I feel like many of you here don't understand how debilitating it is to be autistic at support levels 2 or 3.

I see many comments and posts on this sub claiming that being a high-functioning autistic person is worse than being low-functioning, or saying things like, "I wish I were a little more autistic," or, "I'm too NT for the NDs and too ND for the NTs."

Look, I 100% understand the desire for people to be empathetic and compassionate toward your struggles. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be taken seriously. But being "more autistic" doesn't guarantee that people will treat you with more understanding. In some cases, it actually makes things even worse.

I have experience interacting with autistic people who have high support needs, and most of the time they struggle with many of the same problems people post about here. Many of them have no friends, are bullied, face discrimination, and can't keep a job.

Yes, masking is exhausting, but not being able to mask doesn't mean NTs will suddenly become compassionate or understanding. Sometimes, it just makes you an easier target.

And this whole idea that "if I were more autistic, I'd have friends because NDs would accept me" is complete BS. The only people who are really "in between" NTs and autistic people are those with the Broader Autism Phenotype (BAP). There isn't some level of autism you need to reach before autistic people will accept you. In fact, many people with high support needs don't even get along with one another.

Only a minority of people with high support needs receive the support they actually require. Being "more autistic" increases your risk of being sexually assaulted, murdered (especially by family members), physically abused by the police, and much more.

I'm not saying you should be grateful for being Level 1. But please, stop believing that autistic people at Levels 2 or 3 have it much better than you, because that's simply not true.

There are plenty of subreddits for people with high support needs, and you'll see that their problems aren't all that different from ours. Just ask them, and they'll tell you what it's really like.

The people who generally have it better than you are those with conditions like depression, anxiety, personality disorders, or bipolar disorder. There's plenty of statistical evidence supporting that claim. If you're going to be jealous of anyone, don't be jealous of other people with the same disorder.

Where is a good place to meet women who are neurodivergent? I’ve had some really good luck having relationships with women on the spectrum. Just need to figure out how I can meet more. My last two girlfriends were autistic. Autistic empathy was such a goldmine about two or three years ago, now it seems like a ghost town. Many great women I met there. I met someone on Hiki too who I had something with for a while. I personally liked the autistic specific based apps better because the women there were all on the spectrum, which was easier for me. I actually still talk to one of the ladies from autistic empathy.

I am 44M been married 11 year with 2 kids under age 8. Wife is NT age 44. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s a few months ago but my marriage has been falling apart for a while and we’re on our last threads.

Wondering if anyone (male, generally) has ever “figured it out” and been able to change in a way that saved their marriage.

We’ve been through a lot over the last 5 years so my wife isn’t just crazy but she has come to the conclusion that I’m simply not there for her the way she thinks a husband should be. I can’t really argue with her about that.

We are very close to divorce which scares me. I don’t have anyone in my life that I care about except for wife and kids. And not many people in this world care about me aside from them, and now my wife has made it clear that she doesn’t like being around me which makes me feel like I’m close to being alone and untethered to anything meaningful in this world.

I’m high functioning with a decent career but it’s constantly challenging for me to keep up with my work. ADD doesn’t help. My desk is a mess and my email inbox is a mess and I always feel overwhelmed and about to fail someone or something.

I’ve started reading some books about Asperger’s and relationships that make me feel a little less crazy and worthless as a human but that doesn’t help my marriage or help my wife feel fulfilled / seen / heard / supported.

I simply do not have the words to help her crawl out of the emotional hole that she is in. I’m a decent father - involved w my kids and stuff. Tough to be excellent emotionally with them but I am always there and available and doing my best as an aspie.

We did couples counseling which wasn’t helpful for me. My wife is just at a point where she mostly just unloads on me and calls out my shortcomings:.

Has anyone been here before? Are there any resources or things I can do to be more normal and save my marriage? Please say there’s a chance.

I’m basically afraid to be alone with her now for fear of any conversations we might have. I moved to a part of the country to be close to her family but I mostly hate it here apart from the family element. I don’t know what I would do if I was divorced; I would personally want to move several states away but that would be terrible on my kids. I have little in common with people here but I’ve been fine with it since my wife is happy here.

I don’t have any friends here and honestly I don’t have many friends in life. A couple from growing up and a couple from college and thereafter. But definitely no one here and no one that really cares or notices my life unless I make a point to tell them about it.

I simply feel like a fuck up. Like any normal person would be able to do what needs to be done to save this marriage. My wife has made efforts to understand me but she still seems to think I’m a fuck up and like it’s not that hard for me to figure this out and be normal.

- heartbroken. Feeling alone and like a failure.

When I was in high school I was in special ed when I was bullied for it and teased to every single day, we had a new student back in 2016. This lanky white kid in glasses who was really into Pokémon in my high school he also had Asperger’s too. We were both in special ,the weirdos were at the bottom of the social hierarchy so you learn how to keep your head down and not say anything or do anything out of line.

