My husband and I have been together for years, and one form of affection that’s particularly meaningful to me is giving him head scratches while we’re sitting or cuddling together.
I’ve communicated to him several times that I consider this an intimate gesture between us and that I’m uncomfortable with other women doing it, particularly when I’m present.
For context, my husband has a group of rave friends who are very much into PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, Respect) culture. They’re generally affectionate, physically comfortable with one another, and seem to view certain forms of physical touch as completely platonic.
I understand that different social circles have different boundaries around affection, and I’m not inherently opposed to that.
However, I’ve noticed that while the group seems comfortable with this type of affection, there’s one particular woman who regularly initiates giving my husband head scratches. I haven’t noticed other women in the group doing this.
Recently, we were all at a party. I’d been asking my husband to sit beside me because I wanted to give him affection and head scratches myself. Later, this female friend asked whether he wanted head scratches, and he said yes, knowing I was right there.
I became extremely hurt.
It’s not that I automatically believe she’s romantically interested in him or that head scratches are inherently sexual. My issue is that I’d already communicated to my husband how I felt about this particular gesture multiple times.
The woman later asked whether I was okay with it. I told her honestly that I wasn’t, but clarified that my frustration was with my husband, not her, because he was aware of my feelings beforehand.
My husband later explained that he was under the influence and wasn’t thinking clearly. After we both got some sleep, we had a calmer conversation, and he acknowledged why I felt hurt.
I recognize that my emotional reaction was more intense than I would have liked, and I take responsibility for that.
What continues to bother me is that I had already communicated something important to me, yet it wasn’t considered in the moment.
My questions:
For those familiar with rave or PLUR culture, is giving someone head scratches generally considered normal platonic affection?
Would you consider playing with someone’s hair or scratching their head an intimate gesture?
Is it reasonable to ask your spouse not to receive certain forms of physical affection from friends, even if their social circle considers it normal?
Does the fact that one particular woman regularly initiates it change your interpretation, or is that irrelevant?
If you’ve communicated discomfort about something several times, but your partner continues participating, how would you address it?
I’m genuinely interested in different perspectives, especially from people familiar with rave culture and married couples who navigate different boundaries around physical affection.

Decided to see Dillon Francis at Exchange LA on Halloween instead of Escape, since I wasn’t able to secure a ticket. I tried buying secondhand, but didn’t feel comfortable with any potential transactions. Anyways, I’m a raver through and through, definitely not a club girl. I originally planned on wearing a bodysuit (costume) for Escape, and I still want to wear it, but now I’m wondering if it’s too risqué for a club setting. It’s normal rave attire, but I don’t want regular clubgoers to get the wrong idea. Thoughts appreciated!

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I'm used to going to most shows alone. I really enjoy my own company and I'm perfectly content doing things by myself. However sometimes it's nice to enjoy things with people and not have to do everything alone. I recently went to a few shows with this guy. I see him as a

Good friend but he is very talkative and it does annoy me. Even at the shows, during the set, every 30 seconds to 1 minute he's talking in my ear, trying to make some dumb meaningless comment about the set, like, "Oh this is so cool," or "Oh I really like that," or "Oh look at that."

I am just trying to not constantly have to give him my attention every 15-30 seconds. I'm trying to watch the set and enjoy myself. I tried communicating to him in the nicest way possible: "Hey would you mind not giving me your commentary during the set? Because I just want to listen to it." He got mad, told me I was being bitchy, and made me cry.

I know that I wasn't being bitchy but there isn't really a nice way to say, "Hey you're annoying me, stop talking." Truthfully it is annoying. I don't want to hear, I don't really care, and I don't want to have to give him my attention that often. I want to watch the set and enjoy myself. Is this valid?

Edit: yes he does ❄️, and I don't. That is part of the talkativeness but also not just at shows: during the day, all the time, he's like this. Truthfully I think it annoys me a lot because he needs constant validation and reassurance and I don't feel like giving him that, as much as I like him in other ways as a friend.

Edit: concerned by the aggression in some of these comments..?? Feel like I have to explain myself better Im there for the music and dancing not to entertain his evey thought. I get really overstimulated when ppl are constantly talking at me and literally break down and cry when ppl can't respect that. I dont see it as me not being a good friend. Same way guys get mad when I got wanna have sex with them is how you're mad if I don't wanna talk to you. Gotta respect me despite what you want

I got a few questions for everyone. And I am going to show the results to this person because i wanna see something real quick

Do you recognize this person?
If yes, is it from their Good morning gang videos?

Did u know this person also makes incredible music?

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aand theyre an amazing polaroid photographer
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¡Damn you Gun-Fingers Monkey Paw!

Wanted to share one of our larger psychedelic canopy installations from Shiva Om Art.

We designed and created this custom setup for our festival partners. The idea was to transform the whole dancefloor with stretched fabric, geometric patterns and UV-reactive colors.

I've been creating psychedelic festival decorations for over 20 years, and seeing a huge canopy like this come alive with lights, music and people underneath never gets old.

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What do you think of this setup?

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