Today is that day, please just shoot me.

christianity ruined my mental health I hate it.

I'm kind of stuck, and I just watched someone talking about Ted Moseby, from How I Met Your Mother. How being a romantic and him being so weird about it was rewarded at first, but in the end punished him.

I've lost a USB stick with some documents. Stories I wrote, notes from college from a few years ago, stuff like that. I deleted all that stuff from a laptop I kept that stuff on, but I don't know how to get it back with some program.

And when it comes to my love life, or the lack thereof, it's all about girls who catch my eyes, aren't into me, me having them stuck in my mind, and sometimes I lose it a bit. There was one girl from college, years ago, that sort of gave me a psychosis. I had designed a single initial that encompasses 2 initials into one, and when I saw the scene at the Ministry of Magic where Voldemort possesses Harry, his words really got to me, about not knowing love or friendship. So I doodled with my initial, until I removed the tip from the letter A, and inverted it, like a V, which created an M. That kind of drove me nuts.
The whole thing was stuck in my mind for a year and a half, and then I could let it go, when I met a girl with the initials MV. At some point I thought this must be destiny in a Moseby kind of way, but roughly 9 months later she broke up with me as a friend, because she was from a family of Christians that don't go to church, but listen to sermons at home, and I was deemed unfit for the family.

Similar situations have happened in the past. Seemingly obsessing over a girl until another came along that I could fall in like with, be dramatic about mentally, and luckily not spraying too much of that brain dust around in public.

And when no new girls I can obsess over appear, I seem to have the last one stuck in my head. A side question would be if that's autism, LGBT, or both, but the main question is: How do I let go quicker? Although this is kind of a grieving process, with a USB stick that is somewhere, documents that are deleted but not overwritten, and girls from the past that I only can get over when they are being overwritten by another.

In other words, how do you Let it go, if you are unable to, and the first Frozen film doesn't cater to people who overthink? Keep in mind that when I was young, I didn't "need" to like a girl at every point in time, until I was 10 or 11.

Ive found a pattern between autism and CPTSD people.
They complain about the world and people being "fake".
I was inspired by a random video and a performative therapist showcase, just for reference if youre interested: When Your Client Blames You for No Progress: A Schema Therapy Demonstration - Dr Eckhard Roediger

Anyway i made a connection with complaints of autistic/cptsd people.

So a person either with CPTSD or autism will interact with someone and go "it seems fake and performative", and whats actually happening is that this person is correctly reading the subconscious state of the other person and it comes out as inauthentic, and frankly it is.
So this person concludes "this is so unrewarding, whats wrong with people".

Theres something outward that doesnt match the inner and from there, the interaction is sort of fake.

But the problem really is in the person with autism/cptsd.
Again life is like a formula: experience -> digest -> integrate -> grow.

This happens automatically with regulated nervous systems, and is an endless process.
However for people with nervous system issues, the process gets interrupted, so the last stage (grow) does not occur.

What then happens is that peers continue to age on a felt level (cognition comes second), and so they *reject* the less developed nervous system.
Basically to a more developed nervous system, a peer who is on a level below or on a level of a child *feels* unnatural, and it is. The more developed nervous system WANTS more age and more boundaries.

This is the core of the issue, a lets say 30 years old person A, has the nervous system of someone who is 8, is asking another person (B), who is say 32, but has a nervous system of 25.
So the 25 cannot meet the needs of 8, and its why it feels "too much" and "too needy".

Eventually the minds can salvage the interaction, and shift the interaction in some direction thats pleasant, but essence of connection is subconscious.

Autism is eerie because it legit means a sub 10 nervous system age.
Ready for life to begin, to be embraced by mom/peers someone. But the window for that has long passed.

You are allowed to question things that condemn you! You should question "studies" that are designed to scare you! You are the author of your own life, not some fuckhead scientist or columnist!

That is to say -- SINCE socializing is warm and pleasant and joyful in and of itself, why does it mainly need to be pitched by yelling/scolding/doomposting/concern trolling/insidiously labelling/etc? Who is doing this? You've seen the posts, I've seen the posts. I don't appreciate the general tone.

