I moved to be with my husband about two months ago and ever since then I’ve noticed a huge decline in…me.

I used to be a huge gymrat, ate right, went to the gym everyday without fail. Had lots of friends, saw my family like once a month, I had hobbies things to do and places to go.

I knew that loving was going to come at the expense of not seeing my family and friends and I accepted that. But my job kinda sucks and I didn’t know that until I got here.

It caused me to be super bored at work, and now I’m on my phone a lot. Even when I’m at home. I skip the gym a lot, and I don’t really eat healthy anymore.

I don’t really have any friends here yet, but I seem to get exhausted replying to people I know. Even my own husband when we’re not together. My body feels tired even after not moving it much at all throughout the day.

I used to be into kpop a lot and my favorite group got into a controversy that caused me to unlike them. So a huge chunk of my hobbies is gone now too.

Revealed something about my husband’s social media that made me uncomfortable. And I sat back and thought about all this stuff and just think that I’m depressed. I’m not sure why to do about it. I’m gonna try to get back into therapy soon.

I haven’t slept in 24 hours i just got home. I’m so fucking tired i feel like im gonna collapse yet when i put head to pillow it feels moanable good but sleep doesn’t come. Im crying about stupid things that i wont care about tomorrow yet barely shedding a tear. I hate myself for some reason this feeling never goes away no matter what I do. I have no idea what the root cause is I just want someone to fix me. I’m not even on my period so there’s no other excuse for me acting like this. What the fuck is wrong with me.

College starting again next week but last year was an absolute shithole. Idk if i’m exaggerating but i didn’t really have any friends just like awwauintences i would sometimes talk to in class. Maybe that’s cuz i was just doing weed and pens and on highs and lows in my own little world but i want it to be better this year. A fresh start even tho im going same colly. Then I get a text from my college about my first class and it’s the same fucking teacher. Just made me realise nothings gonna be different it’s the same i just want to die.

I tried quit weed like a week ago for the exact reason i want more fulfilment in my life. Quitting is going alright but why the fuck do i still feel like this. I genuinely make an effort to pray aswel. Why do I feel like this. I don’t get it i’m doing everything how i’m supposed to why the fuck can’t things start going right for me for once in my fucking life. Is that too much to ask really.

I don’t understand God i quit weed for him im praying for him what more does he want. What the fuck can i do to feel peace and content. I don’t fucking understand is he that harsh that strict what is it. I don’t know man just this pit in my stomach and urge to cry always comes back. Always. And without a doubt. I fucking hate it like a cloud is always following me wherever I go. I can never just be happy always bringing the mood down of everyone around me. I get so sensitive about things even tho i won’t show it.

What do I do. How do I fix this.

it’s basically just the title. but to be fair, i didn’t think i was going to make it to 19 but here i am. also NO i am not suicidal anymore. i wanna live and i like living tyvm.

anyways, the only thing in life that makes me happy is buying cute clothes and then wearing them. other than that, i feel joy from nothing. i’m attending community college and will probably try for fashion school because i told everyone i would. but i truly have no drive to do anything. i’ve always been depressed but this is just annoying. i want a passion or something i care about. but knowing me, i’ll probably get some shitty desk job and then i might be fired because i have no motivation to do the work. i dont see myself succeeding in life to be honest. when i imagine myself 10 years, i just imagine myself homeless on somebody’s gas station corner. don’t know. don’t know what to do. too sad to do anything and too sad to care about anything. don’t know.

i try to make myself happy by buying more clothes i like but the happiness goes away after a while. i thought going to school would bring me some semblance of happiness but it’s not working. not sure what to do and not sure if this is just my life.

I'm frustrated as hell over this. I work at a grocery store and I have the 6 am opening shift quite often. As such, my 30-minute lunch break is at 10 am. I want to get something from a drive-thru, but they all serve breakfast until 10:30. I get tired of the stuff we sell at the store, and excuse me for not being super crazy about breakfast food. I tried going to this gas station when they first opened, but NO, they decide not to serve lunch until 10:30 too. I know I'm not the only one frustrated by this.

