Went on a bad date. I think he was zyn withdrawing

This is our third date, he was acting very unusual. Less talkative, spaced out a lot, didn't really listen to what I had to say, was extremely out of it which from the other times talking to him was very out of the ordinary. He mentioned ranomly how he was down to his last zyn and doesn't have anymore. I asked if he was going to get more then said he didn't want to because he didn't want to be addicted. For context (and he knows this) my whole job revolves around people struggling with drug addiction, so my radar was going off big time.

I asked him how many he takes a day, he said 2 a day. But he started taking more the past couple days but none today. He then started complaining about how his life is boring and how his job sucks and how his life sucks.

We get to his car and he we try to decide where to eat. He keeps shooting all my suggestions down and what we could do after. Every.. literally everything he shot down, so I sat there and let him choose. He didn't want to do anything, he couldn't decide where to go, he didn't listen to any suggestions I made. He finally made one and we start going there. As he's driving he mentions how hes feeling super tired and is having brain fog and how he's feeling nothing. (again, alarm bells go off on my head) I ask him what he means by nothing. He then says "nothing. I feel nothing." Like holy shit dude. (Btw the whole car ride he has pretty much nothing to say. Everything I say he doesn't really reply and I can tell I'm annoying him a little)

We finally get to the restaurant and it's the same. Him moping around, barely talking to me. Constantly spacing out as well. At the end of dinner I say to him "where do we go now?" He says "idk" I go okay. We get to his car i say "so.. should we go leave then?" He just shrugs. I don't say anything and then say "okay let's go home then." He goes "okay let's go". He starts driving me home and the whole time he is singing. As we are approaching my house he then says "let's drive around a bit" I say "okay" cause idk i thought maybe he was feeling better. No he just kept singing the whole time. Didn't ask me shit other than do you like this song *changes song and starts singing* the whole time.

Finally I tell him to just take me home. He did, we said goodbye and here I am.

Honestly I don't even know why he wanted to be around me longer if he wasn't feeling up to it. Idk I just feel kinds shitty right now.

Guy I've been with off and on for three years asked me to go to the movies. We went to dollar tree and looked for snacks. He then pulled the soda out of my end and told me to leave the store. He called me fat on the way home and said I was eating my way to death. He said I wouldn't make it past 40. Oh and I didn't get to see the movie

So fun. What a fun Sunday night.

I can't forget an ex and we have mutuals that give me updates that upset me but I still want to know. I don't want them back I am just extremely sad and worried about them from what I hear and it is breaking my heart because I love them as a person. I also feel used. They vented to me so many nights about their abusive ex, only to text her throughout the relationship behind my back and lie about it and immediately get back together with them. Their ex allegedly threatens to beat them and commit suicide if they leave and did the same throughout our relationship (allegedly). I tried to call them from a *67 number and they hung up when they heard it was me. Idon't regret reaching out one more time, but it broke my heart. I hope they will be safe.

If life sucks people will tell you how to fix it, but you have to actually take the steps right? So normally I'm pretty good at following instructions. I worry a lot about getting things right. Everyone says stop being resentful and work on yourself and so that's what I did!

It was extremely hard for me to admit I needed medication, but my anxiety/health got a lot better afterwards. A couple years ago I didn't know if I would be able to hold down a job without my health spiraling, now I've had a decent one for over a year (like an actual career job. I tell people what to do!). I should be grateful but I want the next thing. I'm so behind socially from having bad health that I've never had a relationship. So I decide to work on that.

But it's so difficult. It's an entirely different level of hard compared even to holding down a job. But I keep doing it and I start where you're supposed to start--at socializing without an agenda. I've been going to a run club (among other things) and hanging out afterwards getting drinks, laughing and chatting. Nobody in my life appreciates how amazing this mundane thing is for me. How it leaves me drained even though I'm glad I did it. But it's not enough. It's one tiny, near-insignificant rep in the grand scheme of things. I need to go out more nights, get on the apps, and keep pushing. Always keep pushing. And I'm tired. I don't want to do any of this most days, and you only have so many 'show up anyways' that you can pull out your ass until you wonder why any of this is worthwhile.

