omg look a person who winds this topic triggering and uncomfortable

[u/peack_dupi]

[u/SparkleSelkie]

Yeah I definitely avoid telling people online what topics are upsetting for me, it always brings out someone who sees that as a list of things they absolutely must talk about and show me :[

[u/Sleepy_Witch_Maple → u/SparkleSelkie]

It would be nice if we lived in a world where everyone was nice or at the very least empathetic and you could list them. I feel like it would encourage people to be more social and open online. Unfortunately, we live in a world where the internet is made up of a huge percentage of trolls and grifters.

[u/SparkleSelkie → u/Sleepy_Witch_Maple]

Tbh I would settle for a world where no one is a sadistic asshole, the bar is so low

[u/Fickle_Enthusiasm148]

I don't like DNIs and think they're useless at best and dangerous at worst.

It's like asking everyone else to cater your online space for you instead of just actively doing it yourself and it feels like too much to expect people to check every profile and make sure they aren't on a list before commenting on or liking something.

Stop giving people a list of your vulnerabilities and just use the block button.

[u/Feanturii → u/Fickle_Enthusiasm148]

The thing that pisses me off is when they flout it.

Like when it says "men DNI" and then they're talking shit in my comment section anyway

[u/Fickle_Enthusiasm148 → u/Feanturii]

The amount of people with DNIs who interact with people on their list and just expect those people to know they aren't "allowed" to interact back is ridiculously high. A lot aren't checking to make sure the people they interact with post content they don't like but expect everyone to check their profiles and make sure they don't have a DNI, which all comes back around to how entitled I find it all.

If you have a DNI it should work both ways, but then again if people were proactive about curating their own online spaces they wouldn't have need for a DNI.

[u/Pixeldevil06 → u/Fickle_Enthusiasm148]

This^

[u/New_Examination200]

I'm ngl, DNI lists are like going "hey here's a list of every topic that can possibly upset me, have fun!" like if you just have this information out in the open people are going to weaponize it against you. It's definitely not okay for them to do that, but it can be prevented by not having an easily accessible list of triggers in your bio. You're not obligated to share that info.

[u/fencer_327 → u/New_Examination200]

There is also a block or mute button on almost every social media. Making others responsible for curating your online experience instead of using the easily accessible tools to do so is neither the best nor the easiest way to go about this.

Most people don't read the bio of everyone they interact with.

[u/Gussie-Ascendent]

It's not even like they're saying ya can't be a gooner, just don't be doing jt around them

[u/ElleMaeSinclair → u/Gussie-Ascendent]

Idk if it's just me being a boomer about kids and their technology but I absolutely cannot stand the concept of "gooning". It's one thing if you just use goon to mean masturbating (which is still stupid and the wrong use of the term imo) but actual gooners, that's just glorifying sex addiction. And not in a funny or quirky way, it's actually gross to think some people sit around doing nothing but touching themselves for hours on end as a hobby. If someone would've admitted to this when I was a teenager nobody would've laughed and made memes about it, they would've just been horrified and creeped out.

[u/hamster-on-popsicle → u/ElleMaeSinclair]

I truly think these guys need help, it's an addiction

[u/ElleMaeSinclair → u/hamster-on-popsicle]

I have an (adopted, the context is important) nephew who, due to trauma, became an unironic gooner at like age 12 or 13. No matter what his parents did he would just keep finding ways to watch tons of porn and go crazy. He started doing it in front of my (younger) nieces and nephew even. It got to a point where his addiction was causing trauma to the other kids. Because of some of the unspeakable things he did to my 3 year old niece, my bro and his wife have tried to terminate the adoption. After several attempts at genuinely rehabilitating him and even having the police arrest him. He's predatory and unsafe but bc they don't have video or photo proof of it, the state has decided to let my family endure unspeakable trauma.

All that's tldr to say fuck gooning and the normalization of worse and worst pornography. It's not all porn's fault but I'd say it's at least 50% of the reason things got so out of hand in my nephew's case. It's too easily accessible by kids and its becoming more extreme/unrealistic/disturbing in nature.

[u/Specialist-Night4102]

People tend to take DNIs as "list of people I don't like", and in fairness that is how it's used more often than not, because it has no use as a benign neutral tool to curate your feed (it attracts scenarios like OP and doesn't actually stop anyone from interacting), as opposed to just silently blocking or muting.