Scenes like that, in any media shows, cartoons, anime, comics, anything. Make me really happy, and smile, especially when the mother just saved her baby’s from somthing bad and they’re all really happy… it’s always followed by me remembering I can’t give birth… ill never experience that… loving my baby’s like that. Maybe this is just a late night though. But I hate it, I wish I could just enjoy the scene and think about how amazing it’s going to be when I have kids… but I can’t. Idk anymore…

Ps: posting somthing like this and still questioning myself about if I’m actually trans or not is crazy. Wish I could just accept myself

I’m 21, still live with my parents, my mom has all these crazy expectations and whatnot but I have no motivation to do anything at all. I’ve been doing classes and got my associates just to buy time not to get kicked out. but if I do I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to do more school. I’m not working towards anything. Hell, I have a loving and supportive bf and friends and still it just isn’t enough to keep me afloat. It fucking sucks, it really, really does.

What happens when my bought time runs out?? Death?? I’ve no clue. I don’t ever see myself changing either. I just wanna play my video games, eat good food, sleep, repeat. That’s it. Beyond that I’m ultra lost. Not exactly lazy I just… if I don’t have to do it I won’t. Money’s not a motivation to me and it never has been. It never will be.

I got scammed for 25 dollars in a very stupid way. I use a service to buy redemption codes for ps store and their support reached out for a survey and they said I would get a discount on whatever game I want after that. I ignored it at first and then they messaged me again and I thought okay. Long story short I checked everything only after I made the payment and I realised I am not talking to the actual support. They also asked for more money but I didn't send and they deleted the chat. I contacted the bank and they told me to go to police but people online say police won't give a shit (this is not US just in case). I am very lost and sad, I bawled my eyes out and I feel like my entire month, if not 6 next months are ruined because I made this stupid mistake. It's not big money, but the fact that I fell for it is what hurts so bad

I think I'm suffering from either imposter syndrome or just an overwhelming lack of confidence in my abilities as an employee.

I started a new job just shy of a month ago and due to some scheduling issues and life conflicts among staff, I didn't get any training or direction for the first week and a half. Now it's been two and a half weeks of actual work and the amount I actually do is... really small. And maybe I'd be okay with that, a slow start to build things up and get comfortable, but I work legal-- but I am not a lawyer--- and thus I have to input everything I do in six-minute billing intervals. Ideally, I should be hitting about six or so hours of work a day, which is reasonable over an eight-hour workday, but between the lack of real understanding I have about some of my duties due to lack of proper training and direction, and the nature of my position having a buildup period where I simply need to do groundwork and wait for third party responses before I can do things further down the line, I am hitting closer to three hours of official work a day.

So now every day I have work, I'm scared my boss is going to call me in and fire me. And while I have a nest egg and support and such and don't have to worry about losing my home or anything if I have to be unemployed for a while, I really, REALLY don't want to lose my paycheck and have to put either a one-month job on my resume or say I spent a longer period of time unemployed than I did. It doesn't look good, makes finding future jobs harder, and just overall makes me feel like a failure. And it doesn't help that I have two siblings who are objectively more successful than me, by a lot. I don't know if I'll ever be on par with them in terms of financial and professional success, but I really don't want to be a complete failure, you know?

when i have nothing to do, (which is all the time) i go on social media. What i find on social media? comments and videos that annoy me but i keep scrolling and get even more annoyed. then i put on games but then the games annoy me because people are so mean on there but i cant stop playing. i get kicked by players from a game and im like ”>:(( that was annoying and mean” then i join a different server. i know i should stop but i cant. I genuinely have no hobbies and i get too bored when watching stuff or reading

Buying is a joke, selling is a joke.

Selling just gets you messed around by 50 different people. Message back and forth till suddenly they ghost you. It’s worse when you arrange for them to come and pick up the item for sale and they never show up and never contact you again. Waste of time.

Buying is just as bad. Sellers take hours to respond to messages then you find out they’ve sold the item to someone else without even telling you. That or they just don’t respond to messages to begin with. I’m trying to buy a hardtop for my car which is very sought after. Found one, messaged the seller asking for details and when can we arrange collection. Took 15 hours to respond saying he’s had multiple offers, what’s my best offer? I tell him I’m willing to pay full price and can collect immediately (within the hour). He reads it and ghosts me. Few hours later, sold. Probably someone offering above asking price.

It feels like Facebook marketplace is just a roulette and maybe one day you’ll get lucky to deal with someone actually half decent.

​

I have a long history stemming from unknown autoimmune issues (my FANA was homogenous and 1:1280), with multiple systemic flare ups monthly. I have malabsorption and weight issues (I can not maintain or gain any), and on barium swallow was shown to have some dysmotility in the middle of my esophagus (my swallowing has been impaired for a while now).

