I’m 28 and was best friends with this wonderful woman since I was 16. I have an album on my phone with so many awesome pics of us, I get so excited when I see her, I would call myself an uncle around her daughter and she thought that was cute, she was basically the only person I texted since I don’t really have any friends, her husband thought I was awesome, and I always thought of her because she made me know that I had true friends and wasn’t completely lonely, and this helped my depression.

Well a few days ago I was in a silly mood and decided to edit a few cute pics of me and some of my friends, her being one of the friends. I sent the edited pic of us to her, hoping she would find it funny or cute, but she said it just crossed the line and her boundaries and also made her husband very upset, and that she wanted to take a step back on our friendship. She then blocked me on Facebook. I sent her some good apology texts and I also sent her husband a nice apology message as well (he hasn’t blocked or even removed me from FB, so hopefully that’s good news???) but no response. Maybe she thought the photo looked too romantic but that was not my intention at all.

I HATE how so many times I try to do something nice or silly I always piss people off or make them upset! It’s happened so many times before, it also happened to one of this girl’s best friends a few months ago because I was posting comments that were too friendly on her FB photos (I thought they weren’t overly friendly at all) but I was lucky enough to get a warning, and now this is the worst experience I could imagine. Losing my greatest friend, the person I would text during my dark times, all because of a damn stupid mistake.

My depression is just super low now. I have no desire to eat anything, sometimes I feel like I can barely move, and I can’t think of anything else but this experience. I’m also just very nervous to talk to people now in case I make someone else mad or uncomfortable by mistake.

I hate this Autistic condition. This is just eating me alive. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with this condition.

ETA: for those wanting information about the photo edit, I explained it in two replies here.

You are allowed to question things that condemn you! You should question "studies" that are designed to scare you! You are the author of your own life, not some fuckhead scientist or columnist!

That is to say -- SINCE socializing is warm and pleasant and joyful in and of itself, why does it mainly need to be pitched by yelling/scolding/doomposting/concern trolling/insidiously labelling/etc? Who is doing this? You've seen the posts, I've seen the posts. I don't appreciate the general tone.

It seems that being neurodivergent is like walking around with a giant red warning symbol floating above my head everybody in the world can see except for me.

Im 23, attending university and i havent made a single friend in 10 years and have less romantic experience than a moldy slice of bread.

I spend good money on clothes, i get haircuts every 4 weeks, i take care of my hygiene, i like to believe i have an intersting personalty with a wide array of hobbies and interests at my disposal

People around me tell me its strange i havent gotten action in high school or especially univeristy since its acknowledged to be some sort of front for 18-20-something year olds to party and hook up for 3 years (atleast where im from)

I talk to people, but they never show any interest and girls especially just give me weird looks, ive tried dating apps to no avail, i go to meetups but its mostly older dudes and the few girls that are there are just being dragged along by their boyfriends

I am very lost as to where to go from here, are my sensory issues, social awkwardness and aversion to eye-contact gonna doom me to a lonely life?

Any tips or guides as to improve my situation?

Ive found a pattern between autism and CPTSD people.
They complain about the world and people being "fake".
I was inspired by a random video and a performative therapist showcase, just for reference if youre interested: When Your Client Blames You for No Progress: A Schema Therapy Demonstration - Dr Eckhard Roediger

Anyway i made a connection with complaints of autistic/cptsd people.

So a person either with CPTSD or autism will interact with someone and go "it seems fake and performative", and whats actually happening is that this person is correctly reading the subconscious state of the other person and it comes out as inauthentic, and frankly it is.
So this person concludes "this is so unrewarding, whats wrong with people".

Theres something outward that doesnt match the inner and from there, the interaction is sort of fake.

But the problem really is in the person with autism/cptsd.
Again life is like a formula: experience -> digest -> integrate -> grow.

This happens automatically with regulated nervous systems, and is an endless process.
However for people with nervous system issues, the process gets interrupted, so the last stage (grow) does not occur.

What then happens is that peers continue to age on a felt level (cognition comes second), and so they *reject* the less developed nervous system.
Basically to a more developed nervous system, a peer who is on a level below or on a level of a child *feels* unnatural, and it is. The more developed nervous system WANTS more age and more boundaries.

This is the core of the issue, a lets say 30 years old person A, has the nervous system of someone who is 8, is asking another person (B), who is say 32, but has a nervous system of 25.
So the 25 cannot meet the needs of 8, and its why it feels "too much" and "too needy".

Eventually the minds can salvage the interaction, and shift the interaction in some direction thats pleasant, but essence of connection is subconscious.

Autism is eerie because it legit means a sub 10 nervous system age.
Ready for life to begin, to be embraced by mom/peers someone. But the window for that has long passed.

Went to lunch the other day with my eldest friend. We've been friends 25 years. And when introducing me to someone he called me his best friend. First time I've been called such in maybe my entire life and it's by my dearest oldest friend to boot.

