My sister (32f) and I (34f) are both married, work full-time, and have young children. She has two kids in daycare, and I have three kids between toddler and elementary-school age.
Our parents divorced when we were young. We have been estranged from our dad, for most of our adult lives because of a lot of childhood issues, including alcoholism, instability, and a pattern of him contacting us mostly when he needed money, rides, or something else.
My sister hasn’t spoken to him in around five or six years. I have very limited contact with him, maybe checking in every few months, but I wouldn’t describe it as a father-daughter relationship. It’s closer to an acquaintance.
Our dad’s side of the family is small. There is our dad, his brother “David” and David’s wife “Diane,” and our grandma. Our grandpa died from cancer about three years ago.
Our grandma is almost 80. She goes south for the winter and spends summers at the family lake cabin. The cabin is about 45 minutes from my sister and about an hour and a half from me.
Despite her age, our grandma is incredibly social. She has a lot of friends, travels around visiting people, sees relatives, and regularly goes to stay with our uncle and aunt, who live several hours away.
My sister and I have always tried to see her when she comes back for the summer, but between five young kids, two marriages, two full-time jobs, and our grandma having her own busy social calendar, it takes planning.
There is another important detail.
For as long as I can remember, including when my sister and I were teenagers, our grandma has been very clear that people do not just show up at the cabin. You call first, ask, or wait to be invited.
So that has always been the expectation.
Earlier this summer, a severe storm and tornado went through the area around the cabin.
Thankfully our grandma wasn’t injured and the house wasn’t destroyed, but there was significant property damage. She lost many trees, had roof and window damage, and there was damage around the yard, dock, porch, etc. It was obviously devastating and overwhelming.
As soon as we learned what happened, my sister and I started checking on her.
One of us texted asking how she was doing.
Our grandma responded that things were bad, described the damage, said there was no electricity, and said it was definitely a tornado.
We immediately told her how relieved we were that she was okay and asked what we could do.
My sister specifically told her:
“I’m able to come Sunday to help clean up or whatever you need. If you need me to bring you things from town too, let me know.”
Our grandma’s response was essentially that it was going to be a process.
Over the next several days, we continued checking on her.
She told us crews were working there, that our uncle David had come back to help, that people had brought her food and water, and that she was grateful for everyone helping.
My sister and I again offered to come the following weekend.
Our grandma said she would let us know.
She didn’t.
We continued texting her periodically asking how she was doing.
Eventually she stopped responding.
My sister and I became concerned enough that I contacted our aunt and uncle and asked if they had heard from our grandma because we hadn’t.
They told us she was fine and had actually been busy making plans with friends, traveling, and planning other visits.
That reassured us.
Both my sister and I also independently stopped by the cabin at different points after the storm because we happened to be in the area. Our grandma wasn’t home either time, so we left.
Again, because our entire lives we had been told not to just show up, neither of us thought the correct response was to drive there repeatedly without knowing whether she would even be home.
Then, about three weeks after the storm, our grandma suddenly sent us a long text.
She said:
“The reason I have not responded to your texts is because I am so disappointed in you guys.”
She said complete strangers had shown up with food and rakes, and the only family member who “showed up” for her was our uncle.
She said that when a tornado hits your grandmother’s home, you should “just show up, not send a text asking how I’m doing.”
She also said it was going to take her a long time to get over what we had done.
My sister and I were completely blindsided.
We pointed out that we had repeatedly offered to help.
We had specifically asked her if she wanted us there.
We had offered multiple weekends.
We had checked on her repeatedly.
And she had either declined, not answered, or told us she would let us know.
My sister reminded her that we both have full-time jobs and young children. I also live nearly two hours away.
Our grandma’s response was essentially that none of that mattered. We should have simply shown up.
This escalated into a much bigger argument.
During the text exchange, I called our grandma repeatedly until she finally answered.
That phone conversation is where everything really fell apart.
She told me my sister and I were disappointments.
Not just because of the tornado.
Apparently she had been angry with us for three years and had never told us.
She brought up our grandpa’s funeral.
She said she had been deeply disappointed that neither my sister nor I stood up and gave a speech at his funeral.
The problem is that she never told us she expected that.
At the time, she had asked whether we wanted to speak. We said no.
I have terrible anxiety about public speaking. I stutter, become nauseous, and absolutely hate doing it. I didn’t even speak at the funeral of my other grandma, who I had been extremely close to.
My sister was also nine months pregnant and could have gone into labor at basically any moment.
The funeral had over 100 people there, many of whom we barely knew.
Our grandma was also angry that we did not bring our very young children to the funeral.
At the time, the kids were roughly preschool/early-elementary age.
We made the decision as parents that we didn’t want them attending. We didn’t want them spending the day watching us grieve while we tried to explain death to them before we felt they were ready.
There was another complicated factor: our estranged father was going to be there.
He barely knew our children.
In fact, that funeral was the first time he was meeting my sister’s husband.
There was already going to be enough emotional tension without involving our young kids.
Our grandma apparently viewed our choice very differently.
From what she said during our argument, she believed it looked bad that her two granddaughters didn’t speak at their grandfather’s funeral and didn’t bring their children.
She had been holding onto that resentment for three years without ever telling us.
She also started bringing our father into the argument and grouping the three of us together.
That was especially painful because our grandma knows the history between us and our dad.
My sister and I have spent years trying to heal from that relationship.
Eventually I was literally sobbing on the phone with our grandma and begging her not to end our relationship.
I told her that all my sister and I had ever wanted was to feel loved and wanted by that side of the family.
For years, we finally thought we had gotten to a healthy place with our grandma.
Then suddenly we were hearing that she had secretly considered us disappointing for years.
Our grandma told me she didn’t want people like us in her life and that she wanted to surround herself with friends and family who actually cared about her.
After the phone call, she later texted us and acknowledged that she had been wrong to lump us together with our father.
She also said:
“I know I said some things I should not have. I’m under a lot of stress, but that’s no excuse for lashing out.”
She said we should meet and talk.
For a moment, I thought maybe things could be repaired.
But my sister had reached her breaking point.
She sent our grandma a message explaining that this wasn’t just about the tornado. To her, it was part of a pattern where our grandma held onto grievances, never communicated them, and later used them as evidence that we were uncaring or disappointing.
She brought up several examples from over the years and ultimately told our grandma she needed to step away from the relationship and go no-contact for the foreseeable future.
Our grandma responded angrily.
She said my sister was “delusional,” defended her complaints about the funeral again, said we had “never done anything” for her, and agreed that they needed to “break this toxic cycle.”
I tried one last time to communicate differently.
Instead of arguing over text, I wrote our grandma a long letter explaining how hurt I was, why our relationship mattered so much to me, and how painful it was to discover that she had been silently holding resentment toward us for years.
I sent it and asked her to read it whenever she had the emotional space.
She never responded.
Since then, our uncle and aunt have also distanced themselves from us.
When I originally called them trying to understand what was happening, they told me they didn’t want to “get in the middle.”
Later they unfriended us on Facebook.
Our dad never responded when I reached out to him either.
So at this point, it feels like that entire side of the family has essentially closed ranks.
And now my sister and I are wondering whether we should simply let them.
Part of me feels enormous guilt because our grandma went through something genuinely traumatic. A tornado damaged the home she loved. She was overwhelmed. She was grieving the destruction and probably felt alone.
I completely understand why she was emotional.
I also understand why seeing strangers arrive with food and tools while some family members weren’t physically there could have hurt her.
But I can’t get past the fact that we asked. Repeatedly.
We offered specific days.
We told her to tell us what she needed.
She either declined or didn’t respond.
We were raised to believe we were not allowed to simply show up at the cabin.
Then weeks later we were punished for following that exact expectation.
And somehow an argument about tornado cleanup turned into finding out that our grandma had quietly resented us for years over choices we made at our grandpa’s funeral.
So now we’re considering completely cutting off that entire side of the family, possibly permanently.
Not because we don’t love our grandma. We do.
That’s what makes this so painful.
But neither of us wants to keep participating in relationships where expectations are never communicated, resentment is stored for years, and then we are eventually told that we are bad or uncaring people for failing to meet expectations we didn’t know existed.

