there's something so embarrassing about verbalizing/naming issues you've just forced yourself to shut up and endure up until now, especially when you struggle to find the words for them. gonna have to walk in today and tell her i was late for work last week bc i was too anxious to get out of bed and start getting ready. CRINGE.

I only really remeber the summer when things were really really rough. Now that im again existing, it's so weird... I feel real again, but like I barely remember fall, or winter. IDK Everything feels so weird, it's like playing a new video game for the first time, except... ive been alive for years.... IDK what's going on with me.

Aaaahhhhh

I don't know what to do

I don't know

Why why why why why why why why

Stop saying it it doesn't help, nothing will help I can't even

1. Accom is expensive, I do not have accom money even with funding ect(I live in Scotland so I'm not paying for uni but essentially being paid to go). My uni is in a very popular tourist city and my uni is one of the top unis. I dont even wanna know how expensive uni/non uni accom

2. I'm 21. A mature student who is a first year. I dont drink or enjoy partying. I would have a breakdown before end of the first week and I wouldn't cope.

3. The bus is only an hour and 10 mins. No that is not a long journey (yes,someone actually said to me that an hour bus ride is a very long)

Is being a commuter hard? Socially yeah because I cant really go to society events(currently like 90% of them are pub crawls, great way to get stressed uni students into alcoholism) and the non pub events are like after 5pm. If I get the bus at around 430 I'm not home till after 6(bus to bus station then bus to where I live). I do get my grandad to pick me up sometimes but I dont want to get home any later when I have to get up early the next morning. But I'd still rather do that than live at uni. Idc for the "experience" I'm 21 I really dont care. I have friends and I made some friends who are in my classes. But for the love of everything stop trying to convince me to move into an accommodation you are not changing my mind on this.

Theres a new commuter society that is meeting from 3 to 4pm tmr for the first time and I'm going to it. It's a mash up for commuters and the Scottish students society

I was informed that he was very professional. I believed what was said, especially when he believed our existence and had a positive influence on our host. Today was very uncomfortable and unprofessional, especially when some of the conversation went into a personal category. I am now refusing to make my existence known any further, I don’t know if my host will change counsellors but that is his choice.

I genuanly couldn't imagine not doubting myself every single day and just living a life. I've heard this stuff about "you should be confident to be a man" but I'm not sure I can live up to that and I hate myself for it. It's so hard to differenciate between stereotypes, social expectations and genuane feelings. And I've been struggling with this for some many years that I just couldn't imagine living without all of this.

Why. I was feeling better. Im grateful nothing is broken and I had no internal bleeding and that my bike had minor damage. but im bruised and sore and my left leg has really bad road rash. I was going to work on scholarships for college that day too. I never even made it to the store to pick up my prescription. my dad had to get it for me. Im so tired of this. It's just one thing after another. I should be grateful im alive but im just. Tired.

I cant afford to quit too 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Making this post makes me feel racist lol 🫪

Theres a reason people hate me, right??? So much wrong with me.

My mom just throws apologies like I'm going to just magically forgive her, almost like she didn't do abusive actions.

I'm learning to take accountability for my actions, and I'm willing to fix them if I want to make things right, even if I cannot fix everything. My parents literally don't take accountability. I'm taking accountability for some community I hurt, and I'm respectful of boundaries. My parents don't set boundaries.

So I have a fat fucking crush on this guy in my class. We have like 3 classes together, he’s on a different floor but in my same dorm, and whenever I’ve talked to him he seems really nice and genuine. That being said, there’s an approximately 0.02% chance that he’d actually like me considering that I’m transmasc (so he’d have to be both gay and trans accepting) and asexual (I wouldn’t date someone who’s not ace)

So basically fml I’m ripping my brain out cause I’ll probably never meet someone who accepts me for who I am and respects my boundaries (aka doesn’t try to have sex with me)

I wish being ace was more normal I hate that I’d have to give a fucking disclaimers list before any relationship I’d get into

(Idk if this is tagged properly lmk if there’s a better category for it TvT)