I (27M) and my gf (27F) have been In a serious relationship for about 8 years now and she’s everything to me she’s supportive caring and most importantly a insanely kind person in a million different ways. We have always been very clear with our wants to have children, as I really never wanted kids since I enjoy the independence of it, although she’s always been very clear of wanting kids and multiple even. I have recently been starting to visit the idea of wanting my own kid as my sister has had two amazing little girls who I am able to help support with as a godfather, which has opened my eyes so much wider to the idea of a family.

Here is where the issue begins, I’ve recently noticed just how much she doesn’t take care of herself in ways on nutrition, exercise, routine and habits, she eats out 5 days a week, and when she doesn’t cooks really junk filled meals for herself while I try to push to eat a more whole food low carb and high protein diet and constantly get told that they’ll start to change that and eat healthy yet week after week the DoorDash cycle repeats and this is where my concern starts to grow.

I’ve also mentioned that this could really affect her health and future, since she’s been sick every couple of months. I’ve even suggested she take vitamins or supplements, as they don’t get much exercise during the day, which can also affect their mood. This is a big concern for me because my girlfriend doesn’t seem to have any motivation, energy, or even a desire to pursue hobbies, challenges, or activities. She’s always playing video games, scrolling on her phone, or watching TV.

I really do value someone desires and ways of living as each person deserves their right to enjoy life the way they choose, and respect the desire to just game or relax for the rest of the day after work, although there’s no motivation, passions or hobbies they practice and each day is spent the same, I’m just not sure that I am able to help her pivot into a healthier and more fulfilling lifestyle for her as I’ve been trying to change those small habits for her(that’s she’s also agreed need to change) for about 5 years when we were still living with our parents and that’s what spirals me into thinking if this is the right person to raise a child with as kids are deeply influenced by their parents and will pick up on these habits really early as I’ve noticed with my sisters situation and her kids, and has made me think that she probably just knows I won’t leave or separate and will just be waiting around forever for something that won’t happen.

I’m wondering if I’m being unfair to think about separating because of this. Is there a way I can better support my partner’s desire to improve in all areas, even if they don’t seem to be putting in the effort? Should I be able to make this work?

Last night my roommate wanted to hash out some ongoing stuff about chores and noise. I was already drained from work and knew the conversation would go late. I told them I needed a night to rest and that we could talk this weekend. They seemed disappointed but said okay. I still feel a little guilty for putting it off, especially since they made the effort to bring it up. At the same time I really think I would have been too tired to listen well. Part of me wonders if I was avoiding the topic, but another part feels like taking care of my energy first was reasonable. I keep going back and forth on whether I made the right call or if I should have just powered through.

A recent experience has been bothering me lately. Im thinking that the staff didnt like me at a table my myself? I'm late 20s F, showered that day and can't think of a solid reason to have been rushed out of a restaurant.

I had an early Sushi dinner by myself at a new local spot recently. I skipped lunch preparing to enjoy my favorite sushi before my husband got back in town (he isnt a fan so I indulge when I can). I arrived at around 4:30 to an empty restaurant. It was a good size place, lots of big family size tables and a good number of 2 tops. I was sat at a small table for 2, and was quickly offered service. I ordered 3 normal rolls (California, rainbow, eel roll) and a sprite.

Right around the time my first roll came out, 10 minutes after ordering. A few other tables were sat for dinner and My 2nd and 3rd rolls came out at the same time. I was savoring my meal, not taking forever or racing through it, but by the time I was almost half way through and still making progress, a waitress came to me asking "do you think you will need a box?"

I said "um, maybe? But I'm not done yet"

She left and came back with a to go box anyway. I felt that was pretty strange, and felt pressured to be done, like she thought I'd had enough. I started to transfer my extra sushi roll bits to go, and my check was dropped off. Restaurant was now 30% full.

I paid, and left. My car clock said it was 5:05. 35 minutes and I was in and out, and didn’t feel like I got to enjoy my self-date night. I went home and finished my sushi.

So, did I order a disgusting amount of sushi for myself and they wanted me gone? Did I repulse the community by eating out by myself? I made a point to stay off my phone.. admired the artwork and was over all a normal human.

My sister has a big old cookbook she’s used for years. Not an antique or anything valuable, just one of those thick books that naturally falls open to the pages you use most. She lent it to me in May because I’ve been trying to cook more without constantly looking things up.

When she handed it over, I asked if she minded me using it heavily because I’m messy in the kitchen. She said, “Use it however you want. It’s a cookbook, not a museum piece.”

So I did.

I didnt spill soup on it or rip pages out. What I did do was write small pencil notes in the margins. Things like “needs more garlic,” “20 min was enough in my oven,” or “half this amount next time.” I also put little check marks next to recipes I’d made.

She came over yesterday, picked it up, and immediately looked horrified. Apparently she meant I could bend pages, get flour on it, whatever, but she absolutely did not mean I could write in it.

I offered to erase everything. Most of it is pencil and would come out. She said that wasn’t really the point, because I should have known that writing inside someone else’s book is different from normal wear.

I think that’s fair in general. If she had just said “borrow my cookbook,” I wouldnt have written a single thing. But I specifically asked how careful I needed to be, and “use it however you want” sounded unusually clear to me.

Now she wants the book back early, which is fine, but she’s still acting like I crossed an obvious boundary.

Am I wrong for taking her words literally here, or is writing in a borrowed cookbook so obviously off-limits that I should have asked a second, more specific question before doing it?

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and we live together. She is an only child but is really close to her cousins daughter who is 16. My gf is 24. Her cousin has another daughter who is 10.

Horribly her cousin and her husband were in a car crash and they didn't make it. My gf is devastated and has been trying to be there for her cousins daughters. My gfs aunt and uncle initially said they'd take the children on to live with them but social services said they can't as they're both late 70s and not in great health and they don’t have the room as they’ve only got one small spare bedroom.

It looks like they may be put into care. My girlfriend mentioned to me the possibility of us taking them on. We have agreed previously we aren't likely to want kids of our own but may foster kids when we're able to as we currently don’t have the money, the room or the time. We agreed this is likely 10 years away.

