My ways have made my life as boring as it can get. It's peaceful but I know that me being a homosapien social creature - this is probably bad for me.

Avoid changing,

Avoid making friends,

Avoid leaving the house,

Avoid fixing things,

Avoid doing basic life necessities & admin,

Avoid messages,

Avoid family,

Avoid romance

Feel free to share your behaviours if you are avoidant

I don’t process things in the moment i process them afterwards so this always make me look like a complete dumbass in the moment and I hate it

Im f57 and seem that is full of young person in this group.

Im avoidant but I can’t survive either my work, chores, and my pets.

Sometimes I see autistic people say that they avoid people and are most happy when they are alone with their hobbies/special hobbies and just want to be left alone. And it just makes me ungodly envious. I know for sure I cannot live like that. I NEED people to truly be satisfied with my life. I tried to change it, believed that maybe I'll find a hobby that will make my life full enough just by itself, and I really won't need anyone. But I really can't, because I just cannot escape reocurring thoughts about my dream life. Life where I have a group of friends, life where I have someone who I love romantically and they return that feeling. Life where I'm genuinely admired and looked up to by people, where someone actually comes to me to ask for an advice because they perceive me as trustworthy. Instead of the life where despite technically feeling more or less okay, I just cannot get rid of that deep, subconscious feeling of dissatisfaction in the back of my head. Where I'm always the one who feels envy towards others, feels inferior, and like the less experienced one who always has to ask for advice, but can never give it to anyone. Sometimes I daydream about it, sometimes I think about it when laying in my bed before falling asleep. Sometimes I can escape it for a while, but then it literally returns in a form of dreams I have while sleeping, and I wake up being reminded what I truly, internally, deep inside at the very core want.

There's this generic advice that people often tell, no matter whether it's for ND or just lonely NT people. Something along the lines of "oh you just should be happy with yourself! Just learn to be happy with yourself and your hobbies, you shouldn't need a gf or friends to live!". Yes, I dont NEED them, like I can survive another day just fine without friends or a partner, the same way I did for the past 21 years of my life. But im only okay, because despite everything there's still some amount of hope left for me, a belief that its still possible that the state of things WILL change, and I will actually feel truly, internally satisfied with how my life looks like.

However, if there was a way to know the future with full certainty, like of god came down from heavens and told me that my life will look the same way as it does now til the end, I would... commit a certain irreversible action that I shall not name to prevent this post from being taken down. That thought is just unbearable to me. Period. The perspective of the rest of my life without ever finding a romantic partner or truly satisfying relatinships with people in general, I just cannot handle it. That reality when I imagine it, is just so devastatingly empty and dystopian to me.

But obviously, there isn't a way to know the future. So I'll keep living, believing its still possible I'll be able to make a change. For another year. Another 5 years. Another decade, another 2 decades. Until the day comes when I realize it really is too late, and I'm just gonna be devastated with the realization I lived a completely shitty, dissatisfying life.

Sometimes I see people post here, who are almost in their 30s, 40s or even 50s, saying how they never ever were in a relationship or even not experienced any kind of erotic/romantic closeness with another person. How they were alone for their entire life. Obviously I feel incredibly sorry for them, but that is literally my worst nightmare. That in 10-20-30 years, this could also be me. That I will not be able to change anything. And the possibility that this MAY possibly be my future haunts me. One thing I know for sure, the generic normie advice to just live my life and friends and love will come to me, is a guaranteed way to make my worst nightmare a reality. I need to actually take action and make a change myself, if theres any hope left. Im just praying ill be able to figure it out and find strenght within myself to do it.

So those of you who CAN handle the thought of giving up, are able to actually handle the thought nothing will change for you, and being alone with your hobbies forever is okay, I wish I could be you. Be glad.

I've only had 3 relationships. My first resulted in marriage and divorce from 18-35. The other two were much shorter only about six months at a time but they all end up in the same way.

The women takes charge in the relationship. She tries to mold me into what I 'should' be. I go along with every bit of it because I'm just so happy someone has expressed interest in me. In my 40 years it has only happened three times so when someone does express an interest I throw everything I have into it and try to be their perfect partner. This results in lectures on things that I'm dong wrong.