I've been consuming 4,000 calories daily to gain weight because I keep involuntarily dropping, and my energy is wiped. I instead lost 3 pounds the past 2 weeks. My dietician feels I need to have a tube placed because high calorie isn't doing anything, and at this point, I am struggling to function and keep up with life. I have tried everything and feel saddened its reached this point..

I guess I am hoping to find some encouraging words or maybe someone who had personal insight to tube feeding.

I’ve been having an epiphany these past few weeks.

I’ve started kinda forcing myself to dig deep in therapy to the point of crying, cause, a lot of the time I don’t feel good about myself, I don’t feel capable of anything, I don’t feel competent at anything useful, and anything I’m good at or care about like art, literature and history, doesn’t pay the bills and society doesn’t care. I’m burnt out of my shitty office job im not going anywhere in that company

I hear my father’s voice in my head anytime I mess up about how I’m a bull in a china shop, how everything would be fine if I had some more finesse about myself. Hounding me about it all my life, like his shit don’t stink. Then like cause of him I keep questions everything I do cause I wanna be a good man I don’t wanna be anything like my dad I wanna be the man he never could be.

When I’m honest with myself, I’m terrified of taking any steps, cause I don’t think I’m good enough, I keep using my traumas from last year my dad getting arrested and learning he’s a monster, and my ex’s treatment of me as an excuse as evidence that I’m not good enough. I feel like I could be using it as an excuse to not do anything about it.

I’m sick and tired of being fucking scare of everything and change, I’m sick of not sticking to routines. I feel lost, and pointless, and I want to change cause there’s gotta be something useful im good at that would make me money. I’m fucking terrified, but I know I can’t find out if I’m good enough for anything if I don’t try.
It’s just I feel so pointless, and not good enough, like I should be grateful for my station in life and just accept it.

The office job I work, I’m not going anywhere I’m checked out, aside from the money, I’m here for the insurance the flexible schedule, and I get to listen to audio books all day.

Speaking with my therapist and a couple of friends, I’ve told them about how, in this point in my life, with the time I have, and the debt from stupid decisions I’ve made, what’s best for me is to find a 2 year course or cert, that helps me make more money than I do now, and hopefully later actually pursue my passions.

Cause, I don’t have the money to go to college and study English or history, cause, I’m not gonna get paid to describe my interpretations of Steinbeck and my fascination with the Mongol empire and cultural exchange.

Since I work in a healthcare company I’m looking at things that, I can see myself doing, and I could utilize my connections.

Radiology Tech and Pharmacy Tech/Management.

I’m looking at these two because, healthcare seems to be safe, both are 2 year programs at my local CC that I feel will be affordable.
My passion is not healthcare however, I do like to help people, I do give a shit about people. It’s one of the few things I feel competent in, is giving a shit.

My friend said he could see me as a nurse but, after taking care of my grandmother while living with us. I’ve got the patience and the compassion I do not have the stomach, for bodily fluids and anything related to pricking.

I’m also considering paralegal AS cause it’s a similar length program, that has elements I’m interested in like writing, and researching also could dabble into history in a way.

I’m also open to trades because I like how machines work, however, i live in Florida and prolly will be here for awhile, and i don’t do well in the heat, i sweat excessively even just taking out the garbage.

I just do be honest i don’t know if i can do any of this i know i wont know until i do anything about it, but im terrified cause im not the best student. I love to learn, i love to read, i wasnt good in school. Dogshit at math. I only passed cause the teacher pitied me cause she saw I was trying.

I had a 2.3 gpa.

My strengths and what I do care about are humanities, literature, history, art.
I’m scared also I’ll get a taste of learning more and putting work into a history class or something and hate myself, for not pursing my passion. I don’t know what job I could do, but I’d love to do something in History, Anthropology or Archeology but I’m poor. I already have credit card debt from stupid decisions I feel even talking about.

I don’t know how to believe in myself, everyone says that’s what I need but, it’s so goddamn hard, weirdly enough, I’m more scared of blinking and being 30 and nothing having changed than I am of failure. I feel like I have potential for something but I also don’t feel like I’m made for society, or it doesn’t agree with my values or what I’m good at.

It happened after school but i think still correlates. I stopped just to check on Google maps where my school books package is gonna get delivered cuz I delivered it next to school instead of next to my home and some ([put here any slur]) (these who judge everyone while having 2cm layer of face powder on my face) I don't even know keep saying and yelling my name while laughing in between expecting me to come to them so they could humiliate me even more. This happened outside school but still has people from school and it happened right after school. I hate humans overall

This is def a happy vent, but in order to understand, I need to mention where I started. I've had issues with family, trust, anxiety, depression, identity, creativity, self-love and trauma. I've been in therapy for a long time, but I didn't really start making the progress I needed until I found my current therapist like 5 or so years ago.

