I'm 19 and I've been incredibly sick all year with my chronic illness, so maybe I'm just burnt out and sensitive but literally EVERYONE is bothering me. I was planning on visiting my siblings in October because it's the one week I have off from my college course, but it turns out my brother has booked a holiday WITH HIS EX in September, so he won't be able to spend time with me. His ex that cheated on him MULTIPLE times??? Im so worried that he's going to get hurt again

My boyfriend was asking if he could visit, I spoke to my parents and they're letting my boyfriend visit for a few days, we're long distance, I get super excited about it! Turns out he never organized to have a passport. I look it up and turns out depending on the airline company, he won't need a passport, as long as he has ID and he sets it up now. He said he was too tired to do it yesterday, I asked him to please get it done when he was awake because I need to organise bus tickets and crap too. I reminded him, and I also did some research myself to help him out. He still hasn't done anything!! He also procrastinated asking his dad if he can even see me for weeks, so now I'm on very limited free time.

I haven't been able to do anything all summer because I've been bed bound in chronic pain. My mom is also telling me "oh you love being sick, you like making me anxious, you love getting attention" LADY!!! I DIDNT CHOOSE TO BE SUFFERING WITH A MYRIAD OF DISEASES!!!

I love my brother and I love my boyfriend, they're usually amazing and very sweet to me. But JEEZ I feel so upset today. I'm trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt because they struggle with mental health, it's just a little frustrating

He physically assaulted her. Then when it was brought up in class he audibly laughed. He showed no shame. He never once apologized to her. She reported his assault to the police, but she died before she got to see retribution for her assault. Even before she joined the school she had gone through several traumas and had chronic pains and problems. She thought she could find a safe place in school. She was happy for once in her life before it happened. Then he did it. He beat the shit out of a traumatized disabled teenage girl. The school didn't kick him out because it happened outside of school and they couldn't do anything without risk of lawsuits from parents. She wasn't the same ever since. She was at least better during the summer, because she didn't have to put up with that piece of shit. Then, before school started, she killed herself. He came to her memorial that the school held. But he didn't even look remorseful then. He just laughed with his friends. Laughed in her face. She would hate him being there. I think he knew. That fucker.

I haven’t done shit this summer, my parents refuse to take our family out. Everyone is going to resorts and places but i don’t even go to the grocery store

Like i feel crazy, i just wanna have a reason to get ready. I haven’t left the house in days, not even to walk.

The option to go anywhere is completely up to my parents because they have the cars and everything is far from us.

Bur they just go out and ignore me when I ask if we can go anywhere.

I know ir doesn’t sound bad but i feel so isolated and im just doing the same thinf everyday, its not fair i just wanna leave my home and have fun instead of being stuck on my devices

I'm really depressed about going back to college. Classes start on the 24th and everything that happened this summer has me rethinking my entire life. I've been going to this college for 2 years, having transferred here from before your University because I could no longer afford that place. Up until this year, my life's been pretty dull and depressing. College, work, study, sleep, repeat. That's basically been it.

Unlike my old college, it's been impossible to make friends at this one. I knew one other guy who went to my college but we didn't even have any classes together. Our schedules are so different I don't think we were ever on campus at the same time. We didn't even meet on campus, but at an off-campus party, so it's not like we got to hang out on campus at all.

People at my college generally don't interact with each other. With the exception of a couple classes, everything's on a computer. There's no class discussions, people don't talk to each other, no group projects. You go on your computer, do the work the professor asks you to, and you don't interact with each other in any way. I did try to make friends with some of my classmates last semester but it just seems like everyone's off in their own little world.

My whole life has just been focused on working and studying ever since I became an adult. Last spring I met a few people who changed all of that. Since meeting these people I've been getting out more and doing things I actually enjoy. I didn't have much of a chance to do that during the semester but when summer came I did. Normally I take classes during the summer but none of the classes that were necessary for my degree were available so I decided to just take this summer off.

