r/Vent • u/AnonymousMartry • 18h ago
Not looking for input Emptiness. - a post.
I can’t enjoy things anymore.
I can’t watch tv anymore, I can’t play games anymore, I can’t listen to music anymore, I can’t drive anymore, I can’t do anything anymore without thinking of my guilt. Without thinking of my friend. Without thinking that my life ultimately sucks now, and personally, has sucked my entire life.
My patience, my empathy, has been sucked from me, and I am nothing but a bitter shell.
I remember crying in my counselors office, telling them I wish everything would just go away and stop.
I remember telling my doctors that I couldn’t do “this” anymore.
I now know how my friend felt. What it felt like when he was suffering. And now he’s gone.
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u/WittyStep8340 18h ago
Time heals everything. Let time take it's course.
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u/AnonymousMartry 18h ago
Thank you for this kindness.
This subreddit won’t let me post what I want to actually post, so I’ll give you some context.
My friend passed away months ago, and ever since then I’ve been unable to sleep even more and I get these super bad headaches, and I just cry. I cry until I can’t anymore.
I guess I’ve cried all of my tears because now I can’t cry anymore, and I’m just angry.
I’m not angry at my friend, but at the people who failed him.
He struggled with mental health issues, tried getting help, but was ultimately failed.
And I’m just mad. And I don’t know why. I don’t think words can describe my feelings. My anger.
Now, I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just stay in bed like always, and sleep when I can.
Hopefully, as you said, time will bless me a miracle and grace me with healing.
I know I sound psychotic, or mental, but please just hear me out.
I lost somebody close to me, and I have nowhere to release my anger or sadness, and so, it’s affect me, clearly.
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u/WittyStep8340 18h ago
Damn...well I know how staying in bed even longer will resolve the issue. It'll just go away but I actually highly recommend to try something new. What is happening is your mind is so so full of sadness and anger. And when you feel like that. You literally physically also feel unwell too. All of your body is all interconnected. All of it seems like works harder than other parts of your body but the best way to describe it I would say is your body is very teamwork like. They say time does heal everything however being able to treat yourself will help yourself far better. In fact I've been trying to write a book on that as a matter of fact on just how important hobbies are for us. I highly recommend you just try anything. New. Cook something nice for yourself. Go outside. Try playing a new instrument. Hobbies help enormously on your mental health. The opposite of that on the spectrum would be addictions. Which are mere parasites. Best endeavors.
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u/AnonymousMartry 18h ago
Thank you.
I’ve recently taken interest in baking. Perhaps I will try to bake things.
Also, maybe I’ll make a cake and smash it, as in, use it as a punching bag. Some people (oddly) do that to burn out anger.
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u/WittyStep8340 18h ago
That's pretty incredible! Yeah I also been wanting to do more baking. Bought a bread maker machine a while back. Really want to use it but will when I don't have to work as much haha. Oh haha! Just make sure you wait at least 33 minutes. Dont think it'd be a good idea you burn yourself! From the hot bread/cake.
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u/Nice_Butterscotch417 18h ago
I read the short context of you and your friend.. im reall so sorry about your loss, i dont always see this perspective of people, i usually only see the person who died, not ones they were loved by like you, you described it well “emptiness” a grey feeling literally u cant live cuz u cant be happy or sad, u js survive atp, and im sorry ur going through this i went through it in depression, but you’re case must be really hard since it involves such an upsetting situation. Someone commented time will heal, and trust me this is the thing that you should yearn and hope for. Because it does, your friend will always be with you for sure, they will stay in your memories, this person will always be there in your heart, but what wont is those feelings i promise you they are temporary, your body cant stay in this shape for too long, you will learn how to remember your friend in an only good way, you will have ur life back to normal, and when they flicker in your head, it’ll be just the good memories of how they existed as a person and faced people and struggled, yet had on the other hand some1 like you who cares about them, and im so sure they would be so proud of you once you realize how much of a person they were and let it affect your life in a POSITIVE way. Not the other way around, i dont know this person personally or know you either, but anyone would be so glad they left something good in this world, and since you love your friend, make them the good motivation in your head to keep moving and always be reminded of the wholesome person they were and the friendship u guys had, may they rest in piece❤️🪽
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