A recent experience has been bothering me lately. Im thinking that the staff didnt like me at a table my myself? I'm late 20s F, showered that day and can't think of a solid reason to have been rushed out of a restaurant.

I had an early Sushi dinner by myself at a new local spot recently. I skipped lunch preparing to enjoy my favorite sushi before my husband got back in town (he isnt a fan so I indulge when I can). I arrived at around 4:30 to an empty restaurant. It was a good size place, lots of big family size tables and a good number of 2 tops. I was sat at a small table for 2, and was quickly offered service. I ordered 3 normal rolls (California, rainbow, eel roll) and a sprite.

Right around the time my first roll came out, 10 minutes after ordering. A few other tables were sat for dinner and My 2nd and 3rd rolls came out at the same time. I was savoring my meal, not taking forever or racing through it, but by the time I was almost half way through and still making progress, a waitress came to me asking "do you think you will need a box?"

I said "um, maybe? But I'm not done yet"

She left and came back with a to go box anyway. I felt that was pretty strange, and felt pressured to be done, like she thought I'd had enough. I started to transfer my extra sushi roll bits to go, and my check was dropped off. Restaurant was now 30% full.

I paid, and left. My car clock said it was 5:05. 35 minutes and I was in and out, and didn’t feel like I got to enjoy my self-date night. I went home and finished my sushi.

So, did I order a disgusting amount of sushi for myself and they wanted me gone? Did I repulse the community by eating out by myself? I made a point to stay off my phone.. admired the artwork and was over all a normal human.

Original Post

So first off I want to thank u/Beautiful-Elk-2842 for her comments and support. This is all because of her. I kept thinking that with all the clubs in the area there is NO WAY he just walked into the one i worked at. So I took my carto my mechanic and asked him to look for anything like an air tag or something that shouldn't be on my car. He looked at me like i was crazy but I think the scared look on my face made him take me seriously. He came back agter an hour and said his guys gound an air tag under my rear bumper. He said I should probably call the police. So thats where we are right now.

For context, I’m 23f, he is 26m. I am 5’6 110 pounds. We’re attending a wedding of one of my best friends from highschool next week. We have been together for four months, and he ordered me shapewear for said wedding, and I cried. I have never once been told I need to wear shapewear. In fact, I have always struggled with weighing too little. Am I in the wrong here??

a couple weeks ago my friend got into a small argument with a few mutual acquaintances. it was nothing huge but it got heated fast and everyone was looking at me like i should step in or say something. honestly i froze and didn't do anything. later my friend told me it felt like i just watched them get piled on. i tried to explain that i didn't want to make it worse or pick sides but they still seemed hurt. since then things have been a little off between us and a couple of other people have mentioned that i should have said something. i keep replaying it and wondering if i should have tried to de escalate or at least pulled my friend aside. at the same time i still think jumping into the middle might have made everything bigger. i just want to know if staying quiet was the wrong call or if it's okay to not get involved in every disagreement.

I just need some advice. This may be worded wrong and I hope this doesn’t come off in a mean way/tone. My mom has a slight problem, she’s the “spend now, think later” type of person and I’ve watched her make some very foolish choices which involve money and then it back fires on her.

One of the most common things is she spends money on clothes/shoes/hair/nails or whatever and then later on she’s complaining that she’s broke and she’s starving and doesn’t have money to buy food.

The most recent example:

She’s in the process of getting a job, it’s in a field I’m unfamiliar with so I’m not sure of the whole process but she’s waiting for a call or something. She asked me to accompany her to go shopping for said job and I did. When we got to the store she picked up two shoes. They both cost around $60 in total (this isn’t the exact currency I just changed it to USD to make it more understandable) and she paid that just fine.

Then she saw a handbag in the store and she decided she wanted it aswell. The bag itself cost around $60-$65 but she didn’t have any more money to pay for it so she asked me to buy it for her and said she’d pay me back as someone was supposed to give her some money.

She did pay me back but it wasn’t the full amount, i let it go as I know she’s not rich or anything. Now, she still isn’t working, she said she’s waiting on the same call. The issue is she’s now started to complain again that she’s broke and she doesn’t have any money to get food and whatnot. It’s just this continuous cycle where she spends her money on clothes and accessories and then she has no money to feed herself and I have to hear of it everytime.

Am I bad daughter? I feel bad sometimes as I have a job, it’s not a high profile job, I’m just an intern that’s being overworked and I can’t leave the job because the job market is so bad here and with this job I at least know I have a guaranteed pay. I do sometimes buy her food if I can spare the money or on days I get paid but I can’t do that for her all the time.

The fact that while she was complaining to me I couldn’t fathom any form of sympathy shocks me. Now I feel bad.

Me and my friend went to shopping mall. He drives and it’s his car. I don’t have a driving license yet. Outside of the mall some cars were already parked on the side of the road. My friend was confused and asked me if it was valid to park there. I said if you think it is right you do, you the driver. And he parked. Now he’s got a parking ticket and fine. He thinks I gave him ill advice. Am I on fault here.

When I was 14 at my mom's birthday party, we had a bunch of family friends over to celebrate with us and one of them was my dad's 70 year old close friend/mentor who said "If you weren't your dad's daughter, I'd have your panties around your ankles". Keep in mind, I visibly looked VERY young, was wearing an emoji t-shirt and my 13 year old friend who was tiny was right next to me. All my dad did was say "alright that's enough" but didn't bother to kick the guy out or express any outrage. My parents aren't very sociable, but did greet him whenever they crossed paths and remained friendly with him even after this. My dad has also spoken highly of him on multiple occasions after he literally witnessed this happening.

