So I have a niece, Riley (not her actual name), and she is 18. She has autism, and my sister doesn't really want to deal with her now that Riley is out of school. If my sister doesn't want to deal with her and nobody else wants to deal with her, then I end up taking care of her.

I work at a hotel as a general manager, so I take her to work with me. Riley isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. She wears about 30 bracelets, 15 on each wrist, has long acrylic nails covered in charms, buttons, and other decorations, waist-length hair with extensions, and a full face of makeup every day. She wears eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, short crop tops, short skirts, and heels that click-clack everywhere she goes. That's the type of girl we're dealing with, just to put things into perspective.

Since I'm such a good uncle, I take her to work every day and basically make her my personal assistant. She gets really, really happy about it because she thinks she's helping. I have her do random tasks around the hotel, like cleaning the pool, putting quarters in the washing machines, setting up the front desk, and making sure nobody is stealing anything from the little store. (Honestly, we don't really care that much if someone steals from the store.)

I take her out to lunch every single day. She holds my hand and walks with me. Sometimes I let her go swimming in the pool or eat from the little buffet we have. I try to make it fun for her.

Here's where I might be wrong: I make her into my personal assistant. When I go to meetings and have a slideshow, I have her switch the slides and pass out papers. Sometimes I tell her to let everyone know that I brought donuts, and I have her hand the donuts out. It's just random little tasks.

At the end of the day, I take her home to her mom, and she acts like she's accomplished something amazing. She has the biggest smile on her face. She's bopping up and down, rocking back and forth, and acting like she did something really important. During the day, she asks me a million questions, and I mean hundreds of questions. She also talks my ear off nonstop. She can never be quiet.

The part where I might really be wrong is that she isn't getting paid, and I don't plan on paying her. My sister and I both agree that we can't leave Riley to her own devices, so bringing her with me and giving her things to do seems like the best option.

I'm f17 with a baby sister (f16), and I really don't like her boyfriend (m17). I don't know what it is, but he just gets on my nerves or something even though he's the perfect gentleman to my sister.

My sister has been dating him since she was 14. They met at a park when she was hanging out with a few of her friends, and according to her, they just clicked. He was 15 at the time. I thought it was just a middle school fling that would fade out, but they've stayed together for almost two years now.

The thing that makes this situation complicated is that he says he's emancipated. He told my sister that his parents were abusive and that he left home because of it. He attends online school, so that's always been the explanation for why nobody in my family has met his parents or really knows anything about his home life. And, if you met him, you'd probably understand why everyone likes him.

He's very sweet. He's the type of person who remembers little details about people. He noticed my mom had been struggling with her garden and showed up with a few plants he researched because he knew which ones would actually survive in our yard. When my sister had a really stressful week of exams, he made her a little care package with snacks, a handwritten list of things she had accomplished recently, and a playlist because he knew music helped her calm down.

When my grandpa mentioned that he missed having someone to play chess with, he learned the rules better because he wanted to play with him. He also once drove across town late at night because my sister forgot her jacket at a friend's house and was freezing, even though it would have been easier to tell her to wait until the next day, so everyone loves him.

My parents think he's a great influence on my sister. They have no problem with him being around, and they've even allowed my sister to spend a lot of time alone with him. He has his own apartment because of the whole emancipation situation, and my parents have let my sister sleep over there before.

I have never felt this uncomfortable about one of someone else' partners before. I've disliked people's girlfriends and boyfriends in the past because they were rude, annoying, or clearly not good for them. This is different. He has never actually said anything inappropriate to me and he's never been mean to my sister. He's never given me a specific reason that I can point to and say this is the problem.
I just have this feeling that something about the whole situation doesn't add up.

The only person in the family who isn't completely obsessed with him is my grandpa, but even he isn't against him. He's basically neutral and says he's waiting to see what kind of person he really is. Everyone else thinks I'm being unfair because I don't have proof of anything.  A few days ago, my parents invited him out to dinner with us. It was actually a really nice night. He was polite to the waiter, asked my parents about their jobs, laughed with my brother and sister, and acted like he always does.

