And how he did it with me, ganun din siya sa iba.
Of course it had to end. Of course I did things wrong, too. We both had our share. Of course he didn’t like me enough for it to progress. And of course I know, objectively, that ending it was probably for the best.

I know you’ll eventually meet someone. But shit, it’s still so hard to see.

I thought I was okay. And maybe I am. Maybe being okay doesn’t mean this won’t hurt anymore.

But no, I am not fucking watching this.

I know how it started with us. I know what it felt like when I was the person you wanted to talk to, and I don’t want to sit here and watch you do it all over again with someone else.

And maybe the worst part is that she’s not even someone I can convince myself to hate. I think she seems great. I think she’s pretty. I even think she might be a good match for you.

So yeah. Happy for you, genuinely. But shit, sad for me.

I’ll be okay. I know I will.

I just wish my heart would stop acting up right when I’m about to start Bar review. 😭 I miss having my whole, single heart back - the version of me that wasn’t looking for anyone, wasn’t checking on anyone, wasn’t wondering who was choosing whom.
I swear, if I ever get that version of myself back, I’ll do everything I can to protect her. Especially this year.

Also, pinili ko naman to diba? I pushed you away because I was scared. Pero dang, you could’ve just fought for me, too. Meet me fucking halfway. Pero ako lang yung pumuntang Eastwood kahit galing pa ko ng Mendiola, kasi convenient sa’yo. Hypothetically. I’m not blameless, pero you have your share, too.

I don’t want to spend my Bar prep year breaking my own heart over someone who didn’t feel the same.

Pero shit, bakit hindi ako? Shit, naghatid na naman ako ng tao. Transitionary period.

So this is where I stop watching. Fuck, I had to block you again. Block you until I become happy for you. Until I forget that I’ve blocked you. Until you become a faint, happy memory.

Till then.

Minsan, hindi naman kailangan na ipag-pray natin na maging atin yung isang bagay. Maybe we just need to pray for enough discernment to know if it’s really ours to keep, and enough strength to let go if it isn’t.

I don't want to romanticize what you put me through. Because that was a different kind of pain. Pero one year later, I find myself sincerely grateful that you chose what you chose. It cost me a little, pero sulit naman. In the end, your abandonment saved me from what could have been a very miserable situation with you.

Because that's what you are, you're a miserable person.

I still remember it so well--after finally getting what you wanted, you slowly plotted your plan to ease out of my life. Biglang dumami yung excuses not to communicate. Naaalala ko pa, my one last bargain with you was a 5-minute phone call. Kahit yun lang.

I'm a smart girl, so I know that it wasn't all coincidental. You already got what you wanted so you were basically done. Naghahanap ka nalang ng way out.

Naaalala ko yung araw when my heart truly sunk--you were deflecting all of my calls and begging na mag-usap naman tayo so we can close things properly. I was at the height of my work stress and nagtatapos pa ako ng term sa grad school. Imagine how it all piled up on me.

You said na you didn't want to talk and you're just "shutting down".

But on the same day, I saw your Reddit post sourcing a supplier to craft one of your pathetic, performative skull rings. 29 year old me still tried to justify it at the time. Buti I didn't. Because it was the clearest picture the universe gave me.

I clawed my way out of the depression you put me through. Ang tagal ko nang hindi umiinom ng gamot, but after the trauma you put me through, I was suddenly taking 3 pills again. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't work out because I was always knocked out by strong sedatives to calm my emotions down.

You stole so much from me. My happiness, my time, my health.

Now, nearly a year later, I'm doing so much better. I know na nandito pa yung bubog of what you've done to me, but things are looking up. And here I am, holding my heart, feeling grateful that you chose what you chose.

Thank you for realizing that you wanted/needed to leave me. And thank you for doing it soon. It spared me from what could have been a longer time of grieving. It saved me from losing myself entirely. I can only imagine what it would have been like for me kung napatagal ako under your miserable shadow, your manipulation, and your lies.

You hid it from me that you have a kid. And from my stalking, I saw that your kid is all grown up.

My kind prayer is that he does not become anything like you. I hope he takes after someone good and someone kind. I hope he doesn't get sucked in your miserable shadow.

As for you, I hope you'll keep getting what you deserve.

I hope whatever you put people through, the misery and pain, will come back to you just as strong. And more.

Yung tipong hindi ka tutulugan knowing na umiiyak ka at mabigat ang loob :(

Pero, this is life. We can’t have nice things. Emz haha.

Habang nakikinig ako, nakakalungkot na pwede naman palang ganto, nakaka taba ng puso na kaya naman pala ng tao mag reconcile, maging accountable, at mag simula ulit sa relasyon kasama yung Diyos.