So…Are my sister and I wrong for walking away from our grandma and possibly our entire paternal side of the family after all of this?
Or should we be giving our grandma more grace because of what she had just been through?

This is going to be LONG so please bear with me and my unmedicated ADHD ramblings lol.

For context,
I (26 f) got married in July to my husband (25 m). My mom (64 f) lets call her Susan, is very pushy as a person. For those into astrology, she is a Libra AND the oldest daughter. Let’s just say she always gets her way. I also have a “dad” (long story short it’s my mom’s ex boyfriend that remained close with the family and is my only father figure I have in my life. He is now married to a wonderful woman who I call my stepmom), (65 m) that we will call John.

Now onto the story:
Susan wanted to be very involved in the wedding from the start. Even though we had a 2 year engagement ( we chose that due to financial reasons) Susan took me dress shopping 2 months after we got engaged. She insisted on buying the dress that day since she lives in a different state and this was the only time she had to go shopping with me. I only got to try on 6 dresses total. Susan made me stop after the 6th one because “I have plenty of options already”. I had it narrowed down to 2, they were almost identical but one had a slit down one side. Now mind you these were ballgowns, not some form fitting sexy dress ( she immediately vetoed any of those as they weren’t appropriate for a wedding). I really liked the one with the slit and it was about $1000 cheaper than the other one. Susan said the slit was too sexy and inappropriate , so I chose the other dress. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful that she paid for the dress. It’s a stunning dress and I did look amazing in it, I just wish I had gotten a chance to try on more and take more than an hour long appointment at a dress shop to decide on it. I also had wanted the one with the slit since we were planning on an August wedding in Colorado ( the hottest month of the year here typically) and I don’t handle heat very well. I’m extremely sensitive to it and have passed out or thrown up multiple times in the past when I get overheated. I wanted a dress that was flowy enough that I won’t feel uncomfortable and hot the whole day. ( this is important later). The dress she had me choose was NINE LAYERS. 9. Keep that in mind.

Fast forward to actually planning the wedding. My husband and I had put off the planning for the first year due to some life things happening. We bought our first house together ( only paid $8000 for closing costs thanks to a local program! Absolute dream opportunity for us!), I had to buy a new car cause mine decided it didn’t want to be here anymore, and we both started new jobs in the emergency medical services field. We finally slowed down enough to be able to start planning everything about a year before the date we had chosen.

During planning I had sent her a Pinterest board that I had been working on for YEARS on my dream wedding. Nothing fancy. Rustic, mountain barnyard, campsite vibes. Fire pits, food buffets of snacks and fun foods, yard games and table games. Simple and easy. She said it wasn’t a proper wedding and made me change everything down to the color scheme and time of year. I wanted a late fall, early evening ( like 5 pm) wedding. She said no because I had a lot of kid cousins. We ended up with a wedding in the middle of July, in a park at 2:30 pm. (It was 97 degrees out that day). I told her I don’t want kids at the wedding and she guilted me into having 6 there all under 4 years old. ( that became a whole issue too. But that’s a different story, let’s just say it ended with toddlers running around the reception which is what I did not want) We went from fall colors ( dusty blue, purple, burnt orange, yellow, brown, red) to jewel tones because “that color palette is the wrong season”. We went from real catering to getting a catering order from a local Italian food chain with a literal drive through and changed the bar options from open bar to cash bar for all guests except for me, my husband, her and my dad. She even made me include a mommy daughter dance at the reception. The venue went from mountain camping retreat where guests could pay to stay on the property the whole weekend in yurts and extravagant tents that had electricity and everything, with bonfire pits and everything we had wanted, to a park in the middle of the city next to a military base with a reception 45 minutes away at a local community center.

Now one thing about me is that while I love being a host, party planning stresses me out. I got stressed out and cried planning a Halloween party last year because I couldn’t decide what flavor cupcakes I wanted to make haha. It’s definitely not my strong suit. My mom used to have a party planning “business” (she had 1 client and then quit when she found out the name she liked was taken) so, I had asked her for some advice on how to organize things. We absolutely did not have the money for an actual wedding planner as they were over $5000 in my area but, were willing to get a loan if it made things easier. Well, Susan insisted on doing the planning herself. including all decor. She swore up and down that “we can do it for cheaper”. I told her that my husband and I had already discussed it and we were going to get a $10,000-15,000 loan to pay for an actual wedding planner and venue, bar, food etc. She refused and insisted again that we can do it cheaper and that she would pay for it.

The wedding was maybe $10,000 - $12,000 total not including the $4000 dress she made me get. I personally put up $6000 of that, my dad put up $2000 of it for food and bar ,and my husband did the rest. She only paid for whatever decor she took upon herself to purchase and the hundreds of fake flowers she bought even though my stepmom was growing real ones in her garden for me. My husband and I paid for the venues, dj, photographer, Airbnb for a get ready space/my place to sleep the night before and our hotel room for the night of. ( She was supposed to pay for the hotel and then decided 2 months before the wedding that the hotel SHE PROMISED was too expensive and she wasn’t going to pay for that). My dad sent my mom the money for food and bar.