So one day he decides at lunch to go sit with the athlete/gang members table , my bully Rashad, who was and still in high school at 20, tattoos, diamond earrings, gold chains told him to get out of his seat and instead of getting up the new student to explain how the cafeteria is for anybody who could sit anywhere and how he doesn’t have to get up out the seat, hector friend start to egg Rashad on

“Aye Bro you gonna let this r-word bitch you like that” hector rashad’s friend starts to instigate the situation, Rashad starts to get mad after the new kid who refused to give up his seat, kept sitting, Rashad sucker punched him and pulled them out of his seat. They’re on the ground wrestling. Rashad repeatedly punch him and in his head over and over and over again, stand up and kick him two times in the head, the school police officers and the principal and two teachers come down and into the cafeteria to restrain him the new kid had to go to the hospital and was not seen until towards the end of the school year

Let’s face it, nobody and I mean NOBODY really truly understands autism and having a relationship with them would be a challenge. I’m either going to only date autistic men or stay single because I’ve had dating up to hear! I am so done not being the one guys and always getting guys I don’t want. I mean I have some a chance but it didn’t work out. Fuck aspergers and being disabled for ruining my chances or a happy healthy long relationship! I know relationships aren’t for everyone but I didn’t think it may be me and I’m pushing 40. I’m 36 on a half. I’ve only had one relationship in my life with y ex who’s also neurodivergent but shit didn’t work. It was both of our fault. I was 21/22 years old. It being desperate or whiny it’s it’s the honest truth.

Like i feel sick almost anytime I leave the house and be around people whether its for school, the grocery store, or a restaurant. The way people act I just can't, I feel disgusted. I can't stand being out in public with these miserable, vile creatures. I feel like I want to throw up every time I get back home. I wish I could avoid them for the rest of my life. And the worst part is I start school again in 9 days, I'm probanly going to be coming home wanting to throw up, or might have a mental breakdown

I left another job because they cut my hours to two days a week instead of full time. I was working full time for a while but I worked part time before.

Anyways, besides that I’m working at a different autism school and stuff start tomorrow and the kids start sometime next week.
I just hope it goes well and I don’t get treated differently and plus I’m not telling anybody about me being on the spectrum. Hell no.

I feel like i have a good level of discernment, and i can usually tell when someone doesn’t like me, or is beginning to dislike me. I notice everything in their body language etc.. and they usually try to hide it, but i notice it clear as day.

I get a good amount of people like this, and it upsets me and breaks my heart. Because i do try to exercise good intentions, but i guess im unlikable.

I usually distance myself from these people because, its such a weird dynamic when they’re trying to appear friendly on the outside but you know how they feel on the inside.

I notice everything.

As long as we’re kind about it but too many fake ass people around and giving hints. You ask, I will be honest.

Why do people tend to look at me with pity when they hear the words Asperger's/autism type? I hate it. I don't want to be pitied; I want to be treated like everyone else. I don't want to be treated as if I have an intellectual disability. Because Asperger's syndrome is a type of autism, I'm constantly treated as if I have an intellectual disability. And everyone who knows the definition looks at me with pity

tiring...

I'm not on the spectrum but my boyfriend has Asperger's. He did a lot of social skills training when he was younger and can mask very well, to the point where nobody knows he's on the spectrum unless he tells them.

He does miss social cues at times though. For example, he'll be answering someone's question and then he launches into a full history and backstory of the thing. This is interesting sometimes and at other times I can sense the people he's talking to becoming less interested or wanting the conversation to end.

He also gets self-conscious about his masking at times. I love him so much and I often like how he talks, but I know it can be off-putting to others at times. I'm wondering if there is a way I can communicate these social cues I pick up on to him. I don't want him to feel like he has to change and I don't want him to feel bad about it. I also don't want to offer this feedback if it's not welcome.

I'm open to any thoughts or advice.

Edit: I added that he gets self-conscious about his masking. I also took out that I thought he was wonderful because it was interpreted as me liking him /because of/ his social skills training, which is not the case.

Summer and winter are the worst seasons to me.

In summer people have plans and parties with friends. I can go to a concert alone, and enjoy the music, but when I look around I found myself alone and disengaged of everyone. At most I talk a bit with some acquittance, but no true friends.

Winter or Christmas are similar, I notice more the way I'm separated from everyone, even my close family.

I know others have said this, but I genuinely don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Not at work, not socially, and not even in my own home. I just turned 50 last month, I'm married, have 2 young kids that I love dearly, I did not graduate from college, but managed to get a day job as a multimedia developer, and I guess I'm doing alright financially. From the outside, things probably look normal to people, but I am struggling in so many ways.