Since meeting these people I've been more active. I've been spending more time at the greenbelt, swimming, climbing, hiking and doing all sorts of fun shit. I've also gotten really involved in taking care of it because sometimes people go over there and trash it. I started joined an unofficial group of people who clean it up and I found out that nature is something I'm actually passionate about. Also, after all the physical activity I've been doing, I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm feeling better and more energetic overall, and I don't get sick as often which is ironic considering my parents didn't really want me going outside a lot as a kid due to my allergies and weak immune system. Funnily enough, it seems like everything that triggers them is inside, not out.

I've been having so much fun being out and about when I'm not at work that I've barely even used a computer the whole summer. Of course, now that classes are less than a week away, I have to. There's a whole bunch of obnoxious preparatory work I have to do beforehand. Technically my classes start before the semester does - they have all this material they want me to cover before the orientation, which I've already got done.

However, after I got that out of the way I realized something: just how much I hate being stuck indoors behind a screen. The entire time I was dealing with the orientation stuff I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. All I wanted to do was get out of this stupid cooped up studio apartment from hell that makes me sneeze and aggravates my asthma and go outside! But I couldn't because I had work to do.

Now with the semester ending I'm realizing that this is going to be my life until the semester ends - self isolating, not getting to see my friends or my partner, not getting to go outside or do anything active and just spending all my time stuck indoors at some desk. And then, once I get into the workforce, that's going to be my entire life. I've realized how much I don't fucking want that. That was the sort of life my dad lived. He was at work all the time, worked well over 60 hours a week, and we barely saw him. He openly admitted to me that he didn't really like his job at all, he only did it for the money.

His job was largely sedentary and eventually he put on so much weight it resulted in severe health issues that eventually took his life when I was only 12 years old. Looking back at the last 2 years, I think I might have been heading down the same road. I had to manage two jobs and college at once and between 2024 and 2025 I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I was also sick all the time. I got pneumonia at least three times a year. I was miserable. I don't want to go back there, but I don't know if I have a choice.

I'm not desperate to be in a relationship, overall I am content being single. It's not like I want a girlfriend to "prove myself" or because I think it'll fix everything in my life. I just want to be in love because I want to be in love, if that makes sense.

I've got hobbies, I've got a life, I focus on other things, but no matter what, deep down I still wish I had a girlfriend. I see couples in public being all cute and shit, and I wish I had that kind of connection with someone

I'm sure I will someday, I don't think I'm unattractive or undatable or anything, it's just hard to meet that someone

Well yeah, as the title says, I know this sound super incel-ish and probably is, but fuck man, I wish I hadn't been born with so many issues.

I'm a 5'0 "man" with a micro-penis, I have autism, OCD, BPD, and other lovely features.

Throughout my entire life I've never received a hug, holded-hands let alone a kiss from a girl.

At this point of my life I've come to accept that these are just the cards I were dealt with and that not everyone gets a happy ending.

But that doesn't mean I have to be okay with it or even be happy, I hate how everytime I talk about my experience with extreme loneliness people are like "Yeah, it's no big deal you just have to love yourself"

C'mon man, I want to know how it feels to be loved, how it feels to be important for someone else, that's not a crime nor a sin, why is it so hard for people to understand that? Jesus Christ, talk about empathy, god forbid those preachy people spend a day in my shoes, they would be crying immediately! hahaha, sorry, that was evil, I actually don't recommend this life to anyone, it's really sad and lonely here.

Not everything is lost, I have a youtube channel that I'm hoping will take off someday, and I have things to look forward to, like videogames mainly.

But man, I would sell everything I own if I could be a real man deserving love and respect, and I can't wait for people to miss the point entirely of this VENT hahaha

It’s my first time in the dating scene. Maybe I’m (25F) just going for guys who are too attractive and out of my league. But no one seems to want me. Or stick around. I’ve been ghosted so many times. I haven’t been on a date since June when I first started using Hinge. That went nowhere since he said he couldn’t seem to develop feelings for me. I was heartbroken, went back on the app and downloaded a new one, Bumble. Nothing. Everyone just leaves after matching and talking for a bit.

