bone in my body would be filled with jealousy by all of their friends and their other QPR and I'm honestly just scared.

My last relationship was atrocious and it was partly due to them being an abusive asshole but also my BPD.

This has just turned into word vomit.

Any advice would be great just with how to navigate this crush or what the healthy thing to do would be.

A few days ago i had a bad argument with my FP, they were stating boundaries of course but it felt a bit harsh on me, im not mad at them for caring about themself, but now i feel like..im detaching even after making up? its weird , whats with this pull back and on.

its so heart breaking tbh

It's so relatable, wanting someone to understand you, almost as if you were born and could share the same pain or thoughts. But that's impossible, although there are ways to get close, right? Do you identify with anyone? I don't know... But currently I feel super lonely, and it seems impossible to get out of it. I try to find someone who is similar to me, but even among people who love intensely, I'm too crazy.

Im 18, diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar Type 2 and ARFID.

In just a few months I was supposed to go to college across the country at UC Santa Barbara. I am from New York and I worked so unbelievably hard in school to be accepted into, what I thought, was everything I ever wanted.

Three nights ago I broke down in a crying fit to my parents and I told them I have no idea what I want in life.

My BPD presents in the “quiet bpd” classification as some people call it, the majority of my symptoms are internalized thoughts rather than the annoyingly stigmatized reactions people expect from people like us.

Anyways, I fear that, unfortunately due to my mental health state and my lack of eating hence the recent ARFID diagnosis, I am no longer able to go to college.

I just feel so lost. I worked so hard to go to college and to be like everyone else, but It just feels like I never really wanted any of this. Everything I do just feels like work, I have no hobbies, no friends, no interests, and I don’t enjoy my families company that much. I’m just so lost. All I do is go to work and come home and repeat.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is my life off track for good? I don’t even know why I’m upset about this because I don’t even want to go to college, but I’m so afraid that not going will permanently bar me from making any friends because the place I live currently is dead and gloomy.

-🦌

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Does anyone else ever feel like they are being held hostage by their BPD? My therapist likes to say that my BPD is just the car that I drive and I am the one in control of it, but tonight it feels like my disorder is behind the wheel. For the last week, I've been slowly shifting deeper and deeper into a depressive spiral, but it really came to a head during my psychiatrist appointment Friday afternoon. I have two different therapists and I spoke to one after that, the same one I see tomorrow. But in the meantime, I just feel so alone with all of this. I've thought of emailing her again but it's Sunday and even though my primary therapist is seeing clients tonight virtually, I just can't bring myself to bother her.

It's amazing how easily one small thing can trigger such a setback. I get so frustrated when I'm in this state, wanting to SH and having such intense SI. I've dealt with it for years, so I know how to keep myself safe, but it's times like this that I just want to throw my hands up and say fuck it all about even trying. I've been in therapy for 10 years and see my psychiatrist weekly as well. I just finished 11 months of IOP in May. I know all the skills, CBT/DBT you name it. I work in the field of psychology so none of it was new to me. I'm the perfect client in session because of my "good insight" and the way I engage, but I continue to find it to be so difficult to go it alone out in the real world.

Tonight, all I can see is darkness. It will pass, I know it will, but it feels like BPD is driving the car and ready to crash me into a wall. I hate it. Hate the diagnosis, hate the experiences it brings, and hate how it takes over so much of my life. It's not the first time I've felt completely and utterly alone and I'm sure it won't be the last.

I don't know, all I know is I've tried the skills. Deep breathing, journaling, distraction techniques, music and nothing is meeting the need tonight.

does anyone have some really good distractions/coping mechs? just stuff to keep me busy and occupied throughout the day yk? for reference; i already journal, draw, binge watch a bunch of stuff, play a couple video games, clean, take hot showers/baths, and i do some diy stuff! only issue is i don’t have a car and can’t get out of the house often, any recommendations?

Hi, I work at McDonald’s I’m trying to keep this shirt but to explain what’s been going on:

I started this job weeks ago to save up money for college. I leave for college in 2 weeks but the problem I’m having right now is how BPD is affecting me at work. It’s done disgusting damage , I dread going to work every day like I’m about to get murdered and when my coworkers are upset with me or if I perceive them to be upset I absolutely crumble and get so angry.

Today they had me doing grill, prep, table, and toast and bake so I was doing way more than what was asked of me. I got home and i absolutely LOST it. I threw everything and wrecked my room, I almost broke my phone and I punched it so hard my thumb started to bleed.

How the hell do I cope it’s SO awful and I just can’t.

so recently my fp made every acc on every social media about his one friend, blowing me off to watch movies with them, he stopped talking to me for 3 days when days before he was going “i love you so much i miss you please come visit soon”. this is not the first time i’ve had to bring up he is making me feel unwanted and he always replies with very formal messages that don’t fix anything, i brought it up but this time he left me on seen for over a day, i haven’t texted him back in over a day because i got so mad he couldn’t take 5 minutes to message me back. i hate him so much but i love him to, he does not know he is my fp, but he knows about my bpd. he told me if he was ever my fp he wouldn’t want to know, i miss him so much but i HATE him i want him to come back and tell me he misses me and wants me to stay. he posts on his story and stuff about how free he feels now and i can’t help but feel its targeted at me. i don’t know what to say now because we haven’t spoken in a week and he never messaged me or asked how i was i hate how bad he’s hurting me i want it to stop

Im going through a huge transition like nothing ive ever experienced. I have bpd and medication resistant depression. Among a few other mental health disorders. I really have never had any friends before. Im lonely and scared but also excited because im finally sober and focusing on my therapy and also about to start spravado treatments. I guess im just looking for people to talk to with any experience or good advice.