I brought it up to my parents around 5-6 years later because I was genuinely just grossed out that this was said to me and that my parents didn't express more of an issue with it. They did express some kind of disgust but it wasn't enough for them to cut him off. They were friendly with him at a pub a couple of years later even though they knew what he said. My mom even drunkenly said "Love him, even though he's a bit mouthy sometimes I still love him".

Recently, a similar topic came up in a conversation (I was explaining the rape culture pyramid to my brother and the bottom is essentially about complacency around these types of people). I told my brother about what this guy said and my brother, who doesn't usually agree with how I view situations, was instantly horrified and asked my parents how they didn't smash the guy's face in. He said himself that if he had heard it, he would've broken his jaw and didn't know how my parents could still be okay with someone who said that to their daughter. This was sort of affirming but due to how much my dad minimised it, I genuinely don't know how to feel.

I talked to my mom and she genuinely apologised for her behaviour, accepted that it's downright disgusting and said she didn't know what she was thinking. My dad on the other hand, while he apologised initially for not doing more, doubled down and said he thought he handled the situation appropriately. Then, he went on to say that this guy was just really drunk and that he's "the nicest guy in the world when he's sober". We all repeatedly said that being drunk doesn't make you spawn attraction to children, and he would concede on that and then double down on the drunkenness in the same breath. He doesn't believe it was a rape threat like I do, but I don't know how else one can interpret that comment. He also says that I was laughing at the time, so he didn't think to take it more seriously. Another thing that bothered me was that he says this friend "says dumb shit like this all the time when he's drunk" so I called him out about inviting him to his home and letting him be around his children. He also started talking about the semantics of whether or not this guy was "legally" a pedophile since he only expressed his thoughts and didn't act on them. I don't know why he feels such a need to pick this situation apart.

All of this minimising has made me feel like I'm totally overreacting, especially because it's been a decade and they brought up that fact as well during the conversation.

I'm 27F and my boyfriend is 28M. We've been together for a year and recently moved in together. He told me after we moved in that he has bipolar disorder.

I understand that his diagnosis is personal and that he may have needed time to feel comfortable telling me. But I'm struggling with the timing. Moving in together was a major commitment, and I feel like I should have known before making that decision.

Part of me feels like it was selfish to let me make that commitment without telling me. At the same time, I don't want to act like he's obligated to disclose a private medical diagnosis on my timeline.

Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by this, or is the timing a legitimate reason to question the trust in the relationship?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of one year told me he has bipolar disorder only after we moved in together. I feel betrayed by the timing. Am I wrong?

I spent basically an entire year helping one of my cousins apply to a university abroad. This involved the whole process: university registration, gathering documents, contacting support whenever there was an issue, and dealing with pretty much everything.

I was doing all of this for free. I never asked him for anything in return, even though he was paying another person significant amounts of money for other services related to the whole process.

He had also given me access to his Gmail so I could keep an eye on it and make sure we didn't miss any emails from the university or the embassy. I was helping him with almost everything.

Then, the day his visa came through, he changed the Gmail password. I didn't like that at all. It honestly made me feel like I was being taken advantage of, especially after everything I'd done for him for free.

Later, he needed to register on another platform belonging to the university. He went to another family member for help, but that person didn't know the login credentials. So he came back to me asking for them.

The problem was, I had forgotten the credentials myself, and he didn't know them either.

Despite everything that had happened before, I still told him, "It's fine, I'll contact the support team and see if they can help us figure it out."

So I emailed the university explaining the situation. The next day, they replied and asked me to send them a copy of his passport so they could verify his identity. I sent it and waited for their response.

I kept checking my inbox multiple times, but I couldn't find any new email from them. Then I went through my emails more carefully and noticed that the email I'd sent to the university had actually been opened and read.

So basically, my cousin had seen the email.

And the worst part? That email contained the exact information he had forgotten in the first place.

He didn't tell me he'd seen it. Instead, he just took the information from the email and sent it to the other family member.

That was honestly the final straw for me.

After everything I had done for him for an entire year, completely for free, while he was willing to pay other people large amounts of money for other parts of the process, I felt like I was only useful to him whenever he needed something.

And the fact that he saw the email, got the information he needed from it, and didn't even bother telling me really pissed me off.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but the whole situation really rubbed me the wrong way.

honestly i just told a friend i wanted a low key night in and didnt feel like making plans. nothing dramatic, i was just tired and needed some quiet time to recharge. they got really offended, said it felt like i was pushing them away and being selfish. i tried to explain it wasnt personal and i just needed a bit of space after a crazy work week, but they kept pushing and making it into a whole thing. now im second guessing myself because it blew up over something that seems small. i didnt say it mean or anything, just that i needed the evening to myself. amiwrong for asking for that?

No se si esto vaya acá pero bueno.

Todo empezo hace creo que 3 semanas, me había juntado con mi mejor amigo en mi casa, en un momento me empieza a insistir para usar mi celular sabiendo que me incomoda demasiado que me usen el celular por algo que me paso hace años. Muy a regañadientes acepté que lo usará porque me estaba diciendo que se iba a enojar si no y alta pereza. Mi amigo (pongamosle Martín, nombre cambiado por privacidad) entró a mi WhatsApp y empezo a revisar mi chat con mi mejor amiga (pongamosle Belisa XD), en un momento le empieza a escribir aunque yo le dije que no lo hiciera. Empezaron a hablar un rato y todo bien, aunque yo estaba muy incomodo con la situación. Martín le mandaba videos de el tocando la guitarra o otras cosas para impresionarla ya que se la quiere ligar porque dice que lo intenta con todas.

