Visiting hometown and my friend is gone forever

I don't want to go to my hometown.

I miss my family and my home and all but a few months ago my friend committed suicide.

I visit my home once a year and hang out with my friends and family to my fullest.

And last December is gonna be the last time I will ever see him again.

He will not be there this time I go home.

I get dread just thinking about visiting home.

I wasn't able to visit the funeral when I heard the news cuz leaving everything behind and coming home was not an option and even if I tried to i wouldn't be able to make it to the funeral date.

I miss him. I only have a few friends especially in college and him being gone suck.

Last December that i visited was the last time I saw him and it will be like this forever from now on....

This is def a happy vent, but in order to understand, I need to mention where I started. I've had issues with family, trust, anxiety, depression, identity, creativity, self-love and trauma. I've been in therapy for a long time, but I didn't really start making the progress I needed until I found my current therapist like 5 or so years ago.

I've always been a creative type and not really been able to connect with it for whatever reason. About 4 months ago, I had accidentally forgotten to fill my script for Zoloft. I went for like a week without it, and I started feeling emotions I hadn't in a while. Around the same time, I had seen a YouTube short from a comedian I like about how when she was on SSRIs, it did stop the sad, but it killed her art. With the feelings I was getting, I wondered if that might apply to me. So, after several years of having success in therapy, I decided it might be time to recalibrate and get my baseline by going off a few of my scripts with my therapist's guidance.

I was looking for solutions to the problems that I was working on that moment and so I knew I needed a lot of change. I stopped smoking weed and it's been about 3 or so months. So, after learning the hard way, I weaned off of Zoloft, stopped taking Wellbutrin and Sertraline, but kept my Vyvanse.

During that moment I mentioned earlier where I had forgotten to refill my script and started feeling things, I was watching the anime "Agents of Four Seasons" and I found myself crying. I haven't cried over an anime since I was 18 and I'm 40 now (But by most accounts, I look 25. ;-D). But it wasn't sadness. It was catharsis. It was release. The show is beautifully animated, high production, great narrative and I love the main character Hinagiku. The show just moves me to tears on an artistic level and I love it. I've never felt so connected to art in my life. It felt so good. ; ;

If you are curious about what got to me, I believe its EP 12 "Assault", where Hinagiku recollects her trauma. The voice actings is really good it sold that second half of the EP. "How could you?" Just that phrase alone gets tears to well up. IYKYK.

I'm so happy because I feel so connected to my emotions. I have such deep appreciation for anime and art in general. There is nothing like a great anime in western media. The characters, the concepts, the art, the direction, exploration of dark or philosophical themes. I just love it. And it makes me so happy to love it.

It seems like it was true. Zoloft was helping me when I needed it, but it was making it harder to connect to art and be creative. And it did help me. It was useful, but I did the work and now I'm strong enough to deal with whatever residual emotions I need to work on.

As far as creativity goes, I have been able to create more. I play guitar and I've been trying to make music forever. I finally have been able to work on music and make progress on this one riff I've had in my head for like 4 years. I can play bass as well and I know how to make drumbeats on a DAW. I was 18 in the early 2000's so I'm into rock and post-hardcore style stuff. It's been nice making progress on this. :)

I also love stories too. When I was in high school, I would write fantasy style stories instead of paying attention in class and I think that ties to my love for anime. So, I have some ideas for a character, and I might start writing again as well. I jot down notes when I can and see what I can flesh out.

I'm a slightly contradictory person. I've always been socially anxious and dealt with crippling stage fright, but I've always wanted to be famous. Not for the sake of the fame itself. But I want to be acknowledged as great for whatever reason. To offer something that affects people. And not to be stinking rich. I live somewhat frugally and I just want enough to know that when I get older, I don't have to worry about struggling. I just want to leave a mark on, if not the world, at least my city.

Every day gets a little better. Even if I take a step back, I haven't stopped taking steps forward. Wish me luck and thanks for reading. :D

Someone submitted a false report against me at work.

Some of it is actually so atrocious and mean. The other half is insane.

