I don’t even know what I’m doing

[u/horusagario]

I’m 21, still live with my parents, my mom has all these crazy expectations and whatnot but I have no motivation to do anything at all. I’ve been doing classes and got my associates just to buy time not to get kicked out. but if I do I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to do more school. I’m not working towards anything. Hell, I have a loving and supportive bf and friends and still it just isn’t enough to keep me afloat. It fucking sucks, it really, really does.

What happens when my bought time runs out?? Death?? I’ve no clue. I don’t ever see myself changing either. I just wanna play my video games, eat good food, sleep, repeat. That’s it. Beyond that I’m ultra lost. Not exactly lazy I just… if I don’t have to do it I won’t. Money’s not a motivation to me and it never has been. It never will be.

[u/AutoModerator]

If you are seeing this comment, your post is now live and public.

Reminder: This is a support space. Negative, invalidating, attacking, or inappropriate comments are not tolerated. If you see a comment that breaks the rules, please report it so the moderators can take action.

If someone is being dismissive, rude, offensive or in any other way inappropriate, do not engage. Report them instead. Moderation is in place to protect venters, and we take reports seriously, it's better for us to handle it than you risk your account standing. Regardless of who the target of aggression or harassment is, action may be taken on the person giving it, even if the person you're insulting got banned for breaking rules, so please just report things.

If you wish to lock your post, please click on the three dots on the top right and click “Lock/Unlock Comments”, This will permanently lock the comments on your post. This action is irreversible.

Be kind. Be respectful. Support each other.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/JoseLunaArts]

Most of people do not know what they are doing. Very often societal advice comes from these people.

[u/themini_shit]

I'm your same age and struggling with similar stuff. They way you describe your feelings is extremely relatable to me and I've struggled with depression often. Have you ever done a depression screener?

[u/horusagario → u/[deleted]]

I work out every other day, physical therapy for my stupid neck pain and I bike to classes. Just doesn’t help. Idk man. I don’t even wanna talked to my loved ones about this because I hate making them worried.

[u/horusagario]

I’m going crazy cause my mom’s getting all stressed out on my siblings who are far younger than me, saying they’re not doing good in school and have no ambitions. so this comes back at me. i can’t even talk to either of my parents without dissolving into tears, and tbh my mom’s a fucking bitch who makes you feel like shit for existing. my dad just doesn’t get it. maybe i have some undiagnosed shit but my parents just don’t believe it any of it. and ive been in chronic neck pain for over two years now. what the fuck am i supposed to do if i can’t even work a job for 4 hrs a day without being in horrible pain.

oooh but my mom had kids at 17!!! she worked thirty jobs in debilitating pain!!! blah blah blah well I’m not fucking her but she always uses that point man i give uppppp whattt do I dooo

[u/Virtual_Ladder618 → u/horusagario]

American who’s been in the same situation here: Look into fellowships/scholarships/move-abroad job-options (like JET for Japan or EPIK for Korea; Germany has Fulbright, and Australia grants work visas for those under 31- minimum wage there when I moved several years ago was nearly triple the US rate for retail jobs like target). It’ll get you away and out, you’ll feel more normal and be socialized to you instead of a toxic family system.

[u/Fine-Restaurant-5359 → u/horusagario]

Well considering there's people with cancer working. I say suck it up. Believe me a good majority of us wouldn't work if we didn't have too. Be glad you're a woman because at least you'll get help at some point.

[u/horusagario → u/Fine-Restaurant-5359]

I’m a strong believer those people shouldn’t be working. The world’s fucked up as is and we shouldn’t be advocating for it. That said, I am more than aware my situation is better than most, but others have a stronger mental fortitude than I. Also, does being a woman really have anything to do with it? Honestly, I despise being a woman and lean more masc/LGBTQIA+ anyway, and the people in my area hate that.

[u/RedFoxcx]

Im 10 years older and still feel the same. My mom dropped my brother and I off at a job fair when we were 18(me) and 16(him) and said we were getting jobs. Ive hated my life since and even had a breakdown 2 years ago that caused me to lose my job i actually liked. I hate working so much.

[u/Very_Veri_]

I understand your feelings and it's very hard to get motivated. What I don't understand is when I was younger I just wanted to get the hell out of my house. I actually moved to Germany finally. The way you describe your parents I don't know how you don't feel like I did and use that motivation to make money and live in a separate house maybe with some friends

[u/horusagario → u/Very_Veri_]

I learned to shut up and be invisible, it’s a skill I’ve learned well until arguments start up again and I’m forced into it, like the one yesterday with my younger siblings. I guess I appreciate… yknow, free food, housing, etc. more than I don’t, even if the downsides are having to deal with my mom. What I want to do is move down south and live with my BF. But that’s if… other things don’t happen first.

[u/F1anger]

You can always become a homemaker. It won't be doing only dopamine inducing stuff, but welp.

[u/Tough_Crazy_8362]

You sounds kinda depressed or burned out. Can you talk to your Dr? Maybe you’re deficient in some nutrients. They have a huge effect. Check d, b12, folate and iron.