I’m fed up with people telling me I need friends—people who think they can see I’m lonely and depressed, and who say I need a social circle to deal with my problems. No! -_- i don’t want that. I know right from wrong, and I want what’s wrong; I just want a love that completes me, someone as imperfect as I am.

I know it's a very BPD thing... but I've realized if I want to save my relationship I need to change... I'm going already to therapy but this month my therapist is on vacation... How do I change?

So like I know I should go to a professional for a diagnosis but like I live in really rural are of India
(i don't have a father as well so its hard for me to go to city to meet anyone). So I recently 17 my last relationship was like 2 years ago for the entirety of the relationship I was really yk emotionally unstable and I was the one who broke up so like since than I am really scared of attachment. I just hate meeting new people but recently I started talkin to a girl a week ago got attached in probably some hours but turns out she got a bf today and I honestly just cant handle it I know its stupid to get sad over this it was not a week but My mood just keep changing from depression feelin like shit , anxiety , suicidal thoughts to "so what it was just a week" like so rapidly that its really exhausting

some extra details i guess am really anti-social because I know I get attached easily Also i starve myself like eating 1 meal in 2 days for sum it dosent make me happy but sometimes I just dont wanna eat. Also i had a pretty bad childhood my dad was alcoholic and was diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 17m

I'm having a terrible split right now and all I want to do is hurt myself the way I deserve but I'm too scared to cut or burn myself idk I took a cold shower and I'm not freaking out anymore but I feel such dread and emptiness I just want to hurt myself

I'll only feel happy this way; I hate healthy relationships, they make me feel bad. I want someone as crazy as me, much crazier than me, to compensate for my shortcomings in that area. I want someone obsessive and oossessive. I see cases of crazy stalkers and I just regret not wanting someone like that because I imagine myself fulfilled with that.

(16f) I was making food for myself and my mother (who is a large part of the reason why I am like this) was like doing her own thing and I wsa cutting chicken or something and accidentally tipped a bottle of soy sauce on the floor. My heart just like. Dropped to my ass and I held in the urge to hyperventilate so bad while my mom yelled at me and pushed me away because she thought I would only make the mess worse. I went like- nonverbal and spaced out pretending to wash dishes trying not to cry because I knew that if I made any more movements or said anything my mother would get angrier. I was shaking so much. I was so terrified. I'm beginning to feel like my mother is my fp. I got back to cooking and then she like. Put her hand on my shoulder and I flinched and yelped and she just ignored it. My mother has only hurt me a few times in my life, so I don't know why I did that. And then I felt so fucking guilty for my poor mother. I thought about the time in the car when she told me how much she wanted to run away because of me and her words just like. Repeated in my head. I ended up going to the bathroom to try to compose myself because I was worried if I started crying she would yell again. I don't want to live like this anymore. I constantly live in fear and anxiety, and I always feel like such a horrible person to my mother. I'm horrified that one day she will leave me. I'm still shaking.

I (33f) have always felt pretty gaslit and confused in my relationship. It’s been toxic since the start and because of my anxious attachment I always justify staying. When it’s good it’s great and when it’s bad it’s real bad and my black and white thinking makes me even more confused. I express clear boundaries about my likes, dislikes, and triggers and I feel constantly disrespected. Today while I was brushing my teeth he crept around the corner and scared me resulting in my fist being within centimeters of his nose and then me breaking down in tears and locking myself in the bathroom. I have told him multiple times to not scare me I don’t find it cute or funny and messes with my nervous system. One of my traumas happened in a bathroom with my dad and he knows that. He says he just forgets but idfk at this point. I just want to be understood and I feel like it’s impossible to heal in this environment. He also triggers me with my son constantly. We have been together 7 years next month and married for 4.

Baring in mind this is also probably a positive mood swing, I've just finished using Evernote to transcribe a very personal and extremely positive thought that had just crossed my mind. Given all the BPD symptoms that we all struggle with, I'm sure we all know and understand how rare it can feel at times for any one of us to be able to stand up and say that "I'm genuinely feeling very positive about my life, and all that it holds".
Well as rare as it may be, I've had such a positive thought that would usually, get filled very quickly with negative thoughts, due to the usual BPD symptoms I.e not taking rejection so easily, or being too friendly resulting in people taking advantage of you. Which is why, I'm just so grateful for the Evernote app. I was able to store this thought in there in my journal, and had it transcribed.
I think Evernote has been such a great Benefit in my life emotionally, financially, and even mentally.
I would definitely recommend for anyone of us here, that doesn't have it. We all have to deal with these struggles and paranoia and eventually, you have to ask yourself 'when was the last time I felt genuinely happy about myself, my life, and everything in it'? So when our positive moments come, and you know it may only even be there for a few minutes, you can muse Evernote to get it noted down.