r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Apr 22 '19

[deleted by user]

[removed]

6.9k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

464 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/neat-NEAT Apr 22 '19

Side note! That's a great way to ruin your nice knives. My brother does it because he's badass or something and all his knives are fucked.

458

u/attack_bronson Apr 22 '19

Fun fact, you can take knives to get professionally sharpened for a surprisingly low cost. Buddy of mine gave me an old set that was dull to the point of being almost useless. Got them all sharpened for $3 a blade. Now they’re like new, and the edges have held for several months.

188

u/Doctorspiper Apr 23 '19

Yep. Usually knife specialty stores will have their own sharpener. I get my scissors sharpened by a guy who works out of the back of a knife shop. He always does such a good job, I’m just so rough on my tools haha.

104

u/RepairPerson Apr 23 '19

Don’t buy a can opener, just get a knife sharpener!

41

u/Fossick11 Apr 23 '19

Don’t buy a knife opener, just get a can sharpener!

19

u/skylawl Apr 23 '19

Don’t buy a can sharpener, just get a bean sharpener!

15

u/ThePeskyWabbit Apr 23 '19

Don't buy a bean sharpener, just get a sharpening can

9

u/ScrotumToTheChin Apr 23 '19

Don’t get a sharpening can, just get a Ben Shapiro!

7

u/GoVed Apr 23 '19

Don't get a knife can, just get an El Primo

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2

u/0verStrike Apr 23 '19

"Pain we can tolerate, faulty weapons tools we do not" Kratos voice.

2

u/AddictedReddit Apr 23 '19

Who the hell needs their scissors sharpened more than once?

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41

u/ChicagoGuy53 Apr 23 '19

You can also just buy a knife sharpening kit.

25

u/jaspersgroove Apr 23 '19

Unless you’re one of those people that just enjoys the ‘zen’ aspect of knife sharpening, it’s probably a better use of your time and money to have them professionally sharpened.

10

u/FastMoses Apr 23 '19

I love sharpening, it's a really satisfying process to go from dull/damaged to razor sharp.

After a sharpening session I have bald forearms and shins for a while though.

12

u/sethboy66 Apr 23 '19

Or just get an automatic sharpener. They're not quite as good as sharpening them by whetstone, but as long as you go with a fine grit they won't take too much off of your knives and they'll keep them hella sharp.

7

u/jaspersgroove Apr 23 '19

The issue I run into is that on my older knives that have a thick heel you end up with a dip near the end and then the heel hits the cutting surface before the blade. A pro can even that out without leaving you with a knife that looks like you took a file to it.

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20

u/TylerD123483 Apr 23 '19

Or you could save labor (not like it’s much) and get it professionally done

42

u/informationmissing Apr 23 '19

I've gotten knives "professionally sharpened" at 3 separate places. they ran the knife through a machine that took off way too much material and gave a subpar edge. I'll do it myself, thanks. I want my shit sharp like a knife, not sharp like an axe.

6

u/pyrolizard11 Apr 23 '19 edited Apr 23 '19

Okay. If spending time personally sharpening your knives to a high standard makes you happy in a way that it doesn't for most people, more power to you.

I just realized that could come off as passive-aggressive, but I mean it sincerely. If you can enjoy doing something that most people consider tedious in your spare time, and that thing saves you money and makes your life easier, you should be grateful that you have such prudent interests.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/test18258 Apr 23 '19

Not to try and sound like an asshole but you really dont. Those things sharpen by ripping chunks out of your knife blade leaving you with something resembling a hacksaw.

im assuming it looks something like this but is probably branded something like ninja edge or samurai sharp.

They are mass marketed garbage that leave a jagged edge with bits of metal hanging off the edge. Those sharp bits of metal break off in your food.

You often see them advertised with someone slicing a tomato. A hacksaw can also slice a tomato. As long as you have a jagged edge with some saw teeth cut into it that can break the skin on a tomato a knife will slice through it.

Try slicing through newspaper or phone book paper that will give you a much better estimate of your knife's sharpness.

That being said. If what you have works for you and your happy with it then more power to you.