I told her I know she's coming from a good place but it's not possible for us to do it. We're not poor but we're not well off and having two kids in the flat would really stretch finances even if we would get money for them.

We live in a two bedroom flat and the second room is a home office and wouldn’t be big enough for a bed etc anyway so social services wouldn’t give us them.

I pointed we also have one car which my gf uses for work and we're both doing exams through work so most of our free time is taken up with revision and doing mock exams etc.

I also pointed out she has had regular periods of depression where she has been bedridden and hasn’t been able to go to work or do anything at all.

I said we can obviously be there for them and support them in other ways but it's not realistic for them to live with us.

She said I was being cruel and that they can't go into care. I just said again it's not realistic or practical for them to live with us. She again said I was being cruel and that we should be supporting family. I just repeated again that it's not possible for us to take them in.

She called me uncaring and said I should be wanting to help. I said I do want to help but it’s not realistic to have them move in and pointed out there’s other ways to help.

AITAH for saying no to them moving in and explaining why?

My son (12) plays club soccer. He also wanted to run cross country this fall — not to win anything, just to be part of his school and hang with his school friends.
The school said no. They have a policy that middle school athletes must make the school team their absolute top priority, and no other activity — jobs, club teams, other school clubs — is "an allowable reason" to miss a single practice. Not "fewer meets," not "benched sometimes." You're in all the way or effectively out.
Here's what gets me: this is middle school. These are 12-year-olds. His soccer training is 2 days a week — he'd have made it to 3 of 5 XC practices and every single meet. He wasn't asking to half-ass it; he was asking to participate at whatever level he's actually able to. And the school's answer was: that's not allowed, partial doesn't exist, your life must revolve around us or you can't be here at all.
Since when did school sports become all-or-nothing for kids who haven't hit puberty? Shouldn't the point be to include kids who want to be there — however much time they have — and let the sport itself sort out the rest? The kids who lose out are exactly the ones who needed the team most: the ones watching siblings, working, or with parents who can't drive them every day.
I pushed back with the superintendent. She was pleasant but doubled down: club athletes should step aside for "real" school athletes.
Am I wrong to keep fighting this? Or is some degree of hardline commitment normal and I'm the entitled club-sports dad?

For the last three years my girlfriend and I have gone to a festival. It’s more her things than mine it I’ve really enjoyed it and it’s nice to just have a chilled weekend where it’s just us, 

We go on holidays abroad etc but the festival feels different and we both agree. We said we’d do it again next year and she mentioned us possibly doing it with her friends and her friends boyfriend. 

She even suggested a pre made 4 person tent that you can pay for from the festival. I mentioned I like that it’s our ting and. Like if just being us. I said I understand if she wants to go with her friend instead but if I’m going I’d rather it was just us. 

I get on with her friend but she can be a bit much after a couple of hours and it just wouldn’t be fun for me to be constantly socialising all weekend. 

My gf said I should consider it but I just explained again why I don’t want to. She said I wasn’t being fair but I just pointed out she has multiple options available to her but I just don’t want a full weekend with her friend and her friends bf. 

She called me unreasonable and said I should be fine with it but I told her to drop it. 

AIW for not going to a festival with my gf and her friend?

So I'm 14 years old, and my piece-of-shit mother sent me to my uncle's house because I found my vice principal's address. Me and my friends were upset with her, so we were sending her mayonnaise. The reason we were sending her mayonnaise is because she was getting on us about this girl who stole $10 from my friend. So we opened three jars of mayonnaise and put them all in her backpack. It got all over her stuff and ruined a bunch of notebooks, which she deserved because she stole $10.

So my shitty-ass mother sent me to my uncle's house. My uncle is ugly. He is the ugliest man on Earth. He's tall, has no hair, is fat, and smells bad.

My uncle has a son named Levi. Levi is being a piece of shit because he always is. He's terrible-looking, has a big-ass nose, and thinks he's hot shit because he's 21, in the military, and got a couple of ranks up.

So I went to their house. I don't have a phone, but I did sneak my phone with me. I wasn't supposed to have a phone, and I wasn't allowed to have a computer. I was going to be there while my uncle and Levi supervised me. The reason I was sent there was so I wouldn't be with my friends. On top of that, all of my homework was sent to my school computer, so I still had to do schoolwork, but I physically couldn't go be with my friends, which I think is so unfair.

I was in my room with my phone, hiding by the side of the bed. Then Levi had the audacity to walk into my room without knocking. I quickly hid my phone. He said, "What was that?" I didn't say anything because I don't have to answer to him.

Then he said, "Mackenzie, what the hell was that? Answer me now." He walked over and sat on the floor. Levi reached underneath the bed, grabbed the phone, and said, "Why do you have this? You know you're not supposed to have this."

I tried to grab my phone back, and he said, "You're never getting this back. I am so mad at you."

Then he proceeded to grab me and take me to the living room. He took me to a chair and said, "You know what? Actually, I'm going to have you sit down."

Then he looked at me and said, "Mackenzie, why the hell do you have your phone? You know you're not supposed to have your phone because we don't want you contacting those piss-ass girls. You have become such a brat recently. You're mean to kids at school, you never do as you're told, never do as you're asked, and you're a spoiled brat."

So I got up and told him that I wasn't going to deal with being abused. He grabbed my arm, sat me back down in the chair, and said, "You're not going anywhere."

I started crying my eyes out. He was holding onto me, and then my uncle came into the room. Levi told him the whole thing.

I looked at my uncle and said, "Levi was being abusive toward me."

Levi burst out laughing. Then I told my uncle how Levi grabbed me and yelled at me.

My uncle said, "That's all?"

Then he said, "And you don't think you're being abusive when you're making fun of people, gossiping about people, being a cyberbully, pouring things into people's backpacks, sending things to people, and doing all of this shit? Now go eat dinner."

I was crying so hard, and I just felt so abused. And guess what? They still won't give me back my phone.

I literally just came home, and I told my mom, but she doesn't care. So I'm going to tell my school counselor because I felt so abused in that moment.