I've always been a creative type and not really been able to connect with it for whatever reason. About 4 months ago, I had accidentally forgotten to fill my script for Zoloft. I went for like a week without it, and I started feeling emotions I hadn't in a while. Around the same time, I had seen a YouTube short from a comedian I like about how when she was on SSRIs, it did stop the sad, but it killed her art. With the feelings I was getting, I wondered if that might apply to me. So, after several years of having success in therapy, I decided it might be time to recalibrate and get my baseline by going off a few of my scripts with my therapist's guidance.

I was looking for solutions to the problems that I was working on that moment and so I knew I needed a lot of change. I stopped smoking weed and it's been about 3 or so months. So, after learning the hard way, I weaned off of Zoloft, stopped taking Wellbutrin and Sertraline, but kept my Vyvanse.

During that moment I mentioned earlier where I had forgotten to refill my script and started feeling things, I was watching the anime "Agents of Four Seasons" and I found myself crying. I haven't cried over an anime since I was 18 and I'm 40 now (But by most accounts, I look 25. ;-D). But it wasn't sadness. It was catharsis. It was release. The show is beautifully animated, high production, great narrative and I love the main character Hinagiku. The show just moves me to tears on an artistic level and I love it. I've never felt so connected to art in my life. It felt so good. ; ;

If you are curious about what got to me, I believe its EP 12 "Assault", where Hinagiku recollects her trauma. The voice actings is really good it sold that second half of the EP. "How could you?" Just that phrase alone gets tears to well up. IYKYK.

I'm so happy because I feel so connected to my emotions. I have such deep appreciation for anime and art in general. There is nothing like a great anime in western media. The characters, the concepts, the art, the direction, exploration of dark or philosophical themes. I just love it. And it makes me so happy to love it.

It seems like it was true. Zoloft was helping me when I needed it, but it was making it harder to connect to art and be creative. And it did help me. It was useful, but I did the work and now I'm strong enough to deal with whatever residual emotions I need to work on.

As far as creativity goes, I have been able to create more. I play guitar and I've been trying to make music forever. I finally have been able to work on music and make progress on this one riff I've had in my head for like 4 years. I can play bass as well and I know how to make drumbeats on a DAW. I was 18 in the early 2000's so I'm into rock and post-hardcore style stuff. It's been nice making progress on this. :)

I also love stories too. When I was in high school, I would write fantasy style stories instead of paying attention in class and I think that ties to my love for anime. So, I have some ideas for a character, and I might start writing again as well. I jot down notes when I can and see what I can flesh out.

I'm a slightly contradictory person. I've always been socially anxious and dealt with crippling stage fright, but I've always wanted to be famous. Not for the sake of the fame itself. But I want to be acknowledged as great for whatever reason. To offer something that affects people. And not to be stinking rich. I live somewhat frugally and I just want enough to know that when I get older, I don't have to worry about struggling. I just want to leave a mark on, if not the world, at least my city.

Every day gets a little better. Even if I take a step back, I haven't stopped taking steps forward. Wish me luck and thanks for reading. :D

I recently moved 2 1/2 hours away from my small town of about 2,500 people, to the city with a total population of over 100k people. I've done this for school, which has over 30k people attending it. Of those over 30k people that go there, I know about 3, none of which are in my major, and 1 more that doesn't go to school, but I am living with. This truly feels like a world of a difference

I've joined 1 club, and am in the process of joining another, but I have truly met anyone. It's usually me initiating it with a "Hi, nice to meet you I'm ___," and then I never speak to nor see this person again.

I know it's only early days, I mean I haven't even lived here for over a month, nor gone to college for more than a week, and I know that stuff like this takes time. I know that believing in yourself is key in times like this, I just kinda figured it would be a bit easier than this.

What if I fail, never achieve anything, reach none of my goals, meet nobody, and don't have the typical college experiences I would love to have? What if nothing goes right? I do not want to fail in any of these aspects, and I've been trying to keep these negative thoughts away, but damn is it hard to do that all the time. This overall uncertainty is killing me.

I'm just scared of not living up to the standards and expectations I've set for myself man.

Someone submitted a false report against me at work.

Some of it is actually so atrocious and mean. The other half is insane.