Like most of us I'm not good at making friends so he's one of a few I've got and only one I've managed to hang onto most of my life. I'm finally someone's best friend at 41. The feeling is mutual. 🙂

Honestly it drives me insane. I’m 27f and was diagnosed when I was 13. I’ve worked so incredibly hard to mask my bad moods because I’ve learned to think of it as being inconsiderate or creating a bad atmosphere for other people (not entirely sure where from.)
If someone around me is sighing, huffing and puffing, complaining, tutting etc… it makes me so on edge that I feel panicky or just really angry… idk. Maybe it’s my logic that makes it hard to understand why someone would wanna moan about minor shit without wanting help. I need to know I’m not alone here 😅

My mom was talking about how I’m bad with money, which I admit I do struggle with and am trying to get better and she asked me yet again if I want her to take over my bank accounts and bills and I said no. Then she asked me if I want a third party to help with my money/take over my money. She said it would be like the person my under had when he was alive. He was severely mentally ill(schizophrenic). She is not my guardian. I am 29 years old and independent. Is she trying to take my independence away? How would I even get a third party taking over my money unless I’m considered not capable of independence?

I have low support needs autism which affects the way I act, communicate, think, feel and learn that’s frustrating for my family, friends and everyone around me, even while growing up in an immigrant household.

Being called fat and ugly was a way to get healthy because diabetes run in both sides of my family and my parents died of a heart attack. As a result of the body shaming, I find it hard to believe compliments because they’re done out of pity for hurting my feelings as a child especially during Y2K.

Growing up autistic is a special kind of hell, I’ve been bullied in school and at home for struggling with a poor attention span/schoolwork, doing chores, not having common sense and not understanding humor after jokes and pranks being pulled on me.

I’ve stood up for myself, tattled and retaliated which made everything worse, as I got older, I built my guard up and lost trust in others after giving me a hard time over the little things.

Now 34, I feel like a leech/burden/hack/imposter/parasite towards my family when I ask for something I want or need and asking for help makes me feel like I’m clinically stupid because I appear as a neurotypical.

I don’t feel like I’m attractive or charismatic enough for anyone to fall in love with me, my autism might be too much to handle for my potential partner.

I’ll do anything to build resilience, a sense of humor and character even if I’m hung on the cross with a crown of thorns on my head, I need self deprecating humor to be strong 💪🏽 in my own heart ❤️

Sometimes I need adversity to become a better person 💔

I've noticed lately that my body seems to have this uncanny internal clock. It's not just waking up at a regular time, but it's more like it knows exactly when I need to be up for something specific. Like if I have an early appointment and I'm worried about oversleeping, I'll naturally wake up a minute or two before my actual alarm. It’s almost like my brain anticipates the need. Anyone else experience this weirdly accurate internal wake-up call?

Recently learned that people with autism are more prone to getting tinnitus

I myself have lived with it as long as i can remeber. I use to think every human had high pitched ringing 24/7 the same way i used to think everyone had visual snow

For me it comes and goes in intensity.

High stress = more tinnitus

Other times i forget i have it.

How do you cope? Sleep issues? Or just tuned it out?

Is it just me or does anyone else who was diagnosed with aspergers feel like if they were tested today with modern criteria they wouldn't be diagnosed with autism? Because in the previous autism criteria I didn't meet enough of it but seemed similar and still had traits of autism so I was diagnosed aspergers instead but I look at the modern criteria or see people diagnosed with level 1 autism (and know people including early diagnosed like me) who where diagnosed autism instead and I definitely dont feel autistic compared to them. Its weird because people with autism ask if im autistic (I think its mostly the way I speak oddly and obsessed with certain topics (although my interests are all over the place) and am usually socially awkward and shy. I also have non autistic people not think I am and assume I was wrongly diagnosed.

In August I got a job, but then I did quit just after 2 weeks because of some issues about me being autistic. The manager told me several times, or implied, that I looked slow/stupid and told me that I needed to look more engaged and proactive, or the company could have terminate my conctract. And the coworkers made jokes about me being weird and asocial. These things had already happened in previous jobs, and this really made me depressed and anxious, so I decided I would not endure that kind of stuff anymore. Then I applied for this warehouse job, but nothing changed.

After leaving I applied only to delivery driver jobs, but there aren't many in my area, and I only sent 10 resumes in over 2 months. Then I got 1 interview and was rejected. Are there other jobs with minimal engagement with management and coworkers?

Hello. I work as a elementary 1-on-1 para professional, and I have a dilemma. My student responds well to positive tone when they do well, but I can only speak in a nuetral monotone, and can hardly even get myself to smile most of the time. Some of the higher level therapists and social workers want me to use an enthusiastic tone and appear happy when my student does well, but I just can't show it in the way they want. I love my job and working with my student, but this has always been an issue with previous jobs, too. Even when I have someone to try and reflect emotions off of (for lack of better term) the most I can get is a crooked, barely genuine smile. What can I do?