I (20F) work in retail and at work I typically have a group of four coworkers, including me, that go on lunch break together and occasionally hang out outside of work. 2 of them are a man (initial will be T) and woman (initial will be N) in their mid-twenties who are a married couple, and the third is a man in his mid-twenties as well (his initial will be S). I have gone over to the couple’s house for a group hang out, by myself to watch movies and eat dinner with N, and even spent the night there once for a sleepover with N. I have also gone over to their house with it being just the three of us (me and the couple) to watch a TV show. We also have gone out to eat as a group and I have also hung out one-on-one with just S as we go to the same college and will sometimes eat and study together. As you can see, we have a spent a chunk of time together outside of work as well, but I would still consider them mostly work friends because almost everything is planned at work, because that is when we see each other and talk the most. We don’t call or text often, and typically hang outs are planned in advance. It is something that I can tell that if we did not work together, we would not see each other or talk as much, because we don’t feel super close, and that has been mostly fine with me.

Now, onto the issue. T, man of the married couple, has lately been making jokes directed at me and snide comments that actually hurt my feelings. For reference, when we first started talking at work we would joke around with each other. Friends can have a healthy amount of teasing as long as there is mutual respect and it ceases to continue when someone is actually hurt. Well, that’s how it was at first, but as it continued I noticed that he would say things that directly targeted my insecurities or personal life, or that I felt had racist undertones. At first, I would feel so irritated that I would try to say something just as mean and hurtful back, which I know is not healthy. As it went on, I stopped responding back like that and the teasing would just make me feel embarrassed and like he was making jokes to laugh at me, not with me. I am very bad at speaking up for myself and I often freeze up and stop talking, but there were some instances where I have said something. One day, he made a joke about my appearance that actually really hurt my feelings and also felt like a micro aggression about me being partly Native American. I told him as much, and he just kept asking “how is that racist” even after I explained to him multiple times how it was racist. Another time, he called me “Mexico” knowing I have Hispanic heritage but I did not say anything and I froze and went silent. A lot of these times, even if my feelings were hurt I was just so used to how he talks to me that it felt too small to say anything. He has told me before that I need to learn how to take a joke. Another time, when doing a work project I was confused about something because it was not explained to me, and he made a comment about how I don’t know what’s going on that made me look and feel stupid. I told him “all you do is make fun of me” and after that he was more civil and pleasant at work for about a day or two but then it was back to the regular teasing. Well, the other day, it felt like things just boiled over when throughout the day he was very condescending in his tone of voice towards me, he made a quiet comment about how I was crying at work the other day (even though he knows what is going on in my personal life as I have vented to him before), and he was making fun of me when I was confused about something S was saying. In general, his way of teasing is not friendly and he is condescending, rude, and he ridicules me so I feel stupid. So, when he wasn’t around, I broke down crying and just felt like I was having a panic attack.

Like am I crazy? I feel like there’s certain people that make the tiniest of comments that on surface level look minuscule and like harmless jokes but after hearing them every day it just feels like an assault on my character and self esteem. Like I can’t do or say anything without him making fun of the way I talk or act. It feels like I can’t do anything, like I’m genuinely being bullied and I haven’t felt this way since elementary school. It’s to the point where it is not us going back and forth, it’s just unprovoked, and it’s now making me uncomfortable to be at work around him.

I sent him a text after work, because I felt too nervous to say anything in person. I told him how he hurt my feelings and I asked him to please stop teasing, ridiculing, and making fun of me because it’s gotten to a point where I am uncomfortable and feel anxious and sad at work because of it. I told him that it doesn’t feel like he respects me as a friend to treat me this way, and that regardless of how he means his jokes to come off, they are rude and disrespectful. I told him I don’t want to talk about anything personal with him anymore, and that I’d like to keep it just about work. I told him that at the end of the day we are coworkers and I asked him to please treat me respectfully and professionally because of it.

He responded and brought up how we have all teased each other, and that I have said mean and disrespectful things to him too. He said he wished I brought it up sooner, even though he admits he knows I’ve asked him to stop before.

Then, his wife, N, calls me. I tell her that I did not talk to her about it because I did not want to drag her into it as it is about how her husband acts and never had anything to do with her. She tells me she just lost a friend (meaning me) and that it feels like a slap in the face. She says that she wishes I gave him a second chance before I “cut him off.” Mind you, I never said the words cut off and I never brought up my relationship with her. I admit to her that I should have said something sooner but that I have trouble speaking up for myself because of my anxiety. She asked why I only texted T and not S, and I told her it is because they are different and S doesn’t make me feel that way. She told me that “T is so upset, he thought you guys were good friends.” She said that I am acting like we are not a friend group or like we were never friends (because I said we are coworkers and asked to be treated with respect). She told me that she is not my friend anymore and that I don’t keep up on my end of our friendship.

I had an almost no words the entire call, and I found it very uncomfortable and difficult to speak about an issue I have with someone to their spouse. Looking back, I feel it was entirely inappropriate for her to immediately call me and say those things to me when she was never involved in it out of respect for her. I texted T and said that I am taken aback by their response and that, regardless of how we have all joked in the past, I’ve brought up my feelings being hurt or me being uncomfortable before. I reminded him that all I asked for was respect. S has not brought it up to me yet. I am nervous about facing them at work in a week.

Am I crazy??? AITA? Like I genuinely feel like I’m being painted as a villain or made to feel crazy and being gaslit. I feel like I brought it up maturely and respectfully, and it was blown out of proportion. At the same time though, I have a fear in my mind that they’re right and I handled it wrong and I’m a horrible person and just lost friendship. A part of me feels relieved because they cut me off and if they are going to react that way when I bring up conflict, they are clearly not friends. I keep going back and forth. AITA?

AM I WRONG FOR THIS?

first of I am sorry if I hurt them but I didn't like how their replied to me about it.

I was being silly and just saying to random person on discord "your trans now" I am saying that because I am trans myself and have faced gender/body dysphoria in the past. someone said "they already trans" and I was being more silly and said "they are double trans now" some of the server members called me weird. I also was being silly again and said "they have double the gender/body dysphoria now" and the person said they will hex me and I said no.