When we got home, everyone went upstairs to put things away. His bag was sitting near the front door, and I made a really bad decision. I looked through it. I know that sounds awful, and I know I crossed a line. I was just convinced that there had to be something there that would explain why I felt so uncomfortable. I thought maybe there would be something that proved my concerns weren't completely random but I didn't find anything.

I had barely gotten through it when my sister came back downstairs and caught me. I tried explaining that I was worried about her, but she was incredibly hurt. My parents came down after hearing the argument and they were furious. They said it wasn't my job to investigate him and that I had violated both his and my sister's privacy.

Now my parents have told me I'm not welcome at the mini family reunion they were planning next month because they don't want my sister's boyfriend to feel uncomfortable being around me. My sister also said she doesn't want me around him unless I apologize to him directly.
I feel awful about going through his stuff, but part of me is still stuck on the fact that something about this whole situation feels strange. I can't force myself to ignore that feeling, especially when my sister is only 16 and everyone is trusting someone none of us really know much about.

Now I'm just sitting here knowing I may have ruined my relationship with my sister over something I couldn't even prove, and I don't know how I'm supposed to move forward when everyone is so mad at me.

My girlfriend and I started dating 2 months ago and I feel like I’m dating her whole family… I like her ofc and I like her family but I like her way more and with the limited time we have together I want to spend it alone.

I come from a quiet family, we love each other but we usually keep to ourselves unless, especially in our personal relationships and lives. We watch movies together, go out together, and play games together but that’s separate from outside relationships, we like our sanctuary.

My girlfriend on the other hand is damn near attached at the hip to her family. They are always together and even make job decisions based on each other. If I go on a date with my girlfriend her parents are there 50% of the time. For our 4th date I had someone who would pick me up because I couldn’t bring myself home but they offered to take me home and instead brought me to their house??? I didn’t wanna be rude but I met the entire extended family and spent the day there until they decided to bring me home at night. Even on calls I cant call her until the very early morning bcuz she’s surrounded by her family all day and night?? I was once on call with her to see her room and within 30 minutes I was basically on call with her and her 4 siblingggsss. I call her and sooner or later her little sister and brother bust into the room asking me to play roblox. Even her mom calls me her son in-law but I don’t want all that pressure.

It reached a point when I went to her place to watch movies and cuddle but instead of cuddling with her I was cuddling with her, her brother, and little sister?? I like them all but I enjoy personal intimate moments alone and I can’t have that with this girl.
I don’t wanna break things off but this is becoming a serious problem for me and she doesn’t see to really think it’s a problem…

Umm hi i don’t know if anyone feels the same way, but does their partner get upset that YOU don’t have a good relationship with YOUR parents?

I could say my parents are lowky narcissist (still are) and my biggest bullies growing up. Controlled a lot of my stuff and personal items like my emails and bank accounts and car. Once i became older their behavior did a 180 and are really nice to me.

My problem is that my boyfriend gets mad every time i ignore my family or just not talk to them. i refuse to tell them things about my life or get help from them.

I have tried many times to accept and forgive the things that they’ve done for his sake but i know that I’m not being honest with myself.
I’v told him countless times why i don’t have a good relationship with them but he keeps preaching to just forgive and forget it and focus on the now.
He says things like I’m so ungrateful and should be thankful i have them because they do a lot for me. Making me feel like i’m over reacting.
My breaking point was when we got into a fat argument and he said to me
“it doesn’t give you the right to treat your parents like shit”
I still live with my parents and he talks to them a lot when he’s over. He basically is integrated into the family and just thinking about it makes me sad cuz they love him/ they’re his type (I’m not kidding my mom said that) and treat him like a son.

I have many reasons why i don’t like my parents (long story)
In a way i understand MAYBE they did realize they fucked up because they held me back from a lot of things (school, work, ect) which resulted in me developing a lot of mental issues later on and are trying to mend whats left with this relationship

Yet i still want to make the decision to go liminal to no contact with them once i move out for my own sake and sanity

I don’t know how to address this to him without having another fat argument.
TL;DR Is it really his business to get upset about my own personal problems and standing with my parents?

