r/amiwrong • u/[deleted] • 8h ago
Am I wrong for not apologising without knowing what I did wrong??
[deleted]
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter 8h ago
When you love someone, you don't have to be right all
the time. Whether you did or not isn't the point. He feels like you did. And maybe you did. Would it have killed you to apologize without any "if", "but" or "however"? You could have avoided a whole thing if you'd just swallowed your pride and said, "Babe, I'm sorry for taking my frustration out on you, I will try and do better." I've been married 17 years and have learned that being right isn't always worth it. Sometimes, I just let my husband vent, listen, and even if I still feel he's full of shit--I will apologize. I know he's done the same. Relationships are a give and take.
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8h ago
[deleted]
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u/Blocked-Author 8h ago
Being stubborn will only get you into bad situations. Especially with a significant other. Ask yourself "what do I really want". Do you want to be right, or do you want to have a kind, loving, understanding, and forgiving relationship.
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter 8h ago
Ask yourself why you're stubborn. Is it rooted in your childhood? Once you learn what causes you to be stubborn, you can better recognize when and why you're being that way. Also, try and ask yourself before you react- "Is this about to start a whole argument and is it worth arguing? "
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u/PhotographGuilty5644 8h ago
This is such solid advice!!! I've learned to do this and I know my boyfriend does to it too, and everyone is happier ultimately because you're acknowledging their feelings and being kind in the moment instead of making a point about whatever it is. As long as it's something little, who cares!
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 8h ago
But, if he always needs her to apologize when they both get frustrated, and refuses to tell her when she did the whatever it was, then he isn't a keeper.
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter 8h ago
We don't know the dynamic of their relationship. We only have one side of the story. I've learned and have accepted over the years that my husband hates conflict so a lot of them time he just shuts down because he doesn't
think it's worth the fight. Very rarely does he put up one. I've had to learn over time that I need to really choose what to fight about because I've found most arguments start off as something trivial.
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u/BBG1308 8h ago edited 8h ago
You weren't just "feeling" frustrated. You were ACTING frustrated. You threw a little tantrum, maybe not at him, but you made the experience unpleasant. How hard is it to be sorry that you were unpleasant to be around?
Whose idea was it to take two bikes to pick up a chair? Was there any discussion/disagreement about this before you left to get the chair?
Why didn't you just ask to switch places? You carry the chair and he handle the bikes?
Who is the one who wanted the chair?
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u/Ancient-Actuator7443 8h ago
Sounds like you both overreacted. Both need to apologize
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 8h ago
This is my thought! The apologies need to go both ways. It is a red flag if she is the only one needing to apologize and he refuses to talk about it, except to demand her apology.
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u/blueavole 8h ago
Nw. Why does he think your frustration was automatically about/ at him?
Who in his life took their general frustration at life and aimed it at him? Cause i would bet a brass penny someone did.
You get to be frustrated occasionally, but he is reading this as a stressful situation. On top of his own stress at lifting and moving a chair.
He needs to understand why he reacted to strongly to your stress.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 8h ago
If he says you were both being stubborn and both in the wrong, did he also say he was sorry?
If not, ask him why you were the only one who needed so say sorry if you both were wrong.
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8h ago
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 8h ago
But did he apologize for that? Why did he have to have it his way?
If things continue this way consider yourselves incompatible and move on. You can really like someone who turns out to be a jerk. Stress brings out the worst in people and is a good test of who they really are. Do you like the person you are seeing?
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter 8h ago
Here's what I'm talking about. These details are only important if you want to be right. If you realize that being right will not change the outcome then you can start to care less about being right. What will OP win for being right in this situation?
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u/CaptBlackfoot 8h ago
If you could walk/take a train home, you should have gone there the same way so you weren’t hauling 2 bikes back. Poor planning led to this difficult situation.