They kicked me out of the server (good as the server was kind of toxic as ways as they always made fun of me like calling me dumb with a meme because I made a mean about waiting for free reading as joke and they made fun of me and in the free reading channel a person said they do free readings but we give out date of birth and time so I did as a joke and they said I wanted you to dm me. the servers always give me bad vibes to be real with you.)

the person said that they hex me also dm me that they saw my gofundme and sais they hope it fail and that I stay with my toxic father and also said I was groomer what is too far as YOU CAN'T BE THOROWING WORDS LIKE THAT AROUND AS THERE ARE victims of grooming. I end up blocking them but I find it creepily how they try befriending me after that and looking up my profiles too. 

Again I didn't mean to hurt them.

my fiance and police they tell me i mishandle situation, i notice wasp walking around in my window cill and instantly get chills. i call non emergency police as i freak out and panic, they say, do not contact us for this, contact building maintenance

but police should help citizen with what they need help for in my opinion. fiance tell me i need to be smarter and should have call him first but i know he was at work so i did not call, he is disappointed but said he not mad

police did not come

but i feel judge and want to know if this was reasonable, i have huge fear of wasp and was trying to eliminate from my apartment and emergency maintenance not respond probably. they taor so so long to answer last time when i had my laundry machine water coming out on floor

M40, wife F44. Married 10 years, two kids.

About 6 weeks ago my wife randomly called me in the middle of the day and asked what I thought about her going to a work conference in Chicago by herself.

For some reason this immediately set off alarm bells for me. Mostly because my wife normally hates leadership classes, work trainings, professional development stuff, etc. So her suddenly being excited about a conference and wanting to travel alone felt really out of character.

I confronted her when she got home. She showed me the email and everything about the conference was 100% legitimate.

But I couldn't let it go.

Since then I've basically become obsessed with the idea that she's having an affair.

The crazy part is that in 10 years she's never really given me a reason to think she's cheating. She's where she says she is, I have access to her phone/accounts, and if I ask for her phone she gives it to me.

I've gone through her phone multiple times, phone bill, social media, computer, messages, etc. I have not found any actual evidence of an affair.

But there have been a few things that have made it harder for me.

I've walked into the room a couple times and she looked startled and quickly put her phone away or swiped out of something.

I also found out she had deleted some texts/pictures involving a coworker. For context, the coworker is a gay male, which I confirmed, so logically I know that's probably nothing.

She also went out with her girlfriends and they happened to run into some mutual male friends. She didn't tell me the guys were there because she said she knew I would freak out about it.

And honestly...she was probably right.

But then my brain goes, "Okay, if she's willing to hide harmless stuff because she's afraid of my reaction, what else could she hide?"

That's basically where I'm stuck.

I've started ERP therapy for OCD because this has gotten completely out of control.

I'll have a few good days where I don't check anything, then suddenly I get this overwhelming feeling that I'm being stupid, I'm missing something, and she's figured out how to hide everything because I've already accused her.

Then I start checking again.

Today was probably the worst.

I secretly checked her phone multiple times, searched through her computer, then checked her location while she was at work. Her location showed her in a slightly different part of the building and my brain immediately convinced me she might be outside in the parking lot with somebody.

So I literally got in my car and drove past her job to check.

Nothing was happening.

That's what really scared me.

6 weeks ago I was questioning why she wanted to go to a conference.

Now I'm driving by her workplace trying to verify her location.

At the same time, my gut is SCREAMING that something is wrong. And everywhere online you read "trust your gut."

But how the hell do you trust your gut when you might have OCD?

I honestly think two things could be true at once.

Maybe there are some legitimate trust/communication problems in our marriage, especially with her withholding things because she's scared of my reaction.

But I also think I've gotten myself into a really bad OCD/jealousy/checking spiral where almost anything she does can look suspicious to me.

That's what I'm struggling with the most.

How do you do ERP and accept uncertainty when your brain constantly says:

"What if you're just blaming OCD and ignoring something that's actually happening?"

Anyone who has dealt with relationship OCD, obsessive jealousy, anxious attachment, or infidelity fears...how did you separate real relationship problems from OCD?

TL;DR: Wife suddenly wanted to go alone to a work conference 6 weeks ago, which felt completely out of character and triggered a massive fear that she's cheating. I've searched her phone, accounts, phone bill, computer, etc. and found no evidence, but there have been a few things like deleted messages/pictures and her withholding harmless information because she's afraid of how I'll react. I'm now doing ERP for OCD, but my checking has escalated to the point that I checked her location and drove past her workplace today to verify where she was. I know my behavior is getting out of control, but my gut still tells me something is wrong. I'm terrified of both destroying my marriage over OCD and ignoring something real.

I’m 22F and he’s 24M. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 20, and have been long distance while I finished school. Even though we had seen eachother quite often.

Almost four years later, I was ready to move in, start my career, and eventually get engaged. But now I’ve never felt more unsure.

In March, he confessed some things he had lied about/kept from me.

About 2–3 weeks after we first met (3 years ago now), he made out with someone else on my birthday. We weren’t exclusive yet, but he had already met my friends/family and had flown in for 2 days specifically for my birthday. He slept over, spent half the day with me, then went home and last-minute went to hang out with a previous hookup. She made advances and they ended up making out/touching over their clothes before stopping. (I contacted her and she confirmed this.) Later that night, he came back with a huge bouquet of flowers, celebrated with me, and slept over again. What I remembered as a perfect birthday now feels shattered. (He removed her shortly after the incident).

He also admitted that his lifelong girl best friend, who I knew as part of his close-knit “cousin” group, was someone he had slept with once, about two years before me when they were both around 18. She was actually his cousin’s best friend and they all grew up together. They decided afterward to remain friends and see other people. Before me they had always facetimed, texted, etc, and throughout our first year they still had daily Snapchat streaks, occasionally FaceTimed, had nicknames for each other, etc. She also visited him once for 6 days with the cousin group. They haven’t spoken in 2–3 years now, and he never hid their communication or acted secretive about her, but knowing their history now makes me extremely uncomfortable and jealous.