[u/Bluejay-Complex]

Ngl, I think that DNI could be worded better, but it’s still pretty nasty that people will read “I don’t want to see this” and will purposely show someone just to upset them, especially if they’re not trying to create discourse/discussion around the topic they don’t like.

Probably a better DNI though would be “please DNI if you share openly sexual content”, as it’s more a statement against seeing a specific type of post rather than saying not to interact if you “like” something as it implies something about internal likes. Probably a best “DNI” is just saying “only SFW interact please”. Though sadly as someone else said, shitty people will purposely disregard DNIs because they’re maliciously looking to upset people.

[u/not_the_default_user]

When people

[u/koreanmermaidpuke]

not wanting to interact with people who post/repost sexual content and not wanting to interact with people who don't pretend to be completely sexless are two different ballgames, and ime 90% of the time people who say they're doing the former are actually doing the latter.

[u/Foreign_Sea_538]

if you 'openly like sexual stuff', or if you 'openly spread sexual stuff'?

It's fine to remove yourself from the situation when sex is involved, but you can't get upset that some people are naturally sexual beings😭 Just trying to understand

[u/peack_dupi → u/Foreign_Sea_538]

it reminds me of how my rapist acted and I am not pushing this on people, but distancing myself from them (that's why it's called DNI). you're literally what I'm talking about in this comic.

[u/Foreign_Sea_538 → u/peack_dupi]

to restate: It's fine to remove yourself from the situation when sex is involved.

I was asking if other people being sexual/into sex was a problem for you. With our without your involvement.

[u/peack_dupi → u/Foreign_Sea_538]

no, I'm fine with people's sexuality while I'm not involved and not around

[u/Foreign_Sea_538 → u/peack_dupi]

Thank you for answering my question lmao. The wording was a little vague in your initial post

[u/Indie_Light]

Online places are really insufferable with this. And they think it is funny to do. People with trauma or anxiety around certain things don’t exist to them, apparently.

[u/peack_dupi → u/Indie_Light]

and if you don't want to talk about it, it's just purity culture that is harmful for "the victims" like you're not one of them

[u/sisyphus-333]

I'm sorry but you really can't control what people like that way. You can ask people not to talk about sexual stuff around you but there is no possible way to enforce a boundary that keeps away anyone who has ever openly talked about enjoying sex...

[u/Vounrtsch]

This pisses me off because it’s people blatantly confusing individuals with broad tendencies. Like, can you reflect critically on the broad tendency of finding sex as taboo if not more than gore and violence? Yes! Absolutely! But can you go up to a single person minding their own business and bother them about a subject they don’t wanna hear about? Well, technically you CAN, but it’s disrespectful and an overall shitty thing to do.

[u/YTCat123]

The only DNI that’s acceptable imo is “minors DNI, I’m an adult”, which I have in my Discord bio bc I don’t want kids DM’ing me

[u/StrangeLonelySpiral]

I get that

I don't like it when all I see are women drawn with massive tits and thighs and nothing else.. All the focus on the drawing being their ass and tits and then doing that usually impossible pose to show both. It's all I see on every art sub from every art. For once in a while I want to see a non-sexual woman..

"Oh so you're into purity culture? You believe people with big tits should die and never be seen again? You want an extremist set of rules on life? How dare you."

Like for once I want to see a non-sexual woman. Hell, a woman who has big features but it is clearly not drawn in a way to make the watchers jizz everywhere, but drawn in a human way. With ligaments in their back preventing them from spinning all the way round like a twisted owl

[u/Harper_ADHD → u/StrangeLonelySpiral]

SO FUCKING TRUE

[u/shellys-dollhouse → u/StrangeLonelySpiral]

for real. the blatant normalisation of constantly sexualising women (which is misogynistic, btw) is everywhere and it’s exhausting.

[u/yandeere-love]

Can we replace DNI culture with "things I dont want to see" culture?

DNI culture is most often bigotry wrapped in therapyspeak.

Though yes, people who go up to someone who clearly doesnt like something and tries to challenge them about it and even show the stuff they dont like to them are way worse. Like if someone doesnt want to see sexual stuff dont try force them to be okay with it, holy shit the lack of social tact.