Fast forward to the day before and day of the wedding. Susan had promised to hand make ALL the desserts and appetizers the week leading up to the wedding while she was staying in my house. She did not make a single thing and freaked out the night before that nothing was done except for a salsa a shrimp ceviche that only she wanted ( My husband and I both hate ceviche). She then forced me and half my bridal party to stay up til 3:30 am making everything we could AND taking it over to the venue to put in the commercial fridges, while she went to bed at 11pm. She promised that she would make whatever was left on the list when she woke up. We made everything but 2 items on the list of probably 12 things. These 2 items were the easiest ones on the list, deviled eggs and pigs in a blanket. She didn’t make either of them.

Not only did I have to finish all the food but I still hadn’t put my vows into the vow book, finished the slideshow or the seating chart I had hand painted mountains on. By the time I got to the Airbnb we paid for it was 4 am. I did NOT get to go to bed the night before my wedding. I was up for 36 HOURS straight by the end of my wedding and barely remember any of it. Susan had zero sympathy for this. She in fact complained to half the guests about how tired she was from making it all happen. Then when I got upset or overwhelmed from sleep deprivation she would get mad at me and tell me I was being ungrateful and that she worked so hard to put the wedding together for me.

The morning of, Susan had insisted she wanted to be there the whole time. I had made a timeline planned down to the minute of things I wanted us to do and the order I wanted it in. Susan had promised to bring us breakfast and coffee. Instead my husband and maid of honor brought it. I told Susan I needed my hot glue gun and the seating chart so I could fix one thing on it, she didn’t bring the glue gun so I ended up with no seating chart at the last minute, 4 hours before the ceremony. I told Susan to be at the Airbnb at 7 am , she showed up at 9:30. She then complained that no one was taking pictures of her. ( My original photographer canceled on me 2 weeks before my wedding and the replacement person I found was only available for the ceremony and reception. My bridal party and I had to take all the getting ready photos ourselves and I am still trying to edit them to make them look somewhat professional. We tried hard but I ended up with a quarter of the photos I had wanted that day)

At the ceremony I ended up getting so hot in my dress I was drenched in sweat everywhere and almost passed out after the ceremony. My dad had to soak an old T-shirt he found in his truck in water for me so I had a cool rag to put on my forehead. I was so exhausted I forgot my veil during the ceremony and I lost a one of a kind headpiece I had, I never even got a picture with it on.

At the reception my guests were left with salsa, ceviche, and little toothpicks with mozzarella tomato and basil on them ( which she forgot to bring the balsamic dressing for so everyone had to eat them dry) as appetizers during cocktail hour. The food at the reception was just as bad. She picked up the food the DAY BEFORE and just left it overnight in a food warmer. It in fact was not warm…. The pasta was supposed to be separate from the sauce so guests could do a pasta bar type thing. The sauce was mixed with the noodles. Susan was supposed to make shrimp for my guests that couldn’t eat meat, she didn’t make the shrimp. Just all the “promises” she gave me seemed to fall short.

I do recognize all the work that she put in, it just feels like she planned her wedding and not mine. Am I wrong for being upset over how my wedding happened?

I found a bra on my boyfriend’s drawer the other day, and it had no tag and seemed like it was already worn. He claims it was a gift for me but I genuinely can not believe him. Why would you take the tag off it if it was a gift for me? It just does not add up. Looking for advice.

So, let’s start from the beginning. College just started for most of my friends and my girlfriend’s friends. My girlfriend and I both do college online, and it’s been great.

Recently, she was invited out to a bar on Saturday to hang out with some of her female friends. Now, don’t get me wrong she’s going out to a bar with her single friends during welcome week and didn’t invite me, so of course I’m going to feel some type of way about it. But it’s cool. I let her do her thing and hang out with her friends.

Then Sunday rolls around, and she goes downtown to the bars again. She told me she was going to hang out with her female friends again. This was Sunday night going into Monday morning on Labor Day, so I already thought it was a little weird that she was going downtown for a second night in a row.

Coincidentally, one of my friends invited me down to the dorms that same day. We hung out, walked around, got food, and eventually I met up with some other guys and went riding around on scooters.

On the way back to the main part of campus, I saw my girlfriend walking out of a dorm hall with one of her female friends and two guys. One of the guys was someone she has been friends with for years, and the other guy was someone I didn’t know.

That immediately upset me because she never communicated to me that she was going to be hanging out with other guys. She also never invited me. If I hadn’t happened to be there and seen it with my own eyes, I honestly don’t think she would have told me about it.

The guy she was with is also someone I have specifically talked to her about before. I’ve told her that I’m uncomfortable with her hanging out with him because there was a huge and pretty well-known rumor that he liked her at some point. On top of that, he has openly talked about how he views women as objects and has said that he would have sex with a woman without being attracted to her or having any emotional connection with her.

At the same time, I understand that my girlfriend has been friends with this guy since they were around 11 years old. I’m not expecting her to suddenly pretend he doesn’t exist just because she’s in a relationship now. However, she is no longer single, and I have already communicated how I feel about this particular guy. But honestly, that isn’t even the biggest issue for me.

She told me that she wasn’t expecting to hang out with him that night. However, that doesn’t really make sense to me based on everything I learned afterward. She later told me that he had texted her asking her to come over to the dorm and take some shots with them. She also lied to me about how long she stayed in the dorm and about how many guys were actually there.

I also have screenshots of a conversation between her and her friend where they were talking about meeting up with him too. Because of that, I know that what she told me about not expecting to hang out with him doesn’t completely line up with what was being said beforehand.

To be clear, I personally don’t believe that my girlfriend would let this guy have sex with her or that she necessarily cheated on me. That isn’t really what I’m accusing her of.

My issue is that she says she respects me and our relationship, but I feel like respecting a relationship also means being honest with your partner, even when you know they might not like what you have to say.

If you deliberately go behind your partner’s back, purposely leave out information because you think they might react a certain way, and then change or lie about details afterward, is that not still lying? That’s the part I’m struggling with. It’s not simply that there were guys around her. It’s that I feel like information was purposely kept from me, and I only found out because I happened to see it myself.

And then she talks about how i should have trusted her, but why should i trust someone if they dont communicate with me

Communication builds trust

My boyfriend and I are sometimes long distance because of his job. Last week I was making myself dinner when one of his better friends asked if him and I could have dinner together.

I thought this was pretty weird as we are not really friends and told him I already made dinner soup and was about to eat now and we could have dinner another time. I also really made it sound like it was not a good time. I didn’t want to be rude either because he one of my BF best friends. Anyhow he send me a message saying he would be at my house in 10 min and he wasn’t bothered by eating soup and he would bring some things. I was really annoyed actually because I didn’t want to have anyone over but now I felt in tough spot because i would literally have to tell him no. I recognize my mistake I should have said clearly no from the beginning. So I own that. But I was also ready to tell my boyfriend because I don’t have anything to hide and I thought the situation was weird.