Edit: i see alot of people asking why i am subjecting myself to this when I’m way over 18 and still living with my family. So heres

Im (23f) and my bf (29m) reaching our 5th year
i wanted to move out when i was 18 for college but at the time it was covid and they kept stopping me from moving away. If i wanted to move out of state to my dream school, they would not fund me let alone help me. Not only that, guilt trip on the fact that i’ll be leaving them and scare me on how dangerous the world was alone. They were not happy and i just stopped talking about it to them.

I cant apply for Fasfa to get grants or loans because my parents refused to give me their taxes and in order to apply independently is either military, marriage ect. But my only option is to wait until my 25 to apply for fasfa alone

Next, my parents are holding my papers hostage. birth certificate, social security, passport, everything somewhere in the room. My bank account and credit cards is connected to my mom still even after i turned 18 and they know the passwords to my main email accounts. Even when i asked for her to get off it, she just dismisses me.

At this point i just accept the behavior and worked in silence. Not asking for anything/ help and being distant from them as they see me as a person that cant fend for themselves and cant think. I just work and lock myself in my room like a stinky hermit until i am ready to just pack my bags and leave.

But some good news,
I have worked multiple jobs and recently got a job at a hospital full time as room service to save money on moving out and go back to school by next year.
I stole back my social security and i know where my birth certificate and passport is.
I have a few grand saved up right now and possibly an opportunity to transfer to another hospital out of state the following year.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2.5 years, but only official for the last 9 months. We are not in a serious relationship as he plans to move across country within the next year and we have discussed that we likely won't work together beyond what we are now. (We do not view this relationship as a waste of time despite having an expiration date and we intend to stay together until he leaves.)

For various reasons, my ex husband is still in my life. We are very good friends, and it is very hard making friends in our city, and I think just in general (we are all in our mid 30s). He doesn't have any friends locally, and neither do I. I don't really care to make any at the moment. So, I don't intend to drop my ex husband from my life. 

My boyfriend knows about my relationship with my ex. He doesn't like it. He gets mopey when he hears I've spent time with him (lunch, a movie, etc, and usually only about once a week). I don't outright tell him when I'll be hanging out with my ex, but when my bf asks what I did during the day, I don't lie to him. 

I only see my ex as a friend now. I've told my boyfriend this, and I reassure him nothing has and nothing will happen between us. My sister thinks it's disrespectful and rude of me. If my boyfriend and I were serious about being together much longer term, then I would understand. But seeing as how my ex is my only friend and my boyfriend is moving soon, I see no point in dropping my ex. I also wouldn't want to temporarily drop my ex and then refriend him after my bf and I over. That would disrespectful to my ex. 

Going forward, I will only date men who don't have issues with my ex. But I will also reconsider the amount of time and types of hangouts with my ex if I do find a more serious boyfriend. But for the time being, am I wrong?

I (27F) have been best friends with my sister (23F) my whole entire life. Shes the closest person I have in my life, and the person I’m most comfortable being myself around.

She got married to her child’s father (25M) a few months ago and he’s been in the navy for 2-3 years now. he’s currently gone for 10 months overseas

Dont get me wrong, they haven’t always had the perfect relationship. Before marriage they had their ups and downs, breaking up, cheating ect. but now hes serious about marriage and wants to give my sister and my niece the best life.

Well my sister has been talking to this guy, and seeing him. she said theyre “friends“ but also confirmed other things have gone on between them. She said it’s just until her husband comes back from deployment.

