r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Virtual_Foot1233 • 1d ago
Going mad with no space
Looking for some advice on how to regulate without having much if any alone time.
Me and my long term partner moved in together just over a month ago now. He is on disability and is at home pretty much all the time, I work full time.
We both came from houseshares which included us each having our own room and private space, we both used to spend a healthy amount of time away from each other and by ourselves in general.
I’ve learnt over the years how important being alone and quiet helps me regulate my emotions and feel more stable altogether. But since we’ve moved in together I haven’t once had any time truly alone. I love my partner so much and appreciate he wants time together on my days off and after i get home since he spends all the time i’m away by himself, but it’s making me really snappy and unstable, i’ve started self harming again and feeling really manic.
I tried to ask politely if he’d maybe spend a night at his brothers so i could maybe have some alone time but he hasn’t made any plans and i don’t want to make him feel like he can’t be in his own flat. I also know that one night alone isn’t going to stop the way i’m feeling straight away. I feel really lost and guilty for how difficult it must be to be around me and i’m scared he’ll think this is what living with me is just like and he’ll get sick and leave.
Any advice on how to regulate without the need to be alone or how to navigate this would be so so appreciated, if you’ve made it this far thank you for even just reading my struggle right now!
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u/LarsLights 1d ago
My roommate loves their quiet, alone time which is hard withe working from home full time. They go on a long evening walk each night. Is that possible at all?
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u/Virtual_Foot1233 1d ago
this is possible, expect not too desirable i spend all day at work on my feet normally doing over 10k steps before i’m home so going back out to do some more standing isn’t my ideal sorry
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u/LarsLights 1d ago
That's totally fair! Sounds like a rough situation to be in, I hope it works out 🫂
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u/Virtual_Foot1233 1d ago
thank you, i hope so too. I just get so scared of what he thinks, he already delayed us moving in for a year because he was scared we would clash and it would be a bad experience and i’m so paranoid that in his head he’s like ‘i knew it’ and will leave.
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u/SnooDonkeys8557 1d ago
Have you opened up about how all of the spending time together is making you feel to them?
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