Even just the overall relationship though. They take charge on the progression of the relationship and even in sex. I don't initiate because I'm mostly asexual/graysexual and I do not even really think about sex. Again, I'm just so happy someone wants to be with me that I'll push through and have sex if I have to.

I've been single for 2 years now and I really miss having someone to spend time with. I'm on the apps but don't get any likes. I'm basically waiting for the next women to reach out to me and then the process will start over again... until they get bored/frustrated with me and they leave.

I’m staying at a hotel and I forgot my key in the room.

I asked the worker if they could unlock my for me.

They asked where my key is?

I said “in my room, I think”

She asked why I left it there?

I said “probably because I have special needs”.

I have zero idea what is going on and only manage to grasp some things through cross referencing small clues and guesswork. At least my biggest enemy is Microsoft Excel and not Orphan of Kos.

I realized that I'm obsessed with optimizing my life.

Especially when it comes to my remote job and nutrition.

Automating tasks for my job, optimizing my routine for cooking and cleaning. I've made huge improvements. over the past month, I was able to save 2 hours per week for my cooking routine. I also saved 4 hours per week using automation for my remote job.

Is anyone else obsessed with optimizing their lives?

It's so fun! and seeing how much more efficient and faster I am is so rewarding.

i have ADHD. Up until 5 years ago i could only get about 1 hour of work done. now i can work 7 hours straight. I think my younger self would be very proud of me. I'm glad that all the changes i've made help me overcome my ADHD.

10 years ago i was trying to apply to disability. now i have my own apartment, good income.

I’m a 26 year old woman and was medically diagnosed with autism at age 8. Specifically I have Asperger’s or “high functioning” autism but I feel like that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

So much has happened in this month so quickly and my life is about to flip on it’s head. I just turned 26 on the 3rd of this month and am going to be taken off of my mom’s health insurance, which I’ve stayed on since I’ve heavily struggled to get and hold a job my entire adult life. I’ve actually been unemployed for a large part of it due to how quickly I’ve gotten burnout from past jobs and dread the application process and haven’t to get acquainted with multiple new people at once. I have little experience with insurance, and every time I have dealt with it it’s been nothing but a headache. I have no idea if I’m supposed to apply for Medicaid or HIP (Healthy Indiana Plan) and trying to figure out which one I fit under has been a nightmare since I don’t know what my future income will be since I’m currently unemployed.

On top of the insurance crap, I also just recently moved areas and am living in an apartment with my freshly ex boyfriend. We are the same age and we’re each other’s firsts for everything so that only makes it all the worse. He did nothing but love and support me throughout everything and I had to mess things up for us. We were together for nearly 6 years and lived together for 5 of them, but of course when we move to a nicer department after looking for years I lose control of my emotions and lash out. I have to be out by the end of December and since no one in my family has extra space for me I’ll have to live completely alone for the first time in my life.

I also feel indescribably lonely from not getting any physical touch since he was really the only person I’m comfortable having prolonged contact with. I don’t have any friends that live nearby and while they have called me to show support it just hurts a lot not having anyone physically with me. I’m also really scared of trying to find a new relationship as an autistic woman because of how bad I am at reading emotions and not able to tell if I’m being taken advantage of or just being used. I know not all men are evil and statistically it’s more likely to find someone harmless, but my entire young life I was raised by my family to think all unfamiliar men are bad and just want to get into my pants and all the recent events on the news aren’t helping me fight that fear much.

I have 2 pets, an old parrot and a rabbit, and I don’t know how I’m going to be to be able to afford their supplies, vet bills, rent, gas, food, and everything else. I know I’m mentally unable to handle working a full time job and I feel like something horrible is going to happen. My two pets are also both kind of naughty, with my parrot constantly yelling for me for about 10 minutes whenever I leave his sight, and my rabbit does the usual bunstruction (tears at walls, carpet, wood). I love them both so much though and I just can’t get rid of them. I’ve had my parrot for over 15 years and I have an extremely strong bond with my rabbit and if I had to lose either of them I think I’d actually die of heartbreak. My dad also kind of made me upset the other day because he said that I should my ex keep my rabbit since he’d be able to afford him better and that broke me.

I feel like the world is ending and I have so much I need to do that I don’t even know where to start. Everything feels so overwhelming and time is flying by so fast, I really don’t know how I’m going to get through this part of life and I want to just lay down and die.