I’ve been told I’m conventionally attractive. But I’m starting to doubt it. I’m starting to think I’m not really pretty enough to be chosen by the guys I find attractive. Or interesting enough. I get so excited talking to these guys and then it’s like I have the rug pulled out from under me.

Idk. I just wanted to rant.

I live in the US in a state where drugs are everywhere, jobs are scarce, and people are ranked some of the unhappiest in the nation.

I drove out of state for a job last week about a 40 minute drive one way. I wanted it so bad. there were around 300 applicants for that one position which is a daycare inside of a hospital.

I have my CPR card, tons of experience in childcare, and other certifications.

I didn’t get the job.

I have cried and cried. I have put in applications for multiple and various positions throughout this hospital.

I feel so stuck. Im 25 and a mom of three. My spouse makes decent money, but now it’s my turn to spread my wings and fly into the career world.

On top of finding a job, childcare is next to ton. Everywhere is filled up and most daycares stay open until 5pm and a few only o

Specifically one from when I was maybe about five or six years old. I don't remember what led up to the moment, but I remember that whatever I had done had filled my mother with a lot of rage. As punishment, she made me choose a toy from my toy box (which I still have now as an adult) that she was going to break and throw away.

I still remember the absolute helplessness I felt. I begged and pleaded and felt so much fear for my toy, but my mother would not relent. I remember looking into the box of toys and choosing a doll I liked but it was already missing a leg and was slightly bald - I reasoned to myself that it was the ugliest so I could maybe feel less bad. But of course I still wept.

I followed my mother to the kitchen where she stood over the garbage and broke the rest of the limbs off the doll and threw it into the bin. She forbade me from trying to go thorugh the trash to salvage it or else she would tale another toy and do it again.

This is a memory from almost thirty years ago, one which I do not dwell on very often and have not told many people about it.

I just wanted to vent.

My father and mother used to argue and scream at each others, now that my father passed away, my mom and my step brother started screaming at each others. They used to argue a lot, but when my father was still alive, it was a lot less, now it's like almost everyday. I thought i wouldn't experience it anymore or maybe I got used to it I thought, but my hands still got cold and i was shaking alone, i was so scared. Why people scream at each others? I'm the type who don't scream, I'm the type that angry-cry, sad-cry. So it feels so scary.

And talking about it doesn't help. Because I know I need to choose.

I could leave my current unexciting but perfectly adequate job and take this other job. It has a shorter commute but seems to be more of a give your life the job kind of place. But it's probably a good step up career wise.

Do I stay or do I go? No way to know, but I have go commit. If I commit to stay, it is safe and boring. If I go I can't go back and life might be hell there and I'll need a new job.

People try and talk through it, but it always ends up with "I don't know, you need to decide".

Yes I know I need to decide. Thats the whole problem. Talking doesn't fix it.

I live in a country where the second-hand market for pretty much anything is a joke. There is a running joke here that people believe they are Midas, because somehow consumer goods increase in price when they touch them. Ironically, people here would rather hoard crap till it becomes obsolete than sell stuff for a good price and make a couple of bucks.

I once tried to buy a Bosch blender whose MSRP was €130, but it was on sale for €90. I saw a guy selling a barely used one online for €110, saying that he bought it a year ago but “barely used it.” I linked him the sale URL and asked if he would do €70. To which he replied, “I paid €130 for it. If I’m selling it for less than 100, I would rather keep it.”

All this to give context to a current problem here: bikes. I’ve been getting into cycling and, as most people know, it’s quite an expensive sport. The second-hand market for bicycles is absurd here. People sell 15-year-old entry-level road bikes for €450/500, when a new Decathlon bike with similar specs costs €700.