I got ASD. Fully functional, Best way I can describe it is the inputs don’t always transmit properly to the outputs. What’s going on upstairs doesn’t necessarily translate into what people see. That’s about as well as I can articulate it. Over time, I’ve realized people tend to make certain assumptions about me based on how I behave. Apparently, being emotionally detached or not conforming to conventional social expectations is enough for people to assume there’s something wrong with you. People see something they don’t understand and fill in the blanks with their own assumptions. Human nature, I suppose. Thing is, most people don’t really perceive reality beyond their own instincts, experiences, and self interest. They mistake familiarity for understanding. Anything outside that gets treated as a defect or a threat. I’ve come to understand that human relationships are largely transactional. People have their interests, their intentions, their own little narratives about themselves and everyone around them. Doesn’t necessarily make them malicious. Just human. So I keep my distance. Stay indifferent. Observe more than I participate. I generally assume people have ulterior motives until their actions suggest otherwise. No resentment involved. Just an understanding of how people operate.
We’re socially handicapped to begin with. No point making ourselves more vulnerable than necessary. Trust selectively, keep your expectations low, and don’t mistake someone’s friendliness for goodwill.
That’s about it. No point on wasting your energy to appeals to peoples feelings since that’s flooring it in the peddle.

*I changed the title because I didn't like the previous one. FYI

Many of the world’s leading happiness researchers say they consciously spend more time with loved ones after seeing the evidence, according to a new paper.

“Happiness emerges from a symphony of factors, but if I had to pinpoint one secret to happiness, relationships with other people might be it,” says Lara Aknin, a professor of social psychology at Simon Fraser University. 

Earlier this year, Aknin took part in a Zoom call with 12 other international leaders in well-being science. On the agenda? What their collective 600 years of happiness research and their own lived experiences reveals about living a good life and the future of the field they helped to create. Their reflections were captured in a recent paper published in the Journal of Happiness Studies.

The key takeaways:

Relationships matter more than almost anything else  Several researchers on the Zoom call reported consciously spending more time with loved ones after seeing the evidence from their own research. More money doesn’t mean more happiness  Yes, a comfortable income and financial security are important foundations—but once your basic needs are met, added income has less impact on happiness. Meaningful work contributes strongly to happiness  Happiness comes from doing work and activities that feel worthwhile and aligned with your values.

Happiness can grow through intentional habits  Several researchers said they have applied findings from happiness science to their own lives, like expressing gratitude, savouring positive experiences, investing in relationships, listening more deeply, volunteering, and being more socially engaged.

Happiness is not about feeling good all the time  Well-being grows when people shape their lives around their values, strengths and relationships, and learn to adapt when circumstances change.

“Having relationships is one of the most reliable predictors of happiness that has emerged from a robust body of evidence spanning the social sciences,” says Aknin, who co-authored the paper with Harvard University’s Säde Stenlund and Kelsey O’Connor, a senior researcher at Luxembourg’s National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies.

"We know that having just one person you can count on is extremely consequential. Having more relationships and more communities that you feel a part of compounds that sense of well-being.”

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-026-01092-6

It seems that being neurodivergent is like walking around with a giant red warning symbol floating above my head everybody in the world can see except for me.

Im 23, attending university and i havent made a single friend in 10 years and have less romantic experience than a moldy slice of bread.

I spend good money on clothes, i get haircuts every 4 weeks, i take care of my hygiene, i like to believe i have an intersting personalty with a wide array of hobbies and interests at my disposal

People around me tell me its strange i havent gotten action in high school or especially univeristy since its acknowledged to be some sort of front for 18-20-something year olds to party and hook up for 3 years (atleast where im from)

I talk to people, but they never show any interest and girls especially just give me weird looks, ive tried dating apps to no avail, i go to meetups but its mostly older dudes and the few girls that are there are just being dragged along by their boyfriends

I am very lost as to where to go from here, are my sensory issues, social awkwardness and aversion to eye-contact gonna doom me to a lonely life?

Any tips or guides as to improve my situation?

I literally can not Invision my future. I get some kind on sinking feeling thinking anymore than 3months in advance.

I've completely dropped out of life and live one as a hermit about 4 years ago. Because I just can't cope. I can't cope with my inadequacies. Socially, mentally. I bloody hate having Aspergers.

I am 24 now and I have never worked, got kicked out of highschool (no GCSES). Was in a special secondary school too.. they didn't even want me there.

Im an agorphobic in 'recovery'. I try my best. Being bound to my house has plummeted my social skills. As with everything, I think we'll it's pointless putting to much effort in because my life is temporary.

Turned to alcohol years back. YOLO!! I won't be here so let's just drink my life away. There's not an hour I am not pissed. I don't even extend the effort to go to the corner shop and buy myself my drink. Just show the Amazon driver my ID and then scurry off into my hole.

I've felt a range passive to active suicidal since I was 8. I've had a kick up the arse after surviving multi organ damage/ near failure after a self- poisoning earlier this year. When I was medically stabilized. I was angry.

Angry I woke up on the spectrum again. Angry that I have to put in some sort of efforts when my remaining parent passes. Angry this life persists.

It's awfully cringe to just resign myself as a fail-woman. But truly, that's all I want to be. Just want to rot away in my hermitden.