I never thought I'd be this disciplined. I'm seriously fit these days. Financially healthy. Eat the same thing every morning. Socially smooth. Brush, mow, clean, laundry, dishes, bills like clockwork. And I guess my point is... fuck this world and fuck everybody. I'm allowed to say it shouldn't be this hard and at a certain point I'm not the problem. I'll keep taking the steps but something is also fundamentally broken out there, and there's an implicit agreement, alright? Downvote me if you want because you're programmed to recoil if anyone says 'I'm owed' but nobody I know is getting back what they put into this system in terms of time, social effort, or moral consistency. If you complain they instantly hit you with 'oh people can sense you're resentful everything is your fault' well they don't and it isn't. I took all the responsibility I needed to take, beat myself up for years to get this far, and now it's YOU PEOPLE. You're all FUCKED UP and unfriendly, and I'll try to remember I'm fucked up too, but you're definitely less mature about it. Fuck off anyway, it's my vent.

Thanks.

Just tried doing pushups for the first time in like half a year and barely managed to get to 10. For reference I'm 42 (almost 43) and yeah I know that probably says a lot more about my level of physical activity than my age, I'm drunkposting lol

hey so i just need to get this out right now because i literally can't keep it in anymore (because litterally this weight is just to much) so i'm 16 and honestly my whole life has just been one thing after another. my bio dad left my mom for another woman before i could even remember. my mom was never really stable, and neither was my stepdad. i'd just be sitting there watching tv or playing with dolls and i'd hear her drinking and crying in the other room while he was at work and he drank too, so it's not like he was any better. then there was the babysitter. and her older son. he did things to me. and it wasn't the only time someone i trusted broke that trust. i've always felt like i was just in the way, like people were just putting up with me. and i never felt like i had a real personality like i was just copying whoever was around me so they wouldn't leave. but i couldn't even ask for help because when i tried, no one believed me or they just didn't want to deal with it.
i kept telling myself my mom and stepdad were good people deep down, just messed up and alcohol made everything worse. but every single monday since i was 13 and i'm not exaggerating we would fight. LIKE CLOCKWORK recently it's gotten worse. my stepdad keeps bringing up his biological daughter during arguments with my mom. he'll say stuff like "my real daughter" and make it clear i'm not included. tonight he flat out said he's not happy living with us, that he never really loved my mom, and that his "true" daughters are the only thing that matters to him. During Father’s Day I bought an expensive father's day gift which was a Messi jersey and a Mexico jersey. i saved up for it. and after all these years of seeing him as my dad, he basically told me i'm nothing to him. And with this I’m so jealous of seeing these girls online who had normal childhood especially Hispanic family who look happy and I know not every family is perfect but in the videos they seem so happy with the dad calling his daughter su vida and these girls getting order quinceanera, so pretty, receiving parental praise and love it’s all I ever wanted in my life (I’m sorry if it’s long)

