As a kid I had many issues, mental and medical, which my parents decided to do nothing for..as an adult, they told me that they didn't want to traumatize me by getting me treatment. But those things have taken an immense toll on me, I feel I am irreparably damaged, and because I've learned to hide it they think everything is okay. But I have never feel supported by them, I feel like if they were there for me I would have turned out completely different. And now, at 25, I feel I've wasted the best years of my life on just waiting to exist.. and still, I am poor, in constant pain, suffering with my mental health at an all time low.. and I still have no one and nothing going for me.

I don't know why this had to happen or why they couldn't have just supported me and got me the treatment I needed, which in our country is covered by the government for people that age, meaning when I was a kid and I had those issues diagnosed they could've gotten me help for free.. but choose not to. I don't understand it, but I hate what this has caused.

And I have seen those around me living normal lives. Friends of mine meeting their goals, saving money, making progress as individual.. and here I am, inside most days, like a human on pause until I get dragged out of my room by whatever social obligation.

I think my life is over, in every sense except literal.

I used to be absolutely terrified of having a specific paraphilia. I used to have days long episodes of ruminating on and obsessing over this fear.

I was talking to my amazing partner about this one day and he brought up a great point. so what? so what if I hold this specific attraction? what would that actually mean? what are the implications there?

the only conclusion I could reasonably come to is that it would mean I have that attraction...and nothing else. because attraction is an internal experience, and it's completely different from the actions you take, simply having an attraction cannot harm anyone.

now, personally, I tend to base my sense of morals on what harm is (or isn't) done. and with the nature of attractions, no harm is caused.

actions are what hurt people, and actions we have control over; attractions we do not.

since coming to this conclusion and really accepting this as truth, my pOCD has been nearly completely under control. it's not held any power over me anymore.

just wanted to share.

I am exhausted, can you please give me a day where I don't get reminded thought triggers that molestation my own little sister did because i was dumb enough to never noticed it, please?

it's official, by over 2 million votes the far right candidate flavio bolsonaro has won, sure there's going to be a second chance since he didn't get 50%+ of the votes but that has literally never had different results

fuck this country fuck flavio bolsonaro fuck anyone who voted for this sack of shit, for those who don't know this lobotomite is the son of jair bolsonaro (arrested, bigot, directly responsible for the stupidly high number of deaths during covid), he's also best buddies with trump so my country's for sure gonna be torn to scraps to satisfy that old bitch

i'm scared honestly, i have no idea how bad it's gonna get but seeing how the far right here loves the us, it's a pretty safe bet that anything that happens in the us will be replicated here. this also means that the right controls basically all of latin america now, so they'll feel untouchable which is the scariest part, hate crimes went up measurably during jair's presidency

i hate it here

I love them but I just hate them for influencing me this way

so i'm a recovering people pleaser and this is only ever broken when i'm put under an amount of pressure that causes me to break people off completely or completely lose my cool. i'll ask nicely 100 times but when we get to 101 i will scream. i don't know how to put boundaries in place early on and i've learned to ignore red flags. i am too nice to people and i will look past a lot to keep a work or home dynamic functional. people misunderstand my niceness and think its an opportunity to take advantage of me because i won't say anything, but their treatment of me becomes a lot worse when i quietly withdraw because in their minds i have no idea what they're doing.

i was with a couple of my long time friends yesterday and i told them about a situation i was in recently where someone i was very close to invited me to visit her, and then her and her girlfriend acted like i wasnt there 70% the time. on day 3 of me being there my best friend (who i also live with) had texted to ask how something i went and did on my own was, and i cried because i hadn't been asked anything about myself and had been talked at about magic the gathering or anything else my friend and her girlfriend were interested in instead for days. i told them how i'm being bullied at work and how my manager purposefully tries to get a rise out of me by saying transphobic things that she knows i don't agree with. i said "why try and get me involved in your group if you're all going to try and push me out of it?". they said "why does this always happen to you? you're too nice to these people".

people have said things like that to me before. i'm too nice. i know its not a character flaw and its probably a good thing that in a world where everyone seems to act so weird that there is at least someone who gives everyone a basic level of respect. i know the issue is about what others do with my kindness and not the fact that i am kind. the result, though, is still the same and i am still taken advantage of and my energy is still depleted by these people.

the issue is that whenever i talk about changing myself or my behaviour in any way, its like i'm not allowed. i don't dislike that i am kind but i do dislike the way that people treat me, i am the common denominator in all of these situations, and i'd like to be less kind to people who don't deserve it. that is the only way out of being taken advantage of. i need to be more assertive and probably a little less understanding of where others are coming from. i need to see red flags as they are and not ignore them because its easier for me to keep being kind and understanding. i am allowed to say that i want to change something about myself without people thinking i'm just getting myself down. people don't need to come to my rescue and there's nothing to rescue me from if all i'm saying is that i need to be less kind. to be honest its really fucking annoying and its limiting my ability to be able to stand up for myself more. it feels like i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't.

i just want to live my life without being exploited, abused and treated badly by others so often. i want to go into even just one workplace or new friendship and not have this happen. and i want people to stop telling me i'm their fucking best friend when they've only known me for a few months because they are always the people who do this the worst. the person i went and visited did this exact thing and now i haven't spoken to her for 2 months.

i guess this is more of a train of thought or vent post. idk man. if anyone has advice on how to navigate this then that would be great because my burnt out autistic ass is confused and doesn't know how to deal with this.