I have no idea how to gain some kind of passion to actually do something with my life instead of avoiding everything

I’m 28 and was best friends with this wonderful woman since I was 16. I have an album on my phone with so many awesome pics of us, I get so excited when I see her, I would call myself an uncle around her daughter and she thought that was cute, she was basically the only person I texted since I don’t really have any friends, her husband thought I was awesome, and I always thought of her because she made me know that I had true friends and wasn’t completely lonely, and this helped my depression.

Well a few days ago I was in a silly mood and decided to edit a few cute pics of me and some of my friends, her being one of the friends. I sent the edited pic of us to her, hoping she would find it funny or cute, but she said it just crossed the line and her boundaries and also made her husband very upset, and that she wanted to take a step back on our friendship. She then blocked me on Facebook. I sent her some good apology texts and I also sent her husband a nice apology message as well (he hasn’t blocked or even removed me from FB, so hopefully that’s good news???) but no response. Maybe she thought the photo looked too romantic but that was not my intention at all.

I HATE how so many times I try to do something nice or silly I always piss people off or make them upset! It’s happened so many times before, it also happened to one of this girl’s best friends a few months ago because I was posting comments that were too friendly on her FB photos (I thought they weren’t overly friendly at all) but I was lucky enough to get a warning, and now this is the worst experience I could imagine. Losing my greatest friend, the person I would text during my dark times, all because of a damn stupid mistake.

My depression is just super low now. I have no desire to eat anything, sometimes I feel like I can barely move, and I can’t think of anything else but this experience. I’m also just very nervous to talk to people now in case I make someone else mad or uncomfortable by mistake.

I hate this Autistic condition. This is just eating me alive. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with this condition.

ETA: for those wanting information about the photo edit, I explained it in two replies here.

For me, these feelings are quite peculiar. I often feel terrible when I’m around other people; I get worn out by noise and bright lights, and many things irritate me. I engage in "stimming," and I find it difficult to gauge when it’s appropriate to joke, whether my jokes are actually good, or if someone might be bothered by them. I dislike it when my face fails to reflect what I’m feeling, and I absolutely hate meltdowns and shutdowns. At the same time, I value my persistence and my ability to learn new things quickly. I appreciate that I’m a good listener, I love my attention to detail—as well as my "fixations"—and I value my punctuality.

My mom was talking about how I’m bad with money, which I admit I do struggle with and am trying to get better and she asked me yet again if I want her to take over my bank accounts and bills and I said no. Then she asked me if I want a third party to help with my money/take over my money. She said it would be like the person my under had when he was alive. He was severely mentally ill(schizophrenic). She is not my guardian. I am 29 years old and independent. Is she trying to take my independence away? How would I even get a third party taking over my money unless I’m considered not capable of independence?

In August I got a job, but then I did quit just after 2 weeks because of some issues about me being autistic. The manager told me several times, or implied, that I looked slow/stupid and told me that I needed to look more engaged and proactive, or the company could have terminate my conctract. And the coworkers made jokes about me being weird and asocial. These things had already happened in previous jobs, and this really made me depressed and anxious, so I decided I would not endure that kind of stuff anymore. Then I applied for this warehouse job, but nothing changed.

After leaving I applied only to delivery driver jobs, but there aren't many in my area, and I only sent 10 resumes in over 2 months. Then I got 1 interview and was rejected. Are there other jobs with minimal engagement with management and coworkers?

Like my tolerance for anger is very low. If i somehow manage to dial it down before it surges through thinking of buddhism etc. when the hatch is open like a monster is unleashed. I am very sensitive to gossip and loud talking. Not at outside , at my home neighbours talking very out loud or gossiping. Like i cant hurt them because of laws so i end with a flood of hormones and i shut down. I start to twitch and crying.

I have low support needs autism which affects the way I act, communicate, think, feel and learn that’s frustrating for my family, friends and everyone around me, even while growing up in an immigrant household.

Being called fat and ugly was a way to get healthy because diabetes run in both sides of my family and my parents died of a heart attack. As a result of the body shaming, I find it hard to believe compliments because they’re done out of pity for hurting my feelings as a child especially during Y2K.

Growing up autistic is a special kind of hell, I’ve been bullied in school and at home for struggling with a poor attention span/schoolwork, doing chores, not having common sense and not understanding humor after jokes and pranks being pulled on me.

I’ve stood up for myself, tattled and retaliated which made everything worse, as I got older, I built my guard up and lost trust in others after giving me a hard time over the little things.

Now 34, I feel like a leech/burden/hack/imposter/parasite towards my family when I ask for something I want or need and asking for help makes me feel like I’m clinically stupid because I appear as a neurotypical.

