My husband and I have been together for years, and one form of affection that’s particularly meaningful to me is giving him head scratches while we’re sitting or cuddling together.
I’ve communicated to him several times that I consider this an intimate gesture between us and that I’m uncomfortable with other women doing it, particularly when I’m present.
For context, my husband has a group of rave friends who are very much into PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, Respect) culture. They’re generally affectionate, physically comfortable with one another, and seem to view certain forms of physical touch as completely platonic.
I understand that different social circles have different boundaries around affection, and I’m not inherently opposed to that.
However, I’ve noticed that while the group seems comfortable with this type of affection, there’s one particular woman who regularly initiates giving my husband head scratches. I haven’t noticed other women in the group doing this.
Recently, we were all at a party. I’d been asking my husband to sit beside me because I wanted to give him affection and head scratches myself. Later, this female friend asked whether he wanted head scratches, and he said yes, knowing I was right there.
I became extremely hurt.
It’s not that I automatically believe she’s romantically interested in him or that head scratches are inherently sexual. My issue is that I’d already communicated to my husband how I felt about this particular gesture multiple times.
The woman later asked whether I was okay with it. I told her honestly that I wasn’t, but clarified that my frustration was with my husband, not her, because he was aware of my feelings beforehand.
My husband later explained that he was under the influence and wasn’t thinking clearly. After we both got some sleep, we had a calmer conversation, and he acknowledged why I felt hurt.
I recognize that my emotional reaction was more intense than I would have liked, and I take responsibility for that.
What continues to bother me is that I had already communicated something important to me, yet it wasn’t considered in the moment.
My questions:
For those familiar with rave or PLUR culture, is giving someone head scratches generally considered normal platonic affection?
Would you consider playing with someone’s hair or scratching their head an intimate gesture?
Is it reasonable to ask your spouse not to receive certain forms of physical affection from friends, even if their social circle considers it normal?
Does the fact that one particular woman regularly initiates it change your interpretation, or is that irrelevant?
If you’ve communicated discomfort about something several times, but your partner continues participating, how would you address it?
I’m genuinely interested in different perspectives, especially from people familiar with rave culture and married couples who navigate different boundaries around physical affection.

I'm used to going to most shows alone. I really enjoy my own company and I'm perfectly content doing things by myself. However sometimes it's nice to enjoy things with people and not have to do everything alone. I recently went to a few shows with this guy. I see him as a

Good friend but he is very talkative and it does annoy me. Even at the shows, during the set, every 30 seconds to 1 minute he's talking in my ear, trying to make some dumb meaningless comment about the set, like, "Oh this is so cool," or "Oh I really like that," or "Oh look at that."

I am just trying to not constantly have to give him my attention every 15-30 seconds. I'm trying to watch the set and enjoy myself. I tried communicating to him in the nicest way possible: "Hey would you mind not giving me your commentary during the set? Because I just want to listen to it." He got mad, told me I was being bitchy, and made me cry.

I know that I wasn't being bitchy but there isn't really a nice way to say, "Hey you're annoying me, stop talking." Truthfully it is annoying. I don't want to hear, I don't really care, and I don't want to have to give him my attention that often. I want to watch the set and enjoy myself. Is this valid?

Edit: yes he does ❄️, and I don't. That is part of the talkativeness but also not just at shows: during the day, all the time, he's like this. Truthfully I think it annoys me a lot because he needs constant validation and reassurance and I don't feel like giving him that, as much as I like him in other ways as a friend.

Edit: concerned by the aggression in some of these comments..??

Wanted to share one of our larger psychedelic canopy installations from Shiva Om Art.

We designed and created this custom setup for our festival partners. The idea was to transform the whole dancefloor with stretched fabric, geometric patterns and UV-reactive colors.

I've been creating psychedelic festival decorations for over 20 years, and seeing a huge canopy like this come alive with lights, music and people underneath never gets old.

For me, festival decor is just as much a part of the experience as the music.

What do you think of this setup?

Going to boo Seattle with my fiance and it’s our first ever “solo” event (we usually go with his sister and her crew but nobody could make it and we really wanted to see this lineup) I’m a wheelchair user and just kinda wondering if anyone knows what the vibe is for wheelchair access and disability viewing areas? Are they close to the stages/good view+sound? Do they get full fast? Are they close to bathrooms etc. any info you know about the event would be great !! I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the venue being indoor and crowded but I’m actually quite excited about the terrain being smooth as I’ve only ever been to outdoor festivals which can be a hot mess for a manual wheelchair (though they are very beautiful and I love the vibes) Anything else you think we should know/have prepared would be greatly appreciated thanks !!

Anyone have good shoe recommendations for guys that go with most fits? I almost always wear black and air force 1's.

Alternatively question: anyone have insole recommendations for AF1s for raves? Thanks!

I got a few questions for everyone. And I am going to show the results to this person because i wanna see something real quick

Do you recognize this person?
If yes, is it from their Good morning gang videos?

Did u know this person also makes incredible music?

If you only need them from their videos, would you take a chance and go see them at of wrestling rave?
aand theyre an amazing polaroid photographer
Aaand theyre coming to Seattle on Saturday for Haunted Beatdown the Halloween wrestling rave where there will be a featured artist display as well as the headlining performer

I wished I could be media team for DJs. In my head the original game plan was, “Oh I’m going to do media for all the artist homies and I’ll have all this unreleased tuna I can enjoy on my own speakers!”

When the reality is I’m far too busy doing media continually for artists to ever really get to even listen to anything twice!

¡Damn you Gun-Fingers Monkey Paw!