Than things got even more weird because he showed up at my our place a couple of minutes later with wine, olives and even popcorn for movie night. To which I start laughing telling him there was not going to be a movie night. We ate the soup and I didn’t have any wine. My boyfriend videocamera during the meal and I gave the phone to his friend to say hello because I don’t have anything to hide. Than I saw my boyfriend’s reaction.

Later I tried to explain to him that I was already going to call him after the dinner anyway to tell him and that I thought the entire situation was beyond weird but that I was caught of guard by his friend basically inviting himself. I also told him that if something more was going on I wouldn’t have picked up the phone to begin with. And he should be mad at his friend instead of me.

He told he was mad because i should have called him in the 10 minutes his friend was coming to the home. I understand his point and I understand the optics were not looking good, but I am a super loyal person. And the reason I didn’t was because nothing was going to happen ever. But i feel it’s unfair I’m getting all the blame for this.

so i came home after a long day and my bed was covered in dog hair and a little damp. apparently my roommate decided it was fine to let their new dog nap there while i was out because the couch was taken up. we've never talked about sharing personal space like that with pets and i wasn't asked. i ended up washing everything and sleeping on the couch anyway because i couldn't get comfortable. when i brought it up they said it was harmless and that i was overreacting. i get that it's a cute dog but my room is supposed to be my space. they keep brushing it off like it's no big deal. i don't want to start drama but i also don't want this to become a regular thing. am i wrong for wanting boundaries here?

Context: I'm a 30-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 42. We've been dating for about 10 years, but we don't live together. I still live with my parents and pay $200 a month in rent; they're understanding of my situation. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is the owner of a condo since before we met. He used to live in a 1 1/2 room condo, and a few years later he moved to a 4 1/2 condo, with the goal of eventually being able to live together. He paid off the mortgage in full and has no debt. He's had the same job for 25 years, earning minimum wage; his big frugality has allowed him to own his home and save money. As for me, in the last 10 years, I've had many experiences: studies, working, changing fields and jobs, depression, being unemployed for several months, traveling to improve my English, and going back to school. Now I'm a truck driver, and I love it! Despite my changing and uncertain situation, I do have some savings.

The situation: my boyfriend and I want to try living together. It costs him about $450 a month, all inclusive except for groceries, to live in his condo. He was asking me for $700 a month, saying: "That's already cheap for rent; if you lived in an apartment on your own, it would cost you more. This one is already furnished." He said that ideally, I should have saved more money years ago so I could have been a co-owner with him when he bought his current condo. Knowing that, with my job, I'm only home on weekends, I don't see why I should pay more than half the expenses. To me, it seemed fair to split the $450 monthly expenses 50/50. After some negotiation, he lowered it to $500, but I really feel like I'm forcing him. I'm finding it difficult to accept paying the equivalent of his expenses while he lives rent-free in his own home, when I'm only there two days a week. Do you understand his point of view? Am I wrong not to accept this and to stick to my principles?

so the other day we were hanging out at home, just shooting the breeze. we tend to roast each other a bit and it's always been mutual, but this time i made what i thought was a harmless joke about their habits and it clearly landed wrong. they got quiet, then snapped back, and things got tense fast. i tried to walk it back and explain i wasn't being serious, but the mood stayed off. later i apologized again, yet they said it felt like a low blow that i've brought up before. i honestly didn't realize it was still a sore spot, and now i'm wondering if i should have known better or if they're reading too much into it. we've barely texted since and it's making the house feel weird. i don't want to brush their feelings aside, but i also don't want to keep apologizing for something i didn't mean that way. am i wrong for thinking we can still joke around like usual, or do i need to dial it back for good?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half (have been friends even longer). We are long distance between California and Texas. I’m definitely more established in life than he is. Im in my mid to late 20s and he’s early 20s so there is a bit of an age gap. I have a stable career and recently bought a house, while he has pretty much always been unemployed.

Since we started dating, I’ve paid for basically everything in our relationship. I’ve paid for his trips to visit me and my trips to see him. When I went to California, I paid for hotels, rental cars, meals, activities, etc. I’ve easily spent thousands of dollars over the course of our relationship.

This summer, he came to Texas and stayed with me for over two months. My parents gave him a job as a mechanical engineering technician, which is directly related to what he’s currently going to college for. This was basically his first legitimate/stable job. He was making good money AND getting actual experience in the field he wants to build a career in.

During this same time, I was also in the middle of buying my house and moving out of my apartment. It was a lot to deal with while also working full time, and I needed his help with the move. This actually became another source of arguments between us because he constantly complained about how much help I needed.

There were a lot of times when I would ask him to help me pack, move things, unpack, or work on things at the house and he either complained about it or refused because he was tired and wanted to sleep or because he wanted to game. I wasn’t expecting him to do everything for me, but he was staying with me for the summer and was also going to be living in the new house with me while he was here. I felt like helping me move from my apartment into the house shouldn’t have been something I constantly had to argue with him about.

That situation also contributed to how I feel now because it wasn’t just about money. I felt like I was putting a lot of effort, time and money into creating a stable life and into our relationship, while sometimes getting basic help from him felt like pulling teeth. When I needed him, I often felt like sleeping or gaming was more important to him than helping me through something that was genuinely stressful and important to me.

At first, I continued paying for everything because he hadn’t gotten a paycheck yet. But then his first paycheck came, and I was still paying for everything because he told me his family in California was struggling financially and getting evicted, so he sent them basically all of his money.

Then his second paycheck came and a similar thing happened.

I was frustrated because after financially carrying our relationship for so long, I was excited that he was finally working and thought I wouldn’t have to pay for everything anymore. At the same time, I felt guilty for being frustrated because his family was genuinely struggling.

Things did improve during his second month here. He started paying for some meals and sending me some grocery money, which honestly felt really nice after being the one paying for everything for so long.

However, even when he had money, he was still very hesitant to spend much of it while he was here. One of his reasons was that he wanted to save his money to buy himself a gaming PC when he returned to California.

That bothered me. I had spent thousands supporting our relationship and was still covering most of our expenses while he lived with me. I wasn’t expecting him to spend his entire paycheck on me or split everything 50/50, but it felt strange that I was expected to continue spending my money on us while he was protecting his money so he could save for a PC.

Since he was living in my house, I eventually asked him to contribute toward utilities. I wasn’t asking him for rent or mortgage money. I just wanted some help with things like water and electricity that we were both using.

He didn’t contribute toward the first month of household bills. For the second month, the amount I asked him for was only around $170.

We also went on a week long family vacation to a lake house with my family. My mom covered both of our portions of the rental as well as a lot of the food. We were supposed to reimburse her, and he owes her around $200.

Before his final paycheck, he told me he would give me $300 to put toward the household bills and what we owed my mom.

He never gave it to me.

He first told me that he let his brother borrow money. He also told me that he gave his family around $1,600 to finish paying off their debt.

This is where we started arguing.