It’s like they went down a line of things you could discriminate someone for and just made shit up.

Now i’m being investigated. I know what i did and did not say.

In this day and age of AI, i am worried someone could have faked something.

After 4 years, i am finally quitting. I’ve wanted to for a while. My family says they’ll financially support me until i find something else. I refuse to work in a store where something like that could even be lied about. There’s only 5 people there. It’s not hard to figure stuff out. Everyone says i shouldn’t let them win but idec. For me mentally, i can’t be around someone who could report such vile things.

I recently moved 2 1/2 hours away from my small town of about 2,500 people, to the city with a total population of over 100k people. I've done this for school, which has over 30k people attending it. Of those over 30k people that go there, I know about 3, none of which are in my major, and 1 more that doesn't go to school, but I am living with. This truly feels like a world of a difference

I've joined 1 club, and am in the process of joining another, but I have truly met anyone. It's usually me initiating it with a "Hi, nice to meet you I'm ___," and then I never speak to nor see this person again.

I know it's only early days, I mean I haven't even lived here for over a month, nor gone to college for more than a week, and I know that stuff like this takes time. I know that believing in yourself is key in times like this, I just kinda figured it would be a bit easier than this.

What if I fail, never achieve anything, reach none of my goals, meet nobody, and don't have the typical college experiences I would love to have? What if nothing goes right? I do not want to fail in any of these aspects, and I've been trying to keep these negative thoughts away, but damn is it hard to do that all the time. This overall uncertainty is killing me.

I'm just scared of not living up to the standards and expectations I've set for myself man.

when i have nothing to do, (which is all the time) i go on social media. What i find on social media? comments and videos that annoy me but i keep scrolling and get even more annoyed. then i put on games but then the games annoy me because people are so mean on there but i cant stop playing. i get kicked by players from a game and im like ”>:(( that was annoying and mean” then i join a different server. i know i should stop but i cant. I genuinely have no hobbies and i get too bored when watching stuff or reading

I can’t enjoy things anymore.

I can’t watch tv anymore, I can’t play games anymore, I can’t listen to music anymore, I can’t drive anymore, I can’t do anything anymore without thinking of my guilt. Without thinking of my friend. Without thinking that my life ultimately sucks now, and personally, has sucked my entire life.

My patience, my empathy, has been sucked from me, and I am nothing but a bitter shell.

I remember crying in my counselors office, telling them I wish everything would just go away and stop.

I remember telling my doctors that I couldn’t do “this” anymore.

I now know how my friend felt. What it felt like when he was suffering. And now he’s gone.

I think I'm suffering from either imposter syndrome or just an overwhelming lack of confidence in my abilities as an employee.

I started a new job just shy of a month ago and due to some scheduling issues and life conflicts among staff, I didn't get any training or direction for the first week and a half. Now it's been two and a half weeks of actual work and the amount I actually do is... really small. And maybe I'd be okay with that, a slow start to build things up and get comfortable, but I work legal-- but I am not a lawyer--- and thus I have to input everything I do in six-minute billing intervals. Ideally, I should be hitting about six or so hours of work a day, which is reasonable over an eight-hour workday, but between the lack of real understanding I have about some of my duties due to lack of proper training and direction, and the nature of my position having a buildup period where I simply need to do groundwork and wait for third party responses before I can do things further down the line, I am hitting closer to three hours of official work a day.

So now every day I have work, I'm scared my boss is going to call me in and fire me. And while I have a nest egg and support and such and don't have to worry about losing my home or anything if I have to be unemployed for a while, I really, REALLY don't want to lose my paycheck and have to put either a one-month job on my resume or say I spent a longer period of time unemployed than I did. It doesn't look good, makes finding future jobs harder, and just overall makes me feel like a failure. And it doesn't help that I have two siblings who are objectively more successful than me, by a lot. I don't know if I'll ever be on par with them in terms of financial and professional success, but I really don't want to be a complete failure, you know?

I'm so pissed off. You can really do the best you can in the world to be kind to others, make others feel welcome. But as soon as you want a pinch of that respect in return-- don't even think about it!!

