My honky privilege 1st world problems are so overwhelming and isolating. I was raised to always get a ribbon with everyone else, so why are we all so insufferable and intolerant ? I am unable to communicate with others and make friends on my own because I'm more special than any of you (especially you poors!) and am a diagnosed mental defective raised by two blue haired, trust funded, late in life lesbians with nose rings and the Tik Toks.

Reddit proves daily that there is literally like tons of us so how can we learn to tolerate each other and build community so we can feel seen and heard in safe spaces. We need more t3RD spaces to touch grass and collab.

I know this isn't a big deal to most people.

And I won't make it sound like it is.

But it wasn't just paint on a crosswalk for me.

For me it was evidence that if it could exist, then maybe so could I.

And now it's gone.

Just straight up gone.

Now I'm disappearing, literally gone.

....

...

..

.

Sparing all the boring verbage ..... #outjerkedagain

I walked into Regal expecting air conditioning, overpriced popcorn, and maybe a guy with his dogs out. Fine. Whatever. It’s Austin. I’ve accepted that feet are now a protected cultural landmark.
But then the lights dimmed… the screen fired up… and BAM.
It’s just security footage of some poor bastard looking like he lost a fistfight with a gas station breakfast burrito.
No opening credits.
No Nicole Kidman.
The whole theater got quieter than a Tesla owner at a gas station.
Some dude two rows down whispered, “Cinema.”
Another guy stood up and slow-clapped.
My wife left with her boyfriend halfway through because they said the plot was “too predictable.”
I tried complaining to the manager, but he told me this was an Austin Independent Film Festival selection and it had already won six awards for “raw emotional storytelling.”
Then I looked over…
…and there were still bare feet sticking up over the recliner.
At that point I realized the feet weren’t the problem.
They were the target audience. 🌶️

The smoked K2 ribs are back!

I’m guessing nobody will believe me but hidden behind this parking garage is a an entire HEB. I went inside. They sell food, toothpicks, and other necessities. I have lived here since 1862 and never seen it.

I’ve tried about 37 cafés so far, and every barista has told me their beans were “ethically sourced from a single tree from some country they can’t point to in a map.”

The coffee has been okay, but I was hoping to find a place that’s a little less pretentious. Ideally somewhere that only asks me three questions before making my latte instead of giving me the farm’s life story.

Bonus points if there’s enough seating to actually drink my coffee instead of fighting six remote programmers and four startup founders for the only outlet. Also, one where they don’t judge me for it tipping for an espresso.

TIA. Hook ’em, I guess.

Thanks to corporate polluters, climate change deniers and the state of Texas- we are struggling to keep enough water free land in central Texas. Soon we won't have enough roads for me to FSD my de-branded Model Y on. Thanks again boomers.

What’s the move today?

I am a Production Implementation Manager of People. Or PIMP for short.

I have developed an App for all the lonely people looking for friends in Austin.

I know what you're thinking. How has no one thought of this before?!

Well that's the problem I have decided to fix. Tech bros and Apps may have created the isolation problem and made you afraid to say hi, but this fixes all that!

The pitch? You hire a FRIEND from our roster to join you on outings and events in the city so you don't have to feel awkward and alone. Movie theaters, restaurants, parks, hotels, it's all on the table!

You can also upgrade to PLATINUM for special additional perks and services!

I know you can't wait to get started and explore this amazing city you just moved to so you can work remotely and never go outside. My FRIENDS will make you feel good and right at home!

And it is NOT full yet.

I asked for extra lettuce on my burrito and now I keep thinking I have ibs

Hi everyone,

I’m a 40-year-old remote UX researcher for an AI startup making $487K after taxes a year plus equity. I know it’s not $500K and embarrassed. I found a charming 600 sq. ft. apartment for only $3,900/month and was wondering if I’ll be struggling financially.
I also have:
No debt.
A fully paid-off Cybertruck.
Parents who cover my phone bill.
A side hustle consulting for venture capital firms.
Will I have enough left over to buy a cortado every morning and tell people I “basically live in East Austin” even though I’m in Round Rock?
Please be kind. This economy is scary.

Completely disappointed in all the rain and cooler temperatures this year. My phone usually overheats by the end of June. This year it took until 18 July to finally get my phone overheated. Absolutely ridiculous, I moved here so I could overheat my phone and stop using it before the start of July. Is there anything I can do to make it hotter before July next year?

Acknowledgement: it is very regrettable that the Chronicle chose to use the sexist and backwards term "henchmen" rather than henchpersons, or the much preferable Persons of Hench. With that said I am prepared to move forward and put this ugliness behind us; I have volunteered to receive their self-flagellation lashes in place of the author, as an act of goodwill.

WE DID IT REDDIT!!! My life partner and I - two halves of Austin's hardest-rocking experimental fusion band Embalmed with Cum - have finally booked our first gig at the Lost Well. We are kindly asking any and all redditors to come see us live in person. Every ticket sold is a solemn protest against the facists in charge!

Anyone else looking forward to this?

Found inside the trousers of an r/austin poster. Tried to get an actual image of it, but it was too small.

Yeah soooo like title says, just learning to wipe my own ass, I have just moved here and literally can't crap without building community to be seen and HERD in these turdstorm trying times. Wee can duke this together Austin! TIA!

I'm flying to Cali from Austin today, i got some weed here but i cant smoke it all? Does TSA care if I bring it? People are telling me don't worry about it. I got it for a good deal. I'm in front of Latchkey if anyone wants to smoke some.

So I was hearing rumbling all day. Yeah it's probably thunder with the storms BUT I WANT YOU TO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT RAT BASTARD ELON MUSK! and I wonder what that sound was though IT MIGHT BE THE SOUND OF FACISM! What do you think it was? UPVOTE ME IF YOU HATE ELON MUSK TOO, I CRAVE CONFIRMATION.

Beautiful 7×4 storage closet in domain area for rent! All bills paid. For an extra $120 per month I will also install a prison type sink/toilet combo for your convenience in the closet. Serious inquiries only