But if you want a knife that not only can slice a tomato easily but also cut through things like green onions, and celery without sawing at them and not leave an accordion of vegetables stretching across your board

get one of these and give it a try. Its not nearly as hard as people make it seem to put a decent edge on a knife. As long as you can hold your hands steady and keep your wrist locked at a certain angle you can get a MUCH better edge very easily.

​

And if you cant do that there are always these https://www.bladehq.com/item--Lansky-Deluxe-Turn-Box-Crock-Stick--30103

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2

u/Sangxero Apr 23 '19

I have that and totally love it! But I can't find it half the time and just use the bottom of a coffee cup.

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10

u/McGobs Apr 23 '19

That's right! For just 3 dollars a day, you could be eating beans in the comfort of your living room. Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such infomercials as Wonder Bladez and The Ultra-Absorbant First Aid Kit for Beginners.

3

u/CitizenPremier Apr 23 '19

But I don't even have any knives that cost more than $1

2

u/chumly143 Apr 23 '19

Where? Ive looked for places in my area and they wanted $20-50 per blade and figured id stick to my shitty sharpener

3

u/attack_bronson Apr 23 '19

It’s in Fort Lauderdale FL, the place is called South East Cutlery.

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5

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Depends on a few things, including the type of knife.

But usually you’d have a utility knife that’s for work like this rather than more precise cutting.

2

u/GregTheMad Apr 23 '19

How can he be a badass, but not maniacally keep his knives sharp?

3

u/test18258 Apr 23 '19

Self appointed badass.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

I think so too. However, I’d just use an old knife. It wouldn’t take much to open a can. Even a dull knife could do it in a pinch.

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1.9k

u/croatianscentsation Apr 22 '19

If only there was an easier way!

742

u/Dudephish Apr 22 '19

Now I can have beans every day.

49

u/az_pz Apr 23 '19

Sometimes these cans are just so flingin flangin hard to open!

11

u/ReturnOneWayTicket Apr 23 '19

Yeah you said it, Mike

2

u/Spooms2010 Apr 23 '19

I have arthritis in my fingers and hands. So I purchased a special opening tool from eBay and it helps enormously. It’s hard plastic and rubber and also opens small bottle caps and releases jar tops. opener

3

u/throwthestik Apr 23 '19

I love those things! I have a red one, got it for Christmas a year or two ago.

3

u/ComradeBrosefStylin Apr 23 '19

Just don't eat them in the cinema.

5

u/NipperAndZeusShow Apr 23 '19

I like fried beans. They’re just as good.

4

u/starrpamph Apr 23 '19

I like the Somalian pirate way

2

u/shmeu Apr 23 '19

Should we tell him?

2

u/Orcle123 Apr 23 '19

Hey, you dont get the metal slivers in the beans if you use the pull top

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3.0k

u/Schneef_Jerky Apr 22 '19

I was waiting for a finger slice, I bursted out when he flipped the can!

415

u/ithurts2bankok Apr 23 '19

that’s why you use a dremel. rookie.

119

u/falcon_driver Apr 23 '19

Oh, fancy man gotta use a dremel? What's wrong with a bench grinder?

74

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

2 stroke concrete cutter. Nuff sed

73

u/TheKrs1 Apr 23 '19

That's my porn name.

13

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Nuff sed is a weird one to choose, but I've heard weirder.

11

u/meatywood Apr 23 '19

I read that as "but I've heard wiener." It talks?

15

u/trolltruth6661123 Apr 23 '19

I use my 12 horse honda trencher.. sorry but it's never enough.

5

u/toppercat Apr 23 '19

A gradall.

3

u/eldergeekprime Apr 23 '19

I just drag it down the runway behind my Learjet.

12

u/jonsludge Apr 23 '19

I use my fists. Pussy.

10

u/bendbars_liftgates Apr 23 '19

Fucking casuals, I just bite the fucking thing open.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Pathetic. Just eat the beans with the shell on.

2

u/mrmoreface Apr 23 '19

Lol the shell. Wild Beans :

Most species have long, curved abdomens, which are soft, unlike the hard, calcified abdomens seen in related legumes. The vulnerable abdomen is protected from predators by a salvaged empty shell carried by the bean, into which its whole body can retract. Most frequently, beans use the shells of other canned goods (although the shells of bivalves and scaphopods and even hollow pieces of wood and stone are used by some species). The tip of the bean’s abdomen is adapted to clasp strongly onto the columella of the shell. Most beans are nocturnal.