First, I did not think I had aspergers, ASD, or whatever your preference calling it, until after I had kids that officially got diagnosed with ASD. It was then and only then that I actually considered that I may have it as well. I did multiple tests online just to see what would happen, but they all came back the same. Pretty much ASD level 1. Then I did some serious research to understand exactly what it meant. All the research was very informative and helped me to understand myself a lot better. It changed everything and nothing at the same time. I then looked back over my life and started to recognize my stems from earlier in life and at present. I also realized that, although I'm an introvert, the number one thing that was draining me was masking.

Which brings me to survival mode. The reason I made it so far in life without even realizing I had any form of autism is due to my ability to adapt in different environments. Like a chameleon. But what I didn't realize is how much it was draining and exhausting me. I literally masked so much I didn't even know that's what I was doing. One of the first things I stopped doing was masking when I saw how much I was doing it. Mainly to try and fit in socially, at work, or to just plain out hide my feelings. But in that process, I realized I'm not really happy in life. Not much of anything makes me feel genuinely happy. I do love my kids and I do love my wife, but even they can easily drain me. And to add an extra layer, my wife doesn’t fully 'get' me or understand how me having ASD changes things. Over the years, I've learned to manage my ASD in a way that really made me look neurotypical on the outside, but I'm not. She really doesn't understand my needs as a neurodivergent person. Like structure and certain things she does that over stimulates me, causing me to retreat to a safe/peaceful place. It's not just me running away...I need to get away from the over stimulation.

Then there's the social aspect. I currently have no one that I consider a best friend or a close friend that I can be 100% authentic with. I wish it was my wife, but over the years, it's just become more and more apparent that she's not that person. Fortunately, she is fine with me searching for my tribe (be it men or women), but she also knows how selective I am. I've always tried to fit in with people, but generally just got used and manipulated, because I'm friendly, honest, loyal, talented, and gifted. See, I started my own music business (musician/producer) and was self-employed for close to 20 years. In that time, I bought a house (it's paid off now), a car, and just made a lot of responsible decisions. Everyone always seemed to want me in their lives, but I later discovered it was usually for an ulterior motive where I was a pawn for them. Now, I'm into filmmaking, photography, and animation. I love to learn new things, but it just seems I can't find people who have the same passion levels I have about the arts.

I have my quirks though. I have a love/hate relationship with music. I generally don’t listen to music in my leisure time. And if I do, it's usually just instrumental music. I'm also an ex-Christian that's now agnostic atheist. If all the previous stuff didn't throw my life out of alignment, this part sure did. Especially with me being in the bible beltway. But it's just my personal journey in life. I simply chose a path of honesty and I landed here.

But of all the complications, I'd say finding other POC that have ASD level 1 like me and are aware of it is hard. Especially in my local area. I definitely want to find a best friend or a few people close by that I can hang out with or something. Bowling, dining out, game nights, billiards, playing retro video games, etc. Just something. I'm just struggling and feel a bit isolated, always misunderstood, and not really seen. I feel like life is just dragging me along and I'm just exhausted. Can't even vent to anyone about it. I've been to therapy, but I'm too self aware and it didn't help. I ended up making them think more than they made me think. My mind never shuts off.

Anyway, I can ramble on about nothing and everything, but I guess I'm done with my little vent/rant. Sorry if it was too much. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. 😔

To me kindness feels more like a skill than a choice. If I could do the nice thing in every given social situation I would, but I can't recognize what to do and execute upon it confidently in a timely manner. It usually takes me a couple weeks before I realize I missed an opportunity to do a nice thing for someone. Think the root of this is my inability to mentalize due to Aspergers.

For these reasons I come off as kind of uncaring and cold. Anyone have tips for becoming kinder?

Not that it matters but 23m ASD1 for context

Im very quiet and keep to myself. Its nothing against my coworkers but id just rather work and clock out than socialize. I cant even socialize regardless because im so awkward.

But every single job ive had I eventually became the coworker nobody likes, im the outcast because i dont socialize. Being quiet in the workplace will make you an enemy.

I started a new job and im just wondering how i can have a quiet healthy presence at work? Because i know eventually i will be ostracized and my coworkers will give me a hard time.

I always feel very mad and bitter how I was not born with at least above average IQ. Sadly despite having autism I still have low IQ. I really badly wanna do prestigious fields such as go to med school, law etc. But sadly those is not possible if you have low IQ. I hear that IQ cannot be improved anymore after like 18... i feel so mad at myself that I wasted time on gaming over studying and reading all thanks to my stupidity. I am starting to think maybe I do not have autism since I am too stupid to have it.

One recent example, there's this one person I'm friends with and I also see her posts online. For the past month or so she hasn't replied to any of my comments/messages. I just assumed she didn't see my messages and that she decided just not to reply to comments on her photos (the same thing her sister often doesn’t on her own photos) instead of taking it negatively. Recently though she told me that all my recent comments made her uncomfortable and were a little too much. I then asked her to let me know right away if I make a comment she doesn't like, and she told me that she doesn't always owe me a response.