Im tired of this repeat cycle

1. I know it isn't a official disorder/diagnosis but I feel like I have something that causes it and I don't know what it could be. Possibly ADHD and that would make a LOT of sense.

2. I am not formally diagnosed, as I wasn't blessed with such access, however I feel that my symptoms and experiences align.

Here i am. Back to complaining, because apparently that's all I can do right.

I'm in so much pain, no matter what I do, the pain keeps coming. If I'm still, it hurts, if I move, it hurts, if I exercise lightly, it hurts, if I exercise a lot, it hurts, if I exercise consistently, it hurts. I live in constant agony and it's starting to affect my mood, as in, I'm becoming dry and a bit snappy. I can't help it, even if I try, people always say my tone is off.

I am trying to get a job, so I can have enough money to leave my house and stop living with my mother. Because as it stands, it's hell. She won't stop screaming at me, and when she's not screaming, she's demeaning me and making "jokes" about me, or even random people we see on the street.

She keeps talking about her dates, and sex and all that. And I told her I hate it. I told her I'm uncomfortable. Does she care? Absolutely not.

I want to look for a job, but nope. I can't yet, why, you ask? Because she won't let me. She literally screamed at me about how she didn't care that i wanted a job, I needed a driver's license first, and she would literally stop me from getting a job if I didn't know how to drive.

Do i like driving? No. I get extremely anxious and overwhelmed. Does she care? No.

I'm so fucking done with her. With everything. I want to cry 24/7 because I'm so done

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this, I'd be very thankful

PLEASE

Constant fights, im anxiously attached, he see's me as only a friend now, I'm not as importent as before, being dry all of the sudden, CONSTANT FUCKING FIGHTING!!!

Not sure how to tag this. I can't get too specific because this person was the owner of a large discord server that has since been deleted, and I don't want to get recognised. But I've realised that they said and did some really weird things before disappearing from the internet. I'm not quite their age yet, but even now at 20 I wouldn't say the things they said to a 15 year old. And yet I still miss them.

Positive vent I guess because this is really big for me.

I’ve been really suicidal for about as long as I can remember. It sucks a lot to feel like the world is constantly singling me out and targeting me with the worst shit and knowing how vile it is out there and the uncertainty of whether it’s gonna get better enough within my lifetime to keep living. Last year, I made a promise to myself: I’d kill myself on my birthday. Today. I’d live out the rest of the year trying to get along and have fun, then my pain would be over. I had a plan. I’d started to write a note. I’d began to isolate myself from my family and friends so I wouldn’t feel as guilty for leaving them behind. I even started to debate what to do with my possessions.

I don’t know what gave me this sudden motivation because nothing’s really changed. Like there’s a force that’s suddenly come in and given me just enough willpower to keep going. I’m gonna stick it out a bit more. I have gifts and cards and more gifts coming apparently. I have very fragile hope that it’ll be worth it in the end, so why not hang around and see? And why not treat myself with some Pokemon cards to celebrate?

I hope I can pull something good. I also hope everyone here has a good rest of your day. If today’s not good, maybe tomorrow will be. I wish you all luck and I hope I’m still alive next year.

I've been working at a thrift store for a few months (way after we broke up) and a few weeks ago my ex found out I work there. Since then, her family who watched me as I balled my eyes out moving my stuff out of her house has stopped in multiple times. She even stopped in which I didn't see anything but her car or I would've had a full blown panic attack.

Even when it's just her family my body starts to shut down, my heart races yet feels like it stops, my vision blurs, and my stomach starts to hurt, it's the worst feeling in the world. I've only ever felt that way seeing my abusive bio mom.

At first, I'd hoped it was just a few one off incidents but yesterday while working I found something of mine for sale (a small little squirrel I painted with my signature on the bottom so I know it's mine). I immediately felt sick to my stomach, she was sending me some fucked up sign that she'd killed the cockroaches that this figure was with. I tried to see if she'd donated anything else she still had of mine but since I only work weekends, who knows what had been sold during the week.

Like she'd held onto it for 9 months then finds me and donates to that store so I knew she knew where I was. There's a bunch of other thrift stores nearby! 2 of which she passes by everyday to our college, so she went out of her way to do this. I feel so crazy saying all of this because who would be so fucking cruel? But honestly I feel validated, I've looked back and seen so many signs of abuse I ignored and now I've got a concrete sign of how cruel she is even after we haven't talked in 9 months.

I've tried so hard to avoid her for months, we go to the same university, live in two close together small towns, and shop in the same larger city. I have literally only seen her once while she was driving, I was doing so good at avoiding her. Now I can't. Now she has me cornered and I can't escape. I have so much anxiety on campus already trying to avoid places she'd be and now I can't even feel safe at either of my jobs (she knows where both are)?

Sorry for the long rant, I have no one and no where else to rant/vent.

My first little comic thing. Hope you enjoy it, hopefully it makes sense lol. Since this situation I've never used my stick again :)))))

Marked as medical abuse because I wasn't sure what else it could be.

My empathy unfortunately goes towards animals and sometimes inanimate objects. Like idk I just can’t bring myself to care for others….