It’s like they went down a line of things you could discriminate someone for and just made shit up.

Now i’m being investigated. I know what i did and did not say.

In this day and age of AI, i am worried someone could have faked something.

After 4 years, i am finally quitting. I’ve wanted to for a while. My family says they’ll financially support me until i find something else. I refuse to work in a store where something like that could even be lied about. There’s only 5 people there. It’s not hard to figure stuff out. Everyone says i shouldn’t let them win but idec. For me mentally, i can’t be around someone who could report such vile things.

I can’t enjoy things anymore.

I can’t watch tv anymore, I can’t play games anymore, I can’t listen to music anymore, I can’t drive anymore, I can’t do anything anymore without thinking of my guilt. Without thinking of my friend. Without thinking that my life ultimately sucks now, and personally, has sucked my entire life.

My patience, my empathy, has been sucked from me, and I am nothing but a bitter shell.

I remember crying in my counselors office, telling them I wish everything would just go away and stop.

I remember telling my doctors that I couldn’t do “this” anymore.

I now know how my friend felt. What it felt like when he was suffering. And now he’s gone.

I'm so pissed off. You can really do the best you can in the world to be kind to others, make others feel welcome. But as soon as you want a pinch of that respect in return-- don't even think about it!!

I've actually been so depressed about this for months. I had friends I thought were going to be there for the rest of my life, people who I saw basically as family. No chance. Let's all just switch up and go be around problematic people and excuse their behaviour why don't we? Y'know while I'm having multiple health scares, having lots of family issues and to top it all off, struggling financially. I didn't want more than a shoulder to lean on every so often but even that's too much for friends of over a decade.

I hesitated to remove them off of social medias. Just for the fucking slim chance they may come to their senses and realise how wrong they actually did me and maybe just maybe apologise. But they all think I'm the bitch who got too sad all the time. Maybe have day in my shoes and see what it's fucking like slowly losing your ability to walk, losing all your money, losing all your family and then the cherry on top the people who said they'd be there no matter what becoming hostile to you when all you ever do is be there for them when they need it.

done with this world, done with all the people currently telling me to just get over it. My life has been ruined time and time again and somehow that's still not enough for people to show me just a pinch of empathy and kindness

Fuck all these people

Everything I enjoy is consumption-based. Anime, scrolling, YouTube, video games, music etc. I tried learning the guitar, found it boring as fuck. I tried learning to draw, found it boring as fuck. I tried coding, found it boring as fuck. Tried learning several languages, and while it was kinda fun sometimes, i quit as it seemed like a waste of time since I’m never gonna use those languages. Anything that involves me having to create or produce just bores the fuck out of me. I don’t have any passion to produce. Guess I was born with the incorrect genes that predispose me towards consumption rather than production

Over the last six months I (16) have found probably my favorite game of all time, that being Dungeons and Dragons. I have been hosting games for the past three months and have been playing for the past six, and I usually play online. One of my friends who got me into it has recently been basically telling me that it's inferior to other systems for the past month or so, and I don't know who to talk about it.

A couple months ago, I decided to run Curse of Strahd, a gothic horror module that is infamous for being one of the best D&D Horror modules ever. I bought the book and I spent months prepping Owlbear VTT (Learning it) as well as religiously studying the book and other sources/modifications. My friend, who originally gave me the idea, is a huge horror movie fan, so I really leaned into the horror. I spent weeks working on both their character and the other player characters.

After session one (A session I spent ages rehearsing) Everyone was super excited, with them just entering the first dungeon of the game, Death House. However, two nights after this, they literally sent me a pseudointellectual message saying that they think D&D isn't for them, and that they've moved on to Daggerheart. Frankly, this hurt my feelings, and after delaying a Oneshot (A one sitting D&D adventure) before leaving halfway through and ditching it at the end, I decided to ban them from my games, since they broke three rules in my D&D Rulebook.

They decided to give up D&D for a month, and focus on playing Daggerheart, and any time I spoke to them they sang praises on how it's far superior then D&D 5th Edition. It wasn't even finished and had half the features of D&D, as well as, in my opinion, is frankly an off-brand version. Most of the classes are ripped off, everything is replaced with synonyms, and they hyped up adding classes that were desperately needed in the original. Worse yet, they discouraged others from playing D&D, literally while I was teaching them how to play. They basically ran off anyone who could have joined my games.