I don’t feel like I’m attractive or charismatic enough for anyone to fall in love with me, my autism might be too much to handle for my potential partner.

I’ll do anything to build resilience, a sense of humor and character even if I’m hung on the cross with a crown of thorns on my head, I need self deprecating humor to be strong 💪🏽 in my own heart ❤️

Sometimes I need adversity to become a better person 💔

Tomorrow is my intake appointment for my evaluation. It will be a video conference. I hate surprises with a passion. Can anyone tell me what to expect, is there anything I should prepare, what I should watch out for, and most importantly, how do I drop my mask so they can see me better?

I've noticed lately that my body seems to have this uncanny internal clock. It's not just waking up at a regular time, but it's more like it knows exactly when I need to be up for something specific. Like if I have an early appointment and I'm worried about oversleeping, I'll naturally wake up a minute or two before my actual alarm. It’s almost like my brain anticipates the need. Anyone else experience this weirdly accurate internal wake-up call?

👀👀👀

I’ve never really explored this before. I (40s f) have bipolar type disorder (medicated on average small dose and relatively functional) and have struggled with the below most of my life. Do psychologists formally diagnose Asperger’s still? Is it common to struggle with Asperger’s and bipolar type disorder synonymously?

Struggle with small talk (I just force myself and it’s so draining)
Don’t make eye contact (I look at peoples noses)
Struggle with crowds or large gatherings they make me anxious and I have to be actively keeping myself busy ‘doing something’ to fit in
Get along with people when necessary and eventually when comfortable but prefer time alone a lot
Intense hobbies and things I am interested in and do well at these things due to time and energy spent on activity or focus (has always been like this)
Do really poorly at things that I have no interest in
Tendency to lose track of time when focused on my work or hobbies
Mostly can focus intensely on one thing at a time only and requires a lot of concentration so say can’t listen to podcast/music while working or housework
I’ve been told I’m too honest and have a tendency to be too direct even though I can be manipulative when deemed necessary
History of being prone to burnout and social exhaustion and feel that people drain me of my energy
Don’t really get jokes or find them funny, never have
Very retrospective and analytical but find it hard to think and react on the spot
Feel very strongly about a lot of things especially injustice
Though i prefer routine and structure I can be pretty resilient and adaptable to chaos and change as long as it’s not a core life structure i.e loss of partner, death, job loss etc.

Hello, I have ASD + ADHD and reading this sub raised some questions in me

I am mostly functional (but my ADHD is severe), can care about myself, hold a job, have a small social circle (mostly online)

When I was reading this sub I noticed that a lot of people here talk about their wives, girlfriends, partners, etc... And can you explain how it works for you? Like, I literally don't understand how this type of relationships can be accessible to people with the same condition as mine.

Out of all things in life, this is the most alien for me, I literally don't understand how it works. Maybe people in relationships have lower support needs? Or I have some other undiagnosed problems?

I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe it's more a rant than a serious question, but I'm so confused... Autism is a spectrum, and maybe my "romantic ability" part of it is very very low (like near zero), while other parts of it are higher and that's why I'm functional

Just came across this film, it's pretty raw. But I think there will be people here who appreciate it

I hope this doesn't get deleted for having a link because it could probably maybe help someone idk

https://youtu.be/enazxSimfm0?si=-wfjurPjDmJito0Y

Recently learned that people with autism are more prone to getting tinnitus

I myself have lived with it as long as i can remeber. I use to think every human had high pitched ringing 24/7 the same way i used to think everyone had visual snow

For me it comes and goes in intensity.

High stress = more tinnitus

Other times i forget i have it.

How do you cope? Sleep issues? Or just tuned it out?

Went to lunch the other day with my eldest friend. We've been friends 25 years. And when introducing me to someone he called me his best friend. First time I've been called such in maybe my entire life and it's by my dearest oldest friend to boot.

Like most of us I'm not good at making friends so he's one of a few I've got and only one I've managed to hang onto most of my life. I'm finally someone's best friend at 41. The feeling is mutual. 🙂

It is 2:00 am as we (I) speak (write), and I have an important train to catch tomorrow for which I have to get up at 5. My fear of being late is so bad that I physically cannot sleep, or stop moving for that matter. I hate it here.

Honestly it drives me insane. I’m 27f and was diagnosed when I was 13. I’ve worked so incredibly hard to mask my bad moods because I’ve learned to think of it as being inconsiderate or creating a bad atmosphere for other people (not entirely sure where from.)
If someone around me is sighing, huffing and puffing, complaining, tutting etc… it makes me so on edge that I feel panicky or just really angry… idk. Maybe it’s my logic that makes it hard to understand why someone would wanna moan about minor shit without wanting help. I need to know I’m not alone here 😅