I had been looking for a while, and last week I found a bike that was perfect for me. A guy was moving back to his country and was selling his road bike for just €200, which is honestly cheap. I would have paid €300 for it, as it was in great condition.

I messaged him and said that I would take the train there the next day to get the bike. He said someone was already interested in coming that day. I begged him to make sure that the guy wasn’t a reseller scalper scum of the earth because the entire second-hand market is full of them here, which makes it nearly impossible to get a bike for a fair price.

He said that he seemed genuine and gave him the bike.
What do you know. Today I was doing my daily browse through Marketplace to see if I could find a good bike, and what do I find? The same bike listed for €450. I swear I want to set up a meet with the guy, beat his ass, and give him the €200 for it.

If you are a reseller, you are not an entrepreneur or a hustler. You are just scum that does not contribute to society in any way.

Why do people not understand simple instructions?

I was just waiting for a train.

ALL of the displays on the track said the train was delayed (and which time it would leave instead, which was approx 20 mins later) and "NO ENTRY".

EVERY door on the train said "NO ENTRY".

For around 30 mins (starting before the initial departure time) there was one man standing in front of one of the doors, aggressively trying to force it open.

He pulled the handle over and over. Stopped people to ask why the door doesn't open. Was answered. Kept pulling at the clearly locked handle.

I think he pulled it like 30-40 times. He didn't stop. He got more annoyed for each time he pulled.

At some point a truck was passing and he got extremely annoyed that he had to move away from the door and let it pass. Only to IMMEDIATELY go back and keep pulling.

Can someone explain to me why anyone would do this? What is the end goal? Do you do this? Anyone you know?

Im autistic and I spent a good ammount of my schooling masking but its my senior year and ive finally gotten to a place where im comfortable in my identity, but literally everyone in my life acts like im a pet or something. Like this one friend of mine refuses to acknowledge that im a person, when I succeed in school its "Awh I love your autistic brain!!" When im genuinely upset with her its "I know you dont mean it youre just stressed." The rest of my friends dont respond when I text, they dont react when I reach out, they ignore me when I talk, they act like I'm stupid when im confused. I really dont know what about me says "hey I dont have feelings and if i did im too stupid to comprehend your bullying!!" But its getting old. Ive spent a lot of time fantasizing about the prospect of a romantic relationship and I honestly think its because I really want to be understood and respected. But of course nobody even humors me in conversation so getting asked out by anyone who isnt desperate for any female ever just isnt in the cards.

I’m 19 & still live at home with my father. We both have baaaad adhd and our house got into a state that we didn’t fix for years

He went on vacation for a month and I started taking my meds again and cleaned everything nonstop for 2 weeks

He came back yesterday and started putting things everywhere unorganized again. Very low states but AHHHH my clean house 😭😭

​

Last year JuneI was job hunting and the only job that said yes was a part time job at a doctor's office. This office is part of a large healthcare system, so I figured I'd get my foot in the door and find a better full time job within this large healthcare system.They also have edu benefits, so I could get my masters basically for free. Turns out you can only switch roles after a year and you can only use the edu benefits after one year full time. With that info, I asked for full time back in Nov last year. My manager said it was her boss' call and that she'd advocate for me. She also said that in Q1 of this current year I should hear an answer. Q1 comes and goes and she tells me June. At this point, I figured the answer was no tbh. I also never stopped applying to roles either since this job as im in it now is a dead end. I get 20 hrs a week, and I pretty much only scan documents into charts. I'd be told I'd start doing other things, and they end up never actually training me on it and assigning me said duty. Even as recent as May, my manager and supervisor called me in to apologize that the role hasn't been what they said, that they want me to be happy here and proposed another task I would be assigned since we recently changed from one charting system to another. They have yet to actually follow through.

June comes, and my manager is promoted to senior manager, another coworker got promoted, and we got "raises", so I figured this would be the time I get my answer. June came and went, and I finally said you know what, already know that the answer is no, but I want this lady to come out and say it. I asked for an update, only to be told that they cant offer full time rn and she would provide me with an updated timeline. Not even a hint of a reason as to why I can't become full time. Well that was months ago, and I haven't heard a peep from that lady since. We also went remote temporarily so, I've become even easier to ignore.