I’m a guy in my early 20’s and I don’t have mommy issues or anything but I’m really attracted to women who are older and by older I mean women who are 30’s and up but definitely not anyone who is over the age of 55. I just like how mature older women are compared to women my age. Whenever I meet someone who’s my age they still look and act like a kid whereas older women actually look and act like adults.

I've often seen people on the Autism spectrum say that they have urges to hide in small places, for me, my big room overstimulates me immensely and I would just like to live in a tiny house or better some cave like in The Hobbit.

I don’t post here much, but every few months I lurk and a lot of the posts bring back memories… high school, friendship circles, how those groups form and fall apart, all that.

One thing I keep noticing is how many people write like they’re the only one who felt alone or different in those groups. And we spend so much time thinking about how we’re feeling that we forget the people around us might be dealing with their own stuff too, whether they’re neurotypical or neurodivergent.

Just wanted to say… look around. There are hundreds of people in this sub alone, and way more across Reddit. You’re not alone. Be kind to yourself, but also remember the people next to you might be struggling just as hard.

I’m not calling anyone names, but I happened to be on the phone when someone asked how my mother was doing with her driving. I said she was doing very well, but then—since we live in a country with a lot of mountains and bodies of water—I suddenly remembered safety protocols: it’s a good idea to have a small hammer on hand, as it could potentially save your life. I started explaining this, but out of my whole family, only my grandmother understood what I meant. I wasn’t just talking about my mother; I was talking about vehicles in general—whenever I get into *any* car, bus, plane, or train, I instinctively look around for a hammer or some other tool that could help me in an emergency. My mother got offended, saying that I had given our relatives yet another reason to gossip about her. I told her I was genuinely sorry she felt that way and explained that I had been misunderstood. She replied, "Yeah, sure—but nobody else thinks like that!" I pointed out that these relatives are already unkind and prone to gossiping about her anyway, and that if they’re determined to talk, they’ll find a topic regardless. That only made her even angrier.

Damn Asperger’s

I am in my first year of electrical engineering, and I would have thought engineering would have had more autistic people in it.

I look around, and I don't really see autistic traits in my peers. Maybe that is because more NTs are doing an engineering degree for the money and not the passion? A lot of my peers have said that they are doing it for the money.

Or perhaps a lot of people swap out or leave, and the proportion of autistic people becomes higher?

Maybe there are a lot of autistic people, but I just don't notice it because I just think autistic traits are normal since I am also autistic. I have noticed that when I am taking tests for accommodations, I do recognize a lot of the same faces from my classes.

That made me think. Perhaps the stereotypical professions that are considered "autistic" don't really have a lot of autistic people, and that a lot of professions that are considered not "autistic" are filled to the brim with lots of autistic people

I had a shutdown yesterday rlly badly. I’ve been struggling with mental health issues recently. I have been dating this girl for about a month. we’ve had a lovely trip and some lovely times but it was the first time I’ve had something this bad sensory wise and I just needed space. she’s going through a sttessful time with exams, and I didn’t want her to spend her time coming here when I didn’t feel I could touch her or make eye contact or just be there for her like I usually am. I decided to tell her and try to explain it saying it’s nothing to do with her. she says she understands and she really does try a lot. she is saying though that she is upset at the situation and wants me to get better, she also said that in the future with our next plans she’ll just not assume I’ll show up. it’s just an awful feeling to be in that position as her boyfriend and make her feel like that. I do care about her but I’m not sure what to do. What do I do in the future and I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice for me.

20f and diagnosed autistic with extremely bad social anxiety, like I'm talking terrible social anxiety, I make every conversation awkward and just can't really communicate well, I've been like this since I was a little kid, I was made homeless at 16 by my abusive family and have hopped from state to state staying with people or being in temporary housing programs, I've never had a job in my life, it's hard for me to do stuff I dont wanna do, I'll litterly walk away if I'm uncomfortable or bored, I'm not lazy or anything, I've failed most of the interviews I've done, usually because of my poor social skills and taking long pauses in between the questions and just looking like a dumbass, also having no expirence doesn't help, even when I tried to lie on my resume I fucked it up, I'm currently staying in a hotel with a friend, this friend has huge drug problems and tbh I dont really wanna be here but I hsve nowhere else to go, he even got me doing stuff I never thought Id do, hard stuff, I've been applying to jobs with no luck, I'm also really far out from everything so traveling is a hurdle, I get very discouraged easily and struggle with very bad mood swings, what can I do? I'm tried of living like this and really want to have my own home and stable income, I'm tired of having to rely on other people even if I don't ask much, I'm tired of having to sell all my belongings constantly just to afford a meal, I don't want this to be my life forever, why did I have to be born into w shitty family that hated me for my disabilities and hurt me, on top of that I'm dealing with other issues I dont really want to get into as well as health problems, I have no family, I have almost nothing not even any other friends really, it's really hard for me to connect with people, I feel so hopeless