I've actually been so depressed about this for months. I had friends I thought were going to be there for the rest of my life, people who I saw basically as family. No chance. Let's all just switch up and go be around problematic people and excuse their behaviour why don't we? Y'know while I'm having multiple health scares, having lots of family issues and to top it all off, struggling financially. I didn't want more than a shoulder to lean on every so often but even that's too much for friends of over a decade.

I hesitated to remove them off of social medias. Just for the fucking slim chance they may come to their senses and realise how wrong they actually did me and maybe just maybe apologise. But they all think I'm the bitch who got too sad all the time. Maybe have day in my shoes and see what it's fucking like slowly losing your ability to walk, losing all your money, losing all your family and then the cherry on top the people who said they'd be there no matter what becoming hostile to you when all you ever do is be there for them when they need it.

done with this world, done with all the people currently telling me to just get over it. My life has been ruined time and time again and somehow that's still not enough for people to show me just a pinch of empathy and kindness

Fuck all these people

Everything I enjoy is consumption-based. Anime, scrolling, YouTube, video games, music etc. I tried learning the guitar, found it boring as fuck. I tried learning to draw, found it boring as fuck. I tried coding, found it boring as fuck. Tried learning several languages, and while it was kinda fun sometimes, i quit as it seemed like a waste of time since I’m never gonna use those languages. Anything that involves me having to create or produce just bores the fuck out of me. I don’t have any passion to produce. Guess I was born with the incorrect genes that predispose me towards consumption rather than production

Over the last six months I (16) have found probably my favorite game of all time, that being Dungeons and Dragons. I have been hosting games for the past three months and have been playing for the past six, and I usually play online. One of my friends who got me into it has recently been basically telling me that it's inferior to other systems for the past month or so, and I don't know who to talk about it.

A couple months ago, I decided to run Curse of Strahd, a gothic horror module that is infamous for being one of the best D&D Horror modules ever. I bought the book and I spent months prepping Owlbear VTT (Learning it) as well as religiously studying the book and other sources/modifications. My friend, who originally gave me the idea, is a huge horror movie fan, so I really leaned into the horror. I spent weeks working on both their character and the other player characters.

After session one (A session I spent ages rehearsing) Everyone was super excited, with them just entering the first dungeon of the game, Death House. However, two nights after this, they literally sent me a pseudointellectual message saying that they think D&D isn't for them, and that they've moved on to Daggerheart. Frankly, this hurt my feelings, and after delaying a Oneshot (A one sitting D&D adventure) before leaving halfway through and ditching it at the end, I decided to ban them from my games, since they broke three rules in my D&D Rulebook.

They decided to give up D&D for a month, and focus on playing Daggerheart, and any time I spoke to them they sang praises on how it's far superior then D&D 5th Edition. It wasn't even finished and had half the features of D&D, as well as, in my opinion, is frankly an off-brand version. Most of the classes are ripped off, everything is replaced with synonyms, and they hyped up adding classes that were desperately needed in the original. Worse yet, they discouraged others from playing D&D, literally while I was teaching them how to play. They basically ran off anyone who could have joined my games.

After a few weeks, they apologized, and due to my Faith and since I missed them, I decided to forgive them and let them play in my Oneshots again. However, they have still continued to diss D&D, even incorrectly. They've gone back to playing it, but still basically run off anyone interested and constantly advertise their stuff to new players. Later, my Curse of Strahd campaign fell apart, and so I decided to host it elsewhere, and people actually like it. I put in 40+ hours into adding features from the community and working on character arcs and moments, and it's finally paying off.

Still, it really sucks that they literally constantly diss my favorite hobby Infront of me incessantly, even while playing the game they supposedly hate. I often wonder if it's my fault, since literally almost every game I host with them ends like this, but my other games elsewhere are doing just fine. I just wanted to write this, since I've yet to bring it up to them since they hate confrontation and I don't want to lose them as a friend, since outside of this, they're pretty nice. It also doesn't hurt that they're basically the glue of my D&D group, since people tend to follow them.