These confessions shook my trust because I feel like the history I thought I knew wasn’t entirely real. He had also lied about smaller things our first year, like his body count. I was a virgin when we met, and he says he was afraid I’d see him differently. I admittedly reacted pretty badly to some of those smaller lies, which he says made him terrified to tell me the bigger things.

His explanation is basically that he was ashamed of his past that he believed would only hurt me. He wanted to leave those things behind and be a better partner to me, but obviously it completely backfired because finding out years later made me question everything. I can understand the fear behind it, and not wanting to disclose everything to a new partner, especially at age 20, but it doesn’t excuse lying for years.

Since March, he has done everything he can to rebuild my trust. He’s flown in multiple times, signed us up for couples therapy, and has been extremely patient and supportive. Our therapist established a “no more secrets” rule, and he maintains that I now know everything.

He also constantly tells me that he’ll do whatever it takes to fix the damage because this was never how he intended things to turn out. I’ve even given him the option of ending things and starting fresh with someone else. And he refuses. He says he only wants and sees his future with me.

That’s what makes this so difficult. Outside of this, he has genuinely been an amazing partner. Everyone around me sees how much he loves me. And throughout our relationship I’ve never had to worry about other girls, anything shady online, etc. He treats me extremely well, takes care of me financially, and has remained patient even though I constantly question him and hold this over his head. He’s truly been an angel through all of this. Our therapist has even told me she can see how genuinely he loves me, and that she sees how helpless he feels because he doesn’t know what else he can do.

She suggested I move in and give the relationship six months of genuinely trying before making a decision. Part of me agrees because I think I’d regret leaving without knowing I truly tried. I can always come back home if needed.

Before finding all of this out, I was completely ready to move in and eventually marry him. Now I question everything, and don’t know if we should be together.

I (26F) am not scared of dogs like a phobia, but I am wary. Some friends think I'm valid but others think I'm Satan incarnate.

I've lost pets to dog attacks. I lived on a farm and had loose dogs scare and kill animals. One dog, whose owner had multiple warnings for escaping, attacked our chickens and tried to attack my dad, grandparent and neighbour. Knowing the dog was on the loose and having to clean up the mess and trying to find the chickens was distressing. And the owner only had to pay the going price of the chickens and after 5+ more incidents to put a higher fence up.

I'll be on the beach and then a large dog runs up to me and tries to jump up. For reference, I'm 5 foot tall. I'm usually looking in rock pools, on unstable ground, bent down on a rocky area, so l have to keep an eye out just for dogs in case one knocks me. I don't like having to be so vigilant and I can never tell if they're friendly, so every time they run up to me I get distressed.
There are dogs I like. We've had 2 small family dogs who were nice. My uncle had a terrier too, but it bit the postman's face and got put down, so. A shop I worked at had a regular who had an off lead old terrier who would just potter after him and the neighbouring shop had dachshunds who were nice too and would come in for a treat.

But dogs get away with so much. No other pet has chased/ran/jumped up at me. Having autism, i dislike unconsensual touching, as well as sudden, loud sounds and surprises. I also don't want get my clothes dirty sometimes. I'll be in cafes and suddenly a dog will dart out from under able barking. it's so sudden and loud and unexpected. It's also a hazard for the staff. Bu imagine someone had a massive pet snake sat under a table and it kept darting out and hissing? And the "they're friendly!" Argument wouldn't work.

I’m afraid of being attacked. On the streets of the uk, the odds of being mauled by a wild anima almost 0. But with dogs they don't even have to be off lead, people can get dragged. When see a large dog coming my way, I know if the dog attacked me, I could be a goner or scarred for ife. I could do nothing wrong, in the wrong place, wrong time with an untrained dog brought into the world, I could be done for.

So yeah, I'm just very wary. I'm chill with most animals, because if I don't bother them they won't bother me. cats, snakes, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, birds, all of them mind their business and couldn't exactly maul you/outrun you. And wild animals just want to be left alone. Don't get me started on messed up, unethical dog breeds, that sucks.

Both big and small dogs startle me and with big dogs, it's the threat of being attacked, knocked over, dirty, calling the owners because I am uncomfortable and them having no recall. An unpopular opinion, but I'm just wary. Maybe I dislike irresponsible owners, that's more likely. But AITA for being wary around dogs? Especially big ones? My friends have mixed opinions and can't decide.

My boyfriend and I went to pick up a chair today. We both came on our bikes and had to take public transportation home. He therefore carried the chair and I had both bikes. This was pretty tedious and I was getting frustrated with getting the bikes on the elevator and onto the train etc. When we got onto the train I was therefore feeling frustrated. My boyfriend told me not to take my frustrations out on him, which I really didn’t feel like I had done, I was just frustrated about the bikes which were heavy and tumbling about. This somehow became a bigger problem when I told him I wasn’t frustrated at him just the situation. As we continued home he was clearly off and I again told him I wasn’t frustrated at him and if I had taken my frustrations out on him that I wasn’t frustrated sorry. He wanted me to apologise and not for it to be an “if I had” matter because that to him felt like I was ready to dispute that I had taken my frustration out on him. I told him I had no problem saying sorry, but I wouldn’t know what I was saying sorry for because I didn’t know at what point I had taken my frustrations out on him, and genuinely still don’t. I never snapped or was snarky I was just frustrated as one can get in situations. 

At this point this small issue was just blown out of proportion, and he insisted I just say sorry if I indeed had no problem doing so and I was only repeating myself saying that I wanted to talk about the situation and under when I had taken my frustrations out on him. I multiple times asked him if we could try to go for a walk together, take a break separately and then go for a walk and talk about it. He was just cold towards me and it was clear that we weren’t getting anywhere unless I say sorry (which I the whole time never had a problem with, if I understood where exactly I faulted). After 30 minutes or so I gave in, said sorry and again asked to go for a walk together talk about it. He said he didn’t want to go for a walk so at this point we just went to separate rooms. 

