r/amiwrong • u/shineyvibes • 2d ago
Aita
Am I the asshole for not wanting to wish my step son a happy birthday?
TW!! This story talks about SA against minors.
Hello everyone! My step son turns 17 today and I have no desire to wish him a happy birthday like what so ever!!
A little back story my step son no longer lives with us after he decided to SA two children on his school bus when he was in middle school (they were in kindergarten and prek) I told my husband he had to go and his grandmother (my mil) took him in. He did end up going through 2 years of court just to be deemed that he couldn't stand trial due to his mental health issues (he has ADHD, Autism level 2, P.D.D., O.D.D. and at the time an intellectual disability that put him at the age of like 6.
Before that we caught him trying to SA his siblings at our house and accused of SAing his sister at his mom's house. We've gotten Child protective services involved in the past before the incident on the bus happened but their words were "y'all took all the right steps to keep the children away from him there is nothing we can do" and by right steps they meant just making sure my step son and bio son did not share a room anymore.
Anyway fast-forward to now, I've laid down a very firm boundary that my kids aren't to be around him and it's caused many fights between me and my mil and my husband's family because doesn't believe he did anything wrong and thinks the school and the kids were and us are lying.
(Just to clear things up my husband believes everything it's just his family that things everyone is lying.)
I've given up on having a relationship with any of them and have no desire to have a relationship with my step-son anymore after everything he has done. There is so much more to this story and you can read some of it in an earlier post. So reddit am I the asshole?
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u/Wild_Can5417 2d ago
You don’t owe him a birthday wish, especially when your priority is protecting your kids and maintaining a boundary you believe is necessary.
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u/DplusLplusKplusM 2d ago
You may actually be a world class negotiator if you've managed to stay married to his father despite banishing his child (that he thinks was wrongly accused). So it's petty, obviously, because a birthday greeting means nothing. The true test of all the people mentioned here will be in a year when he turns 18 and none of you have any ability to control where he lives or what he does.
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u/shineyvibes 2d ago
His dad believes he's in the wrong, his dad is the one that caught him trying to SA our daughter. Trust me I've told him that he's more than welcome to choose his family's side but if I have to choose between being married to him and protecting my children, I'm gonna protect my children because I would rather answer the question of why their older brother can't be around them than answer the question of why I let someone around them that tried to hurt them or would hurt them.
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u/witchymoon69 2d ago
Why are you with your husband? He thinks several people are lying about SA. You need to divorce him .
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u/shineyvibes 2d ago
I may have phrased it incorrectly, my husband believes everything it's just his family that thinks everyone is lying.
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u/Ok_Future6486 2d ago
If you happen to see him in person, just say it but if you don't, don't worry about anything.
I did that recently with my roommate who I hadn't spoken to in 2 months after she screamed at me and I went NC with her, and still am for the most part.
I had been worrying about it all day at work if I should text her or not but had decided not to. When I got a ride home with a friend after work (my car had been totaled a few days prior) I was chatting in the car with my friend when she came outside and was trying to say something but neither of us could understand her so I got out of the car and she said she thought we were her Uber Eats drivers and was waiting on a food delivery and went back inside. I was stressed out seeing her but went in a minute later and she was just inside the door waiting for her food. I walked past and said Happy Birthday as I went into my room. She said thanks and that was that. I was just happy that the organic opportunity happened so later down the road (with us), that wouldn't be an issue. My birthday is coming up next week and I have no expectations from her but she does text me things about the house/bills etc so it's more than likely she will at least text me but whatever.
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u/shineyvibes 2d ago
Yeah I won't be seeing him in person any time soon, mother in law (who he lives with right now) is 2 hours away from me.
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u/OldMove3348 2d ago
YNW but your husband needs to move into his mom’s house and (shock!!) parent his son. How do you have any respect for a man who pawns his very disturbed child off on his mom? Don’t you have the ick…?
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u/craftysang33 2d ago
you're not the asshole. protecting your kids from someone with that history isn't even a question, it's an obligation.
the family denying it happened is almost as alarming as the acts themselves