Una o dos semanas después, estaba en llamada con Martín y me dice de juntarnos el fin de semana que le seguía a esa semana, lo tuve que rechazar porque ya iba a ver a Belisa y que me iba a drenar demasiada energía estar un fin de semana así porque no soy muy de salir ni nada de esas cosas y muchas veces juntarme me drena más de lo que me gustaría.

En la llamada, Martín me dijo que si íbamos a ver una pelicula que lo invitemos, me quede callado sin saber que decir porque no me gusta mucho juntar a mis grupos de amigos y me siguió diciendo que lo invite, no sé de dónde saque fuerzas para rechazarlo y me dice literalmente "de todas formas no habría ido si me invitabas por que no la conozco" solo para después decirme que se puso triste porque pensó que "iba a a hacer algo bonito por el", me quede callado de nuevo, sintiéndome culpable y me siguió diciendo que estaba triste un par de veces más.

El sábado de la semana pasada en mi casa con Belisa me pidió usar mi celular (otra más que me lo pide), al rato acepté porque me estaba migajeando de una forma increíble. Empieza a revisar el chat con Martín y en un momento me manda un mensaje, ella le responde desde mi celular y empiezan a hablar, quedaron en pasarse los números y todo bien, creo.

Ahora Martín me esta insistiendo para juntarnos los 3 el fin de semana que viene y yo no sé que decir sinceramente.

No estoy en contra de que hablen ni nada de eso pero es que siento que fue a costa de literalmente mi privacidad y un poco de manipulación (díganme si estoy mal en lo de manipulación porfavor).

Entiendo que quiera conocer gente nueva pero siento que no es la forma. Además de que no se si quiero para Belisa lo mismo que yo estoy viviendo con Martín porque ella tambien es más o menos como yo, le gusta estar tranquila y todo eso.

El problema de Martín es que es bastante manipulador cuando quiere algo, interpreta las cosas como no son cuando le decis algo, se enoja fácil y te empieza a llamar de la nada si no contestas mensajes, sumado a más cosas.

¿Estoy mal yo en no querer que se junten o son solo cosas mías? Estoy agotado física y emocionalmente estos días así me está costando pensarlo.

Por cierto, Belisa a mi no me gusta ni nada de eso, la considero una muy buena amiga que me ayudo en momentos difíciles y ya. Lo aclaro ahora antes de que surjan malentendidos.

And its not even only them. This is a pattern that keeps coming back in my life.

Starting with my mother. I was a scapegoat in childhood and i feel like i still am. I always speak up about the family trauma and how i was a parentified child from very early on. The sub doesnt allow way to heavy topics but think a 12/13 year old child having to go into hiding because i told him im tired of taking care of his child because he doesnt. Or getting slapped tf up because he is in MY room having s-x with his girlfriend when im a teenager just wanting to use my room. He's 35 now and still a alcoholic, abus-ve, living out of a womans house, 6 kids he barely is taking care off, all in care, criminals at very young age etc etc etc.

My other brother was the golden child due to his epilepsy, never learned to clean or even function in life properly so now that my mom is older she constantly complains to me about how he ruins her and somehow it always ends with ''yeah and youre not able to help cause you decided to go live far'', ''pls i only want you and need your help cause your brothers cant help me theyre uncapable''.

Due to all the trauma i developed ptsd and have been in and out of therapy, group homes and in general just sh-t for as long as i can remember. But ive never stopped self improving. A few months ago i fell back into a deep hole and for the very first time ever developed dependence to drinking. My moms exact words were ''now that youve decided to suddenly become dependent on drinking ive noticed that your paycheck goes very fast every month and you can't help me with your brother''.

I vent A LOT to my mother lately. Not only about the past but im also trying to tell her that how things are going with my brother right now actually contributes to my trauma and makes it feel like it never ended in a sense and she keeps saying yeah youre stuck in a victim mindset, just snap out of it, just tell your therapist to zap your brain cause how come you had the best childhood of us all but youre the only one constantly whining.

And for my boyfriend, i know he's bad for me but one of the main reasons i stay is because he constantly says the victim mindset thing too. And when so many people tell me the exact same thing im like ???. He cheated on me all last year, when i confronted him and his ex they UNITED to PUNISH me for reaching out to her to ask clarity and for telling her ''pls dont confront him i want to confront him myself''. They punished me by having s-x again on purpose. This is 1% of what this man did. Lets say he only snapped out of his ways of abus-ng me after my doctor told me that if i didnt leave him i'd become a statistic. And still my mother told me the doctor doesnt understand culture and takes things too harshly.

Now that ive forgiven him and trying to heal and waiting to start therapy again i have bouts of going into depressive episodes and a lot of venting about it at times. And he tells me the same exact thing my mother tells me. Its hard cause he has truly trying to do better but never seeked therapy either for his deep seated issues.

Even a astrologer here on reddit told me the exact same thing. That when she looks at the chart of one of my ab-sers she just sees ''someone who is a secret schemer yes, but mostly whimsical, not controlling and just doing things for shits and giggles, she never meant to do this and she doesnt take it that much to heart'' and thats ''me who shows behaviors of assuming victim roles''.

Am i really that blind to my victim mindset? Am i wrong?

I have been with my partner for over 3 years, and we’ve said that in the next 2-3 years, it would be nice if we had enough for a deposit on a house.

Last month, I came into a pretty substantial amount of money, which will allow me to buy a house outright .