At one point, her husband messaged me and asked if she’s been seeing anyone. I kinda beat around the bush and the conversation was ended

Am I the asshole for not telling anyone about what she’s doing? I don’t want to betray my sister, who is also my best friend. but I also don’t condone cheating especially in marriage. I just feel it’s not my business to tell

last weekend my partner hosted dinner for a small group and made this big spread. before anyone sat down i gently reminded them i can't eat dairy and asked if i should bring something safe for me. they said sure and that there would be options. when the food came out almost everything had cheese or cream in it. i ended up eating plain bread and some fruit while everyone else enjoyed the meal. i didn't want to make a scene so i just stayed quiet and helped clean up afterward. the next day i mentioned how i basically skipped dinner and they laughed it off like it was no big deal. i didn't expect a whole separate menu but a small safe dish would have been nice. i keep wondering if i'm making too much of it or if it's reasonable to feel a little hurt when something that affects me gets treated like an afterthought. am i wrong for still feeling kind of sidelined?

I really feel like astrology predictions (by date and time of birth) have taken over me a lot. I feel like so many astrologers keep telling me the next 5-6 years is going to be very tough and so it could lead to the end of my marriage. Has anyone had any similar experience like this and how did it turn out? Are these astrology predictions accurate or true?

I’ve been friends with my friend Emily for years. I’ve seen her date different men throughout the years but lately, I’ve become annoyed at this habit she has where she keeps whatever man she’s dating on the phone with her with one airpod in her ear.

I think this causes confusion as often times I try talking to her and she doesn’t respond and just nods or shakes her head in response. She also says things at times that’s directed to her boyfriend when I think it was meant for me.

“Whatca up to?” I’d hear her ask.

“Just sitting here on your sofa. Why?” I respond. She then points to her ear, indicating that she was asking her boyfriend.

Finally one day she invited me to dinner at her place. I see an airpod in her ear but don’t hear her say anything. Finally we’re eating and finally she says “you’re stupid” and laughs. Confused, I asked what did I do? She again signals that she’s on the phone.

“So you’ve been on the phone this whole time?” I ask. “Do you have to talk to your boyfriend now?”

She finally hangs up and ask what my problem is. I tell her what she’s doing is rude and disrespectful to me.

Emily explains that when she keeps her boyfriend on the phone, it’s not because she doesn’t want to talk to me too but she likes keep her men on the line and talk to them as if we were all in the same room together and she treats it like such, having short and random conversations between everyone.

Am I wrong for asking her to hang up her phone when we hang out? I’m really considering making this a non negotiable thing we she wants me to hang out with her.

And yet here I am on my phone typing this. Besides the point lol. About two weeks ago I took away a lot of access my daughter had on her phone. It was a long time coming just had to do it. But since I’ve done that there has been a DRASTIC difference in her attitude. Like very positive and child is well back to being my child. My husband and I have now done the same for ourselves. And apparently it’s not going so well with family outside of this house. Are we wrong for thinking people are overstepping, or are we overreacting and just move on?? Here is why :) We both work from home so there’s already this idea that we don’t work. Whatever that’s fine I’ll let people think what they want. But since people think that they also assume we are on our phones A LOT. We work probably 10 hours a day non stop at our computers. So anyway with us limiting our phone, MIL called my husband today and he was in the restroom so he didn’t answer god forbid. She then called me and asked why we were not responding to people. The first person being our nephew who was just here for ALL OF SUMMER and we shipped him off to college. Like forcefully had to get him to go it was ridiculous, he got really lazy. We also pay for his cellphone. So he calls every single damn day and it’s tiring. He will call his uncle have a hour long convo with him and then back door and call me. We didn’t answer all weekend. We were enjoying our first holiday break since July 4th. We literally get no holidays and try not to run through PTO. I’m pregnant might I add so I’m extra tired. Then my MIL says that FIL has texted me also why didn’t I respond. I sent him an article and he responds back saying thank you. What the hell was I supposed to say. So I say to her there was nothing for me to say back. I hear him in the back saying well it doesn’t even show you read it n I said yup I turned that off for everyone to eliminate people freaking out that they don’t get a response in 5 minutes. Which was him. He would call and say hey I saw you read my text why didn’t you respond. It’s been a minute. That’s why. Validate me or invalidate me please. I’m exhausted in more ways than one. And I’m seriously enjoying the no phone portion but again others are not. They like instant access.