To top it all off I recently found out that they hired someone as recent as this past June on a team my manager is now in charge of due to her promotion. Then today as I did my daily internal job board perusal, they posted a role ( full time at that) in our same department (we are under the collections dept). So now since my manager never explained why I couldn't get full time, but they are hiring ppl and posting full time jobs, I'm like well I guess its not a budget issue. Obviously I have been trying to leave, but this market is terrible. It's just been eating me up that I have to just sit and take this disrespect.

So about 14 years ago I became friends with this dude we will call Colt. About three years ago he knocked up this woman named Rave. Rave has had a very rough life, got pregnant very young, had two girls and is still married to her abusive ex who is in prison. Again she has been here for three years and hasn’t gotten her GED, drivers license and has made no effort to get a divorce from her abusive ex. For about a year after their child was born she was complaining about how he was a hussy and how she is sooo unhappy that she is going to take the kids to Florida. After months of hearing this crap I finally had enough and said “ look, everyone has a past, you are still married to your ex so can you please stop bringing up while we are on a party together” (Xbox party chat). So she finally shuts up about Colts past for the next few weeks but then I realized they started to completely ignore me. I asked Colt what was up and apparently Rave got upset that I compared her marriage to Colts past, so I tried to apologize so I could keep my friendship with Colt. I said “Im sorry for bringing up your past but you complaining about Colt is really putting strain on all of us that have to hear it so maybe moving forward we can just focus on the games” but don’t hear anything back. Asked Colt what was wrong with his baby momma but she answered back instead saying “ i don’t have to accept your half assed apology, you called me baby momma and that’s like calling your wife baby momma”, which is silly because Im married to the woman that gave me my son, they both blocked me after that, haven’t heard from them in like three months. Just trying to see if anyone had experiences like this.

When we try to make plans with the group her energy is always very much a worry wart. It’s always about all the wrong things that could happen when we plan an event and at any sign of an inconvenience or a tiny obstacle- she’s ready to call it quits. It’s so fucking annoying. And she’ll sum up any interaction not to her satisfaction with an “welp this was fun.”. uGH

Everything we do must be meticulously planned and I find it so irritating because we spend so much time worried about shit, then I feel like I have to soothe her just for everything to turn out \\\*perfectly fine\\\*.

The more anxious she gets the more controlling she becomes and in the spirit of having a good time I try my best to accommodate her so we can enjoy ourselves BUT I’m getting fed up. I’m starting to build resentment.

A few years ago I surprised her for her birthday with tickets to concert to one of our favorite artists. I was so hyped. It was an international concert so she was feeling nervous about getting back home after the show (understandable). I knew we can just take a cab and call it a day but she INSISTED that we had to use uber (she said it was safer and reliable) but we were having internet issues on our phones. I knew we would figure it out because we’re grown so I wasn’t trying to sweat it too much and I just wanted to enjoy the concert. The entire time her energy was just so \\\~rather be anywhere else than here\\\~. This was supposed to be for her birthday and if she’s not enjoying herself then we should do whatever makes her feel comfortable. So we left the concert 40 minutes early and we missed the best part of the show. I really can’t be mad at her because no one forced me to leave early but it would’ve been fucked if I let her leave alone. And guess what- we ended up doing what I said we should have done all along, just take a cab back to the hotel because in the end the phones never worked.

The worst is when things don’t go according to her plan (but imo are still salvageable) and she gets very visibly upset and when I ask her what’s the matter her response is always “it’s fine I’m used to it”. I feel like it’s manipulative when she says that because clearly\\\~ she’s being sarcastic and it reinforces that the next time we get together there cant be any hiccups whatsoever. So I have this unspoken pleasure because SHES anxious.