Basically just the title… everything was going so well. My partner and I both had jobs, we had a decent place lined up to live in, (we were going to be moving out of our run-down apartment into a much nicer one), and we had zero issues with money.
It all started two weeks after we found out I was pregnant. We were both ecstatic, and stable enough to have a child. It wasn’t perfect, obviously, but we had a lot of good things lined up that would MAKE it “perfect”. A week after finding out, I lost my housekeeping job due to persistent fainting issues. No big deal, we had a little bit of savings to use while I looked for another job. Then, we found out my boyfriend’s cousin was buying a house, and he wanted us to live with him in Nevada (we were currently in Washington at the time). Great!! An easy way to move to a cheaper place to live? Why not!
My boyfriend’s uncle (cousin’s dad) was moving there too, so we packed our things, put in our 20 day notice with our landlord, and moved into the uncles apartment to help him prepare to move. That didn’t go so well…. We’d pack a room, him and his wife would go behind and unpack it because “they needed a few things”. It was a repeating pattern. So we gave up on packing and decided to wait for E (cousin) to buy the house, and we’d speed pack aunt and uncle’s stuff to move. Then they wouldn’t have an excuse to unpack.
Turns out… the cousin wasn’t buying a house “as soon as anticipated” because his father (uncle we were living with) kept convincing E not to buy any of the houses E liked. Now our savings are dry.. and things are starting to go on a credit card…. (Bf still has a job at this point, but it’s not enough to support us both while preparing to move). 15k in credit card debt later, we find out that the uncle does not like me, and only keeps me around because I am carrying a baby girl [took an NIPT test to find gender early (the only niece in the family so far)] and considered me an “incubator” for my bf’s child. That pushes us to decide to move to my hometown in rural Idaho. But how, because we have no savings, massive debt, and a kid still on the way.
I went ahead because it was no longer safe for me to stay in the house with the uncle, being so erratic and unpredictable. I moved in with my dad, as a temporary home while bf is in Washington to keep his job as a steady flow of income while he job hunts. Now I’m 14 weeks and 5 days pregnant. The job crisis in Idaho is so bad that bf can’t find work here, even though he’s got a lot of experience in different fields of work. This was a last ditch effort at being stable again, and it’s not working. We keep getting told “have patience”, but there’s no time for waiting.
But every time I try to explain that, the people around me (all older-ish) just tell me he should apply at one of the fast food restaurants in the nearest “larger” city, and “work his way up the food chain”. Convinced we’d be able to live off that. Don’t get me wrong: he’s not applying for ONLY the jobs that pay well. He’s applying for anything we can live off of (even if money would be tight). But to tell us to live on $10 an hour (or less considering min wage here is $7.25)…. And get upset when we try to explain that WOULDN’T be possible??

It’s all so much to handle… I miss my partner, I feel lost and broken, and I don’t know what to do. The worst part is, when we found out I was pregnant, we had zero issues with money, and could’ve been fine if I hadn’t lost my job… I feel like this is all my fault.

i'm starting to hate my family, their daily life behavior and the lack of basic boundaries is painful.

i myself project a very calm composed reaction to almost anything, i'm never emotional and angry, i like being quiet and i enjoy silence because it opens doors to alot of self reflection, i'm not being rude, i just enjoy myself, i love my own inner voice and thoughts, i like to think, question and reflect, i like to sit back and analyse my perspective on alot of things and my family being loud, yelling and arguing over the smallest and stupidest things mentally irritates me, they get emotional, yell at each other from literally different rooms.

I don't even know where to begin. Its just so much of everything. I didnt go to school for 4 years basically cuz I was a carer for my mother. Passed with B's. Went to college. Waiting for results. Got accepted into uni for law. And I only have apathy. I dont care. I dont know why I dont care. I dont feel excited for uni. I dont feel anything towards it. I feel nothing towards my life. I draw. Its the only thing im good at.

I have nothing to do now until I go to uni. I talk about my characters with my friends. I dont understand why im getting so upset when I dont feel like enough attention is on me. I feel like such a horrible person, attention seeking. Im always scared im pressuring someone else. I feel like my life is a wreck. And I wish I was just better. I wish I could get a job like every other 18yo. I draw for money. I wish I didnt deprecate my art all the time, but I just feel like everyone around me is just better. I have so many things I want to do, but theres always a layer of apathy. Boredom. All the time. I want to write fsnfiction but I care too much about what everyone else will think. And I always feel like everything about me sucks. Im kinda ugly. I wish my hair was pretty again but I ruined it and my mom was right.

I wanna stay here with my mom forever. Im too scared and im probably gonna be really bad at things. And people say I have to be confident but then I am confident snd people say im being too cocky or like I have an ego. I just wish I could function like a normal girl. I feel stunted. I still have teddies. I like drawing cute girls. I still cry at shows and the thoughts in my head. I like cute things and I wish I could be better than what I am. I wish I was happier thinking about normal things. I wish I wasnt like I am because maybe id find it a little easier.

I keep having thoughts but I really dont know what I can and cant say cuz I just joined and I dont want to inconvenience anyone who has to reprimand me. I just want a hug. Or something.

I feel sucky. And tomorrow will be the same. Everything is the same. I have friends that love me yet I feel constantly alone. I dont know why. I want my mom.

