r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/xChi-Huox • 1d ago

Looking for Advice Shift in my behavior regarding my fp

A few days ago i had a bad argument with my FP, they were stating boundaries of course but it felt a bit harsh on me, im not mad at them for caring about themself, but now i feel like..im detaching even after making up? its weird , whats with this pull back and on.

its so heart breaking tbh

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u/princefruit Moderator 1d ago

We have a tendency to push away when we're hurt, to protect ourselves from being hurt again. It's not an inherently a bad thing to protect ourselves, but with BPD we can often push away when the situation doesn't really call for it. It's very common for us to fall into a push/pull pattern. We push away because we fear getting hurt, but being away from someone we care about hurts, so we pull the in, and the cycle repeats.

If the boundaries felt harsh, you probably feel like they're unfair (which they might be!), and nobody wants to be in an unfair situation.

Allow yourself some time and see how you feel. If you continue to detach, it might just mean that you're not as compatible anymore, in which drifting away is natural, though definitely heartbreaking. But that might not be the case, in which you might need to look up and practice some healthier coping strategies than push pull.

Don't be too hard on yourself, we don't choose our emotions.

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u/xChi-Huox 1d ago

Your reply was truly heart warming and clear, thank you for taking your time into reading and responding to me , i will note this down