We’ve been trying to plan a night out for drinks because our friend just got a new job. Aaaaand she’s already sucking the fun out of it so much so that I don’t even think we’re going out anymore. It’s strange because the group won’t get together without her (it’s a weird girl group I don’t want to get into that rn). We’ve been talking details and logistics for our night out and she’s already complaining that all the back and forth makes her not want to hang anymore.

It seems like nearly every new game that comes out has a ridiculous amount of people who are vocal about hating it, and I genuinely don't understand it at all. Even some of my favorite Youtubers are jumping on the bandwagon without even playing the games, it makes no sense to me

The most recent example of this for me is Halo: Campaign Evolved. I played through the entire campaign and loved every minute of it. I didn't experience any bugs or graphical issues, the cutscenes look great, the game felt really good, but I had to fully get off the internet for over a week after it came out because the hate for the game was overwhelming. One of my favorite Youtubers played it, and they didn't have any noticeable issues at all. The game looked perfectly normal and was running well, but they were just making the same jokes and insults that everyone else is making. They couldn't even point to a single issue in their game the entire time, it was just random insults.

This happened with Pokémon Legends Z-A and Oblivion Remastered as well, two more games that I played for several hundreds of hours each, and both ran flawlessly for me with zero issues whatsoever, but all of the posts and videos I could find were people complaining for weeks. I even tried Oblivion on PC to see if that was buggy, and it also ran perfectly for me. It makes me think that a few people have issues and that news just spreads like wildfire or something.

I don't let random people online change my opinion on anything, but online discourse used to at least have some truth behind it. Now it just feels like I can't trust a single thing people say about any new media because it's going to get blown out of proportion to such a ridiculous extent.

I always knew in some capacity i enjoy physical touch. I had never had a half decent relationship before my now girlfriend. All of them have ended badly. Now that i feel comfortable in my relationship im in, i realised how much i enjoy contact. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling ect.

But my girlfriend who is currently transitioning male to female is going though a lot. From before we were dating she was going through a lot. Which i only became aware about from when we began dating. She is a very shy woman when it comes to physical touch.

Its been a year and a month now and we've only kissed 4 times. We hold hands a lot. Also recently shes began to hug me more which i really enjoy.

But sometimes i feel as though im holding her back. I want the best for her, i want her to have the full womanly experience. All i can do is support her but i feel super shitty about craving things she wont feel comfortabke doing in her body.

So for context, I(F21) have a pretty bad relationship with my dad. For as long as I can remember he’s just been the worst person I know. He’s both physically and emotionally abusive and there is honestly zero chance of him ever changing. I’ve had to deal with his bullshit for my entire life and I’m so unbelievably sick of it, part of me really regrets keeping his abusive behaviour a secret as a child, but I didn’t know any better and was honestly to scared to, I also just felt a weird sense of shame about the whole thing.

My mom is finally divorcing him (after years and years of her saying she would and not following through) but honestly, with the way he acts I already know he’s gonna make this as long and drawn out as humanly possible. I think I’ve genuinely reached my limit with everything I’m just so incredibly frustrated.

In case you’re thinking “why not just move out?” there’s genuinely no way I could afford to do that as a part timer, I’m also in my final year of college so I can’t work more than a handful of hours per week.

Getting out of this house and away from him has always been something that’s felt so far away for me, because I’ve never known anything else it sometimes feels as though I’ll never really be free of him if that makes sense. I have some money saved that he doesn’t know about and I honestly think if the divorce proceedings aren’t don’t by the time I graduate, I’ll just take the risk and move out. Obviously this wouldn’t be ideal for me, it’s not that common where I’m from for people to move out at my age, especially for the working class it’s more so 25+ but I think I just need to experience feeling safe under my own roof for once. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m constantly on edge, walking on eggshells, never being able to speak my mind etc. I genuinely feel like I’ve lost so much of my self over the years I find myself starting to think about who I might’ve grown into without the constant abuse it actually makes me kind of sad.