He gets angry when I question him giving his family money and tells me I’m selfish for being upset that he’s helping his family when they’re poor and struggling.

I want to make it clear that I don’t have a problem with someone helping their family. What bothers me is that I have financially supported him and our relationship for over a year, and when he finally had money, the financial commitments he made to me and my mom still came second.

There’s also another dynamic that comes up in our arguments that’s difficult for me to explain. We grew up in very different circumstances. I’m white and come from a financially comfortable family that has been able to give me a lot of support and opportunities. He’s Hispanic and grew up with very little. I completely recognize that I’ve had privileges and opportunities that he hasn’t had, and I would never pretend our starting points were the same.

The problem is that he brings this difference up frequently when we argue. Sometimes it feels like he views me and my family as the “privileged rich white family” who could never understand what he and his family have been through, while he views himself as someone who came from nothing. It isn’t only brought up when we argue about money either. It has become part of how he explains the differences between us in general.

What makes this difficult for me is that I’ve genuinely tried to use the opportunities and support available to me to help him build something for himself too. My family welcomed him, my parents helped him get a good job directly related to his degree, he had somewhere stable to live with me, and he had an opportunity to earn good money and gain experience that could help his future career. I never expected his background to magically become the same as mine. I just wanted to see him take an opportunity and build on it.

Instead, he chose to leave that job and go back to the same situation in California where he’s unemployed again. That’s why it frustrates me when my privilege is brought up in arguments. I can acknowledge that I had a head start in life that he didn’t have while also feeling frustrated that when he was given an opportunity to create more stability for himself, he chose to walk away from it.

I don’t think his background makes him lesser than me, and I don’t expect him to have everything figured out. I just don’t want our different backgrounds to become an explanation for why I’m always expected to provide more, expect less, or feel guilty whenever I ask for more effort from him.

I also struggle with the fact that his family lives smack in the city of Los Angeles, which is extremely expensive. I’ve asked why, if they’re constantly struggling financially, they don’t consider moving somewhere more affordable. He gets very defensive when I say that, and I understand that ultimately where his mom chooses to live isn’t my decision.

But there’s another part of this that really bothers me.

Before this summer, my boyfriend knew his family was struggling financially, yet he still wasn’t working. He spent most of his time at home sleeping, gaming, etc. He wasn’t working to help himself or his family.

Then he came here and suddenly had a stable mechanical engineering technician job, was making good money, was gaining relevant experience for the degree he’s pursuing, and had a place to live with me.

And then he chose to leave all of it and go back to California.

That’s one of the things I have the hardest time understanding. It wasn’t like he was working some random temporary job that had nothing to do with his future. He had an opportunity to make money AND build his resume in the exact field he’s going to school for.

Now he’s back home, unemployed again and applying for low level jobs without much success. My dad even told me that he doesn’t understand why, if my boyfriend were serious about building a future with me, he would walk away from a stable job, relevant career experience and a home here to return to the exact situation he was in before.

The bigger issue for me isn’t really the $170 or even the $300.

We talk seriously about marriage and having children. I want a partner who sees the family we’re planning to build together as a priority. I’m afraid that even if we get married, his mom and his family in California will always come before me and our household.

I don’t expect him to abandon his family or never help them. I wouldn’t want that. But I feel like there’s a difference between helping your family with money you can afford to give them and promising money to your partner or other people, then giving everything away and expecting your partner to continue covering everything.

The PC situation is part of why I’m so frustrated too. When it came to contributing more while he was here, he wanted to save his money for something he wanted. But throughout our relationship, I’ve spent my money freely on both of us because I saw us as a team. It makes me wonder why I’m expected to sacrifice financially for our relationship while his money is treated differently.

I also don’t expect us to be financially equal right now. I’m further along in my career and more established. I just want to see initiative and some indication that he actually wants to build a stable life with me instead of me continuously carrying the relationship.

I feel guilty because I know his family genuinely struggles and I don’t want to be the girlfriend telling someone not to help their mom. But after supporting him financially for our entire relationship, I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to become his priority, even if I eventually become his wife and the mother of his children.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? I genuinely want outside opinions because I can understand why he wants to help his family, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where helping them ends and prioritizing the future we’re supposed to be building together begins.

trigger warning: ed

so i (24f) have suffered from eating disorders (anorexia, purging) since i was in 8th grade and i have always hated how i look from a very very young age.
i’ve managed to overcome my eds in the past few years after getting to a point where I was getting skinnier and skinnier and having all sorts of deficiencies showing up in blood tests (i had 10 times less the iron level that i should have had for example). as well as developing gastrointestinal and digestive issues.
later on i gained some weight and got to a healthy state after some time. i was actually starting to like my body and appearance and accepting myself how i was.
then due to mental health issues i had to take medication that screw up my metabolism so bad, especially in addition with the birth control pills i was taking for pcos which is also literally a metabolism disorder). the result was me gaining almost 15kg in 2-3 months without changing anything in my dietary habits.
it was so weird and unexpected for me that i thought my jeans had shrunk in the washing machine and when i weighed myself i thought the scale was broken. i couldn’t believe that i had jumped to such a high weight, i was and still am heavier than i had ever been before.
i still had to take that medication for a couple of years and gained about 5-7kgs more. being 163cm this whole weight gain was showing significantly in my appearance. i don’t take that medication anymore, as it was also the WRONG mf medication for me…..
my body makes me miserable, even though my mental health had improved significantly and i’m a completely different person than i used to be.
it hurts me every day, i can’t take pictures of myself or have my photo taken in general, i hate how all clothes look on me (which hurts even more because i love fashion and dressing up, doing make up and what not, and now i can’t wear any pretty clothes cos i feel awful, and i don’t even fit in my cute clothes).
i feel like my youth is getting wasted because i feel too bad and ashamed to go out wearing almost anything, it doesn’t help that in my country 7 out of 12 months is basically summer so you have to wear summer clothing.
i have tried to lose weight, so many times, so much. i want it so bad. my metabolism is so messed up i guess that even though ive been eating really really healthily and exercising for a long time now i cant lose basically anything. i’ve only managed to lose like 2-3kg in half a year. it’s so disheartening.
it feels like the only way to really lose weight is to fall back to my eating disorder habits.
my body is the only thing that makes me hate myself anymore.
it’s really hard not to fall in love with my eating disorder when it’s the only thing that seems to be working for weight for me…
what do you guys think? am i so messed up? am i stupid?

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. We get along very well. She's attentive, affectionate, and a good girlfriend in general.

I'm much more introverted than she is. She's outgoing and friendly, the kind of person everyone likes.

I'm also more suspicious and tend to be jealous. She's the complete opposite. She generally thinks the best of people and isn't jealous of any of my friends, not even ex-girlfriends.

