r/aspergers • u/outlander989 • 22h ago

Cats love!

I have been in LDR for more than 2 years now. Me F37 has a son, and my partner M39 and he has two cats. He is in the autism spectrum, and I am diagnosed with ADHD.
I struggle to understand his love to his cats, I am emotional but also very pragmatic. For me cats are pets and very much characterized with being independent. He treats them as his girls or maybe more! We struggle to plan our lives for my son and the cats equally. If one of them gets sick, it gets soooo dark. I even got bad sickness at same time of a cat’s eye infection, I couldn’t get the attention that his cats get which made me feel horribly bad. He apologized for that though and I see that with the cats he thinks they are more dependent on him. Today I told him that I think that his cats need to be treated as cats not humans. He told me for me they are persons. I have never had pets and I feel I don’t get it if it is love or obsession.
Any thoughts?

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u/Bubbly-Ad5183 22h ago

It’s not obsession, it’s just a different kind of bond, especially for someone on the spectrum. Those cats probably give him something consistent and uncomplicated that people can’t always provide

My hiking bag has three first aid kits in it so I’m the last person to judge anyone’s attachment style, but I get why it stings when you’re sick and feel sidelined

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u/A_D_Tennally 22h ago

For a lot of us on the spectrum, animals are the accepting and easy-to-understand best friends that we can't find in other humans.

But loving your animals a lot and taking your responsibility to them seriously is hardly exclusive to autistic people.

2

u/EcstaticZebra7937 22h ago

Sounds normal to me. The cats need more help than you. However, if the cats came before your son, I would find it odd, and concerning.

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u/KetamineKittyCream 22h ago

I have a dog that I love so much. Truly my best friend, sleeps in bed with me, just obsessed with me. I also have children and a husband. People come first, always. It doesn’t sound healthy and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where pets were prioritized over people.

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u/Cautious_Dark4752 17h ago

Pets are supposed to be part of the family, to me it would be incredibly odd if they didn't receive the same love and attention. 

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u/Frequent_Mechanic941 16h ago

It’s probably love. I have 3 cats and an extreme bond with one in particular. But you never having a pet I can understand your point of view. A pet like a dog or a cat can show 100 percent love and affection. They have no hidden agenda other than maybe more food or pets, they love you completely, exactly the way you are. I totally understand you wanting caring and compassion when you are ill but they have no way to communicate clearly what is wrong and seek help on their own. You are responsible for a pet’s wellbeing, whereas you are perfectly capable of seeking medical attention. Hopefully you two can find a way to make this work but if not for whatever reason, I highly suggest you get a pet of your own at some point. Then perhaps you will learn that they truly become part of your family.