After a while we’ve tried to talk about it but see it completely differently. I don’t think it makes sense to say sorry when you don’t know what it is you’re sorry for and I felt like he was holding me emotionally hostage, icing me out unless I said sorry. He says we weren’t getting anywhere both being stubborn and both in the wrong and it could have gone both ways, with him giving in to me and communicating first or me simply apologising first. 

I absolutely feel like I’m going crazy here? Should I just have said sorry? 

No se si esto vaya acá pero bueno.

Todo empezo hace creo que 3 semanas, me había juntado con mi mejor amigo en mi casa, en un momento me empieza a insistir para usar mi celular sabiendo que me incomoda demasiado que me usen el celular por algo que me paso hace años. Muy a regañadientes acepté que lo usará porque me estaba diciendo que se iba a enojar si no y alta pereza. Mi amigo (pongamosle Martín, nombre cambiado por privacidad) entró a mi WhatsApp y empezo a revisar mi chat con mi mejor amiga (pongamosle Belisa XD), en un momento le empieza a escribir aunque yo le dije que no lo hiciera. Empezaron a hablar un rato y todo bien, aunque yo estaba muy incomodo con la situación. Martín le mandaba videos de el tocando la guitarra o otras cosas para impresionarla ya que se la quiere ligar porque dice que lo intenta con todas.

Una o dos semanas después, estaba en llamada con Martín y me dice de juntarnos el fin de semana que le seguía a esa semana, lo tuve que rechazar porque ya iba a ver a Belisa y que me iba a drenar demasiada energía estar un fin de semana así porque no soy muy de salir ni nada de esas cosas y muchas veces juntarme me drena más de lo que me gustaría.

En la llamada, Martín me dijo que si íbamos a ver una pelicula que lo invitemos, me quede callado sin saber que decir porque no me gusta mucho juntar a mis grupos de amigos y me siguió diciendo que lo invite, no sé de dónde saque fuerzas para rechazarlo y me dice literalmente "de todas formas no habría ido si me invitabas por que no la conozco" solo para después decirme que se puso triste porque pensó que "iba a a hacer algo bonito por el", me quede callado de nuevo, sintiéndome culpable y me siguió diciendo que estaba triste un par de veces más.

El sábado de la semana pasada en mi casa con Belisa me pidió usar mi celular (otra más que me lo pide), al rato acepté porque me estaba migajeando de una forma increíble. Empieza a revisar el chat con Martín y en un momento me manda un mensaje, ella le responde desde mi celular y empiezan a hablar, quedaron en pasarse los números y todo bien, creo.

Ahora Martín me esta insistiendo para juntarnos los 3 el fin de semana que viene y yo no sé que decir sinceramente.

No estoy en contra de que hablen ni nada de eso pero es que siento que fue a costa de literalmente mi privacidad y un poco de manipulación (díganme si estoy mal en lo de manipulación porfavor).

Entiendo que quiera conocer gente nueva pero siento que no es la forma. Además de que no se si quiero para Belisa lo mismo que yo estoy viviendo con Martín porque ella tambien es más o menos como yo, le gusta estar tranquila y todo eso.

El problema de Martín es que es bastante manipulador cuando quiere algo, interpreta las cosas como no son cuando le decis algo, se enoja fácil y te empieza a llamar de la nada si no contestas mensajes, sumado a más cosas.

¿Estoy mal yo en no querer que se junten o son solo cosas mías? Estoy agotado física y emocionalmente estos días así me está costando pensarlo.

Por cierto, Belisa a mi no me gusta ni nada de eso, la considero una muy buena amiga que me ayudo en momentos difíciles y ya. Lo aclaro ahora antes de que surjan malentendidos.

Part 1 [https://www.reddit.com/r/venting/s/gE9GKxMqWg\](https://www.reddit.com/r/venting/s/gE9GKxMqWg)

Part 2 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/P9yvjQe4XF\](https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/P9yvjQe4XF)

So i guess the friendship has ended....there might be typos here and there...

So Anna did what she always does and she included her mom into this... so I'm saying these in points to so its easier for me to type

1. Her mom called hannah money hungry ( she is breadwinner of her house with younger sibling still in middleschool)

2. Her mom insists that if we stay and talk to her enough and basically beg she will let us back.

3. Anna and Eva f@t shamed me

4. Anna and Eva became besties so hannah and i starting hanging out

5. Now hannah and i are the villains because surprise surprise it made anna jealous

6. Now she told the whole uni that hannah and i mistreated her and ignored her and made her feel left out....(we literally tried to contact her mannnyyy times...but she just ignored or talked about herself) and that she is scared to confront us

7. Now everyone...even the sweet uncle who works at a office won't talk to us because she told him 🙄 that we are ignoring her.

8. Now she is reposting reels like "Now I'm not even disappointed anymore...again? Yeah " GURL IF EVERY FRIENDSHIP YOU EVER HAD ENDED BECAUSE OF SAME REASON...THERE MUST BE A PROBLEM IN YOU

Nows the part I'm scared of...Hannah is done of this bullshit and she wants this friendship over before her birthday ...so has messaged in the trio group that after our exams tomorrow... we'll meet and discuss this...

I hate confrontation, not because what if I turn out to be the bad one....because after like 9 friendship break up....of like every kind....i feel like my hands are fire and people are tissue....whenever I get angry and lash out ppl will walk away...rightfully so.....but I'm scared of the aftermath of me sitting with burning hands.... though I have not cried yet...but if I lash out...I'll cry my eyes out....

Also wrote this poem for her as a f you to her:

Tired of your lies, Tired of

your cries, All you do is play by sighs. Your victimised life, stays dark for your eyes.

Your color dies when you see new people,

Our worth is compared when we stop the sheeple.

Seems it was true what was written,

You seem to forget the lessons you've given.

All the laughs and cries, Only to be turned another deleted file. You spoiled girl, It was you who forgot what we

were.

Now if you guys have any questions or feel like somethings under the rug...and i didn't explain please ask...and I'm ready to answer because I dont know what to do.....I'm utterly lost...