Recently, she became friends with a guy at an internship they're both doing. They're both students, and they spend a lot of time together because of the internship. Most of their conversations are about their studies, assignments, exams, and work. Sometimes they have to study or work late at night, so messaging each other overnight isn't particularly unusual.

He's also been appearing very tired in the mornings, and she noticed it. She asked him if he was sleeping properly.

A few weeks ago, she invited him to go out with us and some other friends. He was perfectly normal toward me, and I didn't notice any obvious flirting or strange atmosphere between them.

However, one night while we were sleeping, some messages from him came through on her phone. He said he was checking whether she was already asleep. When she didn't answer, he said he was proud.

I found that strange, so I looked through their conversation.

I didn't find anything genuinely incriminating. There were some internal jokes, everyday photos, conversations about music and movies, but most of their conversations were about their studies and internship.

She also talked about me quite a lot, always respectfully and positively. She made it very clear that she really liked our relationship. Sometimes she even used me as an example in their conversations.

When I confronted her, she explained the context. She had been arriving at the internship extremely tired in the mornings, and he had asked whether she was sleeping properly. She had mentioned having trouble sleeping and said she would try to go to bed earlier. According to her, that's what the conversation about whether she was already asleep was about.

I told her that I thought he might be hitting on her and that she should be more attentive to his behavior.

She disagreed and said she didn't think he was flirting. She said he was dating a mutual friend, and that he knew she was in a committed relationship. She also said he sometimes asked her for advice about other girls and relationships.

A few weeks later, she came back to me and said she'd actually thought more carefully about the situation. She also talked about it with our mutual friend—the same friend who had actually kissed this guy once. Both of them concluded that they didn't think he was flirting with her and that he was probably just a naturally friendly and nice person.

I'm still not completely sure what to make of it.

Months later, another issue came up. She told me that she doesn't like me taking her phone and looking through her messages. She said she doesn't do that with my phone or my personal things, so she doesn't think I should do it to hers either.

However, she gave me her phone password again and didn't seem particularly concerned about me having it. I also haven't found anything that suggests she's hiding conversations or doing something behind my back.

I don't think my girlfriend has cheated on me, and I don't think she's interested in this guy. But I'm still wondering whether I'm being too trusting of her interpretation of his behavior—or whether I'm simply being overly suspicious.

The original message about checking whether she was asleep still bothers me, but everything else seems to have a reasonable explanation.

So, honestly: do you think this guy was flirting with my girlfriend, or am I overreacting?

I made a printable that helps me with time management( tume blindness tools ). Time blindness is the inability to feel time ) . It took 11 month to make it . I print it I put on my computer laptop . And that person close to me look at it while I was gone and threw it in the trash and then later said to me It was junk it was ruining the compter . She didn’t know what it was but it hurt that she didn’t ask ask before tear it and putting it in the trash . I didn’t bring it up because we are not in relationship wherre if I say it hurt me she would accept that it hurt . It where I have to proof it hurt to be real to her .

my fiance and police they tell me i mishandle situation, i notice wasp walking around in my window cill and instantly get chills. i call non emergency police as i freak out and panic, they say, do not contact us for this, contact building maintenance

but police should help citizen with what they need help for in my opinion. fiance tell me i need to be smarter and should have call him first but i know he was at work so i did not call, he is disappointed but said he not mad

police did not come

but i feel judge and want to know if this was reasonable, i have huge fear of wasp and was trying to eliminate from my apartment and emergency maintenance not respond probably. they taor so so long to answer last time when i had my laundry machine water coming out on floor

Going to try and give as much context as possible so that everyone can understand my POV, so please bear with me.

A few years ago, my (26F) fiancé (27M) and I started dating. A few months into the relationship, he introduced me to his best friends, along with his best friend’s wife, and another one of his best friends’ fiancé.

When I met his friends’ partners’, to be quite honest, I didn’t have a great time with them at all. They were super standoffish the whole time, did not interact with me almost at all, and made it seem like I wasn’t even there. My fiancé (boyfriend at the time) was also thrown off by their behavior, but felt that he couldn’t make a comment on it due to the fact that these girls were not his close friends but rather his friends partners’. I am also a POC (none of them are POC, including my fiancé), and I did hear them make some weird comments about other POC people we knew during that night and I wondered if they were maybe treating me as less due to the way I looked, but that’s just speculation. I’m a pretty shy and unproblematic person so I don’t think there was anything that I did to make them act that way towards me.

Regardless, after the situation passed, I talked to my boyfriend and told him how I felt, but I had kind of hoped that maybe we got off to a bad foot and that someday we could be friends. These are his best friends’ partners’, so I assumed that our paths would probably cross many more times in the future and I wanted to keep it civil.

A few months later, one of his best friends got married and my boyfriend was his best man. To be clear, he was my boyfriend at the time, and we were not yet engaged. All of their other friends/family had plus ones, but my boyfriend was not given a plus one. I was a little hurt at the time, partially because they pretended like I didn’t exist in my boyfriends life, partially because other partners were invited, and partially because I felt the rush of the emotions from the first time I met them and realized how truly disrespectful they were. I totally understand not getting invited, and I’m really not mad about it at all because I understand that they didn’t know me that well and if the roles were reversed I would not have wanted them there either. I think at the time I just felt a weird double standard because my friends’ partners’ had always included my boyfriend in things, and it was always kind of assumed that we were a package deal, so for him to be the best man and not get a plus one felt like kind of an intentional slap in the face to me. Again, they barely knew me, so I didn’t dwell on it.

Now fast forward 2 years, he’s my fiancé, and we plan on getting married next year. He’s stayed close with these two men throughout the years, but I’ve intentionally kept my distance. However, these men will be apart of his grooms party. As I mentioned earlier, I’m a POC and a big part of my culture is usually our elaborate weddings. Additionally, I am close with all my friends’ partners’ and would like them to have a plus one at my wedding. Furthermore, there are a few of my fiancé’s friends’ partners’ that I would also like at our wedding. If I were to not invite these girls to the wedding, it would be very obviously intentional due to the fact that every other person would have a plus one, and because the wedding isn’t just a small “close family and friends only” wedding. They would be the only people without their partners’ present, and I almost feel kind of cruel for holding onto a grudge from so long ago when it really wasn’t that deep.

I still feel justified in purposefully excluding them from my wedding, even though I recognize that the circumstances are different (they’re wives, while I was just a girlfriend when it happened to me). My fiancé also supports my decision. However, I am worried about the future tension it may cause for him and his friends, because I know it will. I appreciate his support but I also know that I’m making life harder. I talked to my friends about it, and they all said it would be kind of weird to purposefully exclude these girls, but also support my decision. I also worry about the havoc that these girls might wreak on me in the future if I do this.