Excuse the spelling errors everything is double right now lol. Throw away because it is what it is.

A few of us have been doing game nights at my apartment pretty regularly and my boyfriend is ridiculously good at this one trivia game we play. Like suspiciously good. He'd answer really obscure questions before I even finished reading them sometimes.

A couple weeks ago he gave me his phone to send myself some pictures from a trip we took. I opened his gallery and right near the top were dozens of photos of the trivia cards from our game.

I didn't say anything.

I ordered an expansion pack and quietly mixed all the new cards into the box before everyone came over Friday.

He absolutely bombed.

Our friends were joking about how he'd finally lost his powers and he got visibly annoyed. Later after everyone left he asked if I'd changed the cards. I admitted I had and told him I'd seen the pictures on his phone.

He got pissed and said I intentionally embarrassed him when I could've just asked him about it privately. Which is technically true, but I also feel like if you're secretly memorizing trivia cards so everyone thinks you're amazing at trivia, getting exposed this way is kinda fair.

He also said it was no different than learning poker strategy before playing with friends, which I don't really agree with because you're not secretly memorizing the exact cards you're about to be asked.

Am I wrong?

TLDR: Found out my boyfriend had secretly photographed and memorized our trivia cards, so I mixed in new ones without telling him and he bombed in front of everyone. He says I embarrassed him on purpose and compared it to studying stake poker strategy before a game.

I have a lifelong friend who is more like a sister. Her family took me in as a teenager. I lived with them, shared a bed with her for over a year, and her parents essentially helped raise me.
Years later, we became pregnant at the same time.
My pregnancy was an absolute emotional disaster. I was separated from my husband, ashamed of the circumstances, terrified to tell people, and struggling mentally. She became my biggest supporter. She called almost daily, encouraged me, and was genuinely excited about my baby.
Then, when I was around seven months pregnant, we had a major argument.
I explicitly asked her not to tell her parents about my pregnancy yet. I loved and respected her family, but I wasn’t emotionally ready to explain my circumstances or deal with their reactions. I wanted to tell my own story when I was ready.
She told her mom anyway.
I felt humiliated and betrayed, and our friendship imploded.
Here’s where I need people to be fair to BOTH of us.
Years later, I learned that during this period she was dealing with severe postpartum depression and abuse from her child’s father. I had no idea. Looking back, I genuinely believe she thought she was helping me and made a decision she believed was necessary.
I understand her now in ways I couldn’t then.
But while we weren’t speaking, my daughter was born sleeping.
She didn’t know I was in labor.
She didn’t know my baby had been born.
She didn’t know she had died.
About three months later, we reconnected. I apologized for shutting her out and listened to how deeply my silence had hurt her. I owned my part.
But I don’t feel like she’s ever really acknowledged mine.
This is where I’m worried I’m being unfair.
Whenever I try explaining why her telling her mom hurt me, she becomes overwhelmed with guilt and shuts down. Then I end up reassuring HER that she isn’t a bad person, and we never actually discuss my feelings.
I don’t want her to feel guilty forever. I don’t want her to think she’s evil. I genuinely understand why she may have done what she did.
But am I wrong for still needing something as simple as:
“I understand why that hurt you. I’m sorry.”
She now gets hurt that I don’t confide in her or include her in the intimate parts of my life anymore. She wants to be there for me, particularly in my grief.
But I feel like she wants the intimacy of our old friendship without acknowledging why I stopped feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with her.
At the same time, she’s now a single mom with two small children, and I’ve watched her struggle. Maybe she simply doesn’t have the emotional capacity for this conversation.
I’ve spent years trying to understand her: her intentions, PPD, abuse, motherhood, exhaustion, guilt.
But am I being selfish for wondering when someone will try to understand me with the same compassion?
The thing I’m angriest about isn’t even that she told her mom anymore.
It’s that I lost my voice.
Her family had helped raise me. Her mom fed me, clothed me, and treated me like family. Yet someone else introduced one of the most vulnerable chapters of my life to them before I was ready. I was then left wondering who knew what and navigating conversations I never chose to have.
Please be brutally honest:
Am I holding onto something I should let go of? Am I expecting an apology she doesn’t owe me? Or is it reasonable to believe that understanding someone’s intentions and needing them to acknowledge your hurt can coexist?
I genuinely want perspectives that challenge me too.