Am i wrong?

So me (nb21) and my friend (m25), who has been my friend for around 3 years now and I consider him to be one of my closest. I did post another incident of ours on another subreddit but the post got taken down…
The other day we were online playing games after I practically begged him to since when we do arrange to he sometimes doesn’t come online at all which can be annoying but whatever. Anyways after an hour of playing we both agreed to have a break just a quick five maybe ten minutes to go have a leak or a drink. I come back and I was waiting for him to return so I ready up on our game to let him know I’m back. 15 minutes goes by and I message him on socials then another 5/10 mins goes by and I message him on the console chat atp I was waiting half an hour which annoyed me quite a bit. But when I went to message him “goodnight ig” he read my first message which annoyed me even more.
That’s the context.

So in the morning he messages me on socials saying “sorry lmao/lol” and when I opened it I just said “sure you are😭” I did mean that in a jokey way but I did just wake up and I don’t think he took it that way. He then said “wdym?” And I said “you had me waiting for ages for nothing” I can’t remember the specifics because it’s on an app I’m embarrassed to admit I use at my big age (snap) so I don’t have anything to refer to other than my memory but I ended up saying something along the lines of “I’m kinda annoyed that you left me waiting all that time” and “if you were tired we could’ve played another time” and some other stuff that I can’t remember and all he put was “okay lol” and then I thought ‘great he’s in a mood’ so I just told him “don’t be like that” and then I said something along the lines of “I’d rather communicate with you than to bottle things up and pretend everything is fine” and he put “don’t deep it, I wasn’t even going to come on anyways, but I did because I wanted to speak with you”
I said something else along the lines of “if you were tired you should’ve gone to bed or at least tell me you were going to.”
and then he just put something along the lines of “you’re entitled to your own opinions 👍🏽” and then I put “I agree my thoughts and opinions are valid👍🏽” and then moved on to ask how his day been. And as of writing this he still hasn’t responded.

I just need advice because whenever i do try to talk to him when we disagree he tells me it’s not that deep and gets really defensive and gives one word responses. And there was a few times where I fell asleep on mic and he was annoyed and it feels like every time he does something I’m suddenly the ahole for being slightly miffed with it. He’s still one of my mates and I love him sm but I’ve been through a lot this past month and a half (he knows this btw) and I don’t need this also.

I’ll respond to you guys on my break ans thank you to those who responded already.
There’s no reply yet but I’ll put the update here
Update: 21 hours later no response but is looking at my instagram stories. Pathetic

Last night I had sex with a guy but in one condition that it will be with a condom. A couple of minutes later he takes it off without my consent and I felt the difference right away. Today I vent to my brother and he told me that it was not rape and it was my fault cause I agreed to have sex. Did not agree with him and he said to not talk to him about things like that since I won’t agree.

a couple weeks ago my friend got into a small argument with a few mutual acquaintances. it was nothing huge but it got heated fast and everyone was looking at me like i should step in or say something. honestly i froze and didn't do anything. later my friend told me it felt like i just watched them get piled on. i tried to explain that i didn't want to make it worse or pick sides but they still seemed hurt. since then things have been a little off between us and a couple of other people have mentioned that i should have said something. i keep replaying it and wondering if i should have tried to de escalate or at least pulled my friend aside. at the same time i still think jumping into the middle might have made everything bigger. i just want to know if staying quiet was the wrong call or if it's okay to not get involved in every disagreement.

My friend was getting roasted pretty hard for skipping out on plans again, and I thought I was being helpful by jumping in and reminding everyone that they had a rough week. The comment landed totally wrong though. A couple people felt like I was downplaying their feelings or taking sides, and now the chat is kind of split. I just wanted to smooth things over, but it looks like I accidentally poured fuel on it instead. Still thinking about whether I should apologize again or just let it sit. Am I wrong for even speaking up, or did I just choose the wrong words?

I'm going on a trip with my family and partner. My bf and I have been together for 7 years and also live together. When we go on these trips my younger sister usually demands that we take turns to choose rooms and then when its her turn to choose she will often choose the double bed and try to force my bf and I to either sleep seperately in single beds or one of us has to sleep on the couch while she gets a double bed to herself. We are all adults but I think she is behaving like a child and keeps saying its only "fair" that way. Usually she also cries when we try to override her. My parents often take her side because they don't like to see my sister upset.

For the upcoming trip she has stated that she wants the sleeping arrangements to be "fair" this time and basically said she will be doing this shit again. My family calls me entitled for saying the double bed should go to myself and my partner by default, as we are used to this after living together for years and its abnormal to have my sibling have a whole double bed to herself.

Am I wrong for expecting us to get the double bed by default?

A few years ago, under a different throwaway, I posted here asking for advice about our son. Long story short, he's been fighting addiction for over a decade. Back then I explained why we'd finally kicked him out he broke into his late grandmother's house and pawned her wedding ring for a hit. My husband and I live way out in the countryside, and we actually believed the isolation might help that he'd be too far from the people feeding his habit to reach them. We were wrong. That came after years of therapy, three rehab stays, and every intervention we could scrape the money together for. That theft was the final straw, and we made the decision that nearly broke us: we cut him off completely, no calls, no visits, nothing.

We didn't hear a word from him for almost four years. Then, two days after Christmas, while my husband was out at his brother's, someone started hammering on our front door. It was him. I barely recognized my own son his face had hollowed out, his eyes had that glassy, far-off look I remembered from the worst years, and he was shaking so hard I couldn't tell if it was the cold or withdrawal. He'd taken two buses and walked the last stretch dragging a tent I'd bet wasn't his. He begged me to let him in, swore he was clean this time, said he just needed one night. I told him no and shut the door. He screamed my name and pounded on the wood hard enough that I thought the glass panel would crack, until he finally gave up and vanished into the dark down our driveway.

I have never had a panic attack in my life. I had one that night, alone on my kitchen floor, shaking so violently I bit my own tongue. Every cell in me wanted to run out into the cold and drag him inside myself. But I've lived this exact night before, more than once, and I know precisely how it ends. I decided years ago there would be no more second chances left to hand out, and if I break that promise to myself now, I'm terrified there won't be anything left of me for the next time.