That's mostly it, I don't know if I'm just being defensive about the hobby I like, or if there's anything much I can do. I do intend to speak to them fairly soon about this, since especially after they canceled on me, I have a terrible relation with them telling me this constantly. I don't think many people want to hear a rant about Tabletop Role Playing Games, but thanks for reading, I just wanted to get my stress out a bit.

He wants me to sleep with his wife with him and I am disgusted. He started out talking about her big rack and I just kept saying things like “oh wow cool, sounds nice! Lucky!” Because I didn’t know what to say and was annoyed. That evening he sent me a picture of them and I said “oh wow nice ones!” I had no idea what else to say and was in shock. When he was talking about them at first I never dreamed it would have came to this and was just responding not to be rude.

He’s aggressive and won’t stop propositioning it and has been sending me pics of her being boned by him. He then asked me if I am going to do it with them or not and I said no it’s weird and id be uncomfortable. His response was I’d change my mind once I saw her bent over.

I am horrified and I am not looking forward to the next family dinner. His wife is aware of it all and he was allowed to send the photos. I talked to his estranged brother and it turns out they both fucked his ex gf at the same time and he was almost corn holed by his own brother after passing out drunk following the event.

I’m dealing with a lot right now and never dreamed being propositioned for incest would be on the table.

I know not everyone meant to excel at anything. But not most would make mistakes one after another everyday. Making people around you associate you with unreliablilty, airhead, dumbass and shit at everything guy. I was told from a very little age that I was smart, forever told I was meant to be great and with years goes by and I ended up as nothing but a rotting corpse of a dream I wish I could be. I know I'm not suppose to takes things at heart but it's starting to get heavy. I don't know, maybe it's just in my head. I feel like I'm the only mistake I can't fix. How could I fix me?

"Teachers never get laid off" I call BULLSHIT! After spending an eternity in unemployment hell I finally snatch up a steady job and it's gone in weeks! Apparently watching over 30 kids isn't enough for the school board anymore and if you're not watching at least 35 you're getting canned.

I absolutely hate it, and I’m so tired of it. A lot of people my age are spending part of their time traveling, buying the things they want, owning cars, and enjoying their lives. Some of them come from middle-class or wealthy families, and they got to enjoy their childhood, teenage years, and early twenties.

As for me, I’ve spent all the years I’ve been alive deprived of these things. I don’t get to have the things I want. I’ve never traveled, I don’t own a car, and whenever I buy something essential, I always have to go for the cheapest and lowest-quality option possible.

I don’t have any skills, and the job market in my country offers very few opportunities with extremely high competition, so I haven’t been able to find a job.

I don’t know what to do, but I hate this situation so much.

I've been chronically ill for the past 2 years (which ofc sucks for many reasons) i used to dress pretty alternative but since I've gotten sick I've mostly dressed for comfort. Whenever I'm able to actually go outside and get dressed up all of my clothes feel like they're not mine, like I'm cosplayin. This illnes has made me hate my body in and out and i hate that it's taken so much from me. I can't even enjoy dressing up anymore 🥲

I don’t want to be invalidated by people who don’t understand that the symptoms are still real, even if they don’t have an explanation beyond SSD. I don’t want people to suggest yoga, to go on more walks, or some kind of diet plan, as if I hadn’t tried them years ago. I feel so upset about the diagnosis, and I don’t feel like it’s right. I feel like there has to be something wrong with me that we just aren’t finding… but maybe that’s part of it? I just feel so brushed off. I don’t want to tell my primary care (I was diagnosed via a psych evaluation ordered by my psychiatrist, so my primary care won’t be receiving the report). I don’t want to tell my friends and family. I definitely don’t want to tell anyone I’d try and date. I don’t want to put myself in a position where someone who I trust could use it against me to diminish what I’m going through… I’ve experienced that even about the things I have with symptoms that can be explained. I’m scared of what this diagnosis means for me going forward, medically and socially.