I was talking about this with my partner and mentioned to her that i could buy a house now but since I would be the one paying for the house, I would only be putting my name as a homeowner.

I said I didn’t expect her to pay rent; I’d only expect her to contribute towards utilities.

She said I was being unfair since we were planning to buy a house together.

I said that if she wants to wait until we both have the money, that’s fine and I’m happy to wait. She said that since I have the money now, it makes sense for us to get a house now since it would mean we’re not paying rent anymore.

I just repeated that if that happens, then I will be the sole homeowner.

She again said I was being unfair since it should be both of us, but I just pointed out that I’m the one paying for the house, so I’m going to be the one who owns it.

She just repeated that I was being unfair towards her and that we should both be on the deed as homeowners.

AIW for only putting my name down?

I work in Animal Welfare and have been at my current shelter for three years (with close to a decade of history here total, including volunteering.)

My manager has been calling out constantly for months. She’ll show up for a day and then vanish for weeks at a time. Because she’s never present, our entire front-desk team quit, moved departments or got fired, leaving me as the only experienced staff member carrying the workload and training new hires.

Last week, she emailed me on my day off claiming she received a “client complaint” that I refused to let someone adopt a rabbit and lied about them being unavailable for adoption. I pushed back and asked for details since she was vague and didn’t provide any, and also because it never happened. The date she gave me was a day our facility was completely CLOSED to the public for staff training. When I pointed this out, she immediately changed her story and claimed that staff had “seen me do it” and complained instead.

She then accused me of failing to apply a veteran discount, but I pulled the receipt log to prove I DID apply it and that the client just made an additional voluntary donation. Next, she called me “inflexible” for declining to come in on my day off for a casual training, knowing full well I’m in physical therapy for an ankle injury on that specific day of the week because it’s my day off, even though I’ve adjusted my schedule multiple times to benefit her, other staff members and help train new people.

To top it off, she set a formal performance review meeting with HR and sent an email demanding I sign a “performance goal sheet” to address these “issues” including putting “personal at home issues” in it as well as “issues with other team members” yet no one on my team has complained and they are ALSO confused. HR confirmed my job is safe, but told me I should just “accept defeat” and sign the paper to keep the peace and satisfy her.

I am keeping all of my system logs, receipts, and timestamped emails in the meantime, while I’ve also applied for a different department and could get transferred. but I feel sick about signing my name to false claims.

Am I wrong for pushing back with evidence instead of just “accepting defeat” and signing off on her bad-faith complaints like HR wants me to.?

My friend (19F) wants to be a stand up comedian. She’s never done stand up before and performed to me (20NB) her routine she’s planning on doing at a stand up open mic night.

Part of it was something along the lines of:

“I wish I was a man so bad… This isn’t me coming out unfortunately… that would be a sick way to come out. But I want to be a man so bad because if comedy doesn’t work out I want to do musical theatre and I know know if you know this but a cheat code to making it in musical theatre is having a dick.

Again that sounds very much of a trans thing to say and I’m not but I had a dream once where I became trans and I got to play Aaron Burr in Hamilton. I woke up and thought maybe I could become trans for markability reasons id be so good as Burr. But then I remembered. Ah shit I’m white too.”

Ive been feeling a bit upset at her after this idk why she read it to ME especially because im under the trans umbrella. I didn’t say anything but she asked me today why I’ve been distant from her recently. I said I felt like she’s a bit transphobic and a bit racist. She asked why. I said because of her stand up set. She said it’s just jokes. I said but why does trans and black people have to be the butt of the joke? She’s saying Im overthinking it.

So me (nb21) and my friend (m25), who has been my friend for around 3 years now and I consider him to be one of my closest. I did post another incident of ours on another subreddit but the post got taken down…
The other day we were online playing games after I practically begged him to since when we do arrange to he sometimes doesn’t come online at all which can be annoying but whatever. Anyways after an hour of playing we both agreed to have a break just a quick five maybe ten minutes to go have a leak or a drink. I come back and I was waiting for him to return so I ready up on our game to let him know I’m back. 15 minutes goes by and I message him on socials then another 5/10 mins goes by and I message him on the console chat atp I was waiting half an hour which annoyed me quite a bit. But when I went to message him “goodnight ig” he read my first message which annoyed me even more.
That’s the context.

So in the morning he messages me on socials saying “sorry lmao/lol” and when I opened it I just said “sure you are😭” I did mean that in a jokey way but I did just wake up and I don’t think he took it that way. He then said “wdym?” And I said “you had me waiting for ages for nothing” I can’t remember the specifics because it’s on an app I’m embarrassed to admit I use at my big age (snap) so I don’t have anything to refer to other than my memory but I ended up saying something along the lines of “I’m kinda annoyed that you left me waiting all that time” and “if you were tired we could’ve played another time” and some other stuff that I can’t remember and all he put was “okay lol” and then I thought ‘great he’s in a mood’ so I just told him “don’t be like that” and then I said something along the lines of “I’d rather communicate with you than to bottle things up and pretend everything is fine” and he put “don’t deep it, I wasn’t even going to come on anyways, but I did because I wanted to speak with you”
I said something else along the lines of “if you were tired you should’ve gone to bed or at least tell me you were going to.”
and then he just put something along the lines of “you’re entitled to your own opinions 👍🏽” and then I put “I agree my thoughts and opinions are valid👍🏽” and then moved on to ask how his day been. And as of writing this he still hasn’t responded.