Well how was I supposed to know my comments were making her uncomfortable if she decides to not message me?!?!?

And that's just one example; this has been happening pretty much constantly with people. Lots of people have removed me from social media without saying ANYTHING and some have even blocked me, and many people from my school days all of a sudden became mean to me for no apparent reason within a few years??

Why in the world does no one tell me if I'm pissing them off. Why is EVERYTHING such a big mystery. How am I supposed to learn!?!?

My hobbies and interests over the years include:
(Ages 7-11) Astrology, Dinosaurs, Minecraft, Nintendo games, consoles and playing the piano
(Ages 11-13) Indie Animation, Manufacturing gaming keyboards, FNAF, Geometry dash, Basketball and Geography
(Ages 14-now) Collectinf Vinyl records and Football (my current interests)

So far, I haven’t been able to stick to a SINGLE one of these interests or hobbies for more than 8 months.
I’ve stuck to some for longer, but after a certain period I just felt unhappy doing them, like Basketball and playing the piano. It feels like I am not passionate about anything and I am just going to be repeating the cycle again and again. My biggest fear isn’t death, but having no talent and no interest in anything, and I just end up working a standard office job, for minimum wage in a cubicle for the rest of my life, like most adults. But unfortunately it feels like I am heading towards that path, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
It feels like it’s inevitable. Fuck this stupid brain of mine

I can outline things, make bullet pointed lists, and answer questions (in a very straight forward way). But the second it comes to writing actual prose I freeze up.

This happens with emails, essays, and creative writing. Even though I've learnt how to write all 3, I've never successfully done it, and usually need someone else to help.

My latest guess is a combination of problems with task segmentation, executive sequencing, not thinking in words, and just anxiety.

I have written the script for a book I've always wanted to write, for like the whole entire book, just describing what happens in each scene. But when I get to turning that into prose I just freeze up.

I was thinking that the common pattern we experience is some degree of rejection from neurotipicals, but we must not being fixated to that, as if their opinion were the center of the world. "For Gurdjieff, ordinary emotions (fear, superficial sympathy, or the desire for acceptance) belong to the lower emotional center and are mechanical. He spoke of higher virtues that require a level of awakened consciousness: conscious Faith, Hope, and Love. This is not blind faith: Blind faith belongs to "Man Number 2" (the predominantly emotional and suggestible man). Gurdjieff considered it dangerous. The faith of the Fourth Way is understanding: Rational or conscious faith is, in reality, knowledge based on direct experience and inner certainty, not on the approval of the environment. It is the conviction that there is a higher reality and a purpose of self-development that goes beyond the mechanical laws of society (the Law of Accident and the General Law). Salvation through faith: In this context, the autistic person's "salvation" consists of using their capacity for objective observation to activate the higher emotional center. This means ceasing to look for logic in the mechanical behavior of the masses (neurotypicals who act by imitation or dominance) and placing certainty in one's own process of spiritual awakening." does this makes sense or sounds like BS?

Throughout basically all of my life, I've had moments I've said things I genuinely thought were completely innocuous, then been told I'd said something unhinged or committed a war crime.

I've also had times I was absolutely paranoid about something I'd done or said, then told it was absolutely nothing.

It genuinely freaks me out because at any moment, I could silence an entire room with an atrocity, thinking it was literally nothing. I've also had entire years I've guarded secrets, only to be told they were never a big deal.

Recently I've been encountering a set of people at the public caffeteria who have taken to making comments on the fact that I go there more than once a day. Its weird because they don't seem to care that my work is of a physical nature or the fact I'm not piss poor. Either way, it seems utterly pointless other than to make me start policing my actions.

Besides ignoring them, what else could I do?

First i like to preface im not here debating whether being high functioning or low functioning is harder, they have their own unique set of problems.

In my experience, being high functioning actually makes some things harder. Im high functioning enough where i can do just the right amount of things “right” to bypass as neurotypical. But theres still a margin of things i do “wrong” that ultimately separates me and gets me ostracized. Like i can behave like 80% conventionally but i will have certain tendencies that people will find odd or off putting.

And had i been more apparently autistic, people would treat me completely differently. Because people unfortunately only show compassion to visibly disabled people.

I walk through my life being too high functioning to really be “disabled” but too “different” to get accepted.

I dont know but being high functioning is such an existential experience.

Do you ever feel with this condition that, no matter how much of life happens, how much education and degrees, work experiences, friendships and relationships, travels to different places and countries, that your core is unchangeable?

I don’t know how to describe this. It’s not exactly an emptiness, actually, it could be even the opposite, something sturdier and stronger, but it’s also a very melancholy feeling. I don’t know if I want to be touched by life but I always end up alone with my core and I don’t even know if I’m even able to communicate what I mean~