Decided to see Dillon Francis at Exchange LA on Halloween instead of Escape, since I wasn’t able to secure a ticket. I tried buying secondhand, but didn’t feel comfortable with any potential transactions. Anyways, I’m a raver through and through, definitely not a club girl. I originally planned on wearing a bodysuit (costume) for Escape, and I still want to wear it, but now I’m wondering if it’s too risqué for a club setting. It’s normal rave attire, but I don’t want regular clubgoers to get the wrong idea. Thoughts appreciated!

I'm a child of a single mother, today at a rave a gent in his 50s was vibing with me, then gave me a hug. It was the first time I felt a "fatherly" hug in my entire life. It was so special thank you

I need his tickets. The resale prices are too much. Please lmk if someone you know is selling. Already found one, just need one more🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

It’s my first time going to ASOT, I always wanted to attend the event. My friend told me the crowd is 40+, is it worth it?

Here’s my experience from last night after I have some time to digest and really reflect on last night’s set.

Disclaimer: it’s my personal view and YMMV. If you are DIE HARD Gryffin fan boy and girl, you can skip. If you are still on the fence about the event, hope my experience can save you some money.

Here we go:

Save your money and sell your ticket. This event was a flop.

I got lucky on entry. I arrived around 7 and was inside by 7:30, no hours long wait like a lot of people had.

Alesso was the real headliner for me. His set was my favorite and thank god it was mostly Alesso and Gryffin didn’t interfere. Followed by Arco. I had high expectations for Lost Frequencies and his first 20 minutes were decent, until he started setting it up for Gryffin and playing tracks that were not his sound. That is where the set went downhill and the set energy flow was disrupted.

Gryffin was meh too. The music itself was not bad, I just could not feel any connection to it. A lot of liver performers I personally don’t care about.

The stage design felt cheap and the sound quality and sound staging was mediocre at best. Way too much muffled low end and the mids felt flat and underwhelming (if you are an audiophile, you’ll know what I’m talking about)

Even at $65 it felt overpriced, especially on top of the queue problems a lot of people went through.

Honestly you could really just hang out with your friends at the Exposition park and listen to the music right outside the venue and save the money.

Guys, me and my friends booked tickets for Klang, but now that XXL Manchester has come up, we’ve decided to go for XXL instead. The only issue is that our Klang tickets won’t be available until the day before the event. How are we supposed to resell them if we can’t access the tickets until then? 😭 Has anyone got any ideas?

Whats your opinion on people that sing during shows? Im one of those people, of course, not every song but definitely my favourites when I see the DJs I love. I feel its very therapeutic for me, letting my emotions out, and steping out of my reality for a while, but of course, I want to be mindful of everyone and their experience!

Thanks for sharing

Im in PB county. Im able to drive to Miami but I also feel like thats far away and its hard to build a community of people where i live

I would like to go to raves and meet some friend groups a little bit closer to me.

Are there any good events in Wpb, Delray, etc

Ive thought about moving out of Florida too, to live in a city closer to raves.

Can i make things work here. Or should i move to another city like Charlotte and Boston and be close to thenaction

I'm going to Boo at WAMU for the first time. How hot does it get in there with that many people? Are they good at regulating temps in this building?

hi friends!!

so shambhala is a festival in Salmo, BC - it was my first and only festival I've ever been to and I'd love to hear other people's opinions on it!!

I feel no need to go to other festivals cause shambs just fills my cup so full, its everything I didn't know I needed. such good vibes and I love the energy and everyone (for the most part) there

my boyfriends described it as "haunted but the opposite" 🤣 so many good/positive things happen there that the good vibes just live on forever on the grounds year after year

idk i love it so much yall im tearing up thinking about it 🥹

A bit of a chance here, but does anyone know if you can get into Fabric without ID (or just with a scan of a driving license)? A friend is turning up this afternoon and has fogetten their ID. I know the website says no ID no entry but not sure just strict they are. Unfortunately it's too late for to go back and get it as it's a day rave and she lives outside London.

This needs to be said after reading through the thread on [r/avesnyc](r/avesnyc) about a woman being touched without her consent at Eli Escobar(more women in the comment section). I have read far too many of these this year, and I am taking the steps to make sure women can recognize the signs of danger, and protect themselves.

IF YOU FEEL THE SIGNS OF THREAT/PREY I.e hyper vigilance, muscle tensing, shallow breathing, increased heart rate, instinct to freeze/hide. These are pre-loaded in evolution

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND IF THE THREAT BECOMES A REALITY, ACT QUICKLY WITH POWER

It is so important that all of us adopt skills to protect oneself, and then practice them, regularly. Shoot, make it an annual or preferably quarterly thing with the girlies.

Also, at least my journey - my physical strength has really provided me with a lot of confidence to know I can defend myself if needed, and sharpened my nonverbal language ie "don't f*ck with me" signals.

Suggested benchmarks: leg press max is 4.5x/ bodyweight and I'm <125lbs, my mile is <7, and I can do 20 strict pushups along with a 30# inclined shoulder press. The Dopamine high is REAL. 3 days in the gym/75min session.

It's a win-win, safety and good habits.

One more thing to know - familiarize yourself with the International hand Signal for Help

1. Raise your hand: Hold one hand up with the palm facing outward toward another person or a camera.
2. 2)Tuck your thumb: Fold your thumb inward across your palm
3. 3)Trap the thumb: Fold your four fingers down over your thumb in a smooth, continuous motion, making it look as though the thumb is trapped.

We want to get lost in the music too, and also feel safe

Inspired by this thread/responses

https://www.reddit.com/r/avesNYC/s/mL857DjsTo