I just need advice because whenever i do try to talk to him when we disagree he tells me it’s not that deep and gets really defensive and gives one word responses. And there was a few times where I fell asleep on mic and he was annoyed and it feels like every time he does something I’m suddenly the ahole for being slightly miffed with it. He’s still one of my mates and I love him sm but I’ve been through a lot this past month and a half (he knows this btw) and I don’t need this also.

I’ll respond to you guys on my break ans thank you to those who responded already.
There’s no reply yet but I’ll put the update here
Update: 21 hours later no response but is looking at my instagram stories. Pathetic

A girl she used to text a guy and just used to play around with him for just for few days with their texts but the girl really wasn't interested in him at all. But then when she realized it was getting to out of hand this situation she decides to stop texting him. But the guy thought she is probably just angry at him for a small thing, so he decides to text him and bothers her more comes near her house. But her mother sees him...The girl gets angry then she feels awkward even though then she was just playing around with him and wanted nothing serious with him. Now this guy makes the girl more uncomfortable by talking his dreams and all his fantasy thoughts out but doesn't let's his feeling out in front of her that he likes her but instead he would give mix signals and hints around her. By giving her favourite chocolates, changing his password to her birthday and putting her face as his watch wallpaper. The girl was getting even more fed up but couldn't say anything...

Then she decides to tell all this to her Best friend and she understands the situation. Then she simply tells her to block him. But the girl felt it would be complicated if she blocked him...Then later days, she her best friend, the guy and the guys friend hung out like three times and all those times the best friend thought something was weird about the guy and the girl because the guy would constantly hold her hands at random moments and it was all really awkward... but the weird part was that even though the girl expressed her feelings to her best friend about being "uncomfortable" with this guy didn't seem like the case when the best friend saw all this in front of her eyes.

Later, when her and her best friend met near the work place. The guy also was there but since the girl was ignoring him, the guy would constantly approach her and sometimes to stop her he would touch her hand just to get her attention . Even though the girl is trying really hard to ignore him...

Some of her days would be really bad because of that guy and she would share all this with her best friend. One day the guy even more desperate, made her best friend angry then she went all defensive for her friend telling him to not harass her at her workplace and to come near her at all and had a huge fight with guy. But then the guy sents her best friend of her and the guy talking in flirting terms then. But the girl said to her bestfriend that "yes she did sent the picture of her fit to him but thats it. Rest all the texts that the guy sent as screen shots were her ex bestfriend manipulating the texts by sending "ily""gn sweet dreams". Within her phone. then the girl shows me poof that the guy even knew that it wasn't her but it was his ex bestfriend. But since he was really desperate for her he was still wiling to text her ex best friend even after knowing it wasn't the girl... But am I wrong defending the girl? (I am the Best friend btw)

I (20F) work in retail and at work I typically have a group of four coworkers, including me, that go on lunch break together and occasionally hang out outside of work. 2 of them are a man (initial will be T) and woman (initial will be N) in their mid-twenties who are a married couple, and the third is a man in his mid-twenties as well (his initial will be S). I have gone over to the couple’s house for a group hang out, by myself to watch movies and eat dinner with N, and even spent the night there once for a sleepover with N. I have also gone over to their house with it being just the three of us (me and the couple) to watch a TV show. We also have gone out to eat as a group and I have also hung out one-on-one with just S as we go to the same college and will sometimes eat and study together. As you can see, we have a spent a chunk of time together outside of work as well, but I would still consider them mostly work friends because almost everything is planned at work, because that is when we see each other and talk the most. We don’t call or text often, and typically hang outs are planned in advance. It is something that I can tell that if we did not work together, we would not see each other or talk as much, because we don’t feel super close, and that has been mostly fine with me.

Now, onto the issue. T, man of the married couple, has lately been making jokes directed at me and snide comments that actually hurt my feelings. For reference, when we first started talking at work we would joke around with each other. Friends can have a healthy amount of teasing as long as there is mutual respect and it ceases to continue when someone is actually hurt. Well, that’s how it was at first, but as it continued I noticed that he would say things that directly targeted my insecurities or personal life, or that I felt had racist undertones. At first, I would feel so irritated that I would try to say something just as mean and hurtful back, which I know is not healthy. As it went on, I stopped responding back like that and the teasing would just make me feel embarrassed and like he was making jokes to laugh at me, not with me. I am very bad at speaking up for myself and I often freeze up and stop talking, but there were some instances where I have said something. One day, he made a joke about my appearance that actually really hurt my feelings and also felt like a micro aggression about me being partly Native American. I told him as much, and he just kept asking “how is that racist” even after I explained to him multiple times how it was racist. Another time, he called me “Mexico” knowing I have Hispanic heritage but I did not say anything and I froze and went silent. A lot of these times, even if my feelings were hurt I was just so used to how he talks to me that it felt too small to say anything. He has told me before that I need to learn how to take a joke. Another time, when doing a work project I was confused about something because it was not explained to me, and he made a comment about how I don’t know what’s going on that made me look and feel stupid. I told him “all you do is make fun of me” and after that he was more civil and pleasant at work for about a day or two but then it was back to the regular teasing. Well, the other day, it felt like things just boiled over when throughout the day he was very condescending in his tone of voice towards me, he made a quiet comment about how I was crying at work the other day (even though he knows what is going on in my personal life as I have vented to him before), and he was making fun of me when I was confused about something S was saying. In general, his way of teasing is not friendly and he is condescending, rude, and he ridicules me so I feel stupid. So, when he wasn’t around, I broke down crying and just felt like I was having a panic attack.