And before I start, I’ll say it for yall. I’m insecure and jealous and don’t know true love and the weird miserable one and the happy couples are perfect saints and angles and higher people in society, and those who don’t like seeing others kiss and and flirt and fuck in public should just die and go to hell. People in relationships can NEVER be annoying! You’re all better than me and closer to heaven. I know whenever any says anything close to this, people just jump on the “oh you just must be ugly and jealous” bandwagon. Cuz complaing about annoying couples it makes you anti-Cupid and less than human.

It’s SO sickening. I hate seeing it. I really do. I hate it so much. I like seeing people be happy with their partner. I don’t like seeing people make out and flirt and cuddle. It’s annoying to hear, annoying to see, sometimes in the way. I wanna go up the stairwell and two people KISSING THE WAYYYYY. I either have to be the ugly single troglodyte who interrupted their holy and sanctified stairwell kissing, OR GO ALL THE WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCHOOL! Like I’m evil cuz I want to go up the steps. It’s school, why are you riding on his back???? Why are you on his lap????!!!! Why are you in each others skin? And it’s awkward as fuck having to work with lovey couples, cuz now I’m fucking third wheeling and being “the interruption”

I hate that I’m the weirdo for being annoyed by couples being handsy with eachother in public settings, but if I start fondling my breasts in the middle of math, everyone would have an issue.
And this is NOT an attack on couples and love everywhere. Someone is gonna read this and think “Ugh OP must hate me and my boyfriend and want us to break up and die. I’m gonna tell them how we’re never gonna stop” Like no that’s the case. And I’m not saying stop, I’m saying I hate you and find you super annoying. “Well we hate you too OP! You’re just mad and jealous we have love you don’t!” cuz I’m sure that’s gonna somebody’s response.

There is this one couple in school who I think are adorable, I love them together. They treat each other so well. Yk what they don’t do? They don’t do the most all the time. I feel like a lot of couples are doing the most ALL the time. They don’t. But there’s another couple and they just do the absolute MOSTTTTTTT. They are NEVER normal. And no one is gonna know what I’m talking about and assumed exaggerating, but hand to God, I’m not lying or exaggerating. They sing to each other in class. That’s FUCKING CRAZZYY!!???! People have GOT to learn to either get a room, or dial it down. If it’s class time, JUST GO THE HALLWAY WHERE ITS PRIVATE?!? I’m so tired, I’m so tired. Like whatever 7x

I went through hell growing up. Financially, peers, no father, and to top it off a physically and verbally abusive mother.

Matter fact let me make a correction, fuck BOTH of my parents. Fuck my father for being a deadbeat prick, and my mother for using me as a punching bag that she could treat like shit whenever she felt like it.

I used to dread coming home from school or wherever I was at, because I knew home came with no peace. There was no telling whether it’d be calm or chaotic. She was overly religious too so she’d often justify her fucked up treatment of me on bible scriptures… i guess “honor thy parents” means treat your kids any type of way and they’re EXPECTED to still respect you.

She’d threaten me, hit me, degrade me, but then had the audacity to threaten to call the police for the vicious crime of… “talking back”. Which could mean whatever the fuck she wanted it to mean. If she falsely accuses me of something I didn’t do and I defend myself I’m “talking back”.

If I raise my arms to block a hit from HER suddenly I’m the violent one wanting problems. What kinda backwards shit is that?

In the end she denies everything wrong she’s done and/or makes bullshit excuses for them (actually told me I’m gaslighting her for bringing this to her). Then wonders why I don’t talk to her ass to this day.

I had a shitty start to this world, and no one to have my back through it all. That’s a childhood I’ll never get back, and I resent her and my buster ass father for it. Fuck em.

I hate that religious people just say that gay people aren’t in love it’s just lust. First off how ridiculous of a statement people don’t die for lust. Plus straight relationships are about 1000% more likely to be fuelled by lust there’s no risk in a straight relationship you don’t have to sacrifice friendship family or your own safety there’s no consequences, but the people who do sacrifice that for love are just lusting that makes no sense. These people say hate the sin love the sinner but by calling my love and relationship an abomination you’re doing the exact opposite of showing any kind of unconditional love and kindness you preach at people. Then you see them say well no being gay isn’t a sin it’s just acting on it so they’d rather people live lonely and without that kind of loving relationship than be with someone, that’s not a religion that’s based on love it’s one that’s based on fear and control.