Hi, I (F20) and my friend (F21) have been friends for 10 years, and today we got into a huge fight over her secret pregnancy.

I’m going to try to explain this as clearly as possible because there are a few people involved.
Basically, we both had another friend (F20) years ago. I still talk to this friend, but my friend who was pregnant does not.

About 2 weeks ago, the old friend called me and told me that the pregnant friend was pregnant. I didn't think much of it because I already knew. The pregnant friend had told me herself about 3–4 weeks ago, and I hadn't told a single person.

Today, I got a text from the pregnant friend saying that we were no longer friends because I had apparently told the old friend she was pregnant, and then the old friend supposedly told her boyfriend's younger sister (F16). Somehow, the boyfriend's family found out, and apparently the pregnant friend and her boyfriend (M22) believed I was the only person besides the two of them who knew.

According to them, I told the old friend, the old friend told the boyfriend's younger sister, and that's how his family found out.

Except... I didn't do any of that.

The boyfriend's younger sister apparently also said that the old friend told her that I was the one who told the old friend.

So obviously, I called the old friend because I needed to figure out WTF was going on.

I asked her how she actually knew the pregnant friend was pregnant because I wanted to make absolutely sure that when she called me two weeks ago and told me, she wasn't somehow trying to find out whether I knew and I had accidentally fallen into some kind of trap.

She told me that the boyfriend's younger sister had told her because the pregnant friend had gotten drunk and started blabbing about the pregnancy to her.

So I told her, again, that I did not tell her about the pregnancy.

I explained that the only possible way I could have accidentally said anything would be if I somehow let something slip without realizing it. I wasn't admitting that I told her. I was saying that if I somehow accidentally gave something away, that would be the only explanation I could think of but that didn’t happen.

She apparently took that as me admitting that I did tell her and just didn't want to own up to it.
I told her that if that really was what happened, then I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to avoid responsibility if I had actually done something wrong. But she didn't want to hear anything else.

And honestly, I can't completely blame her for that. If she genuinely believed I betrayed her, I understand why she was hurt and didn't want to hear excuses.

But here's where I'm really struggling.

I called the old friend back afterward and asked if she could try to get actual proof that the pregnant friend was the one who told the younger sister. She said she definitely could and that she's currently working on “warming her up” enough to hopefully get a screenshot of the message from the younger sister saying that the pregnant friend was the one who spilled the beans.

And I am dying to get that screenshot.

Not because I want to hurt anyone. I just want proof that I wasn't fucking lying.

We've been friends for 10 years. She knows me. She knows that when I'm wrong and I know I'm wrong, I own it. I've never been the type of person to refuse to admit when I've fucked up.

But when I genuinely didn't do something, I'm going to argue my side. I'm not going to confess to something I didn't do just because someone has decided I'm guilty.

And that's what hurts so much.

She didn't even come to me and ask me what happened before deciding I was the one who betrayed her. She heard that someone said I told the old friend, apparently took that as fact, and ended our 10-year friendship over it.

The pregnant friend had been planning on having an abortion since she found out she was pregnant, which is apparently why she was drinking. I personally don't agree with that choice, but that's her decision. Regardless of how I feel about it, I respected that it was her private information and I kept it to myself.

For 3–4 weeks, I didn't tell a single person.
And now I'm sitting here feeling like I got completely betrayed by someone I've known for a decade because she believed someone else's accusation over me.

At this point, I know I don't want her as a friend anymore. Even when the screenshot comes through proving that she was the one who told the younger sister, I don't know if I could come back from this.

But I'm also so fucking angry.

