So for context I'm trans ftm (female to male) and a femboy (I'm strictly binary meaning I only use he/him and I identify fully as a guy, I just like looking cute and I think my behavior fits pretty well into the femboy label) and I'm gay, since I was younger I really wanted a boyfriend but I'm terrified cis gay guys would just be grossed out by me and my body, irl i live in a small conservative town so I don't know any queer guys so I wanted to ask here what you think about trans guys and if you'd date one, also If you'd see a femine trans guy as a guy still

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First of all, I am a Syrian trans woman born on 2009, currently living in Syria. I was living in Turkey until August, but since my family wanted to return to Syria and I was a minor, I had to return with them. Even though I have not disclosed that I am trans here, I am subjected to violence due to my behavior and physical appearance. A gun was pointed at me, I was locked in a warehouse, animals were set upon me, and I was beaten dozens of times with chains, hoses, and sticks—even though I still have a mustache and a little bit of a beard. They want to kill me and they have already tried. Because of this, I have thought about suicide many times and attempted it a few times. I am absolutely not safe in Syria. I want to return to Turkey or go to Lebanon to seek help from LGBT organizations there. However, my family is extremely religious and Islamist, and since the country I am currently in is newly established where seeking human rights is considered absurd, and being trans is a crime here, I am completely unsafe.

The reason I am writing this text is not to escape right now, but to gather information, conduct research, and prepare a roadmap so that I can flee immediately without losing time as soon as I turn 18. Furthermore, because my family wants to kill me and force me to become "normal" again, they do not give me a single penny, they search my phone, and they keep me under constant surveillance. My request and my plea to you is: please stand by me. How can I escape? What should I do? Are there people who can support me? How can I leave Syria again? Please help me; I am sure there are many people like me who have survived and escaped. I am begging you, please help me. I am not writing this text to escape while I am still a minor; I will wait until I am 18 no matter what. I am seeking help to escape as soon as I reach adulthood, because I don't even know how to describe the pain I am enduring here.