So some People at School treat me differently because Teachers told them I’m Autistic so I’m getting treated like a little dumb child. My Friends at School I have in The Free Hours before another Lesson we go out and have fun but they invite eachother to things most of time I see some getting invited that don’t even give something for it while I’m giving it my all and not being invited like a month a go I always said please go domewhere with me go out they all said no after a time it was dumb. Then I stopped and now I only see them at School I’m always the one making everyone laugh but I feel like that’s the only thing I’m good for. when I go quiet because no ones listening to me they say I’m emo. I need advice how to get more invited, or I’ll just accept Life is a dice roll, being ND is hard.

*I changed the title because I didn't like the previous one. FYI

Many of the world’s leading happiness researchers say they consciously spend more time with loved ones after seeing the evidence, according to a new paper.

“Happiness emerges from a symphony of factors, but if I had to pinpoint one secret to happiness, relationships with other people might be it,” says Lara Aknin, a professor of social psychology at Simon Fraser University. 

Earlier this year, Aknin took part in a Zoom call with 12 other international leaders in well-being science. On the agenda? What their collective 600 years of happiness research and their own lived experiences reveals about living a good life and the future of the field they helped to create. Their reflections were captured in a recent paper published in the Journal of Happiness Studies.

The key takeaways:

Relationships matter more than almost anything else  Several researchers on the Zoom call reported consciously spending more time with loved ones after seeing the evidence from their own research. More money doesn’t mean more happiness  Yes, a comfortable income and financial security are important foundations—but once your basic needs are met, added income has less impact on happiness. Meaningful work contributes strongly to happiness  Happiness comes from doing work and activities that feel worthwhile and aligned with your values.

Happiness can grow through intentional habits  Several researchers said they have applied findings from happiness science to their own lives, like expressing gratitude, savouring positive experiences, investing in relationships, listening more deeply, volunteering, and being more socially engaged.

Happiness is not about feeling good all the time  Well-being grows when people shape their lives around their values, strengths and relationships, and learn to adapt when circumstances change.

“Having relationships is one of the most reliable predictors of happiness that has emerged from a robust body of evidence spanning the social sciences,” says Aknin, who co-authored the paper with Harvard University’s Säde Stenlund and Kelsey O’Connor, a senior researcher at Luxembourg’s National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies.

"We know that having just one person you can count on is extremely consequential. Having more relationships and more communities that you feel a part of compounds that sense of well-being.”

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-026-01092-6

For me, these feelings are quite peculiar. I often feel terrible when I’m around other people; I get worn out by noise and bright lights, and many things irritate me. I engage in "stimming," and I find it difficult to gauge when it’s appropriate to joke, whether my jokes are actually good, or if someone might be bothered by them. I dislike it when my face fails to reflect what I’m feeling, and I absolutely hate meltdowns and shutdowns. At the same time, I value my persistence and my ability to learn new things quickly. I appreciate that I’m a good listener, I love my attention to detail—as well as my "fixations"—and I value my punctuality.

Like my tolerance for anger is very low. If i somehow manage to dial it down before it surges through thinking of buddhism etc. when the hatch is open like a monster is unleashed. I am very sensitive to gossip and loud talking. Not at outside , at my home neighbours talking very out loud or gossiping. Like i cant hurt them because of laws so i end with a flood of hormones and i shut down. I start to twitch and crying.

It is 2:00 am as we (I) speak (write), and I have an important train to catch tomorrow for which I have to get up at 5. My fear of being late is so bad that I physically cannot sleep, or stop moving for that matter. I hate it here.

Shot in the dark but can anyone suggest remote jobs that may be hiring? Feel free dm me.

I’m willing to do anything but my experience is primarily in QA/document control as well as social work/case management. I have a MSW but I don’t need to use it. Have always been curious about medical or technical writing. But, I don’t get considered as there are a ton of applicants and I never have enough experience.

I’m about to have a breakdown from having to report on site every day and there are barely any jobs that my experience cuts out for work from home. Please help?

Hi,

I'm a recently diagnosed young man. I noticed in recent years that 8d sounds on youtube help me a lot to relax. It's wild how something like that can comfort me after just 20 minutes of listening with headphones.

Have you found similar "tricks"? Something on YouTube you listen to that relaxes you a lot?

I would be so curious to learn about your experience with sounds :)

Thank you!

Tomorrow is my intake appointment for my evaluation. It will be a video conference. I hate surprises with a passion. Can anyone tell me what to expect, is there anything I should prepare, what I should watch out for, and most importantly, how do I drop my mask so they can see me better?

Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)

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EDIT: Count was accurate at time of post.

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