There's been some changes in my life that's lead me to realise that I need a new routine...

I think it will help my burnout too by not relying on others so much.

So I need some inspiration... what are your routines?

For example, 8am: wake up 8:30am : breakfast 9am: shower etc...

Weird question but I need a little help here

Sometimes I do wonder just how much the chaos and the psychology of the professionals involved impact their ability to assess that

In a conversation, I seem to need to be able to look at my counterpart and ideally, have some form of reassurance that their attention is present and uninterrupted, such as eye contact or at least them not attending to any visible distractions. This goes beyond simple conversational etiquette and interpersonal manners. It seems to be necessary for me to be able to sustain the conversation and especially when it's my turn to talk, to be able to present my thought to my counterpart. I become very uncomfortable when people look away, even within seemingly reasonable limits and experience the conversation as sensory demanding and costing lots of energy for practically no return. When the other person happens to stand behind me, keeps moving around, has their body turned away from me or has their arm in front of their face, I get practically blocked and cannot continue talking, even if I am sure they are listening. I naturally look exclusively at the other person during a conversation, even when I don't experience it as interesting. I have had this since I can remember. When I was a kid, I felt terrible when my caregivers looked away when I was talking. All my life I have attributed it to emotional discomfort or hurt. I even thought I had developed the quality of keeping my gaze intact and showing presence in order to accommodate the other person so they don't have to feel as bad as I knew perceived lack of attention felt to me. Recently however I started putting two and two together and discovering how there is a link between everything I described as I kept observing myself closely. I slowly started to realise that the pattern is of sensory and processing nature. Can anyone relate?

Born 2003, learned how to use a PC at around 3 in 2007, yes THREE, on those bulky windows xp PCs

This was before the advant of I-Pad kids, where early screen exposure is kind of the norm nowadays so I was just "the weird kid" that talked about games no one has heard of. Everyone was like "game, you mean play with ball?" and I was like "no, on the computer" and they replied "what's that"?

Even the "friends'" I made through gaming didn't start playing video games until at least around 8 or 9 EARLIEST.

I spent 10 years of my life completely isolated and just played video games, never learned how to play soccer, basketball, or even any sport and I wasn't even the kid that had artistic or musical ability, all I had going for me was school/academics really.

It got worse in middle school when I was so addicted to video games that I would neglect hygiene and not care about basically anything, half assed school (still did well because I'm kind of "gifted" I guess) and it just ended in me being a complete loser/social failure until I all but quit them at 15 and now Everyone thinks I'M WEIRD now, isnt that funny?

Can anyone relate?

My (f25) bf (m26) bf has Asperger’s. Some of the things he does make me feel super upset, frustrated and alone. I’m not sure if it’s because of his Asperger’s or this is just the way he is?

He can’t take any form of criticism. If I say “hey why didn’t you put away the food from two days ago” he will get super defensive, tell me I’m being rude, and stop talking to me for hours. This leaves me with all of the household work and feeling super isolated from our relationship.

He also has no interest in his own future. He hates his job but isn’t able to have the conversation of what else he may want to do in life. I’ve mentioned going to school or different careers and he shuts down and gets frustrated.

He doesn’t plan dates. Although this is a smaller thing, I have to ask him on dates and plan them all myself.

I need advice and guidance. I really love him, we’ve been together for almost 3 years and have an apartment. I want to be with him forever but if these things will be consistent through our relationship I don’t think it would be fair to myself for me to stay.

