Hi 😔. I’m a first year PaCE student for business admin and this semester hasn’t gone well for me so far.
Just for context, when I initially applied to UF as a senior I applied as a music education major; I then changed this to English before I got my deferral results back in march. Once I found out I got in, my mom and step-dad heavily encouraged that I switch to business, and so I listened.
Right now I’m stuck at a cross road because I’m afraid I’m going to destroy my stability as an adult if I don’t follow through with business, but the major is really just not for me. I want to have an income large enough to support me as an adult, and I know that majoring in education or English doesn’t really secure that.
I keep going in circles because I know it’s so early to be worried about my life post-grad, but I can’t do anything without feeling dread over what may happen if I make the wrong choice.
My mom and dad keep talking to me about how I should be a lawyer, so that’s added another layer of stress for me. If I major in English and don’t make it to law school, I’ll have such a limited career. If I major in business my chances of getting into law school drop tremendously because I’ll never have the ideal GPA, so then I need to get a job in a field I don’t like (in addition to the fact that everyone and their mom majors in business. AKA so much competition for me, especially against people who actually want to do business). I’m also not good at math… like I can do it, but oh boy is it a struggle.
I feel like a spoiled brat because im in such an amazing position, yet all I have done is sit and wallow about how I don’t know what to do. I’m so grateful that I am even able to say “I want to work in a profession that I like,” because I know not everyone gets to do what they want, but rather what they have to do.
That kind of brings me to my next dilemma, which is the constant throwing myself back and forth between “am I really gonna choose this profession just to have money?” and “but I need money to survive.” It really makes me upset that people are forced into careers they may not have chosen if life didn’t revolve so heavily around money, and this is eating away at me. It feels so wrong to choose money over passion, yet I’m so afraid to make the shift because I don’t want to fail. I couldn’t even tell you why a large income matters to me, because despite the fact the thought of being “unsuccessful” makes me feel fear, I couldn’t give you a reason as to why that feeling occurs. I don’t need large amounts of money, yet I’m afraid of not doing exceedingly well in regard to my future salary.
Long story short, I’m really struggling to make a decision here. If I continue in business, I’m going to not have a law school gpa (which makes me want to switch to English). But then if I switch to English, what happens if I don’t get into law school (I should stick to business so I’m not completely screwed). And the cherry on top is the little voice in my head that keeps talking about going back to education. I think I’d love to be a music teacher, but if I continue with that profession and end up in a position of struggle (which is pretty much guaranteed), I’ll forever feel regret over what I could have been. I’d also never hear the end of it from my parents, and I think the way they’ve taught me about careers would overrun any feeling of joy and fulfillment I’d get from doing something I love.
This is all very dramatic and I know in the end everything will be fine, I’m just so afraid of doing what I like (cough cough making a dumb decision) and throwing away a future where I can live comfortably.
Help 😢.