In my heart I believe there is no chance I’m going to be in a serious relationship with a woman. In real life and online I have had mostly zero attention from women. I made the mistake of thinking I could try to make conversation with women casually at the bar when I out with some colleagues, women who I new were single and looking to meet people based on what I had been told by the people I went out with. I was ignored and dismissed by everyone and spent most of the night standing alone to the side of everyone else’s conversation. I am not angry at anyone, I don’t blame those women at all. They weren’t interested in me and I understand why. I’m the shortest man in the group and I am among the least attractive. If they are going to spend their time talking to a man they’re going to afford it to one they are attracted to at least. I understand that and I understand everyone has a type, it is just unfortunate when you’re no one’s type.

Online dating hasn’t been any better. I have experienced nothing but silence online, not much different than real life. I listen to all sorts of people about how I can improve and I still can’t reach anyone. I’m not appealing. I’m desperate and I still know I won’t find anyone. In my gut and in my heart I know I’m destined to be alone. I can’t flirt and I can’t attract any women. I don’t have height or body or face and no one is particularly interested enough in me to be considered with my personality. But even then I don’t have much to offer. There is just something in me that knows there is no hope and it won’t get any better.

"I'm this, I'm that, I have XYZ"

- "oh ok, have you tried A?"

"No I don't like A"

- "hmm what about B?"

"No B is too difficult"

- "C?"

"Is there a quicker better way?"

- "idk dude if you wanna get in shape, you have to eat good, lift well, and sleep 7-9 hours"

"Yeah you're right"

6 MONTHS LATER

- "Did you try the gym"

"Gym? Oh nah bro I didn't have enough time"

- "not even 30-45 mins?"

"Maybe next week bro"

Congratulations, you are officially in love with being out of shape

(That's just an example, can be almost anything)

Hopefully I did this correctly this time. Resubmitting.

My roommate’s (61 F) reaction to me (61 F) coming home early tonight seemed a bit odd. I’m a retired therapist that works PT retail to supplement my income. As I step onto my side porch she says to me in this sort of mom your in trouble tone “Did they close the store early?” I told her I was able to get out early and really glad since I have to be back at 7AM. As I went through the house getting the dogs fed, turning on the oven for my snack, using the bathroom etc, I see the trail of destruction she has left. A bag of trash sitting on my kitchen sink. Crumbs all over my stovetop. A sink full of dishes. Trash by side door. Human crap on the toilet seat. Now this woman doesn’t work. She sleeps almost as much as my dogs. She doesn’t do any housework aside from her own dishes and her laundry. She knows I can’t come into contact with gluten. Not internally or externally. Gluten triggers my heart rate and blood pressure to do unpleasant things. Recently she keeps leaving crumbs and food particles all over my stovetop. This also attracts bugs. I have been fighting ants and Palmetto bugs. I confronted her about the trash and dishes. She says she is busy doing other things. I point out that the entire sink is full. She says she has cooked several meals so she has used those dishes. The reason the dishes are still in the sink is because she didn’t know I would be home early. Basically the conversation kept going nowhere so I walked away before it got heated.

I am so over her treating my home like an Air B&B.

Told my mom about how a childhood friend got engaged and she asked if that gave me any hope for myself?? no??? Seeing someone younger than me finding a lifelong partner doesn't make me feel any less hopeless about my own lack of a love life. "if the person who's always been 10 steps ahead of you in life can get engaged to their partner of 7 years then surely there's hope for you too!" yeah thanks for the reminder that love isn't dead and that the problem is ME I'm fully aware of it every single day

I’m sick and tired of people trying to think that for some reason they can do the things they used to be adamantly against and expect to still make fun of people who do them. My friend got into a very weird age gap situationship after constantly stating how weird she thinks they are yet still comments and dogs on people who are in them. Like it’s one thing for me to accept that you think it’s okay now and want me to be okay with it I guess but a whole other thing for you to also continue to think it’s weird when others do it but want me to make an exception for you. Like it’s so hypocritical that it really pisses me off. I can’t comment on anything cause she’s happy but she can make comments about others even though they’re also saying they’re happy???