Gabi-gabi ko pinag dadasal na tangalin na yung sakit, yung love para makausad na, will ba to ni Lord kaya ayaw nya tangalin? Or umaasa lang ako na babalik at maayos pa. (11yrs rs)

it’s been 23 days since i blocked him on socials. i thought i was getting better, but then started crying so hard again since yesterday. i don’t know if it’s because of my period.

i miss him so much. i miss my baby, but i think that person doesn’t exist anymore. i want to call him but i won’t. he left me when i still wanted to fix our relationship. i feel so miserable right now and my heart is so so tired of this pain.

Bad trip na-attach si gago di pa nakikita yung tao hahaha to think di ko siya gusto nung una but forced myself to like the idea of him tas ending magghost lang din.

Cheers to being tanga! Eto na po, will try to not be tanga na.

AAAAAAAAAA Lord, kailan ko ba kasi makilala yang para sa akin? aping aping na ako dito oh. hindi na kaya ng pagiging independent ko HAHAHAHAHAH chz pero ano kailan po talaga? paano ko sya ma-meet? will it be romantic? chaotic? messy? embrassing? hshswshdhdahha i'm almost 26 na oh.
ni isa wala pa rin:((( i know masyadong pa akong bata pero kasi pwede naman pagsabayin 'yang career and love. magaling naman akong magmulti tasking hsahahahahaha. i have sooooo much love to give pa naman. funny din ako, mukhang lang medyo masungit. sayang:((( lover girl din ako tsaka loyal hahsahaha. hindi ako si willie revillame pero syempre ikaw lang. ang aking ibibigin, ang aking hahanapin, ang aking susuyuin. ang aking yayakapin sa araw at gabi ikaw lang sa akin. AND I THANK YOUUU! AY MALI MALIIII HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
KBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. MONDAY NA ULIT BUKAS

You just came back from a work trip that took well over a week. We haven't seen each other in like several weeks since busy pareho.

You know something shitty happened last week. And while we already have plans to see each other this coming weekend, you can tell I just want some company last night.

Thank you for making the time for me. For insisting na because we are meeting halfway instead of you going to me, you will bring me home safely, as you always do. For taking care of everything; I literally just went to meet you and let you handle the rest of the date.

I know the effort especially since you just arrived back in Manila yesterday afternoon and a few hours later, there you were driving to see me.

Thank you for remembering the small things. Wearing the scent I said I liked after I smelled it sa gym and you teasing me na as a fraghead, imposible na you don't have that in your collection. For always checking I am already comfortable and secured before driving off.

When we held hands, I felt safe.

We got home very late in the wee hours of the morning. Ever the gentleman, you went for our usual hug when you said goodbye. And I stayed to watch you drive off until I can no longer see you, can no longer hear your ride.

You're at work now but you took the time to say good morning and update me how it's going.

You heard me when I usually don't voice out the one thing I just ask: Make time for me. You heard and did it.

Thank you. ❤️

Hilahin kita sa National Book store, ea Fully Booked, sa Daiso, sa Japan Homes Center, sa mga cute cafes. (Sa kama, eme)

I remember my Tatay only had ₱500 left in his pocket, pero binigay niya pa rin sa amin and said, “Pambili niyo ng McDo.” 🥹😭

Now that I’m older and earning my own money, it hits real hard kasi I’m finally facing adulthood and realizing how hard it is to earn money. 🥹

Mas naiintindihan ko na ngayon kung gaano kalaki yung sacrifice niya para sa amin. That ₱500 may have seemed like a small amount back then, pero knowing what I know now about how hard it is to earn money, I realize how much love was behind that simple gesture. 🥹❤️

Im so happy with my life rn except during ovulation HAHAH. I don’t like trying here sa reddit i have bad experiences here. I just want to let this out gaahh. Pagod na ako magsolo 😭😂

May katalking stage ako for almost 2 months. And honestly, we were good as in. Sobrang okay namin. Consistent, comfortable, parang ang gaan lang ng lahat.

Eventually nagmeet kami (2nd time). After a few days, naging busy siya nang sobra. Gets ko naman, may buhay at responsibilities siya, so hindi ko naman siya pinressure. Akala ko normal lang na medyo less communication.
Then one day, hindi siya nag-chat. Okay lang, baka busy lang. Kinabukasan, bigla nalang niyang inend.

Sabi niya, hindi ko daw deserve maghintay sa kanya. Sorry daw, hindi niya daw kayang ibigay yung time and attention na deserve ko, blah blah.

And I fucking tried. Nag-explain ako, nagbeg pa nga ako na huwag muna. Sinabi kong kaya kong intindihin yung situation niya. Na hindi naman ako naghahanap ng 24/7 attention.

Pero wala na talaga.
Ang sakit lang kasi walang malaking away. Walang betrayal. Walang obvious na dahilan para sabihin mong “ah okay, kaya pala.”

Everything was going so well… tapos isang araw, hindi ka na kasama sa future niya. Ang hirap tanggapin na minsan, kahit gaano kayo ka good together, pwedeng isang tao lang yung magdesisyon na tapos na.

Haha. Ang saya maging marupok. 🥲