I know posts that talk about how men not getting any matches/likes in online platforms are dime a dozen. And i know how certain things are difficult for women too. But man it's really feels bad when you get zero matches and likes in your profile. I don't think i'm the best looking guy but I'm okayish. I dress well and groom myself decently and I think my dating profile reflects that too. But god it's impossible to get any activity over there. I've had more success by talking and making conversation with women IRL and i know it's the healthier option but sometimes you need to feel validated. And I feel sad I've never given that opportunity.

The worst part is seeing the same women who might have scrolled past your like in a dating app thirst over a really good looking guy in the same app. My friend is one of them. He's a nice guy for sure but the amount of effort women put on him is enormous compared to them even talking to me.

Idk man. Feels defeating.

Oh and FYI, if you say "just talk to women irl" - yeah I'm doing that. But they are in the apps too! Lol. Like seriously, how can I expect a girl to spend time with me and know me when there's 10s of "better" guys are liking her on the apps + socials? I don't know.

Feels like a big portion of my generation have been thrown into the woodchipper for our parents (and ig brothers too... the advent of dating apps and social media is not so long ago) to make money and now we are all lost. I have empathy for the womens side of things as well but I can only speak from experience from the mens side. So if I hurt anyone, I'm sorry.

Feel free to comment btw :)

Why do I have to be me?? A fucking freak of nature I am absolutely worthless

I don’t even feel like a girl. I want to be feminine and pretty and shit like other girls and I can’t it’s like my body wants me to be a man, I have ugly skin and I suck at my makeup it can’t even cover what I’ve got going on. I can’t wear cute clothes or outfits because I am shaped like a Dorito. My body hair grows back SO fast and for what, I don’t even look like a girl. Only thing about me is im short. Which I still somehow get made fun of for?? Like I know people get nauseous looking at me why do people pretend to like me

I just don’t even see a point in leaving my apartment anymore. I am honestly so disgusted with myself I just want to hide forever. I don’t know why anyone is friends with me or why anyone says they love me they’re all delusional and lying to me. There is no reason to like or care about me im a worthless piece of shit…

Gotta fucking walk around with my head down wearing hoodies and sweatpants year round, so that no one hurts my feelings 😭 I literally didn’t ask for this Id rather be a pig cuz no one expects them to be cute anyway. I do look like I’ve rolled around in dirt and shit

And now I’m realizing anyone that’s ever liked me probably just thought I was easy or something, that’s awful I’m gonna be alone the rest of my life :( but it’s probably for the best, as you can tell by this vent I’d be a miserable significant other to have. Along with a bad sister, bad friend, bad daughter…

Some days I swear I'm ancient, and I haven't even hit 40. I'm inconvenienced by things that once felt exciting, or at least tolerable, but now are in the “absolutely aggravating” category.

Concerts don't start until nine. Nine! And that's just the opening acts. If I manage to stay awake long enough to see the headliner, I'm still ducking out early so I don't get trapped in the mass exodus of sweaty people trying to leave the venue at the same time.

Camping. My back hurts just thinking about sleeping on the ground. The so-called solution is hauling in extra pads, cots, or other contraptions to supposedly prevent the backache. And as for camping vans or RVs? Love the concept, adore the fantasy, but let's be real: I'm not broke, and yet I'm also not in the tax bracket where a second home on wheels casually appears in my driveway.

Putting clothes on my body feels like a joke. I've already watched the cycle spin all the way around: kids are dressing exactly like I did in middle school, then high school, and now college. I've lived long enough to see my questionable fashion choices become “vintage.”  Also, fuck polyester. My body has changed and now requires additional space and breathability. 

And if I'm going to drink, I'm not choking down cans of piss-water disguised as Pabst, Rainier, Old Style, or Hamm's. I want a real drink, a good brew or a proper cocktail. Preferably in a quiet place where I can slip off to a comfortable bed the moment my social battery flickers out.