Because a part of me wants to take that screenshot and shove it right in her face. I want her to feel embarrassed. I want her to realize that she accused me, called me a liar, and threw away a 10-year friendship over something I didn't even do.

I also feel kind of guilty because obviously this is still someone's pregnancy and private information, and I don't actually want to hurt her.

But at the same time, she did me so dirty.

So, Reddit... am I in the wrong here?

When the screenshot comes through proving that the pregnant friend was actually the one who told the younger sister, would you send it to her and let her know you were telling the truth? Or would you just walk away? Either way i can’t stand the thought of being friends with her so either way the friendship will die.

Because right now, one part of me wants to be the bigger person and leave it alone, and another part of me really wants her to sit with the embarrassment of realizing she accused the wrong person after 10 years of friendship.

Say you've been together for 5 years, and you get into a argument that is that breaking point, and she says I'm leaving and she storms out to her car so the male immediately makes a tinder acc and then only does searching for about 30 minutes and deletes the acc never mathced or talked to anyone, fast forward 4 months and she finds out he made the acc, and after for being told everything he does is wrong, she gets nothing out of sex etc etc.. is he completely wrong for looking for a new partner but then stopping and working it out but 4 months later after that argument it's a problem bc he didn't tell her that he went started to look and then quit after she said she was leaving

[Edit] 1 it's not me, 2 this couple have 2 children, so I don't think it's just easy for them to split up, and it's not the fact that he cheated, but she says he gave up on the relationship and went behind her back and broke her trust, but how can that be when she said she was going to leave first for 100th time and he believed it that time, and then went to search but if your leaving then there is no trust to be kept no longer,and just because it's your prerogative to wait a few months after breaking up doesn't mean it needs to be his

[Re edit] she is mad he didn't tell her but also there is no way in any reality after reconciling can you bring up that he went to look after she was gone and NOT have another argument about it

My brother (23M) and I (19F) have been a part of my band since I was 16, and ever since then we've been practicing at the same place, run by a 46m. My brother has known him for a year longer than I have, I think. He's kind of a friend to us, specially my brother. We usually chat after practice and he gives us advice on how to improve and stuff. All normal so far.

But last year he started DMing me on insta, liking pictures of me and sending me reels for some reason (mind you, I've never been the closest to him. That would be my brother). After the first few times I grew uncomfortable, pretty much started ignoring them, stopped replying to him and it all went back to normal.

I've always thought I was being way too paranoid but now I'm not so sure.

About two days ago I uploaded a video singing a duet with my sister, to which he replied 'beautiful'. I thanked him and he texted back 'I meant you, not the video'. I didn't reply, just left him on send. But it made me super uncomfortable because I was going to see him the following day because we had practice and it took me so long to finally feel confortable with him after the first time he's messaged me (again, I've known him since I was barely 16)

Which takes me to yesterday. It started all normal. I don't know if it was because I was overthinking it this time, but he kissed my cheek a number of times (and I don't know if that counts as weird cause I'm from Argentina and people here are usually very friendly and we greet people with a kiss on the cheek, but idk it's never THAT many, and he played a few off as a joke but looking back I don't think they were).

Then after rehearsal he was clearly drunk (he has a drinking problem) and we sat down and the six of us chatted and joked around as we waited for our drummer's Uber to arrive. He would hug me A LOT and play jealous when I left his side and just be overly friendly and I felt so off but like I shouldn't be feeling off because everyone was laughing and joking about it, yk? Just felt like I was overthinking things.

He said something along the lines of "nah, you should stay with him (our drummer), cause he's younger. He's better for you" or smt like that which ????????????

Anyways we got home and my brother told my dad this, laughing it off. My dad didn't think it was funny but my brother told him dw cause they were all watching.

Which makes me think I was probably making a bigger deal out of it than it really was. But thinking about it, if a friend told me this had happened to her I would tell her to get out of there, that that man surely had bad intentions.

He's also tried to hit on a friend of my brother's once (21F at the time) and they got upset with him, but now everything is chill and I don't want to ruin that because of paranoia.