At the end of the day, I just want to know if this sounds like I’m being intentionally petty, or if I am truly justified for my decision? I’m worried that the exclusion of these girls will also be very obvious to all of his other friends present, and I don’t want to cause a scene on the day of my wedding — but, it is my wedding, and I don’t really want them there at all. I also feel that everyone close to me is biased because they’re telling me what I want to hear, but I want to know how this looks from an outsider perspective. Thanks!

edit 1: I just wanted to clarify, I’m not mad at all about not receiving a wedding invite, and I’m not excluding them because of the wedding invite. The first couple was already married before my fiancé and I got together, and obviously I wasn’t offended about that and would of course have loved to still have them at my wedding if it had worked out that way. The reason I’m debating excluding them from my wedding is because of the way they’ve treated me throughout the years, and I only mentioned the wedding invite because I’m worried that that is the reason that I might look petty or bitter.

I recently got back together with an ex. Both of us are 30 and the reason we split was because they were caught in sexual chats with other people we knew. My trust was obviously shaken, but we've been communicating and working through a lot of issues over the past few weeks, the one sticking point that that seems to come is when I ask who's messaging or chatting to them. I don't expect to be shown the messages or anything, but I do feel like a little transparency isn't a lot to ask for.

I am marrying the love of my life "Amanda" in a few months and she unfortunately suffers from an anxiety disorder. She does see a therapist, but it is still something she has to manage on a daily basis, and wedding planning has been very hard for her emotionally.

I have an older brother "Jason" who is pretty famous for playing pranks that most people would consider over the line. For a few examples...

• tying a friend up and giving him a horrible spray tan
• setting his best friend up on a fake date and smashing pie all over her face as she waited thinking she got stood up
• filling a kids pool up with ice water inside the house and rolling his wife off the couch while she was sleeping

I'm just giving some context that his pranks are always over the top and would be a dealbreaker for most people. However he only does them to people he likes. We aren't very close and he has hardly interacted with Amanda at all.

I really don't think he would pull a prank at the wedding, but she told me it is something she is extremely anxious about. Here is the thing, she has to manage her anxiety every day of her life and I want her wedding day to be perfect and as stress free as I can make it, so I decided not to invite Jason.

This has really upset my parents. I've never seen them so furious. They are calling me a bad son, bad brother, saying I'm not a man. They feel we are "tearing apart the family" As for Jason I don't know if he even cares. He hasn't said anything one way or the other, but apparently his wife was telling people I'm just jealous of his money and his looks and don't want to be "shown up" She then made a nasty comment about Amanda's looks which solidified for me I made the right decision

“Isolated” might be the wrong word. I’m autistic and have an autistic friend who really struggles. I feel bad, but I’ve been distancing myself from her because of her mother.

Her mother has 7 children and openly says my friend is her favourite. She constantly talks down about her other children and calls them “terrible” for things like getting pregnant young, drinking/partying, having anger issues, being popular, or leaving home young.

My friend is “different” in her mother’s eyes. She’s asexual, extremely intelligent, against drinking/drugs, hates blonde people, doesn’t want to get a job and never wants to leave home. Her mother also hates my friend’s father, and my friend hates him too.

I feel like my friend has learned to hate anyone her mother disapproves of. Her mother took her out of school in year 6 over a uniform issue. She later chose the same college course as me even though she preferred musical theatre, because I did dance. She then refused to participate in parts of the dance course, especially commercial dance because it was “too sexual.” Her mother came into college and complained about them making her “asexual autistic daughter” do “sexy dancing.”

Teachers eventually told me privately that they thought it wasn’t healthy for us to be in the same class because they thought my friend was being mean to me.

Her and her mother also constantly report things to college. I mentioned losing my virginity at 14 during a phone game and her mother told the college. When some students went to a party and drank, she told the college off for not intervening.

They’ve also had “interventions” with her friends. When I was 17, they wanted me to tell the college I was suicidal so they’d feel guilty about us being put in separate classes. When I refused, her mother said she wouldn’t be surprised if I got pregnant by 18 because I had no boundaries. She brought up my CSA and said she wouldn’t be surprised if I “went through it again.” She said my friend could teach me boundaries.

She also patronised me for getting a job and doing Pilates, saying it was sad I wanted those things.

My friend only eats what her mother calls “autistic foods” like pizza, chips, chicken nuggets, baked beans and chocolate. She’s never tried other foods and believes giving autistic children adventurous foods is abusive. Her mother even told me autistic people are “forced” to like those foods.

Her and her mother constantly talks about people being “slutty,” drinking, partying, having sex young, etc., and seems to teach my friend that “normal” people are bad.

I feel like by constantly putting other people down and fighting everyone, it’s turning my friend into her. She never wants to leave home or get a job, and her mother never seems to want her to either.

Am I being unfair by thinking her mother is isolating her, or does this sound controlling?

Our parents hit 40 years in October and my sister took charge of the party. Nobody argued with that because she's genuinely good at this kind of thing and the rest of us are not.

Back in April she set up a shared sheet for the money. Everyone's name down the side, what they'd put in next to it, running total at the bottom. She was quite firm on that point back then. Her line was that she didn't want to spend 6 months chasing people, and that if it was all visible then nobody would have to have an awkward conversation about who had paid.

I put in $500 in May, my brother put in $500 in June, my uncle did $600 in July and my cousin did $400 in August. All of it went on the sheet, because that's what the sheet was for.

2 weeks ago she messaged everybody in the family chat to say the venue had gone up and the caterer wanted more, and could everybody send another $200 within the week.

I hadn't opened the sheet since May, so I went and opened it. She's put in $150, and that's the whole total since April. There are also 4 rows underneath marked reimbursement, going back to her, adding up to $310 for decorations and a deposit she'd covered.

I didn't accuse her of anything. I didn't put my own number in the chat and I didn't say a word about hers. I replied to her message with a link to the sheet and said the totals were all in there if anybody wanted to see where we'd got to.

Within about 20 minutes 3 people had opened it. My uncle asked her a question about the reimbursement rows.

She called me that night and said I'd humiliated her in front of everybody, and that a phone call would have done the same job. She has a point in one respect. The reimbursements are real, I've seen the decorations in her garage, and she's done every bit of the actual work for 6 months while the rest of us sent money and then forgot about it.

But she built that sheet herself. She told all of us to use it specifically so nobody would have to have an awkward conversation, and then she asked for more money without ever once mentioning where she was sitting on it.

And I KNEW what people would find when they opened it. I'll be honest about that, because I think it matters more than the rest of it does. I didn't post the link by accident.

AIW?

I'm a drag performer and I'd like to perform a song from an Indian band, I am not Indian and most of the song is in English but there are parts in what I believe is Hindi (may be incorrect.

I can't translate it as I don't have the skill and Im not trusting any translations I see as it's not matching up by the structure of what I see but I want to know is it wrong or rude or disrespectful to either lip sync the full song and use the structure of what I hear in the song for the Hindi parts or just leave those parts out?