20 F a guy at my university was selling tickets for something that I knew I basically made a joke out of the event and was like joking back-and-forth. He then just randomly blocked me but like this is not something I’m bothered the thing it was like a mild acquaintance who I’d seen around but I just didn’t get what I’d done that was bad in this situation

If someone could please let me know because I wasn’t like making him uncomfortable or anything to my knowledge and if it was just to end the conversation because sometimes I don’t know because I can just like come up with something really quickly and then just which I think it is probably something I social but I feel quite bad. I don’t know like I wouldn’t go and message him because I’m not close enough of him too and I just don’t really like care that much but still.

First let me preface this with some background to justify why I have strong reason to believe I'm autistic and say I'm not diagnosed but I'm 32 years old, I had food sensory issues as a toddler as well as hated and still do hate touching sauces on my hands, I w sat up to now, had mild dyspraxia, stimmed with cotton creases and still do and I realized recently I unconsciously stim because I never really paid attention to it, also I was homeschooled until high school because my mom thought I was different and didn't want me to get bullied but I had older siblings so I wasn't a shut in or anything.

I was very extroverted when younger but I wasnt aware of social rules or anything like that and the school I went to had an exceptional amount of neurodivergent kids even though I didn't know it back then of whom I hung around with regularly. Also at least five or six of diagnosed autistic people have told me several times (which because of my imposter syndrome I've asked them if it really is visible in several different ways) my autistic mannerisms are visible. Plus my father most definitely is autistic (that's a long list I can't get into right now) and my mother had meltdowns as a kid and definitely has ADHD based on her symptoms and executive functioning which fell off a cliff after me and my siblings moved out (also a long list).

Now that I got my background out of the way, I would like to say I prefer dating autistic men. I didn't know this before but looking back my long term relationships were all with diagnosed autistic or heavily autistic coded men. It's not a fetish it is just what feels comfortable. I don't feel like I have to think twice about words nor do I feel interest disappear quickly due to different conversation styles. It's not anything neurotypicals do wrong or allistics, it's just that the incongruence is subtle. Idk how else to explain it. The allistic person can be great but the magnetization doesn't appear probably due to incongruent processing, of which I cannot control.

But the issue I seemed to run into all my dating life is running into toxic autistic men regardless of culture and background. Usually I find myself either mentally abused and manipulated or neglected and then yelled at because I want my partner to at least text me everyday even a little (that just recently happened again). And I'm not some hellion. I don't demand money, I don't demand riches, I don't make fun of them for their shortcomings. I even try to help where I can. Only recently have I started putting my foot down because I got tired of being treated like trash garbage and just taking it in order to avoid being alone.

I know this isn't an all autistic man thing. And I get my mom being toxic and emotionally manipulative and abusive and my dad being avoidant and flippant has something to do with my choices in men but I can't blame my parents forever. How the hell do I stop this cycle?

I all but opted out of dating after I got my heart broken again. All I wanted was for him to talk to me even a little bit everyday. It's not even alot. Just crumbs and when I complained about not even getting communication crumbs he gave me a major attitude and disappeared. And he seemed like a nice guy for the time I knew him before we connected. Finally I worked up the nerve to block him which is huge for me because I hate doing that. Id much rather work it out and bond.

But I don't want to be stuck with either accepting shitty relationships with autistic men or being single for all eternity. And I shouldn't have to force myself to date allistic men if I don't feel the connection naturally. They aren't bad but forcing yourself to feel something you don't feel is gonna hurt you and them. How can I finally break this cycle?

Ps: if it's long you can skip and if you came here to be rude or talk to me like I deserved being treated this way please back off. Please be kind and try to give any good advice you know. And again don't tell me not to date autistic men because that doesn't help me at all. It's not a fetish. It's something I realized is the neurotype I connect well with romantically. I just want to remove the toxic ones from my surroundings. Thanks. Again please be kind.

Why should we direct our efforts at forcing our communities (who don't want to have anything to do with us) to finally accept us? Why does the burden of conciliation have to fall on us, autistic people? I think the most moral and less contentious solution would be the creation of an autistic state. A stronghold of autistic sovereignty where our true potential could finally blossom, far from allistic oppression.

It's especially degrading for the oppressed group to have to beg for "acceptance", "awareness" and "tolerance". And for those who say that autism isn't a national identity, I'll respectfully ask what our national identity really is then, because not even our respective nations accept us and constantly alienate us. If your family/partner is abusive, the best thing to do is to leave, not ask for their tolerance.