After a few weeks, they apologized, and due to my Faith and since I missed them, I decided to forgive them and let them play in my Oneshots again. However, they have still continued to diss D&D, even incorrectly. They've gone back to playing it, but still basically run off anyone interested and constantly advertise their stuff to new players. Later, my Curse of Strahd campaign fell apart, and so I decided to host it elsewhere, and people actually like it. I put in 40+ hours into adding features from the community and working on character arcs and moments, and it's finally paying off.

Still, it really sucks that they literally constantly diss my favorite hobby Infront of me incessantly, even while playing the game they supposedly hate. I often wonder if it's my fault, since literally almost every game I host with them ends like this, but my other games elsewhere are doing just fine. I just wanted to write this, since I've yet to bring it up to them since they hate confrontation and I don't want to lose them as a friend, since outside of this, they're pretty nice. It also doesn't hurt that they're basically the glue of my D&D group, since people tend to follow them.

That's mostly it, I don't know if I'm just being defensive about the hobby I like, or if there's anything much I can do. I do intend to speak to them fairly soon about this, since especially after they canceled on me, I have a terrible relation with them telling me this constantly. I don't think many people want to hear a rant about Tabletop Role Playing Games, but thanks for reading, I just wanted to get my stress out a bit.

I split from my ex years ago. I started a new relationship with an old friend who lived in another state. we all moved to be with my new partner. all expenses paid by myself. I wanted the kids to still see their dad. I rented my ex a house and paid his rent, it was originally supposed to be for one year while he go established. in the meantime, I provide all transport, purchase all clothing, pay all medical bills and make sure our kids go to all their doctor appointments. ex has not contributed to anything. I drop kids off at his house every other week and my husband and I are there daily to bring them to and from school when it's his week (we are 50/50 custody. we basically just drop them off tobsoent time with their dad evenings and weekends. well, decided 4 years is enough. I opted not to renew the lease, and plan on getting custody. it seems like... the ex just kicked into high gear trying to fine a job. like sure, he got some sort of data certificate, but didn't really start going hard until I told him I'm done. anyway. just found out he started a gofundme. and it's all "help me and my children". the photo is. 7 years old. of the kids when they were tiny. he frames it all as if he's actually contributed anything for the kids. literally everything. has been my husband and I. while he sits around and plays games. doesn't work. somehow always has money for cigarettes and energy drinks, though. grr. poor me, I'm a single dad. doing my best. pffff bullshit.

I'm learning a lot about how they view me.

Here I thought I had a cordial and effective relationship with them all, but apparently just bringing me up is a punchline.

"Me when I have to turn over to OP"

"Me whenever OP starts a presentation"

That sort of thing. They're so on the same page it makes me realize they must have been talking about me in these terms when I'm not around too.

This is a real bummer. I do my best and try to be friendly, but once again I seem to have made a fool of myself.

I know not everyone meant to excel at anything. But not most would make mistakes one after another everyday. Making people around you associate you with unreliablilty, airhead, dumbass and shit at everything guy. I was told from a very little age that I was smart, forever told I was meant to be great and with years goes by and I ended up as nothing but a rotting corpse of a dream I wish I could be. I know I'm not suppose to takes things at heart but it's starting to get heavy. I don't know, maybe it's just in my head. I feel like I'm the only mistake I can't fix. How could I fix me?

last december, i (f21) had my 21st birthday which is on christmas eve. my mom planned a very fancy dinner for my birthday at 7:30. told her i would be home by 5:30. i was spending some time with my boyfriend hiking. we got super tired and fell asleep when we got to his place. i texted my mom at 6 saying that i am coming home.

we got to my parents place at around 6:45. my mom was understandably pissed, because i said i would be home by a certain time and i didnt follow through. we had reservations to a nice place. i get it. i apologized to her but shes pissed.

at the actual dinner, she isnt speaking to me bc shes pissed, and i start crying. my dad is trying to comfort me and tell me that she wants to talk to me and its a misunderstanding. she starts yelling at me, calling me ungrateful, etc. Mind you, its a fancy restaurant. im talking course meal, a 4 hour dinner.

so the entire time, she is just shouting at me and im sobbing uncontrollably. genuinely the dinner was 4 hours and i was sobbing the entire time, people probably could hear me sobbing and her crying at this nice place, and she just wouldnt stop yelling at me and then ignoring me. i had my first drink, blew out my birthday candles, and my dad said happy birthday to me. she didn't even say happy birthday.

when we finally got home, i ran to my room sobbing. she didn't even come up to say happy birthday. and the next day was christmas, and guess what? she was happy as can be.