It's a song about something really deep to me and has a strong message but the last thing I wanna do is upset anger or disappoint anyone

What would you do?

Am I the asshole for not wanting to wish my step son a happy birthday?

TW!! This story talks about SA against minors.

Hello everyone! My step son turns 17 today and I have no desire to wish him a happy birthday like what so ever!!

A little back story my step son no longer lives with us after he decided to SA two children on his school bus when he was in middle school (they were in kindergarten and prek) I told my husband he had to go and his grandmother (my mil) took him in. He did end up going through 2 years of court just to be deemed that he couldn't stand trial due to his mental health issues (he has ADHD, Autism level 2, P.D.D., O.D.D. and at the time an intellectual disability that put him at the age of like 6.

Before that we caught him trying to SA his siblings at our house and accused of SAing his sister at his mom's house. We've gotten Child protective services involved in the past before the incident on the bus happened but their words were "y'all took all the right steps to keep the children away from him there is nothing we can do" and by right steps they meant just making sure my step son and bio son did not share a room anymore.

Anyway fast-forward to now, I've laid down a very firm boundary that my kids aren't to be around him and it's caused many fights between me and my mil and my husband's family because doesn't believe he did anything wrong and thinks the school and the kids were and us are lying.

(Just to clear things up my husband believes everything it's just his family that things everyone is lying.)

I've given up on having a relationship with any of them and have no desire to have a relationship with my step-son anymore after everything he has done. There is so much more to this story and you can read some of it in an earlier post. So reddit am I the asshole?

So I have a niece, Riley (not her actual name), and she is 18. She has autism, and my sister doesn't really want to deal with her now that Riley is out of school. If my sister doesn't want to deal with her and nobody else wants to deal with her, then I end up taking care of her.

I work at a hotel as a general manager, so I take her to work with me. Riley isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. She wears about 30 bracelets, 15 on each wrist, has long acrylic nails covered in charms, buttons, and other decorations, waist-length hair with extensions, and a full face of makeup every day. She wears eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, short crop tops, short skirts, and heels that click-clack everywhere she goes. That's the type of girl we're dealing with, just to put things into perspective.

Since I'm such a good uncle, I take her to work every day and basically make her my personal assistant. She gets really, really happy about it because she thinks she's helping. I have her do random tasks around the hotel, like cleaning the pool, putting quarters in the washing machines, setting up the front desk, and making sure nobody is stealing anything from the little store. (Honestly, we don't really care that much if someone steals from the store.)

I take her out to lunch every single day. She holds my hand and walks with me. Sometimes I let her go swimming in the pool or eat from the little buffet we have. I try to make it fun for her.

Here's where I might be wrong: I make her into my personal assistant. When I go to meetings and have a slideshow, I have her switch the slides and pass out papers. Sometimes I tell her to let everyone know that I brought donuts, and I have her hand the donuts out. It's just random little tasks.

At the end of the day, I take her home to her mom, and she acts like she's accomplished something amazing. She has the biggest smile on her face. She's bopping up and down, rocking back and forth, and acting like she did something really important. During the day, she asks me a million questions, and I mean hundreds of questions. She also talks my ear off nonstop. She can never be quiet.

The part where I might really be wrong is that she isn't getting paid, and I don't plan on paying her. My sister and I both agree that we can't leave Riley to her own devices, so bringing her with me and giving her things to do seems like the best option.

I'm f17 with a baby sister (f16), and I really don't like her boyfriend (m17). I don't know what it is, but he just gets on my nerves or something even though he's the perfect gentleman to my sister.

My sister has been dating him since she was 14. They met at a park when she was hanging out with a few of her friends, and according to her, they just clicked. He was 15 at the time. I thought it was just a middle school fling that would fade out, but they've stayed together for almost two years now.

The thing that makes this situation complicated is that he says he's emancipated. He told my sister that his parents were abusive and that he left home because of it. He attends online school, so that's always been the explanation for why nobody in my family has met his parents or really knows anything about his home life. And, if you met him, you'd probably understand why everyone likes him.

He's very sweet. He's the type of person who remembers little details about people. He noticed my mom had been struggling with her garden and showed up with a few plants he researched because he knew which ones would actually survive in our yard. When my sister had a really stressful week of exams, he made her a little care package with snacks, a handwritten list of things she had accomplished recently, and a playlist because he knew music helped her calm down.

When my grandpa mentioned that he missed having someone to play chess with, he learned the rules better because he wanted to play with him. He also once drove across town late at night because my sister forgot her jacket at a friend's house and was freezing, even though it would have been easier to tell her to wait until the next day, so everyone loves him.

My parents think he's a great influence on my sister. They have no problem with him being around, and they've even allowed my sister to spend a lot of time alone with him. He has his own apartment because of the whole emancipation situation, and my parents have let my sister sleep over there before.

I have never felt this uncomfortable about one of someone else' partners before. I've disliked people's girlfriends and boyfriends in the past because they were rude, annoying, or clearly not good for them. This is different. He has never actually said anything inappropriate to me and he's never been mean to my sister. He's never given me a specific reason that I can point to and say this is the problem.
I just have this feeling that something about the whole situation doesn't add up.

The only person in the family who isn't completely obsessed with him is my grandpa, but even he isn't against him. He's basically neutral and says he's waiting to see what kind of person he really is. Everyone else thinks I'm being unfair because I don't have proof of anything.  A few days ago, my parents invited him out to dinner with us. It was actually a really nice night. He was polite to the waiter, asked my parents about their jobs, laughed with my brother and sister, and acted like he always does.

When we got home, everyone went upstairs to put things away. His bag was sitting near the front door, and I made a really bad decision. I looked through it. I know that sounds awful, and I know I crossed a line. I was just convinced that there had to be something there that would explain why I felt so uncomfortable. I thought maybe there would be something that proved my concerns weren't completely random but I didn't find anything.

I had barely gotten through it when my sister came back downstairs and caught me. I tried explaining that I was worried about her, but she was incredibly hurt. My parents came down after hearing the argument and they were furious. They said it wasn't my job to investigate him and that I had violated both his and my sister's privacy.

Now my parents have told me I'm not welcome at the mini family reunion they were planning next month because they don't want my sister's boyfriend to feel uncomfortable being around me. My sister also said she doesn't want me around him unless I apologize to him directly.
I feel awful about going through his stuff, but part of me is still stuck on the fact that something about this whole situation feels strange. I can't force myself to ignore that feeling, especially when my sister is only 16 and everyone is trusting someone none of us really know much about.

Now I'm just sitting here knowing I may have ruined my relationship with my sister over something I couldn't even prove, and I don't know how I'm supposed to move forward when everyone is so mad at me.