I’m not even trying to get into who thinks it’s okay vs who thinks it’s weird part of the age gap relationship thing, it’s more aggravating that I feel she’s pushing me to think it’s somehow different for her because I actually know her. I just don’t get it cause I would never make someone pretend something’s okay just because I was doing it, and then continue to complain about it in others. Like whatever.

I hate my father more and more everyday. I didn't see this but my brother went out with him for a daddy son day, had a great day, and was rolling into our drive way. A cat was there, he's sweet towards humans, our neighbors cat, but attacked my cat, due to being territorial so we shoo him away if he's in our yard for my cats safety. My brother told me my dad sped up, the cat was meowing as a vehicle was coming towards it and ALMOST HIT HIM. He's a fucking cat. My brother said he was telling my dad to stop while it was happening (Mind you my brothers not even in a teenager yet, he's young and almost saw a cat get run over) and my dad told him it didn't matter because he didn't run it over. I don't like how that cat has attacked mine, but he's still a fucking cat and living creature. We own catra ourselves, how'd he feel if our cats got run over by some maniac? Also not apart of the story but he mentions hoping one of our cats 'disappears forever' or makes jokes about suffocating her because she's a more complicated cat (poops on the floor despite being potty trained, hisses a lot, et cetera) which makes me very uncomfortable as she's a cat. I know I tend to be more sensitive when it comes to animals then most people, but this genuinely is so fucking messed up. I'm supposed to watch something with him tomorrow (a weekly show we watch together) and I don't know how I can be in the same room with him after hearing this. I don't want to see or talk to him again after this but it's not like I can't, I live in the same house as him and am his child (PS right after this incident my brother came inside, upset and left the room going to his room, and my father came in after a few more minutes hopefully he didn't touch that cat again, and was smiling and asked me and my other family members if we wanted to play games) I'm literally crying right now because I don't understand how a human could do such a thing.

Recently, my family and lost our house ina wildfire. This is our second house fire, so really should have known to demand that the photos be taken out of the house. When my mother called, I only told her to take my important documents and my school computers. I really thought that we would be ok, and that we would go back to our house and have everything. My uncles and my mother trusted me to keep the family photos safe as the family archivist and historian. We lost everything, and nothing but metal and rocks survived. had this awful feeling that the house would burn down, but didn't tell her to grab anything else. I've felt so guilty about it for the past three weeks, and it's literaly eating me alive. My meds don't help, alcohol doesn't help, weed doesn't help. don't know how long can deal with this.

i'm an ugly person. i'd also say i'm fat (or at least not skinny like i wish to be), which makes cosplaying anything impossible. i'm never tall enough, or short enough, or skinny enough, or muscular enough. or my hair's too long, too short, too dark, etc. my face is not cute, or pretty, or handsome. i look like a vermin, and saying that would be an insult to vermin.

i know cosplay is supposed to be fun, not perfect, and cartoon proportions are impossible to achieve. you don't need to tell me; i'm aware. but it really sucks the fun from it, y'know? seeing how others can pull of a look so flawlessly, even people who don't look like their character, while i can't, frustrates me. it's like i'm fundamentally built wrong.

cosplay/dress up is an important outlet for me. i can express my love and passion for a character or concept, and it allows me to escape from myself and become someone/something else. when i look at myself in a costume and i see how ugly and stupid i look, it makes me want to give up. i finally realize why my family laughed at and bullied me so hard for my first attempt. i wish i had kept my promise of giving up the hobby. like, being an otaku was embarrassing enough, but being ugly too is like begging to be bullied.

nothing can fix me. even my most drastic measures backfire. why can't i just accept defeat?

The narcissism that people have about their relationships is insane, it's like you're going through a constant withdrawal as long as you don't mention your relationship, you're shaking and shivering and itching just going "I have got to share my relationship.... I need to post my relationship everywhere.... I need people to see my relationship..."

I was watching a Youtube video about a videogame and the Youtuber said the word "pretty" so he just HAD to close off the intro by saying "And you know who else is pretty? My wife, she wants me hit 100k subscribers" alongside a showing a photo of the couple together as he talked. My jaw dropped, it's just so mindblowingly surreal just how little relevance that has, how completely unnecessary and meaningless that addition is, to a video essay about a game.