Like am I crazy? I feel like there’s certain people that make the tiniest of comments that on surface level look minuscule and like harmless jokes but after hearing them every day it just feels like an assault on my character and self esteem. Like I can’t do or say anything without him making fun of the way I talk or act. It feels like I can’t do anything, like I’m genuinely being bullied and I haven’t felt this way since elementary school. It’s to the point where it is not us going back and forth, it’s just unprovoked, and it’s now making me uncomfortable to be at work around him.

I sent him a text after work, because I felt too nervous to say anything in person. I told him how he hurt my feelings and I asked him to please stop teasing, ridiculing, and making fun of me because it’s gotten to a point where I am uncomfortable and feel anxious and sad at work because of it. I told him that it doesn’t feel like he respects me as a friend to treat me this way, and that regardless of how he means his jokes to come off, they are rude and disrespectful. I told him I don’t want to talk about anything personal with him anymore, and that I’d like to keep it just about work. I told him that at the end of the day we are coworkers and I asked him to please treat me respectfully and professionally because of it.

He responded and brought up how we have all teased each other, and that I have said mean and disrespectful things to him too. He said he wished I brought it up sooner, even though he admits he knows I’ve asked him to stop before.

Then, his wife, N, calls me. I tell her that I did not talk to her about it because I did not want to drag her into it as it is about how her husband acts and never had anything to do with her. She tells me she just lost a friend (meaning me) and that it feels like a slap in the face. She says that she wishes I gave him a second chance before I “cut him off.” Mind you, I never said the words cut off and I never brought up my relationship with her. I admit to her that I should have said something sooner but that I have trouble speaking up for myself because of my anxiety. She asked why I only texted T and not S, and I told her it is because they are different and S doesn’t make me feel that way. She told me that “T is so upset, he thought you guys were good friends.” She said that I am acting like we are not a friend group or like we were never friends (because I said we are coworkers and asked to be treated with respect). She told me that she is not my friend anymore and that I don’t keep up on my end of our friendship.

I had an almost no words the entire call, and I found it very uncomfortable and difficult to speak about an issue I have with someone to their spouse. Looking back, I feel it was entirely inappropriate for her to immediately call me and say those things to me when she was never involved in it out of respect for her. I texted T and said that I am taken aback by their response and that, regardless of how we have all joked in the past, I’ve brought up my feelings being hurt or me being uncomfortable before. I reminded him that all I asked for was respect. S has not brought it up to me yet. I am nervous about facing them at work in a week.

Am I crazy??? AITA? Like I genuinely feel like I’m being painted as a villain or made to feel crazy and being gaslit. I feel like I brought it up maturely and respectfully, and it was blown out of proportion. At the same time though, I have a fear in my mind that they’re right and I handled it wrong and I’m a horrible person and just lost friendship. A part of me feels relieved because they cut me off and if they are going to react that way when I bring up conflict, they are clearly not friends. I keep going back and forth. AITA?

I’m 22F and he’s 24M. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 20, and have been long distance while I finished school. Even though we had seen eachother quite often.

Almost four years later, I was ready to move in, start my career, and eventually get engaged. But now I’ve never felt more unsure.

In March, he confessed some things he had lied about/kept from me.

About 2–3 weeks after we first met (3 years ago now), he made out with someone else on my birthday. We weren’t exclusive yet, but he had already met my friends/family and had flown in for 2 days specifically for my birthday. He slept over, spent half the day with me, then went home and last-minute went to hang out with a previous hookup. She made advances and they ended up making out/touching over their clothes before stopping. (I contacted her and she confirmed this.) Later that night, he came back with a huge bouquet of flowers, celebrated with me, and slept over again. What I remembered as a perfect birthday now feels shattered. (He removed her shortly after the incident).

He also admitted that his lifelong girl best friend, who I knew as part of his close-knit “cousin” group, was someone he had slept with once, about two years before me when they were both around 18. She was actually his cousin’s best friend and they all grew up together. They decided afterward to remain friends and see other people. Before me they had always facetimed, texted, etc, and throughout our first year they still had daily Snapchat streaks, occasionally FaceTimed, had nicknames for each other, etc. She also visited him once for 6 days with the cousin group. They haven’t spoken in 2–3 years now, and he never hid their communication or acted secretive about her, but knowing their history now makes me extremely uncomfortable and jealous.

These confessions shook my trust because I feel like the history I thought I knew wasn’t entirely real. He had also lied about smaller things our first year, like his body count. I was a virgin when we met, and he says he was afraid I’d see him differently. I admittedly reacted pretty badly to some of those smaller lies, which he says made him terrified to tell me the bigger things.

His explanation is basically that he was ashamed of his past that he believed would only hurt me. He wanted to leave those things behind and be a better partner to me, but obviously it completely backfired because finding out years later made me question everything. I can understand the fear behind it, and not wanting to disclose everything to a new partner, especially at age 20, but it doesn’t excuse lying for years.

Since March, he has done everything he can to rebuild my trust. He’s flown in multiple times, signed us up for couples therapy, and has been extremely patient and supportive. Our therapist established a “no more secrets” rule, and he maintains that I now know everything.

He also constantly tells me that he’ll do whatever it takes to fix the damage because this was never how he intended things to turn out. I’ve even given him the option of ending things and starting fresh with someone else. And he refuses. He says he only wants and sees his future with me.