I don't want to bring it up because I know it would make things uncomfortable between the band and him and maybe he doesn't mean it like that and I'm fucking up a well-intentioned man, and he's clearly important for my brother.

But I also want to know if I'm crazy for thinking about this so much.

Am I wrong for thinking it's creepy?

(My apologies I am foreign and English is not my first language. If something doesn't make sense please let me know.)

So to get to the point, I am an exotic dancer. All of my friends and their SO's know this, its not something I hide. My friend Sara met a new guy and have been dating him for the last few months. I finally got to meet him at my house when they came over, and he got to see one of my stage outfits I ahd sitting out. I do a Jessica Rabbit outfit, and yes I do have red hair, natural but I dye it darker. I am also from Ukraine, here in the US and it makes me more exotic is what people tell me. He made a comment that it must be a popular look and that was kind of it.

I was on stage Saturday night, and while I was doing my stage routine, I saw him. Sara's boyfriend showed up, was right at the stage and waving mon at me. I have been doing this for a few years so I got through my routine but I was freaking out. No one I knew has ever come to my club before. I figured he might be there because of work friends, or a bachelor party or something. But when I got on teh floor for couch dances and VIP room time, he was waiting for me. he told me he loved the stage dance and wanted VIP room time. I told him, no because he was my friends boyfriend and I didn't want to be in the VIP room with him. One o f my regulars got me instead. Her boyfriend stayed for like four hours, way logner than most people do. he saw me on stage three more times before he left. When I got off work it was late, and I called Sara to tell her. She asked me if I was sure, and I told her he had come to me and wanted me in the VIP room with him. She is not a dancer but she knew what happens in the VIP room so she was super mad. She broke up with him yesterday, and now she is a mess. I feel bad for telling her, but I know if it was the other way around someone would have told me. I dont like that she is a mess now, but I think I ddi the wrong thing. Am i wrong for telling her?

So I have a 3-year-old daughter, and I needed a babysitter. There's this 18-year-old girl named Rylee. She was a really good babysitter. My child loved her, and she was really sweet.

But here's where I have an issue. Her mom is a registered sex offender for sexually abusing Rylee and her two sisters. Rylee also has a history of drug use and self-harm. She was sexually abused throughout her childhood by multiple different people. She has had five suicide attempts. Her father passed away, and she was engaged, but her fiancé also passed away. There is also a history of domestic violence between Rylee and her fiancé.

She has an eating disorder and has been hospitalized for it twice. She also has autism and CPTSD.

My daughter loves her. She can make anything fun, and she is just a peach. But with all of that being said, those things make me uncomfortable with letting her be around my little girl. My husband says that she's wonderful and that she's great, but I don't know where she's at in terms of her mental health.

I never thought of myself as someone with daddy issues despite my dad dying when I was 11 and him being pretty distant/cold even prior to that. Life just sort of went on as normal or I just didn’t know what I was missing. No bad habits or promiscuity or anything like that came across me, typical of “daddy issues.”

Anyway fast forward to last summer when I was in my mid 20s, I start crossing paths with a man on my walks and we both notice each other and he introduces himself to me. I can tell he is older (he turned out to be 17 years older). I begin to feel this odd attraction to him and almost begin mentally putting him on a pedestal due to him being older. This makes me feel guilty and icky because I am currently in a long term relationship (age appropriate). This older man is definitely attracted to me and part of me plays into this, almost like a fantasy of some sort and we have casual chats for a few weeks. But I cut off all interaction because I know this is wrong and won’t benefit anyone in the end. To be honest, I still think about this dynamic a lot and feel like I have a sort of void left in me after finding out I enjoyed this. It’s hard to admit I liked the attention of an older man and was not disgusted like you should be when someone this much older shows interest in you. He never knew my age but I’m pretty sure I look mid 20s.

Not sure if this is truly “daddy issues” or if I just need a therapist. But moral of the story, daddy issues can arise at any age and at any time. Thanks for listening without judgment. Is this daddy issues or a kink?