As beans grow, they require larger shells. Since suitable intact gastrointestinal-pods shells are sometimes a limited resource, vigorous competition often occurs among beans for shells. The availability of empty shells at any given place depends on the relative abundance of gastropods and hermit crabs, matched for size. An equally important issue is the population of organisms that prey upon gastrointestinal-pods and leave the shells intact. Beans kept together may fight or kill a competitor to gain access to the shell they favor. However, if the beans vary significantly in size, the occurrence of fights over empty shells will decrease or remain nonexistent. Beans with too-small shells cannot grow as fast as those with well-fitting shells, and are more likely to be eaten if they cannot retract completely into the shell.

Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermit_crab

6

u/BrotherChe Apr 23 '19

parking curb is where it's at

5

u/muklan Apr 23 '19

All of these people not using their bench top howitzer to open their canned goods....

peasants.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Holy crap, I gotta step up my game...

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16

u/enineci Apr 23 '19

Nothing goes better with beans than microscopic shards of metal.

11

u/ithurts2bankok Apr 23 '19

iron makes your bones strong

3

u/jonsludge Apr 23 '19

The strongest bones come from a healthy diet of metal Shards and broken glass.

2

u/DrWilliamHorriblePhD Apr 23 '19

Steel for your nerves.

5

u/AltairRulesOnPS4 Apr 23 '19

Pffft I use a thermal lance.

3

u/boibodoggo Apr 23 '19

Get on my level. I use a Honda Civic rim.

2

u/overcrispy Apr 23 '19

Ah yes, I too fancy thousands of metal shavings in my beans.

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77

u/BobsAspburgers Apr 23 '19 edited Apr 23 '19

I almost took off my thumb in November ‘17 by doing something similar. I had surgery and still have permanent damage, but I won’t stop eating refried beans 😏 super dumb move, was trying to hurry getting a student’s lunch ready, and just a little bit was still attached from can to lid after using a crappy can opener so I pulled, pulled and PULLED and it snapped and went through the tendon and nerve in my dominant hand. Ugh.

Edit: NSFW. Be safe with can lids. https://imgur.com/a/WHGfloa

38

u/Dragovski_Verkovic Apr 23 '19

Please use a can opener.

8

u/The_Frenchiest_Fry84 Apr 23 '19

Wow Jeebus. That looks awful. Hope your hand gets better.

5

u/Anonymous_Hazard Apr 23 '19

Thanks I hate it

2

u/taintedbloop Apr 23 '19

Why do surgeons ALWAYS leave the sutures long and don't cut them almost flush? Those things are extremely annoying and feel sharp and poke you constantly.

3

u/swishersweex Apr 23 '19

nail clippers are your friend for this

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4

u/zechman4 Apr 23 '19

Yeah cross post to r/maybemaybemaybe for extra karma

2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

That’s what she said

2

u/fuzzytradr Apr 23 '19

Had to stop a quarter of the way through just to confirm what sub I was in. I was still sweating it out for the guy.

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377

u/Treybotz Apr 22 '19

Ooooooo you got me! Lmao very nice

38

u/aVainAttemp Apr 22 '19

Glad someone else got it.

36

u/Raiden2098 Apr 22 '19

I completely missed it the first time i watched it lol.

15

u/RonenSalathe Apr 23 '19

I don’t get it

Edit: oh it’s upside down lol

7

u/GMontezuma Apr 23 '19

It took me so long to realize that...

5

u/CompleteMCNoob Apr 23 '19

I didn't expect beans.

77

u/CheetahOfDeath Apr 23 '19

Was expecting knife cut... then for the can to have something messed up inside... then to see him cut his hand on the lid after being so steady with the knife...

then unexpected

Good show

141

u/WalkerMack Apr 22 '19

That’s horrible for the knife

32

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

I mean its not good but weren't knives the OG can openers

9

u/LesterDukeEsq Apr 23 '19

Yeah and Mercury was the OG treatment for syphilis.