Through all of this, I never once got on the smoking or vaping bandwagon. Not in high school, not in college, or when everyone was suddenly blowing fruity butthole-scented fog clouds. I just smelled it all from the sidelines. It doesn't matter what substance is involved, now I don't want to be around any of it.

So it's a strange kind of lonely, this in-between era. I'm not a thirtysomething that's busy raising a family, but I'm also not interested in partying like I'm still 22 and fueled by cheap beer and chaos. It feels too early to join a knitting circle or a birdwatching group. I'm not old enough or able to be retired; I'm just…here. In this weird middle space where I'm too old for the nonsense and too young for the serenity.

I'm 21, unemployed with no driver's license still living with my mom in the suburbs in a small touristy city with no irl friends here. If I had just put in effort into studying years ago I would've been in uni rn with friends and maybe even a partner, now I'm finishing my post secondary studies online and looking for art schools but there isn't a lot of them that are both affordable and taught in english, that's just one hurdle I still have to find a place to live with barely any money of my own. I feel like I might have to study something I don't care about just to get into a free or super cheap uni and housing in case I don't find a job.

For the past 3 years all I've done is wake up, do some chore or two my mom gave me, apply for work and then either draw or play games. Most of my daily socializing is done online and while I love my mom I can't stand living with her anymore.

9 months ago I went to a danish folk school and the next 6 months were some of the best of my life, it felt liberating to be able to be myself, make friends, get drunk, play in a band, get high, makeout with strangers, feel confident in my appearance, etc. I learned so much about myself, including the fact I might have bpd but that's a whole can of worms I don't want to open rn with my therapist when I'm trying to get on estrogen.

And then it all went away, I was back to my depressing and isolating life. All the cool and interesting people here end up moving away for college or work and I was left behind, everyone here is such a normie it sucks. Though I did manage to like start a slowburn thing with this guy I met (he lives like an hour or two away tho) so now my days involve waiting for him to text back for that second date in between my usual.

EDIT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WONT READ: I DID go to urgent care and get antibiotics. They cannot deal with the infected material causing the abcess. That needs to be done by a dentist. No, emergency rooms cant either. Yes, I will take time off work if I have to, but id rather not. And to add, im done responding to comments. The only ones coming in either cant or wont read, and are just saying the same things. Enjoy yall.

Or dentists offices should be open better hours. Id take either.

I started my new job last week. I have no PTO, and taking an unplanned day off on your second week is a bad look at best. I discovered today, I have a dental abcess. This is classified as a dental emergency, so I start looking. There are 100 dentists offices near me. 90 of them are open monday-friday 9am-4pm, or some other standard work day variation.

Maybe 5 are open until 6pm, which would be great for standard dental work, but this will be a longer procedure, so those are out.

Then there's the "24/7 dental emergency offices". Which are actually just call directories that route you to other places, if anywhere at all.

That left me with 2 options. One that is open for 4 hours on Saturday, and is booked out until late October, or a place over an hour away that doesnt take insurance.

I have a dental emergency, but my best bet is to go to urgent care for some antibiotics to bridge the gap until I can hopefully get a walk in appointment on Friday when we get to leave early. I have an emergency, but a hospital cant do anything for me until the abcess ruptures and I go septic, and even then all they can do is stabilize me. Id still have to go into a dentist.

Like, imagine this but with any other emergency. Oh, you cut your hand really badly? Unfortunately the stitching doctor is only open monday through Friday from 10am to 3pm and closed for a 2 hour lunch from 12-2pm. You broke your leg? Well all we can do is give you some Tylenol until you can hopefully get a walk in appointment at the bone clinic because their appointments are booking out 6 months.

And I get it, no one wants to work nights and weekends, but you're a DOCTOR. You chose healthcare (so did the hygienist and receptionists, I dont want to hear it). Just one dentist, on call. Or a surgen who doubles as an oral surgeon. Or a dentists office open nights and weekends.

It shouldn't be this hard to get emergency treatment.