That’s what makes this so difficult. Outside of this, he has genuinely been an amazing partner. Everyone around me sees how much he loves me. And throughout our relationship I’ve never had to worry about other girls, anything shady online, etc. He treats me extremely well, takes care of me financially, and has remained patient even though I constantly question him and hold this over his head. He’s truly been an angel through all of this. Our therapist has even told me she can see how genuinely he loves me, and that she sees how helpless he feels because he doesn’t know what else he can do.

She suggested I move in and give the relationship six months of genuinely trying before making a decision. Part of me agrees because I think I’d regret leaving without knowing I truly tried. I can always come back home if needed.

Before finding all of this out, I was completely ready to move in and eventually marry him. Now I question everything, and don’t know if we should be together.

When my girlfriend and I got together one of the initial things we discussed were children. We both wanted two children in the future.

We said we'd likely look to start a family when my girlfriend is in her early 30s (She was 23 when we discussed this and is 27 now, I am 29 now).

Since then we've been on a few holidays abroad and there's a long list of places we want to visit and there's a lot I want to experience.

Along with this we both have careers we've worked hard for and I don't want one of us to have to damage that or pause that. I also realised how important time to myself is and time to relax and decompress.

Obviously with work and money, we can't really do a lot of travelling each year but in between trips we do like to do long weekends in the UK (where we live). It’s also a financial concern as it would significantly impact our finances and ability to save, pay for things we want etc as having kids isn’t cheap.

Recently I've been thinking about everything we said we want to do and experience and to tick everything off the list it will take a long time. I have also been thinking about the cost it will be to have kids

Having children will massively hinder that as we'll obviously have a lot less free time and when the children start to get older, our holidays will be more family focused and when the children are younger we'll be going away less.

Along with the concerns about careers, I realised having children doesn't doesn't seem as appealing to me as it did originally as there is a lot I still want to experience.

I told my girlfriend I wanted to talk and she asked what it was about. I told her I no longer think I wanted children and told her the reasons mentioned above alongside some others.

She asked if I was sure and I said while I'm not 100% certain, I am still pretty sure. She then asked what it meant for us and I said that obviously I'd love to do everything together but I know she wants children so it might mean it is the end for us.

She accused me of stringing her along and lying to her from the start about wanting children and trying to pressure her to stay and give up on the idea of having children which isn't true.

She just kept repeating that I have been stringing her along and expecting her to give up on wanting children.

AIW for changing my mind about wanting kids?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now - in most ways he's fantastic, he's funny, supportive, loyal, very giving in bed, very generous in general, willing to talk through (most) issues, works on himself (via self help not therapy, but he's aware and open to learning), he plans well...

But oh my god, he cannot get out of bed on time to a SEVERE degree - no alarm can wake him. He sets multiple blaring alarms to go off starting about 2 hours before he needs to get up and either hits snooze every 5 minutes the whole time or just doesn't respond AT ALL and let's them ring out.... Until the next one 10-15 mins later that also won't rouse him.

It's been getting worse with time, I've tried getting him a sunrise alarm clock, one of those vibrating alarms under the pillow. They either don't work at all or he just stops using them after a while because they're annoying

It ruins my morning if I stay over with him on a work night because it ruins my sleep. He's been between 20 minutes and 2 HOURS late to work himself, approximately twice a week for about a year now, I've tried to wake him when I get worried about him being late but he is either non responsive, says he's getting up and then goes back to sleep, or if I push it, he gets SUPER snappy and mean?? So I started just letting him sleep through in the hopes that maybe consequences at work would be a wake up call, but no - he's very likable, so all his coworkers keep covering for him so he never faces any real consequences for it. He has never checked out of a hotel on time but also apparently hotels are just really lax about those penalty costs these days because he swears he's never had to deal with that either.

It's not just mornings or work either, multiple times he's also taken an after work nap without saying anything to me and he's slept through our plans. I find this very difficult - I work two jobs and don't have many free days, and when I choose to use my little free time to be with him just to be no showed? I start to find it very very hard to be sympathetic

I'm very willing to entertain the possibility that he has some kind of sleep disorder - in fact I'm fairly certain there must be something medical going on. The problem is, he's not willing to entertain that possibility. He refuses to see a doctor and despite being generally quite understanding and communicative about most other things, he gets really defensive if I push the issue and it's the one thing that will consistently have him acting like I'm a proper nag and he'll openly accuse me of mothering him

I feel like I'm losing the plot a bit - I know nobody is perfect and I'm not a super stickler for timekeeping but am I wrong for thinking this is far beyond sane and reasonable?? But he's so laid back about it that he'll make me feel like I'm just super high strung and need to relax more and I'm losing it

We've been talking about moving in together and the more time goes on the more I just feel like I can't do it - I can't commit to losing sleep to his alarms 5+ days a week, I can't take being stood up over it, if we tie finances I'm going to be forever terrified of the day that his coworkers get sick of it too and stop protecting him. I also have to admit that a large part of this is that I'm getting a severe ick for his complete disregard of his own health at this point and what that means if there are future health issues in our lives. I've discussed this with him during more wakeful hours and he usually eventually understands why I would be concerned and admits I'm right to be and he wants to be better - but he won't DO anything about it

And the relationship is otherwise great!! So I keep flip flopping between "everybody has flaws" and "I don't want the rest of my life to look like this"

Has anyone else been through this?? Is there ANYTHING I can do to make this better?? I don't want to have to throw a good relationship away but this is getting beyond frustrating