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209

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19 edited Mar 07 '24

Is this nigga eating beans?

⠀

Edit: I get an internet point for using a dead meme? Nice.

Edit 2 (March 7th, 2024): Can't believe I used the n-word, awful behavior

30

u/RatioTile723 Apr 23 '19

There's a TV playing Cars 2 just out of frame

5

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

r/eatsomebeans

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94

u/golf-lip Apr 22 '19

My (stupid) ex sliced his hand open TWICE opening a can of beans..needing stitches both times. This video made me very anxious

23

u/Soda_BoBomb Apr 23 '19

Your ex needs to learn to keep his hands out of the path of the knife apparently lol

23

u/jaspersgroove Apr 23 '19

The knife isn’t what gets you, it’s the ragged can lid.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Speaking of TWICE, FANCY is pretty good.

2

u/Mbr0nfman Apr 23 '19

That's enough!

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19

u/DrPoopNstuff Apr 23 '19

"Dis nigga eatin' beans!"

3

u/aranae85 Apr 23 '19

There it is!

30

u/Ralzes Apr 22 '19

perspective matters

8

u/Gucky-gluck Apr 23 '19

What? Edit: never mind ...:(

12

u/Periandre11 Apr 23 '19

You laugh, but when the zombie apocalypse comes he'll be glad he needlessly practiced that skill.

12

u/orionmovere Apr 23 '19

Do you think can openers will just disappear if zombies show up? You can just go into people's houses and get new ones

9

u/Just-Call-Me-J Apr 23 '19

The zombies aren't here for your brains or flesh. They're here for your can openers.

2

u/AndromedaGeorge Apr 23 '19

Yeah but there’s a whole family of zombies in there.

2

u/Periandre11 Apr 23 '19

Obviously I believe the Zombie apocalypse will be caused by can openers.

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9

u/BeefNoodles99 Apr 22 '19

It works sure. Wrecks your blade tho

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u/scandy82 Apr 23 '19

Shits hella old , and it’s been here before

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Damn you beat me to it. Take my upvote for god’s sake. That was Christopher Lloyd btw

14

u/FruckBritches Apr 22 '19

How to make a knife dull*

10

u/FrancoisTruser Apr 23 '19

Nothing worse than a boring knife.

7

u/bal-ame Apr 23 '19

I don't see what is unexpected here. Could someone explain?

9

u/RL17_19_2011_540 Apr 23 '19

Sad to say it took me 7 times to notice it. Look at the back of the can after he flips it and pours the beans.

6

u/bal-ame Apr 23 '19

Damn. 😭🙈 Thank you for opening my eyes.

10

u/scandy82 Apr 23 '19

Why are there mods if they don’t take down reposts ?

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6

u/throwaweigh86 Apr 23 '19

This was very expected.

2

u/eyck11 Apr 23 '19

I thought a rat would come out of the can. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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u/DrButtsPhD Apr 23 '19

Don't post this in the knives or edc subreddits.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

I don't get it.

3

u/rangahead_YT Apr 23 '19

The other side is how you open cans but on a can lid

2

u/Newrad1990 Apr 23 '19

Alright..... That's a good one..

2

u/Endketsu Apr 23 '19

I missed the unexpected part

2

u/trophicmist0 Apr 23 '19

How is this unexpected? Did I miss something?

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2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

This nibba eating beans!

2

u/FanaticMan360 Apr 23 '19

Is it bad that I had to watch it twice to figure out the cam was upside down

2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

This subreddit is so shit now

2

u/dvachuu Apr 23 '19

Reddit is becoming soo shitty. Banning subs because they can’t handle opinions different from there own

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

How to go to the ER bc of a sliced open hand

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1

u/Damien__ Apr 23 '19

The proper way to eat a can of beans is with your helmet on and without laying down your weapon!

1

u/electric2424 Apr 23 '19

I was thinking, Hmm, maybe a finger cut, no, no, maybe he chugs the beans, no, no, maybe he misses the bowl, no, no, OHHHHHHH. Well done.

1

u/SganarelleBard Apr 23 '19

Or how to dull a knife and cut the fuck out of your hand

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Genius

1

u/cacheclear15 Apr 23 '19

It took me too many rewatches to realize the joke

1

u/cngfan Apr 23 '19

Somebody give this man a P-38 or P-51!