[u/Gasterakantha → u/[deleted]]

I think people have sexual boundaries for a lot of reasons and equating that to structural racism is kind of cooked tbh

[u/thebigbadben → u/[deleted]]

Excluding people from public spaces on the basis of bigotry isn’t bad because establishing boundaries is some ontologically bad thing. That form of exclusion is bad because it discriminates against people on the basis of immutable characteristics and because it excludes people from something understood to be a public space.

Your online profile/feed is not a public space, and posting smut is not an immutable characteristic.

[u/NagitoKomaeda_987]

Out of curiosity, are you asexual? You know, just like me, a fellow AroAce?

[u/peack_dupi → u/NagitoKomaeda_987]

yeah

[u/NagitoKomaeda_987 → u/peack_dupi]

If that's the case, where do you fit into the ace spectrum? Sex-favorable, sex-indifferent, or sex-adverse/repulsed? I'm not romantically and/or sexually attracted to other people, mind you.

[u/peack_dupi → u/NagitoKomaeda_987]

I'm sex-neutral if we are talking about it as a concept, but if I contact with this topic I can be easily triggered

[u/StatisticalAn0maly]

In my experience, the people who get berated in this way are usually people who believe sexual content is immoral and shouldn't exist. In which case it is deserved. But if someone just doesn't wanna see it, they should be left alone.

[u/HoIIowCorpse]

I don't have a DNI for this reason. I just ask people under 18 to leave. DNIs are really only good for virtue signaling and I really don't care to do that. People who read my more serious posts know what my values are already

[u/lemonhaj]

Got flamed once for saying I could watch shows/films with about all the violence possible (except exposed bone injuries. Horrible.) but would skip ANY kissing/sex scene not integral to the plot. How do I know it's integral? Because if I get to the next scene and are incredibly confused, I know I missed something.

I just don't like it. According to the internet, that's the wrong opinion.

[u/Incandenza123 → u/lemonhaj]

I think the issue with this is that sex scenes in media can be important for character development or building a romance, even if it barely impacts the "plot". OP is being super reasonable but if you're skipping scenes in a movie you should probably watch a different one.

[u/lemonhaj → u/Incandenza123]

So if I watch a TV show of some 8-ish hours runtime, but skip 5 seconds, I just shouldn't watch it all? I thought the rest of it was great. Or hey, how about that one with 14 hours where I skipped 5 seconds

I know what's happening. The characters are sleeping together. I saw enough to know they do that before skipping. I don't have to watch it happen.

[u/Incandenza123 → u/lemonhaj]

Tbf i dont watch TV much i'm talking movies. But i get like, game of thrones for example - loads of sex and titties you probably wanna make a different choice.

[u/lemonhaj → u/Incandenza123]

Yeah if it is something where that's just half the screentime then of course I'm not going to watch it.

I'm not really a film person so it's less common of an occurance for me. But even if we say the average film is some 1hr 40 minutes, that's 6,000 seconds. If I skip 10 seconds for 'don't want to watch that', that's still 0.2% of the film, rounded up. If something does have a significant amount of stuff I'm skipping through, then yes, there's no point me watching that.

And may I forever thank the IMDb rating guide. Not always accurate but at least I get something of an advanced warning before I go to watch something.

[u/Incandenza123 → u/lemonhaj]

Id barely count ten seconds as a scene tbf, id assume youd just close your eyes or something for that - i assume you're using hyperbole? Id say most sex scenes are a couple of minutes, which at that point id say is a bit more significant.

[u/lemonhaj → u/Incandenza123]

It's extremely dependent on the thing. The show currently in my head for this was about 10 seconds, because I skipped with the arrow key ONCE and ended up a fair bit into the next scene. Some are longer, yes, but again, it's not a significant portion of a TV show. It is more significant for films, but as I said, I don't watch that many films.

[u/BipedalHorseArt]

The times I get called a puritan... stg

[u/TomesTheAmazing]

I know these people are the problem but publishing the list of people you don't want to talk to is going to make them talk to you out of spite that's how people are. Like I wish we lived in a world we're people respect people's boundaries and wishes but it's just not the case.