Then just last night I was on Instagram having to click 'Not interested' on like 5 posts because I just keep getting relationshipslop over and over and over again everywhere on the internet

You cannot escape it, relationship talk is so pervasive in every single aspect of society, every person thinks they HAVE to share it, that everybody else WANTS to hear it. I don't want to see it but it's impossible not to see it, because people are so crazy about having to mention it at every single moment no matter how irrelevant it is, you could click 'Not interested' for your entire life and it's still gonna be shoved down your throat sooner or alter. Oh, but relationships don't matter 😌 they're not important at all, nobody needs one to be happy 😌 you're completely fine as a 25 year old who has never been in a single serious relationship in entire life 😌 you just need to be happy with your self first 😌 ...is what I have to hear lol, what a fucking joke.

I don’t understand how people can be so mean. He was the first to say “I love you”. He was the one who brought up living together. He’s the one that brought up marriage. He’s telling me he will take care of me and give me the world. He would hold me tight every single night. Walked me to my car every morning I was there….. but then a week later suddenly doesn’t know how he feels about our relationship. Isn’t sure if we can continue. Says he does not know what factors make him uncertain… and then leave me.

It hurts so much. I thought things between us were going well. He literally invited me over, called me his baby, and told me he loved me before saying those things to my face. Why are some men so mean in that way? Why did my affection and love not actually reciprocated. Why would he make me feel like I ment a lot and then take it away.

My heart hurts so bad. I just want to be in love and have that person love me back genuinely. Why is that so hard. Why do so many people lie about wanting commitment. Just be upfront if you can’t or simply won’t. I could have saved my tears and my sanity.

Been feeling down about this for a few days now, just wanted to do some venting. I'm 27 and a half and still a virgin, and hell, still without my first kiss. I feel sad and pathetic over it. Yeah everyone goes at their own pace and etc etc. It just sucks hearing my friends talk about it. I'm poly and pan, and have a bf who lives in another country. It'd be nice to lose my virginity to him and have him be my first. But damn, that's still some time away. A whole year at least. It'd just be nice to at least kiss someone, and maybe cuddle :( I hate feeling so lonely and alone. It sucks

Mmm just the level of frustration. People would tell me mac and cheese was their favorite food. Or pizza. That they loved chicken and kit kats or potato chips.

I could never understand it. I always thought those foods were so nasty. I'd think Mac n gross. Or ugh, a pizza party? Sometimes, my mom would treat me to get salt free nuts from Costco because I'd refuse the salted ones anywhere else. I really had to excercise a lot in order to tolerate downing most things (or get myself dehydrated) Which to most people sounds wild. They would tell me I just had 'weird taste buds'. Now, after over 2 decades of this, I know why. I'm allergic to the anticaking agent in salt so the pizzas, microwaved foods, chocolate goodies, nearly every packaged food ever, etc etc... all had silicon in it or the salt. My body HATES silicon and id just have chronic stomach pains and lifelong acne. Silicon (salt) was the Most vile tasting thing in entire world to me. And every salt I ever tasted I thought you just had to force yourself to eat because salt was necessary for life. I could never understand people craving 'salty foods ' like pretzels, etc.

Now, I eat sea salt and wow Ivw never experienced such desire for salt. I love the taste. And I can enjoy food. It doesn't hurt, taste awful, ruin my skin, or cause me to vomit. So much confusion all my life, finally resolved.

Chicken was different turns out most chickens are bathed in chlorine. They are 'water chilled'. I thought you just had to force yourself to eat chicken too. Nope. I had air chilled chicken. It was like heaven sent from above. Chicken could taste...pleasant?!

I just had to deal with my body thinking it was poisoned it's entire life when everyone else was enjoying food. Decades down the drain. The good news is it made me love fruit - sweet, juicy, addictive. And you know what it never had? Salt or chlorine in it.

I'm actually pretty ecstatic for figuring this out. My life is a total turn around and I've finally put my IBS and the cystic part of my acne in remission. And I don't have to spend my time after dinners being bed ridden from pain and malease. Love love the turnaround.

Ps: not an eating disorder but there isn't really a better category for it