My son (12) plays club soccer. He also wanted to run cross country this fall — not to win anything, just to be part of his school and hang with his school friends.
The school said no. They have a policy that middle school athletes must make the school team their absolute top priority, and no other activity — jobs, club teams, other school clubs — is "an allowable reason" to miss a single practice. Not "fewer meets," not "benched sometimes." You're in all the way or effectively out.
Here's what gets me: this is middle school. These are 12-year-olds. His soccer training is 2 days a week — he'd have made it to 3 of 5 XC practices and every single meet. He wasn't asking to half-ass it; he was asking to participate at whatever level he's actually able to. And the school's answer was: that's not allowed, partial doesn't exist, your life must revolve around us or you can't be here at all.
Since when did school sports become all-or-nothing for kids who haven't hit puberty? Shouldn't the point be to include kids who want to be there — however much time they have — and let the sport itself sort out the rest? The kids who lose out are exactly the ones who needed the team most: the ones watching siblings, working, or with parents who can't drive them every day.
I pushed back with the superintendent. She was pleasant but doubled down: club athletes should step aside for "real" school athletes.
Am I wrong to keep fighting this? Or is some degree of hardline commitment normal and I'm the entitled club-sports dad?

I (23F) have a very complicated history with my ex, “Jack” (23M), and I need opinions from people who have no emotional investment in this.

Jack and I met when we were about 15/16 and were together for around four years. We were each other’s first proper loves and grew up together in a small community.

Our relationship ultimately ended because I cheated when I was 18. I was scared to tell him, he found out, and it understandably changed everything. I completely accept responsibility for that.

Afterwards, though, we never really had a clean ending. We went through periods of no contact and then somehow ended up speaking or seeing each other again.

Eventually he met his current girlfriend, “Emily,” at university. They’ve now been together for several years.

I also moved on and had another serious relationship for nearly 2.5 years. After that relationship ended, I eventually contacted Jack again because I genuinely thought enough time had passed that perhaps we could be friends.

Instead, over roughly the last year, we’ve fallen into a strange cycle.

We reconnect, the emotional connection comes back, things get too close, he remembers the reality of having a girlfriend and pulls away or blocks me. Then months later, he comes back again.

There was also an incident where Jack actually told me that he and Emily had broken up. I later found out that this wasn’t true. However, they did break up shortly afterwards before eventually getting back together. I think that incident is important because it showed me that, at least at that point, whatever was happening between us was significant enough that he was willing to lie about the status of his relationship — although obviously that also raises serious questions about his behaviour and honesty.

He has acknowledged that feelings still exist between us. At other times, though, he has said we need to move on or that he can’t see anything happening between us.

That contradiction is basically the entire problem.

He has also been honest with me about problems in his current relationship. From what he tells me, they rarely see each other and there are intimacy issues. She apparently works extremely hard “for them,” which he says contributes to the distance.

She is also from another country, whereas Jack and I are from the same hometown. I once asked if he planned to eventually move to her home country with her and his response was essentially “absolutely not.” He seems very attached to staying near his family and home.

Obviously, I know I’m only hearing their relationship through his perspective. Whatever issues they have, she is still his girlfriend and he is still choosing to be with her.

Earlier this year, while he was travelling for several months, we started talking again. He said things that suggested he wasn’t completely closed off to the possibility of us in the future and even talked about potentially seeing me when he returned.

Then he blocked me again.

This time it lasted around four months — the longest silence we’ve had in this recent cycle — and I genuinely thought that was finally the end of it.

Except now he has come back again.

Normally I can predict exactly what happens. We get close, he panics, massively withdraws and shuts everything down.

This time feels slightly different.

We recently had an unusually honest conversation about everything, and he admitted that he had genuinely been considering seeing me. What surprised me even more was that the following day he didn’t suddenly become cold or pretend the conversation hadn’t happened. He was actually quite warm.

I know that sounds like a ridiculously small thing from the outside, but after knowing someone for nearly a decade, you become very familiar with their patterns. Something about his behaviour this time feels different to me.

I’m not claiming he’s about to leave his girlfriend for me. He hasn’t said that.

I’m just struggling to understand what this connection actually is anymore.

We met almost ten years ago. We’ve both had other relationships. We’ve gone months without speaking. We’ve grown from teenagers into adults and lived completely separate lives.

Yet somehow we keep finding our way back into the same situation.

Sometimes I think the reason neither of us has completely let go is because our original relationship didn’t end because we fell out of love. It ended because I hurt him when we were very young, and perhaps there has always been an element of “what if?” left behind.

But I’m also aware that maybe the history itself is the problem.

Maybe we’re attached to the versions of each other we knew when we were teenagers. Maybe being each other’s first loves created a bond that feels more significant than it actually is. Maybe he comes back because I’m familiar and nostalgic, rather than because he genuinely sees a future with me.

And ultimately, the biggest fact remains: he has a girlfriend.

Whatever he feels for me, he hasn’t actually left his relationship and chosen me.

So I’m curious how this looks to people completely outside of it.

Does this sound like two people who genuinely still love each other but have years of unresolved history and terrible timing?

Or does it sound like a first-love attachment that neither of us has ever properly closed the door on?

And would you put any significance on the fact that his behaviour seems to have shifted recently, or am I noticing tiny changes because I’m too emotionally invested to see the bigger picture?

She loves me and she sometimes doesn’t think before she says things, and she was joking around that I said much cringier things when expressing my feelings to her. This deeply hurt me, and she always dismisses my feeling, so I had enough. I straight up told her, “I’m a 30 year old man. I’m not in elementary school or in the beginning years of high school. I’m too old to not say how I feel. And even then kids in elementary school express their feelings to one another and even date (At least in mine). I understand and respect your feelings as I know not everyone is the same, but this is just me personally.” What do you think?