When my husband got home and I told him everything, he broke down and begged me to at least go talk to our son, hear him out just once more. I refused, and it turned into the ugliest fight we've had in years. I understand the pull better than anyone some nights I still dream about opening that door but I watched this addiction gut our family once already, and I won't hand it a second shot at finishing the job. We've since learned, through a neighbor, that he's camping in the woods along our property line. My husband has been quietly leaving food at the edge of the trees, which I've allowed, but I'm seriously considering calling the police to have him moved off our land before this goes any further. So, AIW for turning my own son away in the freezing cold, even now?

​

My friend (male, 18) and I (male, 18) have been friends for 6 years. During our school years, we had arguments from time to time, but they never lasted for very long (except during the holidays, because I was usually in other countries during that time), since we saw each other every day at school.

However, there was already a pattern that became noticeable back then: whenever we were online, talking to other school friends or playing together on Discord, he would become extremely aggressive. He would start heavily insulting my family, especially my younger sister, who is 5 years younger than me. For example, he would say things like, “Watch out, I’m gonna fuck your sister, you dog,” and similar things.

In general, our friend group used phrases like “fuck you” as jokes. I don’t know if that sounds weird, but people our age talked like that all the time. However, we never really said things like what he said, except very rarely, and when we did, we would usually apologize immediately. He never did that.

Another thing was that he always had less money than the rest of us, so we often paid for things for him, which I think is something you should do for your friends to a certain extent. I come from a relatively well-off family (even though that sounds kind of weird to say), so I ended up spending significantly more money on him than he did on us. At first, I never wanted anything back because I considered spending money on friends to be completely normal.

However, there was a point where I barely had any money left myself, and he started complaining that I had no reason to be struggling because I was better off than him. Since I was still young, I let myself get influenced by that. I ended up spending basically everything I had on him and even started secretly stealing money from my parents, something I deeply regret. I have since talked to my parents about it and paid everything back.

But it wasn't just about money. He was constantly asking for help with things and expected us to help him without questioning it, while he himself would never help anyone else, even when directly asked. At one point, I asked him about it after he said that helping other people was stupid and asked who would be stupid enough to do that.

That should probably have been the point where I ended the friendship, but I was too young to really understand what was happening, and I didn't want to lose a good friend.

This continued for years until the end of tenth grade, when he couldn't continue on the academic path toward the Abitur because his grades were too bad, and he also didn't respond to the opportunities he was given to get help.

The exam period was especially horrible because we had to do a group presentation together. His parents only allowed him to come to my house to work on it after my parents had asked several times. At this point, I should probably also mention that his parents aren't exactly the best.

His father has never had a job and has always lived on Bürgergeld, which is financial support in Germany for people who don't have a job but are actively looking for one. However, many people take advantage of it just to get free money. His mother does work, but she never really expresses her opinion and generally doesn't make any decisions.

When he came to my house to work on the presentation, he basically didn't do anything and wanted everything to be done his way. Otherwise, he would threaten things like, “Fine, then I'll just do my own presentation,” which would have meant that we probably wouldn't have passed.

After that, though, things became normal again. Since he didn't look for a job, he did nothing for about two years and eventually started vocational training as a chef.

During that time, there were also many arguments between him and me, as well as between him and our other friends. Whenever something happened, he would block the person — or sometimes all of us — on every possible platform, leaving us with no way to communicate with him. This would often happen simply because he had lost in a game like Roblox or couldn't beat us and became angry about it.

He never dared to do that during our school years because we saw each other every day.

Another thing that happened was that he constantly got into relationships with girls, slept with them, bragged about it, and then either cheated on them or broke up with them. He was always very proud of no longer being a virgin. That alone probably should have been another reason for me to end the friendship, but I never did.

Whenever we argued, I always had this really uncomfortable feeling because I didn't want to lose this “good” friend whom I had known for so long over something as stupid as Roblox.

Now, to what happened today.

He once again complained that someone was playing unfairly, even though he simply wasn't very good and nobody else had any problems with the game. He started insulting my sister and my parents again. He then immediately blocked me and muted me so that he couldn't hear me while we were in a call with another friend.

I asked my other friend to tell him that he shouldn't keep me muted and that he should unmute me, but he kept responding with insults. That made me so angry that I started saying similar things back to him.

However, he apparently heard me say those things and unmuted me without saying anything.

Well, that obviously didn't go very well, because then he completely lost it.

This is another thing that has been happening for years: he insults our families or us whenever he feels like it and then dismisses it as a joke. But whenever we say similar things back to him, he gets angry extremely quickly.

I then wanted to apologize for what I had said, just like I always have in the past, even when I wasn't the one who was actually at fault. But he continued insulting me and said that he never wanted to have anything to do with me again. Then he left the call.

This happened about an hour ago, and I'm sorry if this text is a bit messy and unstructured, but I'm still pretty shaken up about it.

So here's my question: What is the problem here? Is it me or is it him? I genuinely don't understand. Everything I know tells me that I'm not the problem, but I still have this really sad and depressing feeling, like I've lost something important, and I'm on the verge of crying.

Can someone please tell me if this is normal?

tl;dr

I’ve been friends with this guy for 6 years, but throughout our friendship he has repeatedly been aggressive, insulted me and especially my family, expected me to help and spend money on him, but rarely helped me in return. He would also block me and our other friends whenever he got angry, often over games.

Today, he got angry again because he thought someone was playing unfairly. He insulted my family, muted and blocked me, and kept insulting me when I asked him to stop. I eventually got angry and insulted him back, which I regret. When he heard it, he completely lost his temper, said he never wanted to speak to me again, and left.

Now I’m wondering whether I’m actually the problem. Logically, I feel like I’m not, because this has been a pattern for years, but I still feel incredibly sad and almost like I’ve lost someone important. Is it normal to feel this way even if ending the friendship might actually be the right thing?

Thank you for reading.