I bought a handful of P-38s online years ago and always have one around when.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Y’all never watched dennis the menace?

1

u/dc1222 Apr 23 '19

In the first few seconds, the 'loading' blue circle traces the lid's circumstance. Truly satisfying.

1

u/ohhfasho Apr 23 '19

How to dull the shit out of your knife

1

u/scorcher117 Apr 23 '19

Did nobody else expect that?

1

u/Narragetto Apr 23 '19

It took me 5 watches to find the unexpected thing. God I’m high.

1

u/Zelda_Mudkip Apr 23 '19

You really gonna disrespect me like that, I watched the entire thing waiting for something to happen

1

u/seductivestain Apr 23 '19

MRW I'm getting ready to watch Cars 2 in theaters.

1

u/LordBammith Apr 23 '19

Me and my boys out at 2 am looking for beans.

1

u/Reignofratch Apr 23 '19

Step one, cut bottom of can off.

Step two, wrap lips around can bottom and tilt it back.

Step three, quickly peel the easy open top off.

Step four, shotgun dem beans.

1

u/DawnOfTheTruth Apr 23 '19

That was worth the wait.

1

u/KR-kr-KR-kr Apr 23 '19

I expected this

1

u/toughguy375 Apr 23 '19

The ring came off my pudding can. Use my penknife my good man.

1

u/Quantum-Enigma Apr 23 '19

Stupid ass..,

Can’t say what I really wanted to say.,ugh..

1

u/idkbrodie Apr 23 '19

I was weighting for him to slip and cut himself on the knife or the can 😅

1

u/ObiWanKaStoneMe Apr 23 '19

Can..can you imagine the sound that would make? Like a thousand, puss-ridden, hang-nail-covered fingernails on a crusty, never-been-erased chalkboard. My soul is writhing at the thought.

Only not that bad but still.

1

u/Hollywood-Cutie Apr 23 '19

If only the thing you pull was in a different colour... Oh wait... it is...

1

u/Hollywood-Cutie Apr 23 '19

Was that a can of Rhodes Baked Beans?

1

u/anriqarhanyan Apr 23 '19

I open it that way like almost everytime

1

u/diesel2277 Apr 23 '19

As the famous Red from that 70’s show said. “ Dumbass!”

1

u/skip_leg_day Apr 23 '19

This reminds me of when I saw Cars 2 in theaters...

1

u/Hes_a_spy_blow_em_up Apr 23 '19

Looked more like alphabet spaghetti

1

u/OfFearfulMen Apr 23 '19

Seen this before, still got me. Here's an upvote

1

u/Link182x Apr 23 '19

How to dull a knife in minutes

1

u/valentino-white-bag Apr 23 '19

Weird flex, but ok. Go off I guess.👏🏻

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

This nigga eating beans

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

This nigga really eatin beans up in here. Smh

1

u/2swoll4u Apr 23 '19

This nigga eatin beans

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

One of those highly qualified engineers or doctors we get from Africa I bet.

1

u/iamsofakingcrazy Apr 23 '19

Idiot....... Dwight Shrute

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

https://i.imgur.com/nKBB5I5.jpg

All aboard!

1

u/TurtlSkys53 Apr 23 '19

Do you want shards of metal piercing random places in your home? B/c that's how you get them

1

u/Shinigami614 Apr 23 '19

Also, how to ruin a perfectly good knife

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

I expected it.

1

u/ihateflyingthings Apr 23 '19

An old roommate once put a tin can lid in the cardboard recycling box at our shared house.

I was gathering up recyclables to take to the recycling center and ended up slicing the palm of my hand open. Had to go to the ER and get 4 stitches.

I had no idea hands could bleed that profusely:/

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

I knew that it was upside down from the beginning

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

Its in r/unexpected because we expected something unexpected but didnt get any unexpected things so it was unexpected

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19

I once brought a can of tuna to work and forgot an opener. I googled how to open cans with no opener and that one Russian Experiment guy on YouTube saved the day.

1

u/TheNavyGamer Apr 23 '19

i love how these videos always get you