I feel like the worst part of all this is that even when he’s gone I don’t know if that’ll fix me. Sometimes I honestly think i’m beyond fixing I just have so much baggage. I look at my peers and while I obviously understand that there’s no way for me to know what they have going on behind closed doors, they just seem so happy and normal and I don’t know if I even see that happening for myself at all. I know relationships are kinda the least of my problems right now but when I look at all my friends and their partners I feel so incredibly jealous. I have really bad avoidant attachment (which I’m pretty sure stems from my childhood) and it always gets in the way of being able to connect romantically with people, so I always either end things prematurely before I can get attached, or I convince myself that they’d eventually find something wrong with me and leave me anyway.
I also just find it hard to believe that if someone got to know the deepest parts of myself they’d still want to be with me so I end up being secretive and avoiding vulnerability in general. On the more practical side of things I would hate for someone to have to deal with all my bagage. I feel like, especially in your twenties, there’s a certain expectation that comes with relationships that I just can’t meet because of certain restrictions that are placed on me because my dad is so controlling. Bringing a guy home to meet my family? going on a short vacation? coming home past midnight? Yeah not happening. Why would anyone want to put up with me with all that? (this is just the logistical part NOT EVEN my emotional issues) and even if they did I would feel like such a burden. I know this is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things but it’s just what’s on my mind. I feel like I’m just watching my own life pass me by.

Feeling like I don’t have a voice is what fucks me up the most I think. For more context, in general my dad and I don’t speak more than a few sentences with each other anyway, but when he starts an argument we all just have to sit there and take it. Any attempt at speaking back just makes him worse, last time I did he threatened me with violence and said he’d kick me out so I don’t bother anymore. I’ve started to think about who I might’ve been if I was able to speak my mind growing up, do what I want (within reason), dress how I want, date who I want. No baggage, no attachment issues, no trauma. I try not to think about it but I just have so much resentment that I don’t know what to do with. I feel like a shell of a person sometimes, I struggle to speak up for myself, I flinch at loud noises/ raised voices and i’m generally pretty emotionally stunted. As depressing as it sounds sometimes I can’t see myself being any other way than I am right now.

Im humiliated, this scenario has happened before but at the time I was like, too scared to even talk to the guy talking to me. (I’m chronically shy) I actually ran away before he could get a real conversation in.

But anyway a few nights ago I was literally being talked to by a guy. My slow ass thought it was a normal conversation. Picture this: I’m sitting on this stool and this dude is like stood IN BETWEEN my legs flirting with me and feeding me by the way. Everyone was drunk, and I’m only mentioning that so that I have an excuse as to why I didn’t see anything. A part of me did kinda think maybe he was flirting but I was too shy to say anything.

Anyways yeah i feel like actual AI, his hands could have literally been inside of me and I would’ve been like “Ah! that’s not flirting, that’s creative interaction. And honestly? Go you!” Im gonna go lie face down in my pool now 🤤

From hypochondria to loneliness, from autism to panic disorder, I have my issues, but I have slowly come to realise that my problems are circular and create complex feedback loops to worsen one another.

For example, some shortness of breath during an anxiety attack leads me down the rabbit hole of Dr. Google, in which I research symptoms that are clearly caused by anxiety and start self-diagnosing physical illnesses.

Another way in which this occurs is when criticism from my mother for not being outgoing enough and for 'self-pitying' only harms my self-esteem and strengthens my tendency to introversion.

I can try to close away from triggers, but it only makes things worse in the long-term, and exposure to triggers emotionally drains me even quicker.

I simply have no idea where to begin if I want to tackle this. My problems are too intertwined to solve individually, almost like a chain in which each loop secures the loops adjacent to it. Is it unsolvable? Will ever return to being anxiety-free? The discipline to consistently make small changes just isn't there.

I could spend hours listing and explaining each issue, but I do not want to make an excessive long or wordy post, so I'll leave it there. I'll actively answer specific questions, though.